08-16-2018, 10:18 AM
Hi! I've discovered the Law of One only this year, but I can say that I got here through a very long winding road.
I suppose I have a very typical issue now, that is, trying to project a multidimensional image into human words. This has become my issue not just now when trying to put together a story of my "spiritual path" but also in many other occasions lately. It's like there is this flattening-machine that is taking my inside world and transposing in into 3D comprehension.
To start in the middle, I've started gravitating towards spirituality about six years ago, in 2013 when many things started happening. Basically if I would want to set a starting point, it somehow all started after my grandma died, it was sort of a huge catalyst for me, though I began to see that only later. We were very close though she wasn't really that loving type of person, she was quite harsh sometimes but there was love there behind all that (as it is in everyone of course). In 2013 I had some experiences with mushrooms and weed, also started discovering spiritual/ new age videos on Youtube, all of which was not present in my reality before that, I would have completely ignored them. Now it all started making sense, not mainly on the mental level but mostly on the experiential level. All these messages about spiritual dimensions, other beings, started resonating like nothing has ever resonated with me, a new world started opening up, which, as I've realised, wasn't new at all, for me. It was what I've always known, it was home....Since this point my life started to get "interesting". I was drawing a lot, maybe I could share some of my old drawings here later, I felt like channeling when drawing basically...So many internal "doors" opened in me. I felt pure love, I didn't need any substance to feel that, and it wasn't something you could feel with substances anyway, it was totally unrelated.
I had so many realisations. I had a phase for example where I couldn't imagine why someone would feel or want to do anything negative towards others, I just couldn't comprehend, I felt only love. And this is when the contrast started to show itself, the contrast with the outside world (the outside world being the mirror showing the negativity in me that started coming to surface, a potential for healing, as I see it now). I remember a few years ago sitting at a table with people and telling them that I wouldn't feel the need for revenge if someone would hurt me or someone I loved. They were startled, even becoming angry, looking at me like I've lost my mind. Since then I've somehow lost this pure perspective, but it's still there and has always been.
In the last two, three years the gap between me and the outside world started to become bigger in a way. In another way I feel more connected than ever. I am now so open, and see somewhat beyond the veil and I cannot go back. But because of that there is this huge contrast between what I know inside and what I can express and talk about with "regular people". In these years everything has changed for me, I let go of almost everything I had in my life before, relationship, residency in a foreign country, job, and almost my sanity (where sanity is defined as the capacity to live in this world).
I've always been the outsider, though when I was a child I always wanted to "fit in". Because that is when you are loved, as we learn. Which is not true because losing the connection with yourself will make you lose the connection with all that is, of course.
I was the "from the outside looking in" person, the highly sensitive child, the one that felt "too much". Now I'm almost totally at peace with this past image, I can love my little child self.
I never felt that parent-child connection, not because my parents are not good people, they are very much. It's just that there was some huge differences between us, I've never felt "home". Even though we are similar as personalities, and I can clearly see the connection on this level, but I know that the core of me is from somewhere else. Regardless, I feel very connected to Earth.
I have this "strange" approach, I feel that a parent is not more special than any other human being. For me the connection with any human being is special, or can be, when we really connect, not only in the 3D way, but really, energetically, on soul level. This is basically the reason to be here, in my perspective, to be able to connect like this (or one reason).
When I was a child I used to see patterns in the darkness, in the air, different patterns and then I could change them mentally. It was amazing but I cannot do it anymore. Also I had some abstract understanding of what is life, I remember being preoccupied with philosophical questions and getting "answers" in images in the air, like spirals. I really miss this ability to see stuff like that
Now I'm fascinated with the Law of One, just started getting into it deeper, it feels very natural, like home frequency.
I'll stop here for now, thank you for reading
I suppose I have a very typical issue now, that is, trying to project a multidimensional image into human words. This has become my issue not just now when trying to put together a story of my "spiritual path" but also in many other occasions lately. It's like there is this flattening-machine that is taking my inside world and transposing in into 3D comprehension.
To start in the middle, I've started gravitating towards spirituality about six years ago, in 2013 when many things started happening. Basically if I would want to set a starting point, it somehow all started after my grandma died, it was sort of a huge catalyst for me, though I began to see that only later. We were very close though she wasn't really that loving type of person, she was quite harsh sometimes but there was love there behind all that (as it is in everyone of course). In 2013 I had some experiences with mushrooms and weed, also started discovering spiritual/ new age videos on Youtube, all of which was not present in my reality before that, I would have completely ignored them. Now it all started making sense, not mainly on the mental level but mostly on the experiential level. All these messages about spiritual dimensions, other beings, started resonating like nothing has ever resonated with me, a new world started opening up, which, as I've realised, wasn't new at all, for me. It was what I've always known, it was home....Since this point my life started to get "interesting". I was drawing a lot, maybe I could share some of my old drawings here later, I felt like channeling when drawing basically...So many internal "doors" opened in me. I felt pure love, I didn't need any substance to feel that, and it wasn't something you could feel with substances anyway, it was totally unrelated.
I had so many realisations. I had a phase for example where I couldn't imagine why someone would feel or want to do anything negative towards others, I just couldn't comprehend, I felt only love. And this is when the contrast started to show itself, the contrast with the outside world (the outside world being the mirror showing the negativity in me that started coming to surface, a potential for healing, as I see it now). I remember a few years ago sitting at a table with people and telling them that I wouldn't feel the need for revenge if someone would hurt me or someone I loved. They were startled, even becoming angry, looking at me like I've lost my mind. Since then I've somehow lost this pure perspective, but it's still there and has always been.
In the last two, three years the gap between me and the outside world started to become bigger in a way. In another way I feel more connected than ever. I am now so open, and see somewhat beyond the veil and I cannot go back. But because of that there is this huge contrast between what I know inside and what I can express and talk about with "regular people". In these years everything has changed for me, I let go of almost everything I had in my life before, relationship, residency in a foreign country, job, and almost my sanity (where sanity is defined as the capacity to live in this world).
I've always been the outsider, though when I was a child I always wanted to "fit in". Because that is when you are loved, as we learn. Which is not true because losing the connection with yourself will make you lose the connection with all that is, of course.
I was the "from the outside looking in" person, the highly sensitive child, the one that felt "too much". Now I'm almost totally at peace with this past image, I can love my little child self.
I never felt that parent-child connection, not because my parents are not good people, they are very much. It's just that there was some huge differences between us, I've never felt "home". Even though we are similar as personalities, and I can clearly see the connection on this level, but I know that the core of me is from somewhere else. Regardless, I feel very connected to Earth.
I have this "strange" approach, I feel that a parent is not more special than any other human being. For me the connection with any human being is special, or can be, when we really connect, not only in the 3D way, but really, energetically, on soul level. This is basically the reason to be here, in my perspective, to be able to connect like this (or one reason).
When I was a child I used to see patterns in the darkness, in the air, different patterns and then I could change them mentally. It was amazing but I cannot do it anymore. Also I had some abstract understanding of what is life, I remember being preoccupied with philosophical questions and getting "answers" in images in the air, like spirals. I really miss this ability to see stuff like that
Now I'm fascinated with the Law of One, just started getting into it deeper, it feels very natural, like home frequency.
I'll stop here for now, thank you for reading