10-04-2010, 02:55 AM
Greetings loved ones,
I am Meerie and I live in Germany.
I came across the LLresearch page and read “a Wanderer’s handbook” and could relate to many of the things said there.
All my life I have felt different and alienated, like coming from another planet. Needless to say that I was also rather depressed and lonely most of the time. I had allergies and skin problems and the conventional medicine would not work on me most of the time. So I discovered alternative methods of healing, like homeopathy and herbal healing. It would not always work but even if it did not work it did not have the nasty side effects that “normal” medicine had
I want to share with you an interesting experience I had recently. Last year I asked my higher self to help me further my spiritual development and show me what I needed to do in this life.
Later that night I awoke with the feeling “I want to become enlightened”. That was it ! Everything was so clear all of a sudden.
I came across a “guru” on the internet who pretended to be enlightened and help people reach that state to. We started emailing and had an instant connection. There were some things about his teachings that seemed strange to me, but I thought well maybe later I will understand.
Meanwhile I concentrated on being a good person, on being nice and radiating love to those around me. It was a great experience and I floated in a state of bliss and relaxation most of the time. On one occasion I had a metaphysical experience riding the train, on my way to my mothers house… I suddenly felt this huge warm wave of love overwhelming me and a voice inside me said “in the absence of fear, the love is flowing freely”. It was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes.
Many more interesting things happened and I had a lot of insight in dreams, too. I had some dreams which later turned out to be prophetic.
Then early March I sensed that something was coming. Something big.
In a state in between trance and sleep, one night I saw people clad in white linen, in a giant hall. They turned from me as if to confer about something. I said, are you guys from the akash? Then I fell asleep again. I later that night had the giant wave of love returning, all the way up from my feet till my belly. I was a bit disappointed because I thought it would submerge me, like last time.
The next night, I awoke around 2 or 3 in the morning (let me add, that during that time I frequently awoke at that time, and had glimpses or sudden insights) and got the urge to take a CD, in the dark, and let it play without looking what it was.
The CD started to play and it was the song “way to Mars” by German singer Xavier Naidoo . As soon as they started singing, the words of the song, that I had heard a thousand times before, suddenly took on a completely new meaning. My whole body started rattling and shaking convulsively, my mouth completely open. IT lasted for as long as the Maxi CD played and then I pressed “repeat” and the whole thing continued, until at last my movements became slower and stopped altogether.
There was no discomfort involved and I simply knew I had to go thru this. Later my body released all the toxins that there were, it seemed, I had to pee , s*** and vomit for the rest of the night. It was a cathartic experience and one that freed my throat chakra, because afterwards I was suddenly able to express myself more clearly and say things that I never dared to say before. I also became very light-sensitive and burnt my eyes. I have to wear sunglasses each time the sun shines outside because they are still very sensitive. I read that this can occur when the 3rd eye opens. My forehead looks different by the way, there seems to be a hole where the 3rd eye is located now.
My guru all of a sudden became very frightful and wanted to downplay my experience. We argued and it got really nasty in the end, because I wanted to convince him that my experience was real and I did not understand why he, as an “enlightened being” did not acknowledge it. It turned out he had a completely different agenda. I also countered some of his beliefs and he would not have any of this. His “god” does not forgive and is more like an Old Testament God, like Yahwe.
We do not talk any more and he also banned me from his forum. I later heard that he beat his wife and spent some time in jail.
For some months after that cathartic experience I felt great. I felt like a goddess and like I could do anything I wanted (Service to self?). However I also started misusing my new found freedom and was very rude especially to guys, adopting an exaggerated feminist attitude. No doubt due to my negative experiences with men in general and also with my guru.
Now I feel like all this seems like a dream and I am more in a state like before, getting depressed and subdued. I feel disconnected again and am not feeling love like before.
Thank you for reading all this,
I would love to get some feedback from you, this seems to be a nice and welcoming forum,
M
I am Meerie and I live in Germany.
