09-02-2018, 04:20 AM
Hello there, my friends, it has been quite some time since I have posted here. I have come back to browse the forum many times but often not too deeply. My life has gone through many re-focusing experiences over the last few years and I now feel maybe I can share of myself again. I was often focused on many very abstract and supposedly 'metaphysical' concepts for much of my past posting here and in some ways I admit I think I was being ingenuine, despite the interest others may have shown. I want to meet you, finally, by introducing myself once again.
My name is Tanner Michael Hartmann, although I have the novelty title of "Laird" because my fiance got me a gift title one Yule and I now (technically, not really) own a one square meter of land on the grounds of the Castle Dunans in Scotland. It is not really official but it is amusing and was a very thoughtful gift. The word actually means 'landowner' and has nothing to do with being a "Lord" but hey you take what you are given, right?
I work as a cook right now and I have for almost four years now at a restaurant called Noodlebox which is a "Southeat Asian Noodle Bar" even though it's really more like an Asian Fusion restaurant and is rather westernized, but that's how it goes with many corporations. It was more authentic when I started there but then the company was sold, but I have a really good manager who I am loyal to so I have been sticking it out. I would actually like to start my own business in the field of 3D Printing and am working on getting a landscaping business going with a friend. There are a lot of different kinds of ventures I am interested in but otherwise Music is a major focus in my life.
Music is probably the one thing in reality that convinced me of the existence of Divine Order in the universe. I don't think Music is just something that humans make by producing sounds but rather it is actually the underlying structure of all reality. There is nothing that isn't Music. Every situation has a song or a jam. Just like every situation could yield a painting, an image or some poetry. The universe is ripe with creative fruit to pick if one only ventures to reach out and grasp it.
Otherwise I also like to play video games, I've always been more of a Playstation fan but since my Mom and brothers are all in to video games as well (Dad was more of an arcade gamer) games have always been around. (My parents split when I was 6, so we were mostly raised by our Mom, my two brothers and I.) I was first inspired by my Opa (German for Grandpa) when I was young because he was a very skilled electrician and so had many early home computers around his cluttered room and so he was the one who first got me in to both computers and games. He would let me play this cool DOS platformer game where you are going through dungeons and the other game was the original Civilization. I was always fascinated with Civilization because I never quite understood it but really wanted to. Later on we got a Nintendo and then we would frequently rent Super Nintendos and Sega Genesis' when we were growing up. When the N64 came out our Dad got us one which came with Mario Cart and Star Fox and it was the start of my love for all things 3D and the animation behind it.
Funny enough though, my Mom had for a long time always said that Playstation was more of an 'adult' system, which I guess the games often had more mature themes. So I was always super curious about it and I remember one time we were at one of their friends' house and they were playing Final Fantasy 7 and I was instantly fascinated and from that moment I wanted a Playstation. Even though I did still much enjoy the N64, it has some great games. Eventually I got a Playstation for one of my birthdays and then later a Playstation 2. My whole family loved Playstation 2 and we burnt out the laser in 4 or 5 of them by the time Playstation 3 came around. I fell in love with RPGs especially and have played a lot of them. I actually never ended up being the biggest fan of Final Fantasy 7 but actually my favorite is FF9.
We did get an original Xbox but there were only a handful of games on it I was in to since I'm not really in to first person shooters (except Halo for Xbox and I like some others that have good story plots), although I played a lot of Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. We rented an Xbox One a few times but otherwise I have stuck to Playstation. I would actually quite like a Wii U but I'm not too worried about it at this point. Many things to spend money on. A few years ago I bought a Playstation 3 off a friend for quite cheap and then the Yule before last my older brother got us each a Playstation 4, so I have been goood on the games.
