I know there are people here much farther along the trail, so I am sure someone has been here.
It's been weird, after a 3 year dark night, and ego death that left me empty I have recovered and healed I would say the bulk of my distortions of which I had tons so of course there is still work to do. I am peaceful mostly, no real pain or desire for much.
I discussed in another thread how it seems a lot of people would now find me boring because I do not want anything but quiet, and to love. Well food/shelter/freedom but I have no interest really in exploring any new hobbies or experiencing things just to experience them.
It feels oddly like I am some 80+ year old that has packed up because they are moving on, and they will unpack in the new place.
I run a small business, garden, go to the gym and have a few close friends/husband but everyone else is in expansion mode. Building or, amassing stuff and experiences, always looking for something more or better. I do not want to.
I would like more time spent with those I cherish, and I enjoy my modest but safe and comfortable home, good food/good company but I want nothing further. It feels weird like everyone else is being swept up in the same wave but me in the same body of water am not effected by the draw of the current.
Someone told me as you heal you become content with less. I am content. It just feels weird to be
this in a world experiencing
that. I am told I have another 40 years so a long time to be packed up. Maybe I have misunderstood about the 40 years ad I am right on schedule. lol Who knows.
I don't really want to unpack to much though, I am not interested in getting swept up in things(perhaps karma) again.
Curious if anyone here can relate.
It feels weird and the contrast of being surrounded buy people obsessed with purchases and ambitions, changing things and how people perceive them is kind of a new layer of feeling like a fish out of water in a way I guess.
No real upset here just it's been on my mind as "packing up" seems like a strange thing to have done this early even to me.
It is new the the last year I would say so maybe it just takes getting used to.
In a reply to myself I wonder if karma isn't exactly what creates the current of life/expansion and by healing so much of my outward directed karma I am just left with the quiet inner ones left to play with.
Still certainly enough to sort out there. I would love to hear from others who are or have experienced similar just for ideas on how to handle the contrast between my nonexpansion and the worlds constant expansion.
I see that is a catalyst but as always I am open to insight from those who have been down this path.
I envy that Agua in a sort of friendly way that you don't buy things you don't need.
I have a bad habit of buying things I don't need. I owe like $10000 in credit cards because they were no interest for 18 months.
I also owe student loans and a mortgage.
I don't know why I don't have self control.
Thank you so much Agua, I was really hoping you would reply.
You hit on so many bits of information that resonates. I cannot imagine how much more difficult this would have been if the heart part had been a struggle. You are pretty incredible to have managed that in such a tricky order.
I have no idea if I would have made that path successfully as you have.
It really is nice to hear someone else say how I feel. I have one spiritual person in my real life(husband) and a close friend that is doing some of "the work" but not facing it head on as spiritual. It is so weird to walk a path without agreeing what the path is.
Lots of off roading to stay friends.
It must be even harder for him as he is friends with so many walking the opposite direction as me.
Likely part of my catalyst in this is not wanting to outpace/grow this friend. Better than his catalyst of not being able to go in both directions.
I hadn't thought of doing spiritual retreats to meet people, or maybe just as a side effect.
At least it would take me out of "the conventional world" with people for a change, that would be nice.
Like your work with children I have been wanting to start working with the dying. I put out feelers last fall when work slowed for the season but never heard back. I assumed that meant I had more healing to do first.
Having already "packed up" I would not want another dark night triggered by watching people return home, while I remain here.
Always so much work to do inside.
Perhaps I should start smaller and work my way there.
Thank you for giving me more to consider as I make this stage less strange.
Thank you also just for telling me you have been to this place too. It's a weird experience.
Thanks Agua
(10-02-2018, 12:15 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I envy that Agua in a sort of friendly way that you don't buy things you don't need.
I have a bad habit of buying things I don't need. I owe like $10000 in credit cards because they were no interest for 18 months.
I also owe student loans and a mortgage.
I don't know why I don't have self control.
