Bring4th

https://www.webmd.com/depression/what-is-anhedonia

Anhedonia is the lack of ability to feel pleasure and is heavily associated with depression.

It seems I'm going through it lately and I was wondering if anybody else here has any experience with anhedonia?

If so, how did you deal with it? Do you have any advice?

I don’t know if it was technically Anhedonia.

I’ve had deep enough and long lasting grief experiences that made almost nothing pleasurable.
Sometimes pain can be so overwhelming you cannot even register other feelings especially those that are opposite it.

Not sure that is your experience though.
You mentioned having dopamine withdrawal and I’ve heard of that happening with people who gave up weed. Do you think perhaps is related to brain chemistry needing some help?

Sorry you are feeling that though. I like that you are tough enough that you keep looking for a solution.

Thanks Glow. I said I had dopamine withdrawal but it might havw jusr been boredom... Or anhedonia. Truth is, I dunno EXACTLY what my problem is. Only that I have one and that it involves not enjoying most things. It could be a symptom of depression, it could be that I've lived my whole life in a distracted state and now Im no longer distracting myself but now I've got nothing to do with my time. I dunno exactly what my problem is. I just know I'm trying to find something in my day to enjoy other than sleeping and eating. Some reason to want to get out of bed other than just hunger. So I was wondering if anyone else had ant experience with it and some advice to give?

I often find myself scrolling through the tabs I have open on my internet explorer, after being out for hours collecting bottles and having eaten well, and I find myself having nothing to do. No active conversations and only movies to watch, after a while it starts to feel like solitary confinement. Sometimes the chat helps when there are people there but its so rare, I lost my MSN password so I'm disconnected from a lot of people. I definently suffer from anhedonia and anxiety.

Speaking of which, now watching this: https://123emovies.com/iboy/ Just heard maisie has a boyfriend, how sad for me, sniff, she is no longer on the market.

Yeah anhedonia sucks to deal with for sure. I getcha on the solitary confinement thing. It helps I have my parents around but still...

I know what you mean man.

At least I still enjoy eating...

I also enjoy eating but I'm having to restrict myself as I'm almost reaching a 100kg again, I peaked at 97 and should be at 94 now. I was 70 every now and then but something about being bulky pleases me, though everything is harder to do so perhaps getting thinner would be good for me.

I mostly lost contact with my family a while back, I still occasionally talk with my mother but every other relative basically has had enough of me, the life of a abuse victim, sometimes its too hard for people to really face up to what happened and they side with the abuser since he is usually better at holding his own and as a result, by the time he has kids and a succesul family your still dealing with what happened and have a drug problem. Life is sometimes that way.

(01-23-2019, 10:47 AM)Cyan Wrote: [ -> ]I also enjoy eating but I'm having to restrict myself as I'm almost reaching a 100kg again, I peaked at 97 and should be at 94 now. I was 70 every now and then but something about being bulky pleases me, though everything is harder to do so perhaps getting thinner would be good for me.

I mostly lost contact with my family a while back, I still occasionally talk with my mother but every other relative basically has had enough of me, the life of a abuse victim, sometimes its too hard for people to really face up to what happened and they side with the abuser since he is usually better at holding his own and as a result, by the time he has kids and a succesul family your still dealing with what happened and have a drug problem. Life is sometimes that way.

I'm sorry to hear that Cyan. Truly. It sucks that people have a tendency to side with yhe abuser. If the abuser is family thst tends not to help either. Because society has this thing about family where its so important you're expected to stick with your family no matter what they do to you. That cant be easy to deal with.

Its not but I'm slowly getting better, knowing that society really is on my side and not on theirs and that I really do have the right to tell of it to anyone I want regardless of how they might react and that I'm not responsible for the abusers wellbeing are all hugely positive steps. I'm trying to look at it with love and I surely dont hope he dies but that being said, life is hard to adjust to.

Well I hope life gets better for you Cyan.

Wrote a reply but lost it.

The abuse history is good for two reasons, one is shutting up people who take up the moral high ground for being abuse victims in irrelevant topics like humour, just a few days ago I was reading a comic and it had a dirty joke and people were saying that if you were abused as a child you wouldn't laugh at it, I laughed at it most heartily, its a joke about a stint that cant be translated, i think I tried for a few people here.

And its also great for suddenly ending conversations, tis hard though since I like talking and its a hard topic but I understand people going quiet you know.

Well I'm glad you see the silver lining Cyan.

I'm kind of the opposite. I feel Love so intensely that it can hurt. It causes peace because anxious energies can't get in there.
Most of the time, not all the time.

But I only want one thing, to feel God/Creator's Love as much as I can, nearly all the time.

Little things get to me like when my mom is shouting cursing like she has Tourettes when she misplaces her glasses or some other silly thing.
At those times I usually retire to my room. We spend most of our times in our bedrooms. So I don't see her much.

I only want more of this peace/Love that is quite pleasurable. But I do worry about things like finances.

I ordered the book "I AM That" which is supposed to be pretty good, and possibly enlightening.
I do like these spiritual philosophies and deep thinking. Though I am not able to produce much of my own original deep thoughts.
I can usually only parrot what I hear or read about from other people.

(01-23-2019, 06:03 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I'm kind of the opposite. I feel Love so intensely that it can hurt. It causes peace because anxious energies can't get in there.
Most of the time, not all the time.

But I only want one thing, to feel God/Creator's Love as much as I can, nearly all the time.

Little things get to me like when my mom is shouting cursing like she has Tourettes when she misplaces her glasses or some other silly thing.
At those times I usually retire to my room. We spend most of our times in our bedrooms. So I don't see her much.

I only want more of this peace/Love that is quite pleasurable. But I do worry about things like finances.

I ordered the book "I AM That" which is supposed to be pretty good, and possibly enlightening.
I do like these spiritual philosophies and deep thinking. Though I am not able to produce much of my own original deep thoughts.
I can usually only parrot what I hear or read about from other people.

I'm coming to learn one doesn't need to be a deep thinker, just very present. This is a difficulty for me. I'm glad you can feel so much love. I feel depression instead. Or I just feel bored. No peace and love really. Although I would like to feel those things.

(01-23-2019, 06:38 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-23-2019, 06:03 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]I'm kind of the opposite. I feel Love so intensely that it can hurt. It causes peace because anxious energies can't get in there.
Most of the time, not all the time.