I actually had a good chunk of time where I had no systems and wasn't playing any video games because I was focused on Music and well, I was pretty much homeless. That was about 4-5 years after high school where I went on a quest to discover myself and find a way through the world with Music. I played in a whole bunch of bands and couch surfed and did my share of psychedelics and smoked much more than my share of cannabis. I also extensively explored spirituality and philosophy during this time, particularly focusing on Meditation, Buddhism and the Western Mysteries. However eventually I hit rock bottom, my relationship was falling apart, my bands were falling apart and I had very little will left to continue on. I had and have suffered from depression since a fairly young age and at this time I was often suicidal and even came very close to attempts at times.
Finally everything broke and my Dad pulled me out of it and moved me over to another province to live with him for awhile. I was lethargic and depressed and barely left my room for more than three months. Eventually I knew I had to do something so I had found out there was a class called Awakening The Illuminated Heart taking place locally and it was based on the Flower of Life teachings by Drunvalo Melchizedek. Since I was familiar with his works I was curious and thought it couldn't hurt to check it out.
While the class itself was interesting what really came of that was that I met a woman named Bea Murray there and she was a Reiki teacher and we had a very strong connection. We felt like we were siblings from another time. We later discovered what this connection was and it went back to two Atlantean lives we experienced together as brother and sister. However, point being that she decided she wanted to train me and from there I spent 3 months intensively working with her, practicing five days a week and doing some very deep healing sessions. It ended with a month in retreat staying at her house while she went to India. Yet, when she came back, she told me that through her meditations she decided that our time together was done and that would be the end of our relationship. I have not heard from her since, despite attempting to communicate. I was very hurt for a long time but now I understand why things went the way they did. It really was for the greater good like she intuited.
She did not actually give me my certification despite training me through to 'Master' level and how to attune others. A short while later I realized that it was because I hadn't committed to it on my own. I hadn't decided for myself I wanted to be a healer. I did it because I was good at it and I felt I had her guiding support, but once that support was gone I had to totally decide for myself if it was the path I wanted to take. Once I decided it was the path I desired within a very short time I made another fortunate connection and met another Reiki Master who is the owner of one of the world's few Inner Dimensional Sound Chambers. (http://wiseawakening.com/inner-dimension...d-chamber/) She needed some work done on the chamber and help with the sound engineering equipment connected to it. Since my Dad is also a musician and carpenter we said we could definitely do the work. So in exchange for that we traded attunements and she certified my at the Master Level (after testing me, of course). However, I have not gone headfirst in to a practice but have instead spent a number of years merely getting to know the system better and how the energy really works. Even though I have the 'Master' certificate I felt I lacked the experience to really be a teacher. Soon I think I will be starting it up.
So it was really through the support of my family and Reiki that I was able to pull myself out of the pit of despair, those were the tools. However, the truth is that I didn't give up despite wanting to many times. Maybe sometimes I would for a short time but then get back on the horse. I can be both incredibly stubborn and incredibly flexible so I am glad to be able to have the ability to work with myself internally fairly well (when I'm not fighting myself).
That was in 2012 that I did that, and it was the year before that in 2011 that I first joined these forums and had been reading the Ra Material. I had a very complicated relationship with the material for a number of years but eventually would decide that I had taken from it what I needed and I no longer really read it or reference it. Instead I hold the few basic philosophies which I saw reflected things I already felt. I have gone back to my more pagan roots and the interest I had in the Western Mystery Traditions. Now I mostly study Hermeticism although I still read all sorts of things.
January of the next year I decided I needed to go back home British Columbia. I just didn't feel I could stay in settle in Alberta and I knew something was drawing me back to the coast. I was staying with my brother and after a couple months I was contacted by a girl, prompted by my Mom, whom is now my fiance, Hannah. My Mom had told her I was back in town and single and it took about 3 months of prompting before she finally sent me a message. We talked for a few months and then finally met one day. She 'lured' me down to the waterfront saying she had too many cookies and chocolates to eat on her own. I absolutely love chocolate so I wasn't gonna say no. We spent the entire night there talking, in to the morning and then I walked her home. We have been together almost every day since and I went from staying on my brothers' couch to staying with her.