It's what the whole world does. The world says it will fix things, you need that, to look better, feel validated, to make your life exciting or complete or just better.
Then things don't and they sit, or a new thing comes along that takes attention, people find something new to obsess over this a thing or achievement. It is strange.
I am free of that now, but I did my time buying stuff too.
I just purged my basement of things from years back, gave it all away and one item at a time I could recall how it effected me emotionally to get.
It validated me, or I thought it would help me become what I wished I was, or it made me look the part I was trying to be, make me fit the picture
acceptable in other peoples heads.
So much wasted $, honestly so much taken from the earth to produce these things I didn't need, so many hours worked to pay for these things.
Once you are free, it becomes ever clearer it's like some hypnosis the whole world is under.
The dream I am not enough and I need to make myself acceptable. Karma
Don't beat yourself up over it. It is part of the path, till we 100% understand it isn't anymore.
I am in the same place. Not wanting anything, just going with a peaceful flow and doing my quiet service in the background. After some time, it doesn’t feel weird any more, and I thank the Creator every day from the bottom of my heart for the internet and the brothers and sisters I can touch that way. Not a single friend near me on the same path.
RitaJC - I am so thrilled to hear it doesn't feel weird anymore!! That makes me so happy!
I am grateful you posted. I wonder if finding people on the same path would help.
I tried a few spiritual meet ups but there wasn't anyone there really seeking beyond becoming an in demand psychic or becoming some sort of guru one day so not exactly the same path of seeking.
Likely we are just very blessed as you say to even be able to connect online with like minded.
Thank you for reaching out your hand to connect with me today.
@IndigoGeminiWolf
Youre not some motherfucker who cant control himself, youre just human and your human cognitive blindspots/weaknesses have been successfully exploited by student loans and credit card companies. Putting people like you deep into debt is EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DESIGNED TO DO.
The best defense is always recognizing that, which, sadly, most people dont.
Thats why Im student debt free and have no credit card issues: I never trusted those motherfuckers in the first place.
I knew student loans were a scam the moment I had heard the word "loan"
People homestly kept treating that s*** like it was free money. Like the state just gives loans from the bottom of their heart or something cause a motherfucker voted this way or that and now its some compassionate government policy or something. Bullshit. Aint no such thing as a compassionate government law or policy. NOTHING THE GOVERNMENT DOES IS OUT OF COMPASSION. NOTHING. Regardless of your vote.
I wish the rest of my generation had known it was a fucking scam designed by authoritarian a******* to pressure you into borrowing money you dont have from people whomhave no money, in order to fleece younfor every dollar they know you dont have ao they can own your ass, like the loan sharks they are, but everybodys been trained to trust the "official" and the conventional, we were ALL pressured into taking them out. I resisted the pressure because of a mix of cynicism and autism. Neurotypical people are too socially conscious to think to themselves "you know what? this comvemtional thing all of apciety does is CLEARLY a loan sharking scheme, wxcept its legal"
I knew better cause Im autistic and habe major authority issues.
Your healthy prosocial aspects which propell you to greater group harmony have been successfully ,anipulated and used against you. Insidious huh? So dont beat yourself up. Only way you couldve seen that s*** coming would hav been if you were antiauthoritarian and at least somewhat antisocial enough to ,ove against harmonious group pressures and move against trusting the judgement of society around you.
I was pressured like hell and given the same fast talking lines of bullshit by my friends and family thatnthey themselves had fallen for, ut I just refused to do it because Imdidnt trust it. And I didnt trust that everybody else around me actually knew what they were doing. Partially cause I defensively told myself peole were generally dumb a******* and only a sheep followed comventiin. Butnthat was just unhealthy egotism which HAPPENED to have the protective benefit of making me street smart about this one particular issue.
Dont beat yourself up too much for doing as you were programmed and falling into that trap. ALL OF SOCIETY has fallen into that trap. Just the Fed being theiving bastards. thats their thing.