But I only want one thing, to feel God/Creator's Love as much as I can, nearly all the time.

Little things get to me like when my mom is shouting cursing like she has Tourettes when she misplaces her glasses or some other silly thing.
At those times I usually retire to my room. We spend most of our times in our bedrooms. So I don't see her much.

I only want more of this peace/Love that is quite pleasurable. But I do worry about things like finances.

I ordered the book "I AM That" which is supposed to be pretty good, and possibly enlightening.
I do like these spiritual philosophies and deep thinking. Though I am not able to produce much of my own original deep thoughts.
I can usually only parrot what I hear or read about from other people.

I'm coming to learn one doesn't need to be a deep thinker, just very present. This is a difficulty for me. I'm glad you can feel so much love. I feel depression instead. Or I just feel bored. No peace and love really. Although I would like to feel those things.

Rupert Spira did a video about enlightenment and says that we've always had it. We just overlooked it.
So maybe you have the love and peace, and are looking for a certain event to happen, when it is not really an event.
We are infinite, eternal awareness already.

Maybe. I dunno. I'm not thinking about enlightenment. I'm just focused on healing, alleiviating boredom and living my life rather than just getting through my day, you know? It qas an interesting video to watch though so thanks for sharing it.

I have put myself into a kind of solitary confinement at the moment, with the whole living in a tent in a forest on the beach thing I'm doing. Honestly I'm pretty depressed like you, but I know why. It's because I simply cannot let go of hatred. So I will remain alone in my forest until a time comes when I can see other people, no matter who they are, with love. I remember what it feels like, to feel nothing but unconditional love for everyone. So at least I have the memory to guide me through the many long days and nights of hate and sorrow. What is it that you are refusing to let go of and move past?

Also, do you exercise, Pheonix? Real exercise that makes you pant and sweat and leaves your muscles sore. It's probably the joy of my day when I wake up and go swimming in the ocean, then come back to the forest and do body weight exercises. This morning it was so grey, and no one was on the beach but me for a while. All these jellyfish and goose barnacle-covered coconuts had been beached by the wind overnight, and everything seemed wonderfully desolate.

(01-23-2019, 07:21 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Maybe. I dunno. I'm not thinking about enlightenment. I'm just focused on healing, alleiviating boredom and living my life rather than just getting through my day, you know? It qas an interesting video to watch though so thanks for sharing it.

If you can, "let it be OK" that you're bored right now. As it comes up in your mind, if you can love it as it is, or even tolerate it, that may help.
I get fears that someone is behind me or someone is approaching me from behind when I am meditating.
I just let that be OK, and I send love to it, or just "love it". Within a minute or two, the fear resides.

I am not actively trying to seek. I aim to just be, and to experience whatever comes up.

I hope these words help and don't upset you. I've been very depressed in the past.

I don't know if I should say these words, but at times I've not felt like myself. It felt like I wasn't really here.
I just don't want those words to give you ideas about other ways to feel. I just thought they might help.

(01-22-2019, 09:42 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]https://www.webmd.com/depression/what-is-anhedonia

Anhedonia is the lack of ability to feel pleasure and is heavily associated with depression.

It seems I'm going through it lately and I was wondering if anybody else here has any experience with anhedonia?

If so, how did you deal with it? Do you have any advice?

i've hit this particular wall many times, and seen those around me struggle with it as well.

I'm convinced that, at it's root, this is a result of a disconnect with one's own higher self and one's own 'true desires and direction.'

The most common causes of this disconnect (as far as I am capable of perceiving atm) are:

  -  surrender to a will other than your own, a will who's imposed limitations prevent the ability to even see a workable path towards the higher self's 'directional urges' (?guidance?) and desires.  this seems to result in an overwhelming sense of futility, hopelessness, frustration, and depression regarding the experience of life in general.

  -  having gone through powerful experiences that have not been processed and integrated into one's own being, causing something like a buildup of psychic or mental 'clutter' that clouds the connection with the higher self (or what is referred to in the Ra material as one's "guidance system").  this seems to cause a sort of 'autopilot mode,' where one moves around in a state of low-energy confusion and reacts impulsively (if at all), without feeling much of a personal connection to one's own actions and reactions.

i think one of these (or both) is probably the culprit behind your desire to immerse yourself in distraction.


The solution (at least for me), is a fairly simple technique i've been practicing since my teens, without realizing (until fairly recently) that the practice is heavily suggested within the L/L material:

 -  point your focus of attention inward, towards the central part of self that is already One with Creator.  (hold the attention in that direction, even if it appears to be dark at first ... i'm fairly certain that such initial darkness is the manifestation of such 'psychic clutter,' or the commands and desires of an imposing will).

 -  relax (especially the muscles and focus of the eyes, and any tightness in the torso/abdomen).  deep breathe, increasingly slowly, releasing tension (while still directing attention towards the 'core of one's own being').

 -  using whatever medium available to attempt a dialogue with the core self.  (i started with pen and pad, which was only mildly effective; my hand simply could not keep up with my thoughts.  if you have learned to type to the point of muscle memory, typing in a text file is particularly effective; if not, speaking into a voice recorder works well -- tho at first you still have to overcome the social blocks and filters that are generally attached to speech.)

    just 'dump' whatever's in the mind out into the medium, still pointing the attention toward the center of self and vaguely expecting a response.  don't attempt to screen or filter what comes out, even if it's shocking or appalling.

 -  continue this until either:  1) the flow stops and a sudden shift in consciousness occurs, at which point some revelations should suddenly surface, or 2) a 'presence' is suddenly felt and begins responding through you, at which point a direct question-and-answer session can be begun with the presence.


this presence will eventually 'set you back upon your path,' or reveal what stands blocking the path you have already chosen.


I'm going to post this in a moment, in case i don't finish my second intended step (which is a second post with a few examples of this technique from the L/L materials), but first i feel a need to address something i understand significantly less:

I find both your name and profile pic interesting in regard to the situation you address in this thread.

More than once, in the presence of two people who appeared 'possessed' (for lack of a better term), i've seen a specific and clear vision:

A phoenix, in the process of its fiery rebirth, (which i intuitively knew to refer to myself at that moment), flanked by two beings -- one on either side (which i intuitively knew to refer to the two people in my immediate physical vicinity).