I had never had a proper job really before. I did a couple small part-time things like night-time stock for a month and another one for a few weeks but I had never really been truly employed. After a few months with Hannah I knew I had to start doing normal adult things rather than be a vagabond so I got my first job as a dishwasher, then after that ended cause it was seasonal I got a job at a deli. I was there for almost a year, longer than any other. However the location was sold and I was getting sick of the poor ethics of the grocery store so I was looking for other work. I happened to know about 7 people who worked at the Noodlebox and a couple had suggested I applied so with nothing to lose I did that and I was basically hired the moment I walked in to my interview. I've been there almost four years now, like I said.
What I mean to say with this is that Hannah helped me develop my domestic skills and enter in to a great sense of stability. Although there have been many struggles along the way. She has had a fair amount of trauma in her life so the past few years have been a long healing process that is still ongoing. I am glad for the Reiki teaching I experienced because it really gave me the tools to be able to be a good support over this time. This summer I was working two jobs (finally the second one ends next weeks, I'm exhausted), a full and a part, in order to catch up on finances. I have had some health issues as well over the past few years including the discovery of a hernia and the repair surgery (which took almost two years just to get to due to the wait times here). Unfortunately I'm now having a lot of nerve pain and difficulties as a result of the surgery so the health problems aren't gone yet. There has also been issues with my back as I was diagnosed with Scoliosis years ago and am now having severe sciatic nerve pain and back pain, and thus am on a painkiller.
With all that said though, life is pretty good at the moment. We have finally caught up on our finances and Hannah is making amazing progress with her mental and emotional healing. In March her Dad and step-Mom took us to Ireland and that was an incredible adventure where we got to experience various ancient sites and some incredible culture. Would definitely recommend if you ever get a chance to go. I also have a couple bands I'm working on right now and hopefully over the next year will be able to release some Music to the world.
Anyways, I think that's a good in-a-nutshell of who I am as a human person. If you would like to know more or have any questions feel free to ask! Also, if you'd like to introduce yourself and tell me a bit about yourself I would be delighted to meet you!
Many blessings to you all, light in extension!
My name is Tanner Michael Hartmann, although I have the novelty title of "Laird" because my fiance got me a gift title one Yule and I now (technically, not really) own a one square meter of land on the grounds of the Castle Dunans in Scotland. It is not really official but it is amusing and was a very thoughtful gift. The word actually means 'landowner' and has nothing to do with being a "Lord" but hey you take what you are given, right?
I work as a cook right now and I have for almost four years now at a restaurant called Noodlebox which is a "Southeat Asian Noodle Bar" even though it's really more like an Asian Fusion restaurant and is rather westernized, but that's how it goes with many corporations. It was more authentic when I started there but then the company was sold, but I have a really good manager who I am loyal to so I have been sticking it out. I would actually like to start my own business in the field of 3D Printing and am working on getting a landscaping business going with a friend. There are a lot of different kinds of ventures I am interested in but otherwise Music is a major focus in my life.
Music is probably the one thing in reality that convinced me of the existence of Divine Order in the universe. I don't think Music is just something that humans make by producing sounds but rather it is actually the underlying structure of all reality. There is nothing that isn't Music. Every situation has a song or a jam. Just like every situation could yield a painting, an image or some poetry. The universe is ripe with creative fruit to pick if one only ventures to reach out and grasp it.
Otherwise I also like to play video games, I've always been more of a Playstation fan but since my Mom and brothers are all in to video games as well (Dad was more of an arcade gamer) games have always been around. (My parents split when I was 6, so we were mostly raised by our Mom, my two brothers and I.) I was first inspired by my Opa (German for Grandpa) when I was young because he was a very skilled electrician and so had many early home computers around his cluttered room and so he was the one who first got me in to both computers and games. He would let me play this cool DOS platformer game where you are going through dungeons and the other game was the original Civilization. I was always fascinated with Civilization because I never quite understood it but really wanted to. Later on we got a Nintendo and then we would frequently rent Super Nintendos and Sega Genesis' when we were growing up. When the N64 came out our Dad got us one which came with Mario Cart and Star Fox and it was the start of my love for all things 3D and the animation behind it.