I wouldnt expect somebody like you to have done what I did because youre not as distrusting or as egotistically rebellious as I was.
Watch that video on the American Dream somebody posted in the EU immigration thread if you want to know more about how these systems were DESIGNED to exploit you and f*** you over. Want my advice? Ditch the credit cards. And never trust a loan that isnt ,ade by someone close. Ever. And even then, only if that close person is trustworthy. So... not your mom for ismtamce. No offense. I just read your posts about jer and I wouldnt give a loan to or take a loan from that woman unless there were a gun to my head, by the sounds of things.
You trust people and thats good. But when it co,es to money, thats not so good.
When it co,es to money and systems of it, its okay to be more cynical and less trusting. They ARE often out to get you after all. You owe people money you dont have for borrowing mo ey drom them that THEY never had.
Its all illusion. Just dont trust them.
When I was a kid growing up, I would hear of peoles credit card problems andneveryone else, includingnthe victims would be like "God what an impulsive sunnuva b****. Here is someone wjo lacks discipline"
And zi would think "Damn, poor victim. THEYNGOT HIM. They got his ass! If only he jad realized those creditncards are just legalized loan sharking schemes insidiously designed to make itnhard formyountomeven tprealize how much youre spending, he would have never trusted them enough tomuse them in the first place" But credit cards sre just so commonly accepted as normal, youre almost a weirdo for NOT having one. I went for a long while withoutnone and even when I got one didnt like using it and only spent on fast food and s***. Only big expense bwing a laundry maxhine my fam promised to pay off for me, saying itd help improve my otherwise neutral credit score.
DUDE, YOURE CREDIT SCORE GOES DOWN FOR CHECKING YOUR CREDITMSCORE.
What does that tell younabout credit? You domt lack discipline, you just got scammed by convention and shitty social programming.
I find myself wondering, if I were to win the lottery and become rich, just how would I be able to take my remaining money and kwep it safe from the fed if they wanted to just xome and take it and all my property by force?
And given how successfully theyve managed to turn the government i to their militarized attack thugs right in front of us with our consent, the answer is... f*** thats a tough one. Maybe convert it into Swiss Francs and keep it in a Swiss bank?
About the only way I can think of...
Just stop thinking theres any winning with credit cards or government loans. They are designed to make a slave of you. Dont beat yourself up too much. Youre part of a generation and even whole society trained to trust these insidious control mechanisms. Just stop trusting them and work off what you can.
You'll be okay in the end. Have faith. Everything will workmout for your highest good. Please ditch the credit cards, you do not need them. Never take anloan from anybodu you do not personally know and trust ever again, cause it WILL be designed to f*** you over. whats their incentive to give you a loan otherwise?
Theres nothing wrong with you, you just bought a comventional lie. Stip trusting it and you'll notice your spending "discipline" suddenly improving.
And dont make loans to untrustworthy motherfuckers either.
If yourr not charging interest and they still arent payingnyou back or even trying, its because theyre usingnyou. Fuckmthat. There isnnothingnwrong with not letting yourself get parasitically drained of money.
Quick edit: forgot to clarify this is directed at IndigoGeminiWolf
I hope that these feelings are from a place of love and that this isn't a feeling of suicidal desires for you.
I don't really know you, but you were a good friend to someone I love, and for that you deserve peace with your content <3
Please be well mysterious glowing Love. May you find your way back to your tranquility and serenity if you aren't already there
(10-02-2018, 12:15 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I envy that Agua in a sort of friendly way that you don't buy things you don't need.
I have a bad habit of buying things I don't need. I owe like $10000 in credit cards because they were no interest for 18 months.
I also owe student loans and a mortgage.
I don't know why I don't have self control.
Self Control is my biggest catalyst right now. It is a big test that I think we are rarely judged by the souls of others (compared to their incarnation selves anyway) for failing. Self Control has been a catalyst from the story of genesis to pandoras box.