The beings were humanoid, with the heads of ants (minus the antennas), very straight backs.  The arms had an extra joint, causing them to resemble those of a praying mantis when relaxed.  The "thighs" were incredibly long, bringing the knees above where the nipples would be on the chest (if they had had any, which they didn't) when standing straight and erect.

They each had something like a lasso around the phoenix, and weird ecstatic expressions on their faces.  Intuition said that they were syphoning off the energy that was flooding into the phoenix for the purpose of completing its transformation.  Though the source of this energy (into which the phoenix was directly connected), the speed of the syphon and the speed of the transfer from source to phoenix were perfectly matched, so that the transformation was effectively frozen in a state just before completion.

I do not know the relevance of this vision to you or your plight, but i felt the need to hand it to you.

That's it, for now.  If all goes as intended, there will shortly be another post below with the examples from L/L.

(01-23-2019, 08:05 PM)MangusKhan Wrote: [ -> ]I have put myself into a kind of solitary confinement at the moment, with the whole living in a tent in a forest on the beach thing I'm doing. Honestly I'm pretty depressed like you, but I know why. It's because I simply cannot let go of hatred. So I will remain alone in my forest until a time comes when I can see other people, no matter who they are, with love. I remember what it feels like, to feel nothing but unconditional love for everyone. So at least I have the memory to guide me through the many long days and nights of hate and sorrow. What is it that you are refusing to let go of and move past?

Also, do you exercise, Pheonix? Real exercise that makes you pant and sweat and leaves your muscles sore. It's probably the joy of my day when I wake up and go swimming in the ocean, then come back to the forest and do body weight exercises. This morning it was so grey, and no one was on the beach but me for a while. All these jellyfish and goose barnacle-covered coconuts had been beached by the wind overnight, and everything seemed wonderfully desolate.

Felt like I was reading out of a book from the author's words, thank you for sharing that.

as (loosely) promised, here are some examples of the technique i mentioned from L/L resources (mostly Q'uo).  I didn't know which parts would be useful to you, and which wouldn't, so i've probably dumped too much here =/   ah well.

another possibility that came to mind after my first post in the thread:

the state you're describing is one i've sometimes referred to as a 'fugue state' or 'life-trance' in my personal life (personally descriptive terms).

i've noticed on many occasions that this is something i sometimes enter into WILLINGLY, to create situations that allow actions, feats, and experiences that would not be possible were i in possession of my 'full faculties.'

usually, the reasons for this are immediately made clear to me as the 'fog' lifts ... but in most cases, the technique i've mentioned was still instrumental in my 'waking back up.'

Quo -- January 27, 2009 Wrote:At any time that you should wish to have your meditation strengthened or lessen distraction in your contemplations, you are always welcome to request our presence mentally, in which case we shall enter into your vibratory nexus with a carrier wave that is a stabilizing vibration, not adding to or subtracting from your own vibrations but simply acting as a battery to stabilize varying surges of energy. It is our pleasure to offer this service to those who would wish it.

Also, my brother, always remember that the voices of your guidance need only be asked in order to converse with you. And if you should wish to form a conversation at the intellectual, conscious level with your guidance it is entirely possible for you to sit at the computer or take pencil and paper in hand, write down your questions, and immediately write down the next thought that enters into your mind. In this way also you may deepen your understanding of yourself, who you are, and why you are here.

Quo -- October 11, 2005 Wrote:When you wish to inaugurate an actual conversation with your guidance, we have two suggestions for your consideration. They may be taken literally. They also may be taken figuratively and the essence of the suggestions used, rather than the form.

The first suggestion is that you sit down with a pad of paper or a computer keyboard handy, and, after clearing your mind, inaugurate a conversation with your guidance. It helps in terms of feeling natural in doing this for you to identify for yourself the name that you wish to call your guidance system. This instrument, for instance, as a mystical Christian, identifies her guidance system as the Holy Spirit, whom she long ago nicknamed “Holly,” feeling that it is more respectful and more personal to have a human kind of name rather than simply calling the guidance system, “The Holy Spirit,” which is a generic term.

Each person’s guidance system is unique and so consequently, when you simply call upon guidance, you are calling upon the generic version of guidance, which is helpful but not as helpful as calling forth or evoking your personal guidance.

The invocation of guidance having been done, we would then suggest that you write or type your basic concern. You come to the moment of asking for guidance because of a certain concern. Identify that concern to guidance and ask for any information, resources or comments that guidance may offer you at this time.

Keep your fingers on your pen or poised over the keyboard and no matter what your next impression is, write it down.

Upon reading what you have now written, you will form a further comment to guidance. Type that or write that down. And again, await the next thought that pops into your mind.

When you begin getting that thought, again, without comment, criticism or questioning, write down what you are impressed with.

Again, read what you have received, form your next question or comment and write that down.

In this way you are staying safely within your guidance system, which is protected and is completely within your etheric or electrical body. It is a protected and safe procedure as long as you are focusing completely within these parameters.

This is the first way of becoming able to feel more concretely anchored within your guidance system and more specific in your ability to receive information from guidance.

The second way we would suggest to you is somewhat more complicated but we feel that in your case, my sister, it may be well to take the time to go through the basic procedure for creating for yourself a place for inner work. This instrument has done so and has found it helpful. It is a procedure that she learned from an entity who was teaching principles which he had learned from the so-called Silva Mind Control Technique. It is not a faithful reproduction of such techniques but is in fact an alteration of those techniques that this instrument has found helpful. We will use this instrument’s technique in explaining to you the basic process of creating what this instrument would call a place of working.

Step one is to ask yourself where upon this Earth, in terms of location and geography, your favorite place resides. Where do you feel most at home, most protected, most safe and secure? When you have that location firmly in mind, then we would proceed to step two.

Step two involves creating for yourself, in that place, a place of working. If the place that you have chosen is a building or contains a building, then we would suggest that you create for yourself within that actual building a mentally constructed room. It can be a copy of an actual room in that dwelling or it can be a room that you have created completely out of imagination. It is, however, attached in your mind to that safe place, created very consciously as a sacred place.

Create it as you would wish it. If you feel it needs a kitchen, make yourself a little kitchenette. If you feel it needs a bathroom, make yourself a bathroom. If you feel you need an office, make yourself an office, and, most importantly, if you would like to have an inner sanctum where you go after you enter this basic sacred space, create for yourself the sanctum sanctorum, which is where you shall do your actual working.