Funny enough though, my Mom had for a long time always said that Playstation was more of an 'adult' system, which I guess the games often had more mature themes. So I was always super curious about it and I remember one time we were at one of their friends' house and they were playing Final Fantasy 7 and I was instantly fascinated and from that moment I wanted a Playstation. Even though I did still much enjoy the N64, it has some great games. Eventually I got a Playstation for one of my birthdays and then later a Playstation 2. My whole family loved Playstation 2 and we burnt out the laser in 4 or 5 of them by the time Playstation 3 came around. I fell in love with RPGs especially and have played a lot of them. I actually never ended up being the biggest fan of Final Fantasy 7 but actually my favorite is FF9.
We did get an original Xbox but there were only a handful of games on it I was in to since I'm not really in to first person shooters (except Halo for Xbox and I like some others that have good story plots), although I played a lot of Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. We rented an Xbox One a few times but otherwise I have stuck to Playstation. I would actually quite like a Wii U but I'm not too worried about it at this point. Many things to spend money on. A few years ago I bought a Playstation 3 off a friend for quite cheap and then the Yule before last my older brother got us each a Playstation 4, so I have been goood on the games.
I actually had a good chunk of time where I had no systems and wasn't playing any video games because I was focused on Music and well, I was pretty much homeless. That was about 4-5 years after high school where I went on a quest to discover myself and find a way through the world with Music. I played in a whole bunch of bands and couch surfed and did my share of psychedelics and smoked much more than my share of cannabis. I also extensively explored spirituality and philosophy during this time, particularly focusing on Meditation, Buddhism and the Western Mysteries. However eventually I hit rock bottom, my relationship was falling apart, my bands were falling apart and I had very little will left to continue on. I had and have suffered from depression since a fairly young age and at this time I was often suicidal and even came very close to attempts at times.
Finally everything broke and my Dad pulled me out of it and moved me over to another province to live with him for awhile. I was lethargic and depressed and barely left my room for more than three months. Eventually I knew I had to do something so I had found out there was a class called Awakening The Illuminated Heart taking place locally and it was based on the Flower of Life teachings by Drunvalo Melchizedek. Since I was familiar with his works I was curious and thought it couldn't hurt to check it out.
While the class itself was interesting what really came of that was that I met a woman named Bea Murray there and she was a Reiki teacher and we had a very strong connection. We felt like we were siblings from another time. We later discovered what this connection was and it went back to two Atlantean lives we experienced together as brother and sister. However, point being that she decided she wanted to train me and from there I spent 3 months intensively working with her, practicing five days a week and doing some very deep healing sessions. It ended with a month in retreat staying at her house while she went to India. Yet, when she came back, she told me that through her meditations she decided that our time together was done and that would be the end of our relationship. I have not heard from her since, despite attempting to communicate. I was very hurt for a long time but now I understand why things went the way they did. It really was for the greater good like she intuited.
She did not actually give me my certification despite training me through to 'Master' level and how to attune others. A short while later I realized that it was because I hadn't committed to it on my own. I hadn't decided for myself I wanted to be a healer. I did it because I was good at it and I felt I had her guiding support, but once that support was gone I had to totally decide for myself if it was the path I wanted to take. Once I decided it was the path I desired within a very short time I made another fortunate connection and met another Reiki Master who is the owner of one of the world's few Inner Dimensional Sound Chambers. (http://wiseawakening.com/inner-dimension...d-chamber/) She needed some work done on the chamber and help with the sound engineering equipment connected to it. Since my Dad is also a musician and carpenter we said we could definitely do the work. So in exchange for that we traded attunements and she certified my at the Master Level (after testing me, of course). However, I have not gone headfirst in to a practice but have instead spent a number of years merely getting to know the system better and how the energy really works. Even though I have the 'Master' certificate I felt I lacked the experience to really be a teacher. Soon I think I will be starting it up.