It's funny how humanity portrays all it's sins from originating by one woman one way or another. Shifting blame feels so relieving I bet!
That you see a lack of desired self control, you are working on it. Don't judge yourself so hard, forgive yourself and attempt to really do better each time. Failire isn't a stumbling block, it's a guide.
This is something my Reiki Teacher shared with me and I still have in my book. I think you'll get a kick out of it.
http://www.healingeagle.net/Eng/Quotes/12Love.html
Here’s a creeping disease you’ve got to watch out for. It’s called Inner Peace, and if we’re not careful, it could reach epidemic proportions. Signs and symptoms of Inner Peace include the following:
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.
If you have most of these symptoms, it may be too late to turn back. If you know someone with these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk since Inner Peace may be well into its infectious stage.
I asked my guidance how to become spiritually advanced, and was given the concept of compassion.
I think compassion is a form of loving others.
I worried about so many things to do, like don't drink, and keep my thoughts in check.
But it all came down to compassion. For me, that's how I can make the biggest impact.
(10-02-2018, 08:39 PM)One of Love Wrote: [ -> ]I hope that these feelings are from a place of love and that this isn't a feeling of suicidal desires for you.
I don't really know you, but you were a good friend to someone I love, and for that you deserve peace with your content <3
Please be well mysterious glowing Love. May you find your way back to your tranquility and serenity if you aren't already there
Not to worry, but that you for caring. I really am just peaceful and really finding the most exquisite beauty just in the tiniest of things. It’s just such contrast to the world of angst. I knew that world a long time. This literally feels like how an old person ready to leave earth and their body should feel.
Like my messes are all cleaned up, belongings I will not need on my journey given away. It’s strange to feel that at 41
A few years ago I was afraid of spiders, now I great each one with a hello and have several that live within hands reach of my meditation bench.
I sit in the garden bedside my plants and just bask in their individual energy and commune with each plant. I can find joy in the so many things most people miss while they are busy doing big things.
It’s only concerning sometimes because living in an affluent area where more is never enough Im often surrounded by people doing the opposite and briefly I every so often think perhaps something is wrong with me since the masses are heading in a totally different direction.
That doesn’t last long but it is still nice to hear from people here who can relate. It does bother me the potential to out grow such a deep friendship but maybe him keeping me grounded in the consciousness of the world is part of my last struggle(catalyst) to stay in the world as his friend without letting the worlds consciousness effect my thoughts.
unconditional love, to not have it your way but love deeply regardless
Always so much more to learn. And my comment about the dying if that’s what concerned you is just because I have been out of body so I know what is awaiting them.
Home.
Thankfully meditation is a door home so I visit often.
(10-02-2018, 09:20 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]This is something my Reiki Teacher shared with me and I still have in my book. I think you'll get a kick out of it.
http://www.healingeagle.net/Eng/Quotes/12Love.html
Here’s a creeping disease you’ve got to watch out for. It’s called Inner Peace, and if we’re not careful, it could reach epidemic proportions. Signs and symptoms of Inner Peace include the following:
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.
If you have most of these symptoms, it may be too late to turn back. If you know someone with these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk since Inner Peace may be well into its infectious stage.
Love it Aion! That’s a great list and a few of those also often make me feel weird so nice to see they are all on the same symptoms list.
I’m at 9/12 and showing sighs of the other 3 so I guess the infection has firmly taken hold. Thank God!!
I can’t imagine having to go back to the old ways.
Thanks Aion,
(10-02-2018, 09:36 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I asked my guidance how to become spiritually advanced, and was given the concept of compassion.
I think compassion is a form of loving others.
I worried about so many things to do, like don't drink, and keep my thoughts in check.
But it all came down to compassion. For me, that's how I can make the biggest impact.
Compassion also for yourself I hope.
I’d agree. I would even say lack of compassion may be the root of karma.
As you still need lessons so you can understand vs judge.
that’s my take anyways. We all understand things a bit different.