Before you go any further, create for yourself every comfort, every convenience, and every amenity. For instance, this instrument, feeling that she wanted the comfort of all of her information at hand, created for herself a room in which there were office files, a desk, a computer, and so forth, so that she would know that all the information that she needed to do her work would be on hand and if at any time she wished to consult any of that information, she could mentally go to the filing cabinet and ask for the appropriate documents to be given to her.

In fact, this instrument has never opened that filing cabinet, for in spirit there is no literal need for such. However, because it helps to create a sense of safety and security for this instrument so that she can do her work better, she has this office which she has furnished with her favorite kind of rug and her favorite kind of office furniture, her favorite kind of lighting, and so forth.

The goal here is not to create a specific kind of work space but to create your ideal work space. So let this ideation and visualization process be as long as it needs to be and as careful and detailed as it needs to be in order for you to create a very recognizable, safe and sacred working space.

When you have all other details attended to, we would ask that you create in your working space, whether it be one room or whether you have created an inner sanctum, two doors, one on either side of a central screen. The screen is a way of objectifying within your mental processes the visualization process of doing your spiritual work. The doors on either side of this central screen represent the openings to the Holy Spirit, as this instrument would call this energy, or your guidance system.

In order to balance your request for guidance, the door on the left of the screen represents the masculine energies of guidance. The door to the right of the central screen represents your access to the feminine portion of the energy of your guidance system.

Create for yourself your most comfortable sitting, resting or standing position for doing work. This is entirely up to your discretion. Many are those who visualize doing their work in the seated, cross-legged position that is often used by those who are working with oriental meditation systems. This instrument uses a recliner as her visualized, most comfortable seating.

Visualize two places, one on either side of you, for the guidance that you call forth.

When you are ready to do your work, stand in front of the seating that you have created for yourself. Mentally turn on the screen so that it is alive and lit and ready to receive impressions and to give forth images. Then call forth your guidance saying, “I call forth guidance,” or, “Come Holy Spirit,” or whatever phrase most satisfies you as expressing your desire for your guidance system to manifest itself to you.

It is well when beginning this practice to call one aspect of guidance at a time. When you first call your masculine guidance, you may extend your hand to the door and ask that guidance to come forth. You will receive the impression of an entity who is walking toward you. Observe that entity insofar as you receive impressions. This entity may have a name. It may have a face that is familiar to you. Or it may not be familiar to you.

Become familiarized with this entity. You may ask its name or you may simply greet it and thank it.

Then turn to the other door and, by gesture or word, invoke the other portion of spirit. Again, take the time, initially, to look at, familiarize yourself with and become conversant with this entity. It may have a name. It may have a recognizable or an unfamiliar face. Welcome it and thank it.

When you have greeted these two aspects of your guidance system, invite them to sit with you. It may be helpful for you to ask them to take your hands, as this instrument does, so that you are physically, in terms of your visualization, linked with and connected to your guidance system.

This is the procedure for becoming ready in this visualization to do work in consciousness in your place of working.

Before we move forward with a discussion of how to proceed from this point, we would move back into comments concerning your own inner work as you come to the moment of entry into the place of working.

It is very helpful for you to determine for yourself a method of tuning your being to do this work in consciousness. The normal and everyday state of consciousness of what this instrument would call even the best of us is less than the optimal tuning position or rate of vibration for doing work in consciousness. Depending upon what you have on your mind or on your schedule, you may well be in somewhat of a scattered frame of mind, which you would describe to yourself as not being your best or highest self.

Your goal, then, is to tune this very powerful entity that you are up from its present, everyday and ordinary state of mind to the state of mind that would be the highest and best tuning that you can carry in a stable and conscious manner. You do not want to go beyond that which you can carry, being quite awake and quite alert. But you do wish to do the work necessary to sharpen and hone your true self so that you are expressing the highest and best version of who you are when you come to the moment of contact with the spiritual guidance that is yours.

When you have achieved this, you then may approach the door to your dwelling. If you do not actually have a dwelling in your favorite place, then you simply need to construct the outer walls of the sacred space, as a boat on the water, a cabaña on the sand or whatever fits in the environment you have chosen for your magical work.

When you are satisfied that your tuning is complete, you may then ask for the keeper of your sacred space to come forward. This is a convention which this instrument has learned from the practices of the Spiritualist Church.

We are not suggesting that you are creating a séance atmosphere or that you will be speaking with inner spirits of any kind. However, the convention of having a gatekeeper is a powerful and a helpful one to our point of view. It is to this gatekeeper that the responsibility for guarding your back is given. Therefore, when you are tuned, ask for your gatekeeper to appear. You will not know what this gatekeeper is like until you ask.

Depending on your personality and your training, this gatekeeper may be virtually anybody or anything. If it is an animal, however, it will have the capacity for communication with you. If it is a color, it will have the ability to share information. For most entities who do this kind of work, the gatekeeper turns out to be a human, whether of this world or of the inner planes. It is not necessary that this entity have a name. The one known as Carla calls her gatekeeper, “Mrs. Gatekeeper,” because when she created her place of working, she created it in a place which already had a woman who lived there. She was the wife of the head of a school and this instrument’s favorite place happened to be one of the buildings on a large campus. Therefore, she simply calls her gatekeeper, Mrs. Gatekeeper, but she sees the pleasant and careworn face of a middle-aged woman who acted as housekeeper and mother to the students of this particular school.

When you address your gatekeeper, simply ask if you are in a good position to do work in consciousness. If you receive a “yes,” then you may proceed inward, after thanking the gatekeeper and asking this gatekeeper to remain on duty and to alert you if there is any problem whatsoever. If the gatekeeper has concerns, that entity will express them to you. Listen to the gatekeeper, and insofar as you are able, address the concern. Once you have been okayed for work, then you may step into your dwelling or your sacred space, close the door behind you, and begin the protocol we described previously.

When you have concluded your work in consciousness, remember to thank and dismiss the spirit in its two manifestations, to turn off the screen and physically to leave the sacred space. While the screen is on and you are working with spirit, the procedure can be precisely that which we described above, with the pad of paper and pen or the computer and the keyboard being your method of communicating and recording that communication.

It can also be completely mental.