I came across the LLresearch page and read “a Wanderer’s handbook” and could relate to many of the things said there.
All my life I have felt different and alienated, like coming from another planet. Needless to say that I was also rather depressed and lonely most of the time. I had allergies and skin problems and the conventional medicine would not work on me most of the time. So I discovered alternative methods of healing, like homeopathy and herbal healing. It would not always work but even if it did not work it did not have the nasty side effects that “normal” medicine had
I want to share with you an interesting experience I had recently. Last year I asked my higher self to help me further my spiritual development and show me what I needed to do in this life.
Later that night I awoke with the feeling “I want to become enlightened”. That was it ! Everything was so clear all of a sudden.
I came across a “guru” on the internet who pretended to be enlightened and help people reach that state to. We started emailing and had an instant connection. There were some things about his teachings that seemed strange to me, but I thought well maybe later I will understand.
Meanwhile I concentrated on being a good person, on being nice and radiating love to those around me. It was a great experience and I floated in a state of bliss and relaxation most of the time. On one occasion I had a metaphysical experience riding the train, on my way to my mothers house… I suddenly felt this huge warm wave of love overwhelming me and a voice inside me said “in the absence of fear, the love is flowing freely”. It was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes.
Many more interesting things happened and I had a lot of insight in dreams, too. I had some dreams which later turned out to be prophetic.
Then early March I sensed that something was coming. Something big.
In a state in between trance and sleep, one night I saw people clad in white linen, in a giant hall. They turned from me as if to confer about something. I said, are you guys from the akash? Then I fell asleep again. I later that night had the giant wave of love returning, all the way up from my feet till my belly. I was a bit disappointed because I thought it would submerge me, like last time.
The next night, I awoke around 2 or 3 in the morning (let me add, that during that time I frequently awoke at that time, and had glimpses or sudden insights) and got the urge to take a CD, in the dark, and let it play without looking what it was.
The CD started to play and it was the song “way to Mars” by German singer Xavier Naidoo . As soon as they started singing, the words of the song, that I had heard a thousand times before, suddenly took on a completely new meaning. My whole body started rattling and shaking convulsively, my mouth completely open. IT lasted for as long as the Maxi CD played and then I pressed “repeat” and the whole thing continued, until at last my movements became slower and stopped altogether.
There was no discomfort involved and I simply knew I had to go thru this. Later my body released all the toxins that there were, it seemed, I had to pee , s*** and vomit for the rest of the night. It was a cathartic experience and one that freed my throat chakra, because afterwards I was suddenly able to express myself more clearly and say things that I never dared to say before. I also became very light-sensitive and burnt my eyes. I have to wear sunglasses each time the sun shines outside because they are still very sensitive. I read that this can occur when the 3rd eye opens. My forehead looks different by the way, there seems to be a hole where the 3rd eye is located now.
My guru all of a sudden became very frightful and wanted to downplay my experience. We argued and it got really nasty in the end, because I wanted to convince him that my experience was real and I did not understand why he, as an “enlightened being” did not acknowledge it. It turned out he had a completely different agenda. I also countered some of his beliefs and he would not have any of this. His “god” does not forgive and is more like an Old Testament God, like Yahwe.
We do not talk any more and he also banned me from his forum. I later heard that he beat his wife and spent some time in jail.
For some months after that cathartic experience I felt great. I felt like a goddess and like I could do anything I wanted (Service to self?). However I also started misusing my new found freedom and was very rude especially to guys, adopting an exaggerated feminist attitude. No doubt due to my negative experiences with men in general and also with my guru.
Now I feel like all this seems like a dream and I am more in a state like before, getting depressed and subdued. I feel disconnected again and am not feeling love like before.
Thank you for reading all this,
I would love to get some feedback from you, this seems to be a nice and welcoming forum,
M
Wow, great answers! Thank you all so much! 
in me but that never made any good sense before. Your explanation hits home for me as well. thank you...