11-02-2018, 04:22 AM
I am writing this because I have been facing a big dilemma this year. I have always been in a reasonably good position both financially and otherwise to aid others in both mental/spiritual and also on a small scale financial matters.
This year the position has changed considerably. My physical health with ME/CFS has declined, to a point where the fatigue is extreme, my disability social security was stripped (pending a court hearing that has taken an extremely long time, to restore it), and I have been living off a ridiculously low income (less than £700 monthly).
This year I have survived and been able to see my partner with the goodwill of friends, many have come to my aid due to past aid it seems.
I have had issues asking for help from people, in particular, financial help. I am having trouble with the guilt aspect of this which is probably also a self-love issue, as many people in the world have it much worse off. This peaked when I found out the Home Office require I have around £8k for visa application fees for my partner to be with me. I had first found this figure to be around £3k and promptly sold every material possession I owned (this was the application fees). Games consoles, cameras, old books, CDs, DVDs, anything apart from a smartphone and laptop that wasn't bolted down I sold. I don't really care for material things, given the position we are in.
After getting some advice 3 days ago, and this is the moment that has completely crushed me and sent me on a spiral to need to ask others for aid, having already sold everything I own to go towards the application fees alone already, I also have to based on my circumstances be able to show at least £5k in savings on top of the application fees. Who on earth has that kind of money just lying around? My partner is one of extreme service-to-others and has with me been a great driver of spiritual growth for us both. To bypass this requirement, I have spent time in the Philippines thanks to a friend paying for this along with air miles, though the high temperature and lack of any social network has proven to affect the CFS/ME much worse than I could have expected, plus incomes here are so low and i would be giving up my social security and any hope of survival. Most filipino families have at least one member of the family with foreign income to survive. To maintain my social security income, I will need to fly back to the UK in days (you cannot be abroad more than XX days on social security) with no way of knowing when I will see my partner again, only when I have raised the funds needed, plus the many months it takes for a visa application to go through, plus it must all be held for six months to be counted in the application.
I have done everything within my power, realistically to sort this out and it has come to me having to ask others to fund this. The guilt is overwhelming me, because I do not like asking for money in particular, any other form of aid I am fine with but there is something about asking others for money that I really find difficult.
I can't get over the guilt that others would need to fund this I had any hope of bringing him home to be with me. He works 6 days a week, 18 hour days for £150 a month, nowhere near enough to survive over there with health limitations, at all for one person, let alone two. My entite spiritual circle and other connections are all in the UK, as well. Both of us have tried our best, and still am in fact. But i have nothing left to sell to raise any more funds, and too low an income to raise the money before my current social security award would run out (thus loosing entitlement to the reduced visa costs, you then are mandated to be a in job earning over £18,600 a year to be granted a visa for your married or unmarried spouse). I was fine when I was on disability, as I truely have a very limiting condition and it provided me with enough to live on with a bit left over to socialize among other things, as I am generally quite good with budgeting and money.
How do I go about dealing with this guilt of asking for help and financial aid from others? I have always until my disability was stopped this year been independant without the need to ask others for barely anything, but I was always able to give excess and also give time and emotional support to others, this year I have found the situation reversed of me needing a lot of aid, both mentally and financially while my partner sits on the other side of the world with the same struggles.
I am usually quite positive, but this has been a low point for me lately, I can see no way out, a ticking clock of being able to get a visa for my partner before my award runs out, poor health and just in general struggling. What do I do? I have been really knocked out of the groove by these events, ever since I found out how much I would need to bring my partner to the UK. The straw that broke the camels back as they say. How do I get over the guilt of asking? And not just the guilt, the very real prospect that if I do not raise what I need, being apart from my partner for potentially years, but I still feel guilty asking for aid :/
I am sorry for a bit of a negative tone, I am just struggling with this concept, at the moment.
This year the position has changed considerably. My physical health with ME/CFS has declined, to a point where the fatigue is extreme, my disability social security was stripped (pending a court hearing that has taken an extremely long time, to restore it), and I have been living off a ridiculously low income (less than £700 monthly).
This year I have survived and been able to see my partner with the goodwill of friends, many have come to my aid due to past aid it seems.
I have had issues asking for help from people, in particular, financial help. I am having trouble with the guilt aspect of this which is probably also a self-love issue, as many people in the world have it much worse off. This peaked when I found out the Home Office require I have around £8k for visa application fees for my partner to be with me. I had first found this figure to be around £3k and promptly sold every material possession I owned (this was the application fees). Games consoles, cameras, old books, CDs, DVDs, anything apart from a smartphone and laptop that wasn't bolted down I sold. I don't really care for material things, given the position we are in.
After getting some advice 3 days ago, and this is the moment that has completely crushed me and sent me on a spiral to need to ask others for aid, having already sold everything I own to go towards the application fees alone already, I also have to based on my circumstances be able to show at least £5k in savings on top of the application fees. Who on earth has that kind of money just lying around? My partner is one of extreme service-to-others and has with me been a great driver of spiritual growth for us both. To bypass this requirement, I have spent time in the Philippines thanks to a friend paying for this along with air miles, though the high temperature and lack of any social network has proven to affect the CFS/ME much worse than I could have expected, plus incomes here are so low and i would be giving up my social security and any hope of survival. Most filipino families have at least one member of the family with foreign income to survive. To maintain my social security income, I will need to fly back to the UK in days (you cannot be abroad more than XX days on social security) with no way of knowing when I will see my partner again, only when I have raised the funds needed, plus the many months it takes for a visa application to go through, plus it must all be held for six months to be counted in the application.
I have done everything within my power, realistically to sort this out and it has come to me having to ask others to fund this. The guilt is overwhelming me, because I do not like asking for money in particular, any other form of aid I am fine with but there is something about asking others for money that I really find difficult.
I can't get over the guilt that others would need to fund this I had any hope of bringing him home to be with me. He works 6 days a week, 18 hour days for £150 a month, nowhere near enough to survive over there with health limitations, at all for one person, let alone two. My entite spiritual circle and other connections are all in the UK, as well. Both of us have tried our best, and still am in fact. But i have nothing left to sell to raise any more funds, and too low an income to raise the money before my current social security award would run out (thus loosing entitlement to the reduced visa costs, you then are mandated to be a in job earning over £18,600 a year to be granted a visa for your married or unmarried spouse). I was fine when I was on disability, as I truely have a very limiting condition and it provided me with enough to live on with a bit left over to socialize among other things, as I am generally quite good with budgeting and money.
How do I go about dealing with this guilt of asking for help and financial aid from others? I have always until my disability was stopped this year been independant without the need to ask others for barely anything, but I was always able to give excess and also give time and emotional support to others, this year I have found the situation reversed of me needing a lot of aid, both mentally and financially while my partner sits on the other side of the world with the same struggles.
I am usually quite positive, but this has been a low point for me lately, I can see no way out, a ticking clock of being able to get a visa for my partner before my award runs out, poor health and just in general struggling. What do I do? I have been really knocked out of the groove by these events, ever since I found out how much I would need to bring my partner to the UK. The straw that broke the camels back as they say. How do I get over the guilt of asking? And not just the guilt, the very real prospect that if I do not raise what I need, being apart from my partner for potentially years, but I still feel guilty asking for aid :/
I am sorry for a bit of a negative tone, I am just struggling with this concept, at the moment.