The asset of having your words written down and the suggestions from spirit also written down is that it is objectified and can be referred to in your future. This becomes more important to you when you wish to follow the suggestions of your guidance. And we would suggest to you that, once you have received suggestions from guidance, it is extremely helpful to the process of following guidance to refer back to suggestions made during this process and to follow them insofar as it is possible for you to do.

Guidance has interactive qualities and those qualities are sharpened and articulated or made more detailed by the process of listening to guidance and following instructions. This does not mean that you must follow orders of any kind. What it means is that you are as active after a session of communication with guidance as you had been beforehand in asking for guidance.

We would comment further before we leave this subject on the general nature of guidance. You come into incarnation with a guidance system that is composed of three parts. That tripartite nature of guidance is, in a way, a convention but it is very helpful to realize that the energies of guidance are not simplistic or unitary in terms of the kind of information you are getting. There is what this instrument would call a yin or feminine side to guidance having to do with nurturing and the immediacy of unconditional love.

There is the yang portion of guidance which could be called masculine which has to do with power and the right use of power and can also contain the energies of wisdom and discrimination.

In many systems of magic, philosophy and religion, these two energies are switched and what we have described as feminine energies are assigned to the masculine or negative or yang energy and vice versa.

It does not, to our mind, much matter how you define the qualities of masculine and feminine, yang and yin, negative and positive. It is more important by far that you see the dynamic between love and wisdom, and so forth.

The third aspect of guidance with which you are naturally endowed could be described as androgynous or sexless in that it is that common ground which unifies guidance. It is also that energy which is most closely aligned with the process of moving within that shuttle which is your spiritual nature to bring to you, from the resources of your deep mind and the inner planes in general, those energies which are most helpful to you at a particular time.

It is not necessary to give this third entity a habitation, a place, a seat with you, and so forth. It is far more necessary that you come into contact with the dynamic of masculine and feminine, yang and yin, positive and negative. In your very body, mind and spirit you unify this dynamic. But it is well to invoke spirit, if so you do, in a way which specifically honors and respects the dynamic of love and wisdom in your guidance system.

You have other aspects of your guidance as well which you have accreted to your essence within incarnation because of the work that you are doing, the service that you are providing, the purity of your intentions and the sheer beauty of your soul. It is unknown at the beginning of an incarnation what your guidance shall blossom into by its end. This instrument, for instance, has well over a dozen entities and many, many essences which have attached themselves to her because of appreciation either for her nature, her dedication, or the work that she has done within incarnation as a service to others.

You, my sister, also have a multi-faceted guidance system. It is not necessary for you to identify or know all of these different layers of guidance. It is only necessary for you to know that they are, by their very nature, incapable of harming you or giving you poor information.

They also will work once you have asked for help. When you are outside of this sacred space that you have created, they will work for you in your car, during conversations in stores and shops and at the roadside. Therefore, all that you see once you have invoked guidance for the day has the potential for being full of messages from guidance.

Therefore, we encourage you to pay attention as you pass the street signs, the names of businesses, the advertising billboards, and other sources of information that are completely random. Note those street names, business names, and so forth, that resonate to you or that jump out at you.

(Side one of tape ends.)

(Carla channeling)

Consider them and the implications of the phrases or the words involved. Note birds and animals that cross your path and ask yourself how they make you feel and what, if anything, they may have to suggest to you in terms of the way that you feel.

This instrument informs us that we need to move along as this session otherwise will grow unmanageably long and we will run out of energy before we reach the end of your queries. Consequently, we will ask if there is a second query at this time? We are those of Q’uo.

Carlas interview on Wynn Frees “Monday Night Conference Call” program on BBS Radio January 15, 2009 Wrote:Laurie:
Can I ask something real quick? I’m sorry to interject, but what’s the best way for us to gain information about the higher self or with other realms? Would it be simply to ask? Would it be to tune yourself and simply ask?

Carla:
Well, I think that’s probably the very best way. If you’re comfortable on the computer, do it that way; if you’re more comfortable with a pad of paper and a writing instrument then do it that way, but find a time and a place that you’re not going to be disturbed, move into your own open heart, spend some time getting yourself tuned so you’re present with yourself, so that the things of this world for that moment are not with you, and when you’ve centered yourself then consider what it is that your chief concern is and ask about it.

Just write it out on the computer, “What about such and such?” And then the next thought that comes into your mind, type it without editing, without judging, and just start this conversation. It feels a little dyslexic because you’re asking yourself and then
things are coming through you to answer you and it’s all happening through your fingers. You just have to trust the process.

Sometimes it takes a little while to get going because you have doubts and you sabotage yourself, thinking, “Is that me or is that
them?” But you do have a guidance system—you have a very good guidance system and it’s absolutely present with you at all times.

So that’s probably the very best way to do it.  Another way to do, it if you don’t have the time [to do the journaling] is to ask yourself, “What does my highest and best self have to say about this?” Get to a little role-playing place in your head and say, “What
does my highest and best self suggest?” And then you’re going to get the same kind of guidance.

Wynn:
We did an exercise in a workshop at one time where I had each person say, “I am Ra,” and then whatever they said next,
not to censor it. It was very interesting because it was as if they imagined that a high force was going to speak through them
and examine their life and then give them guidance.  So they would ask a question and then write it down. And just by having a high intention like that, there’s a good chance that you could tap into it because it’s part of you. It’s not thinking that there’s
an external part that’s going to starting telling you to do this or do that. It’s accessing the part of you that can look at yourself and give you a take on your own life. I think that’s something that’s accessible to a lot of people.

Another thing [you can do] is to start writing your dreams down. Because in a dream state or in a sleep state you are automatically in higher dimensions but you can’t remember it when you come back because of the veil. So it takes some discipline to catch
yourself in that moment between sleep and wakefulness and write down what’s in your mind.

I’ve been doing this for years now and I get verbal messages that are [helpful]. It is obvious, given the wisdom that is coming th
rough them, that it is a higher aspect of myself that is communicating. So that’s something I’ve done.

Quo -- Saturday Meditation January 24, 2009 Wrote:When choices are made carelessly, it is often the case that an entity thinks he is choosing positively but has been seduced by the negative polarity into rationalizing a selfish act by pretty words. So a great deal of care is called for when the seeker perceives that there is this fork in the road. It is well to sit and meditate on this choice, to feel into it: “Well, if I did that what would it feel like? If I did the other thing how would that feel?” For analysis can take the seeker [only] so far. To achieve a more well-rounded ability to judge at a crossroads in life, it is well to invoke one’s own insight and one’s feeling of direct apprehension for sensing into the true situation.

