08-24-2018, 11:21 PM
A feeling of purpose but frustration not knowing what that is; a sense of something big about to happen at some point and eagerly (and sometimes fearfully) waiting for it; boredom with mundane activities like working 8 to 5, saving for retirement, buying a house…; a total inability to engage in small talk about silly things like sports or politics; a deep sense of empathy for others to the point where even minor violence (to children in particular) is greatly disturbing; a desire to help others coupled with the frustration of being limited by trivial things like paying rent; and a general feeling that the world is frigging insane.
I imagine some on these forums will identify with my description of how I see this strange reality.
I first heard about the idea of Wanderer’s in David Wilcock’s book The Ascension Mysteries, which I read only a few months ago as of this post. I felt electrified reading his description of the questions and statements for seeing of you are a Wanderer. So much of it resonated with me! I then started watching Wilcock’s series on Gaia and learned about the Law of One series. I am on Book 2 thus far and many times I am pounding my fist on the table exclaiming “Yes! Yes! I thought that was true!”
The sense of alienation from the strange creatures called “humans” has been with me since at least middle school. I remember feeling like everyone was odd and my way of coping was not healthy. Instead of compassion, I pushed people away with self-righteous resentment.
During this time, however, there were moments of grace and serenity when I knew there was something more—I wasn’t sure what that “more” was, but I was certain it was hidden in something mysterious. Nothing paranormal that I remember—no ghosts, UFOs, visions, or anything similar. Still, I was fascinated by mystery and unexplained phenomena, which I now think is that seeded mystery that Ra talked about in Book 1.
I was frustrated by the limits of reality and created my own fantasy world when I was about 12 and have been developing it ever since (over 25 years). In Book 1 of the Law of One, Ra’s descriptions of Higher Density manifestation and of creating material structures from thought hit me hard. In my fantasy world (Astrivia) my concept of magic was almost the exact same thing. It wasn’t “magic” like we typically think of the word—it was an energy process influenced by the mind whose power came from the energy of the planet. More often than not, that fantasy world seems more real to me than this “reality.”
For example, I wonder sometimes why I can’t just think of the room lights turning off to make them turn off. It really feels like that should work, but it doesn’t, almost like there is a blockage I can't see. It is like how my cat must feel when she sees her treats in a glass bowl: “I can clearly see the treats and I should be able to get this with my paw; so why isn’t this working?”
From there I went down a dark road. My sense of alienation and constant fear disappeared when I drank, but alcohol only offered a toxic illusion that poisoned my body/mind/spirit for over a decade. During that time, I was diagnosed bipolar and twice committed to asylums.
A little shy of four years ago I walked into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, shaking while petrified with fear, and all that negativity started to change. I went through the steps and after having to learn a few more karmic lessons, my path towards the light (as it were) started to develop. (Seth is not my real name, albeit is a name I would answer to even as a child (for reasons that I still don’t understand), and because of this I don’t think I am breaking the 11th Tradition of AA.)
It has taken years to heal the damage I did to my body/mind/spirit with alcohol. My eyes really opened after my first 5th Step but my work to discover more started only five months ago. Once I took the first step in that direction, opportunity after opportunity has showed up at an astonishing rate. A consistent thing has been repeating numbers (33, 44, 55, and 77 specifically). Then there was the whole series of synchronicities that lead to the Law of One and is carrying me further along. For example, I was invited to a sober ecstatic dance and an Aztec sweat lodge just this week.
Despite all this, humans are still weird, albeit I don’t lash out with resentment and fear anymore. I am almost 40 and still feel like I was dropped into a play suddenly realizing that I never studied the script. Now, I find this amusing rather than aggravating. My “purpose” made more sense after reading that the purpose is unique to each individual (In Book 1 or 2 but I can’t find the phrase). I have been a teacher and a writer ever since I was a child. Maybe it is that simple.
I am very thankful to have finally found this forum. It is...challenging...to bring these sorts of topics up with just anyone.
I imagine some on these forums will identify with my description of how I see this strange reality.
I first heard about the idea of Wanderer’s in David Wilcock’s book The Ascension Mysteries, which I read only a few months ago as of this post. I felt electrified reading his description of the questions and statements for seeing of you are a Wanderer. So much of it resonated with me! I then started watching Wilcock’s series on Gaia and learned about the Law of One series. I am on Book 2 thus far and many times I am pounding my fist on the table exclaiming “Yes! Yes! I thought that was true!”
The sense of alienation from the strange creatures called “humans” has been with me since at least middle school. I remember feeling like everyone was odd and my way of coping was not healthy. Instead of compassion, I pushed people away with self-righteous resentment.
During this time, however, there were moments of grace and serenity when I knew there was something more—I wasn’t sure what that “more” was, but I was certain it was hidden in something mysterious. Nothing paranormal that I remember—no ghosts, UFOs, visions, or anything similar. Still, I was fascinated by mystery and unexplained phenomena, which I now think is that seeded mystery that Ra talked about in Book 1.
I was frustrated by the limits of reality and created my own fantasy world when I was about 12 and have been developing it ever since (over 25 years). In Book 1 of the Law of One, Ra’s descriptions of Higher Density manifestation and of creating material structures from thought hit me hard. In my fantasy world (Astrivia) my concept of magic was almost the exact same thing. It wasn’t “magic” like we typically think of the word—it was an energy process influenced by the mind whose power came from the energy of the planet. More often than not, that fantasy world seems more real to me than this “reality.”
For example, I wonder sometimes why I can’t just think of the room lights turning off to make them turn off. It really feels like that should work, but it doesn’t, almost like there is a blockage I can't see. It is like how my cat must feel when she sees her treats in a glass bowl: “I can clearly see the treats and I should be able to get this with my paw; so why isn’t this working?”
From there I went down a dark road. My sense of alienation and constant fear disappeared when I drank, but alcohol only offered a toxic illusion that poisoned my body/mind/spirit for over a decade. During that time, I was diagnosed bipolar and twice committed to asylums.
A little shy of four years ago I walked into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, shaking while petrified with fear, and all that negativity started to change. I went through the steps and after having to learn a few more karmic lessons, my path towards the light (as it were) started to develop. (Seth is not my real name, albeit is a name I would answer to even as a child (for reasons that I still don’t understand), and because of this I don’t think I am breaking the 11th Tradition of AA.)
It has taken years to heal the damage I did to my body/mind/spirit with alcohol. My eyes really opened after my first 5th Step but my work to discover more started only five months ago. Once I took the first step in that direction, opportunity after opportunity has showed up at an astonishing rate. A consistent thing has been repeating numbers (33, 44, 55, and 77 specifically). Then there was the whole series of synchronicities that lead to the Law of One and is carrying me further along. For example, I was invited to a sober ecstatic dance and an Aztec sweat lodge just this week.
Despite all this, humans are still weird, albeit I don’t lash out with resentment and fear anymore. I am almost 40 and still feel like I was dropped into a play suddenly realizing that I never studied the script. Now, I find this amusing rather than aggravating. My “purpose” made more sense after reading that the purpose is unique to each individual (In Book 1 or 2 but I can’t find the phrase). I have been a teacher and a writer ever since I was a child. Maybe it is that simple.
I am very thankful to have finally found this forum. It is...challenging...to bring these sorts of topics up with just anyone.