So it was really through the support of my family and Reiki that I was able to pull myself out of the pit of despair, those were the tools. However, the truth is that I didn't give up despite wanting to many times. Maybe sometimes I would for a short time but then get back on the horse. I can be both incredibly stubborn and incredibly flexible so I am glad to be able to have the ability to work with myself internally fairly well (when I'm not fighting myself).
That was in 2012 that I did that, and it was the year before that in 2011 that I first joined these forums and had been reading the Ra Material. I had a very complicated relationship with the material for a number of years but eventually would decide that I had taken from it what I needed and I no longer really read it or reference it. Instead I hold the few basic philosophies which I saw reflected things I already felt. I have gone back to my more pagan roots and the interest I had in the Western Mystery Traditions. Now I mostly study Hermeticism although I still read all sorts of things.
January of the next year I decided I needed to go back home British Columbia. I just didn't feel I could stay in settle in Alberta and I knew something was drawing me back to the coast. I was staying with my brother and after a couple months I was contacted by a girl, prompted by my Mom, whom is now my fiance, Hannah. My Mom had told her I was back in town and single and it took about 3 months of prompting before she finally sent me a message. We talked for a few months and then finally met one day. She 'lured' me down to the waterfront saying she had too many cookies and chocolates to eat on her own. I absolutely love chocolate so I wasn't gonna say no. We spent the entire night there talking, in to the morning and then I walked her home. We have been together almost every day since and I went from staying on my brothers' couch to staying with her.
I had never had a proper job really before. I did a couple small part-time things like night-time stock for a month and another one for a few weeks but I had never really been truly employed. After a few months with Hannah I knew I had to start doing normal adult things rather than be a vagabond so I got my first job as a dishwasher, then after that ended cause it was seasonal I got a job at a deli. I was there for almost a year, longer than any other. However the location was sold and I was getting sick of the poor ethics of the grocery store so I was looking for other work. I happened to know about 7 people who worked at the Noodlebox and a couple had suggested I applied so with nothing to lose I did that and I was basically hired the moment I walked in to my interview. I've been there almost four years now, like I said.
What I mean to say with this is that Hannah helped me develop my domestic skills and enter in to a great sense of stability. Although there have been many struggles along the way. She has had a fair amount of trauma in her life so the past few years have been a long healing process that is still ongoing. I am glad for the Reiki teaching I experienced because it really gave me the tools to be able to be a good support over this time. This summer I was working two jobs (finally the second one ends next weeks, I'm exhausted), a full and a part, in order to catch up on finances. I have had some health issues as well over the past few years including the discovery of a hernia and the repair surgery (which took almost two years just to get to due to the wait times here). Unfortunately I'm now having a lot of nerve pain and difficulties as a result of the surgery so the health problems aren't gone yet. There has also been issues with my back as I was diagnosed with Scoliosis years ago and am now having severe sciatic nerve pain and back pain, and thus am on a painkiller.
With all that said though, life is pretty good at the moment. We have finally caught up on our finances and Hannah is making amazing progress with her mental and emotional healing. In March her Dad and step-Mom took us to Ireland and that was an incredible adventure where we got to experience various ancient sites and some incredible culture. Would definitely recommend if you ever get a chance to go. I also have a couple bands I'm working on right now and hopefully over the next year will be able to release some Music to the world.
Anyways, I think that's a good in-a-nutshell of who I am as a human person. If you would like to know more or have any questions feel free to ask! Also, if you'd like to introduce yourself and tell me a bit about yourself I would be delighted to meet you!
Many blessings to you all, light in extension!
I currently live in Israel, by my own, not doing so well financially, but I learn how to appreciate the little things in life.