In order to avoid becoming a pawn in someone else’s game, it is well to think for oneself. In order to avoid moving down a sweet-sounding street which ends in a dead end in service to self, it is well to envision and sense into the choice before you. In this way, as you ask for deeper senses to come forward in you, your ability to perceive a situation is enhanced.

It is always helpful to ask your guidance for insight. The practice of journaling is an excellent way to consult your own guidance, where you simply write out your question and then write down the next thought that comes into your mind. In this way, fairly easily, you can begin a conversation concerning those things that concern you, that are on your mind, and for which you need guidance.

So, my brother, looked at from the standpoint of the self as that one that has taken his power and chosen to be responsible for himself, the negative-polarity entity that might wish to distract you or turn you to the path of service to self really never has a chance. It is at first a seemingly risky thing to stand on your own two feet and think things through for the self without letting other people’s opinions or the run of opinion throughout the culture affect your thoughts.

Quo -- Using the Silence January 30, 2010 Wrote:Now, the Creator does not speak in words. It is the Creator. It is that “still, small voice” as the Holy Bible says. His silence is thunder. And in that silence is all the information that is infinite. You receive it whole and undisturbed as you enter the silence and tabernacle with the one infinite Creator. For some that is all that is needed, resting in silence, feeling that communion with the divine. There nothing else that seems to be needed.

For others, there is the gift of visualization. Such entities will find visualization very effective. It will feel right to hold each entity in thought, to visualize the entity as being well and see that entity in the light.

For others, as this instrument said [earlier], a certain entity with a certain difficulty brings to mind a hymn or a song or a chant. And the expression of the chant or song is directed at that crystallized place of pain that the prayer hopes to dissolve.

For others, there is a need for communication. There is a need for talking. Such entities will find it very comforting to journal, as that entity did who wrote Conversations with God, writing down one’s question and then writing down the answer when it
comes, writing down the next question, then writing down the next thought that appears in the mind, the answer. For some, this is a very comforting, reassuring way to have that conversation with the Creator. Certainly something is lost as impressions are turned into words. Yet for one who needs the words, those words are very helpful, more helpful than all of the silence in the world.

There are as many ways to pray as there are people who seek to join in union with the one infinite Creator that is their beginning, their end, and their deepest truth. We would assure you that there are no mistakes. If there is an intention to pray, [however you choose to pray] will be an effective way for you to pray.

Remember always that thanksgiving, praise and devotion are also ways to pray—to enter the silence
and to feel the union with the one that opens to you that gateway to intelligent infinity.

We would at this time rest and acknowledge that we have only brushed the surface of this very interesting
subject, for which we thank those in this circle.

Good luck, and i hope somthing here helps!!!  

(01-23-2019, 08:05 PM)MangusKhan Wrote: [ -> ]I have put myself into a kind of solitary confinement at the moment, with the whole living in a tent in a forest on the beach thing I'm doing. Honestly I'm pretty depressed like you, but I know why. It's because I simply cannot let go of hatred. So I will remain alone in my forest until a time comes when I can see other people, no matter who they are, with love. I remember what it feels like, to feel nothing but unconditional love for everyone. So at least I have the memory to guide me through the many long days and nights of hate and sorrow. What is it that you are refusing to let go of and move past?

Also, do you exercise, Pheonix? Real exercise that makes you pant and sweat and leaves your muscles sore. It's probably the joy of my day when I wake up and go swimming in the ocean, then come back to the forest and do body weight exercises. This morning it was so grey, and no one was on the beach but me for a while. All these jellyfish and goose barnacle-covered coconuts had been beached by the wind overnight, and everything seemed wonderfully desolate.

No, I've got no motivation to exercise. Sounds pretty cool what you're doing though. If it works for you, I say that's great! As for what I'm trying to move past, probably the friendship breakup. I'm still not over it, although I'm thinkibg about it less and false hope for reconciliation (wishful thinking) no longer plagues me.

(01-23-2019, 09:02 PM)OpalE Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-22-2019, 09:42 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]https://www.webmd.com/depression/what-is-anhedonia

Anhedonia is the lack of ability to feel pleasure and is heavily associated with depression.

It seems I'm going through it lately and I was wondering if anybody else here has any experience with anhedonia?

If so, how did you deal with it? Do you have any advice?

i've hit this particular wall many times, and seen those around me struggle with it as well.

I'm convinced that, at it's root, this is a result of a disconnect with one's own higher self and one's own 'true desires and direction.'

The most common causes of this disconnect (as far as I am capable of perceiving atm) are:

  -  surrender to a will other than your own, a will who's imposed limitations prevent the ability to even see a workable path towards the higher self's 'directional urges' (?guidance?) and desires.  this seems to result in an overwhelming sense of futility, hopelessness, frustration, and depression regarding the experience of life in general.

  -  having gone through powerful experiences that have not been processed and integrated into one's own being, causing something like a buildup of psychic or mental 'clutter' that clouds the connection with the higher self (or what is referred to in the Ra material as one's "guidance system").  this seems to cause a sort of 'autopilot mode,' where one moves around in a state of low-energy confusion and reacts impulsively (if at all), without feeling much of a personal connection to one's own actions and reactions.

i think one of these (or both) is probably the culprit behind your desire to immerse yourself in distraction.


The solution (at least for me), is a fairly simple technique i've been practicing since my teens, without realizing (until fairly recently) that the practice is heavily suggested within the L/L material:

 -  point your focus of attention inward, towards the central part of self that is already One with Creator.  (hold the attention in that direction, even if it appears to be dark at first ... i'm fairly certain that such initial darkness is the manifestation of such 'psychic clutter,' or the commands and desires of an imposing will).

 -  relax (especially the muscles and focus of the eyes, and any tightness in the torso/abdomen).  deep breathe, increasingly slowly, releasing tension (while still directing attention towards the 'core of one's own being').

 -  using whatever medium available to attempt a dialogue with the core self.  (i started with pen and pad, which was only mildly effective; my hand simply could not keep up with my thoughts.  if you have learned to type to the point of muscle memory, typing in a text file is particularly effective; if not, speaking into a voice recorder works well -- tho at first you still have to overcome the social blocks and filters that are generally attached to speech.)

    just 'dump' whatever's in the mind out into the medium, still pointing the attention toward the center of self and vaguely expecting a response.  don't attempt to screen or filter what comes out, even if it's shocking or appalling.