Don’t be hard on yourself IG you have a beautiful light.
(10-02-2018, 10:18 PM)Glow Wrote: [ -> ] (10-02-2018, 09:20 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]This is something my Reiki Teacher shared with me and I still have in my book. I think you'll get a kick out of it.
http://www.healingeagle.net/Eng/Quotes/12Love.html
Here’s a creeping disease you’ve got to watch out for. It’s called Inner Peace, and if we’re not careful, it could reach epidemic proportions. Signs and symptoms of Inner Peace include the following:
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.
If you have most of these symptoms, it may be too late to turn back. If you know someone with these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk since Inner Peace may be well into its infectious stage.
Love it Aion! That’s a great list and a few of those also often make me feel weird so nice to see they are all on the same symptoms list.
I’m at 9/12 and showing sighs of the other 3 so I guess the infection has firmly taken hold. Thank God!!
I can’t imagine having to go back to the old ways.
Thanks Aion,
I understand how it can make you feel like a bit of a weirdo. I have also felt that way often in my life being someone who is rather at ease in the world and who tends to be someone who actually finds joy in the human struggle. Sometimes when people only see pain and suffering I see the incredible resilience and passion of the human spirit. This makes me smile and people think I smile at the pain but I actually smile that the spirit continues on despite the pain. That is a real beauty of life to me.
I am also someone who is very at ease with death. When I think we grieve it's not really for the dead, it's for ourselves. The dead are free. We are not, and so we weep. We are to live with our sorrow until we join them. That is the grief. This makes me smile, because it means the person is full of love.
I totally get that Aion about the beauty in the struggle.
I have never looked at it that way and I might just have to borrow that lense sometime.
As to the ease with death. End of life gets a bad rep. everyone should get to step outside their body a few times in life. It’s pretty great, but then there are experiences you can only have here behind the veil even with all the difficulties.
I learned that those moments are worth the rest.
Thanks for that beauty in struggle thing. Im going to try using that perspective some time.
The thing that, to me, marks the incredible uniqueness of human experience is the ability to experience such a depth and array of emotions. Whether it is utmost sorrow or ecstatic joy I think that the spirit, that cosmic 'universal' self, is in the pursuit of emotional experiences. I think that is why it incarnates, because of the feelings that can be experienced.
Feel free to borrow away, I daresay it wouldn't be a bad thing if less people looked at the world with despair.
(10-02-2018, 09:20 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]This is something my Reiki Teacher shared with me and I still have in my book. I think you'll get a kick out of it.
http://www.healingeagle.net/Eng/Quotes/12Love.html
Here’s a creeping disease you’ve got to watch out for. It’s called Inner Peace, and if we’re not careful, it could reach epidemic proportions. Signs and symptoms of Inner Peace include the following:
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.
If you have most of these symptoms, it may be too late to turn back. If you know someone with these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk since Inner Peace may be well into its infectious stage.
Brilliant! Exactly the way I am living for the last 4 or so years (time gets really illusive, real is only the NOW)
You must realize that an equally (even more) complex and extensive reality exists in time-space. And everyone inhabits locations and engages in activities there.
When you feel like going somewhere, or changing something, or something big is happening, these perceptions may relate actually to time-space. Things may change there drastically, you may change your entire location, social circle, your mindset or anything in time-space without much happening in space-time.
The reality in time-space eventually seeps into space-time and changes it. But this process is slow.
So basically not every change happens in space-time, and one has to remember that.
True dat, but also that change can intentionally be created in time-space just like it can be in space-time through a shift in action, I think.
(10-14-2018, 08:44 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]True dat, but also that change can intentionally be created in time-space just like it can be in space-time through a shift in action, I think.
Precisely so, because time/space and space/time are just counterparts of the same local existence.
But a change in time/space proportional to a given change in space/time would require equal amount of change/effort. So it shouldnt be seen as something trifling.