 -  continue this until either:  1) the flow stops and a sudden shift in consciousness occurs, at which point some revelations should suddenly surface, or 2) a 'presence' is suddenly felt and begins responding through you, at which point a direct question-and-answer session can be begun with the presence.


this presence will eventually 'set you back upon your path,' or reveal what stands blocking the path you have already chosen.


I'm going to post this in a moment, in case i don't finish my second intended step (which is a second post with a few examples of this technique from the L/L materials), but first i feel a need to address something i understand significantly less:

I find both your name and profile pic interesting in regard to the situation you address in this thread.

More than once, in the presence of two people who appeared 'possessed' (for lack of a better term), i've seen a specific and clear vision:

A phoenix, in the process of its fiery rebirth, (which i intuitively knew to refer to myself at that moment), flanked by two beings -- one on either side (which i intuitively knew to refer to the two people in my immediate physical vicinity).

The beings were humanoid, with the heads of ants (minus the antennas), very straight backs.  The arms had an extra joint, causing them to resemble those of a praying mantis when relaxed.  The "thighs" were incredibly long, bringing the knees above where the nipples would be on the chest (if they had had any, which they didn't) when standing straight and erect.

They each had something like a lasso around the phoenix, and weird ecstatic expressions on their faces.  Intuition said that they were syphoning off the energy that was flooding into the phoenix for the purpose of completing its transformation.  Though the source of this energy (into which the phoenix was directly connected), the speed of the syphon and the speed of the transfer from source to phoenix were perfectly matched, so that the transformation was effectively frozen in a state just before completion.

I do not know the relevance of this vision to you or your plight, but i felt the need to hand it to you.

That's it, for now.  If all goes as intended, there will shortly be another post below with the examples from L/L.

Wow! Thanks for the lengthy and detailed response! I suppose there is a lot if "psychic clutter" especially regarding a bad friendship breakup I went through a over a year ago and still havent really gotten over.

How do I turn my attention towards the part of me that's still connected to thw creator?

I am also uncertain of the relevence of the image you shared but I thank you for sharing it.

And thank you OpalE, for going through the trouble to post all that L/L Research stuff. I'm still reading through it, but I wanted to thank you for posting it.

(01-24-2019, 10:41 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]And thank you OpalE, for going through the trouble to post all that L/L Research stuff. I'm still reading through it, but I wanted to thank you for posting it.

No trouble. =)

I know it's a lot, but most of those had alternate techniques or context that may speak more clearly to you than i could. I figured you could skim them for anything that popped out and ignore the rest.

(01-24-2019, 10:36 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]How do I turn my attention towards the part of me that's still connected to thw creator?

I think Carla said it better in that BBS interview: "move into your own open heart"

... i guess if i boil it down to the bones, it really comes down to finding a technique and conceptual framework (or phrasing of the idea) that makes intuitive sense to you, personally; then using that to trick yourself into believing (wholeheartedly) that it is possible. the belief only has to last long enough to get a success or two under your belt, because after that you've proven to yourself that the thing is possible, and future attempts are hella easier.

i think the above is true of most (if not all) spiritual and occult practices. They're deceptively simple; the hardest part is truly believing that they're possible without the benefit of past first-hand experience.

in this case, suppose the concept in question goes something like this:

- there is a part of each of us that is already One with all, it IS the Creator. It knows literally everything, because -- like the Creator -- it is not limited to the illusion the way our current forms (whatever they may be) are; aspects of the illusion, such as linear time and cause-and-effect (to name a couple), simply do not exist for this part of self.

if this description doesn't feel right to you, try similar concepts such as "the soul," "higher(-est) self," "holy genius," or "guardian angel;" or maybe an emissary / ambassador type such as "spirit guides."

the thing i think you need to do cure your anhedonia is establish (and maintain) contact with this part of self and 'get back on the same page' with it, using whatever method and means that make sense and feel intuitively 'right' to you, personally.

in my own personal conceptual framework, this aspect of self is the "true" self ... the only part of our beings that is actually us. everything else -- our bodies, minds, personalities, perceptions ... ALL of it --are just clothes for this eternal and timeless self.

also, according to my own conception, this part of self 'lives' in the exact center or core of our being ... so, for me, 'reaching ever inward' in a calm and relaxed state is synonymous with contacting it.

----

if you were looking for a more clinical answer:

attention can be an actual, semi-tangible thing.

it can be focused, moved, held, relaxed, and called back at will to the center of the being who possesses it ... even right out from under the noses of those that know how to trap or steal it 'permanently.' (this could actually be what has happened to you. your attention could still be 'living' with the friend you lost, leaving you with a severely handicapped ability to direct and focus it -- but contacting the same aspect of self mentioned above and asking it to 'call yourself back to yourself' would still be, IMO, the solution).

The first step, for me, to understanding this and learning to control it was:

using the tip of your finger or the end of some object (like a ruler), continually trace a predictable pattern (circle, infinite sign, etc.) on some sensitive area of your skin. feel the sensation as completely as possible, focusing on and following the point where the tip meets the skin.

continue this until the mobile point of sensation seems to have developed a momentum of it's own, then lift the tip from the skin. CONTINUE following the sensation in the same pattern.

it will probably vanish at first, but -- with practice -- this technique will eventually grant the ability to spawn the sensation from nothing.

----

I know i've already dropped a lot here, but i feel a need to mention one more thing.
(i don't think this is for you, but rather someone who will stumble into this thread):

the aspect of self i've mentioned above is, to me, synonymous with soul.

it is not possible for this to be 'taken,' 'stolen,' 'sold,' or 'lost.' Such ideas are tools used by deceptive forces to trap beings into enslaving themselves.

the soul IS the part of us that is capable of awareness of experience. as long as you can contemplate your own existence in this present moment, your 'soul' is still in your possession.

in other words: if you can consider that you might be soulless, you are not ... because it is the presence of soul which allows this consideration at all.


... i think that's it ( =P 'bout time, right?)

be well!

Wow! Thanks OpalE for sharing all of that! I'll have to give it a try at some point. Although I admit I'm rather intimidated by it. It sounds hard to do. Thank you for sharing.

(01-24-2019, 06:19 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Wow! Thanks OpalE for sharing all of that! I'll have to give it a try at some point. Although I admit I'm rather intimidated by it. It sounds hard to do. Thank you for sharing.

i'm sorry =(

it's not that hard, really. ... it's me. i tend to ramble and make stuff sound more complicated than it is.

i don't know how to say it better without knowing how you already think about things.

just ignore the stuff i wrote and, if you have time, glance over the Q'uo and Carla stuff. they said it better

PREVAIL!

(01-24-2019, 06:31 PM)OpalE Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-24-2019, 06:19 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Wow! Thanks OpalE for sharing all of that! I'll have to give it a try at some point. Although I admit I'm rather intimidated by it. It sounds hard to do. Thank you for sharing.

i'm sorry =(

it's not that hard, really. ... it's me.  i tend to ramble and make stuff sound more complicated than it is.

i don't know how to say it better without knowing how you already think about things.

just ignore the stuff i wrote and, if you have time, glance over the Q'uo and Carla stuff.  they said it better  

PREVAIL!

I shall read the material you posted and I shall try to do what it says. I'm just worried I won't be able to do it is all. Still, can't hurt to try, right?

A lot of this depends on where you have focused your attention/awareness. How long have you been in this state, do you continue to drive down or focus on these aspects which you associate or blame for the causation of this state? Its very important to realize that the aspects that we are blaming as the reason for our problems, are in fact not actually the causation of these states/configurations and feelings.

The first step is what humans think of as responsibility or honor/duty. You are your Master, take responsibility for your state/configuration. When we do this, we grasp our ability to transform our configurations/state. This also allows you to recognize you are not helpless or powerless in your life. Then we need to re-analyze these things we were blaming before, for what they really are. How do you go about changing these "external" situations, how do you get to where you want to be.

Imagine how you would want to live, give it as much detail as possible. A little secret about our "problems" is that they are actually connected to and are apart of the potentials(s), to get where you want to be. After you have thoroughly thought of the life, and how you want to live. Examine those "problems" and how you are currently living, and how those variables/aspects are impacting your ability to live that life. When we can recognize this, it usually allows us, and invigorates us, to encounter and use these potentials correctly or efficaciously.

Each thought, choice, and emotional/mental response carries a weight or a gravity to it. The more we think, do, feel, or choose variables/aspects the more weight/gravity those variables/aspects have. The more you feed these thoughts and choices that we are labeling as "anhedonic" the more you will be "pulled", "drawn", or "attracted" naturally towards it. So what we need to do is feed the opposite variables. Look in your life and find all that makes you happy, joyful, and Love. Keep your awareness more focused on these aspects, and you will see there weight/gravity grow.

I suggest doing a complete clean up of your surroundings. Get rid of everything that is not useful, doesn't bring you joy, or is just cluttering and clogging your life up. Examine your schedule, your day to day rounds and really stop doing what is not benefiting you anymore. That's from friends, to games, to habits and beyond. We cannot keep swimming the same stream, and expect to tread into new waters. There is only One: We are the stream, we are the waters. These things only change when we change them.

I try not to judge the activities that bring me pleasure or artificially follow a ruleset, except in that to make sure I cause no harm to others and try to cause no harm to myself.

I think finding enjoyment in life is very important and a strong tool against depression, even if that enjoyment is borderline distraction in the past, it's helped me get through some rough spots. As long as you are also working upon the self-daily, I think it's ok to have 'wasted' time spending on pure fun. I think its sometimes more humble to accept our current stage of development where we are not super discipled and still need a certain amount of enjoyment and indeed plan on doing daily self-work as well as enjoyable activities.

After all, when you start the spiritual path, much work is to be done, and it's good to accept that it will take real work and not change overnight, and to build a practice that is sustainable for you. If you go from spending 5 hours a day on enjoyable but distracting activities to 0 hours and 5 hours of meditation, and that doesn't feel comfortable for you, I think that is your self telling you that you need to do things a bit more gradually. A sustainable practice, which you constantly increase over time, I think is very important, because the amazing changes often take years, so this thing is often a marathon, and you want to do it for long haul. It can be still useful to experiment with drastic retreat-level work for days or weeks on end, but ultimately you gotta find a sustainable way to evolve if you wanna do this for years, and I think for most people that involves a non-hermit like existence in terms of pleasurable activities.

Quote:18.5 ▶ Questioner: Thank you. I have a question here from Jim that I will read verbatim: “Much of the mystic tradition of seeking on Earth holds that belief that the individual self must be erased or obliterated and the material world ignored for an entity to reach ‘nirvana,’ as it’s called, or enlightenment. What is the proper role of the individual self and its worldly activities in aiding an entity to grow more into the Law of One?”
Ra: I am Ra. The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away.

The orientation develops due to analysis of desire. These desires become more and more distorted towards conscious application of love/light as the entity furnishes itself with distilled experience. We have found it to be inappropriate in the extreme to encourage the overcoming of any desires, except to suggest the imagination rather than the carrying out in the physical plane, as you call it, of those desires not consonant with the Law of One; this preserving the primal distortion of free will.

The reason it is unwise to overcome is that overcoming is an unbalanced action creating difficulties in balancing in the time/space continuum. Overcoming thus creates the further environment for holding onto that which apparently has been overcome.

All things are acceptable in the proper time for each entity, and in experiencing, in understanding, in accepting, in then sharing with other-selves, the appropriate description shall be moving away from distortions of one kind to distortions of another which may be more consonant with the Law of One.

It is, shall we say, a shortcut to simply ignore or overcome any desire. It must instead be understood and accepted. This takes patience and experience which can be analyzed with care, with compassion for self and for other-self.

It is fair to note that Ra talks about desire in a very different way from other spiritual practices. So there are many different philosophies about how to eventually reach the state where desires, even desire for pleasure, no longer hold sway. I'm always a big proponent of reaching things organically instead of following rules on conduct - though even in my suggestions you need rules/discipline in setting aside some amount of time each day for meditation and analysis of desires as described by Ra. So it's a tricky subject, this concept of discipline, but I feel discipline applies to making sure you reserve time each day for seeking, as oppose to controlling your conduct each and every moment.

Lately I've had to force myself to be happy. In actuality I'm scared for the future.