11-26-2019, 07:13 AM
I’m having a lot of trouble working out the purpose of catalyst.
I had a dream where a crystalline serpent approached me. It said its name was “Seraphim”. It said to me I was going to have to make a choice between being kind and being complete.
Recently, I had been trying to embody more of my mothers kindness in my life. Perhaps out of chronic clinging to her physical and emotional form after she had passed.
When I say “more”, I mean that I had been trying to transform myself into someone who shows unconditional kindness.
I had dealt with a lot of trauma in the past. This trauma manifests as a huge amount of negativity. I had taken some severe mental beatings, and it is possible that over the last two years in moving towards this choice I had bottled that pain up and repressed it.
It is now coming out in my “external reality” in the form of other-selves reflecting to me a sort of self-contained and self-aware universe of horror. It appears to me as horrific because it is the opposite of this kindness, and it forcefully implies that it is truly me that is this total degree of unkindness and cruelty.
In the past I had been a cruel person to those I loved. But as I started to believe I was awakening, I moved away from this. Effortlessly, I seemed to be much more like my child self - as my mother knew me when she was alive. And her kindness shone as a contrast to my dad’s unconscious mental torture.
I feel that the Universe had thrown to me an opportunity to rectify all the trauma, but I did not choose this in my own unconsciousness. By rectify, I mean that the trauma could be healed in a way that did not involve whatever severity seems to be manifesting itself now.
I am still choosing to be kind. But every day I am plagued by incessant malefic thoughts which are becoming increasingly intense; directing my life as if there are certainties waiting down the line; and my “external reality” seems to become more of a mirror of these malefic thoughts.
I do not want to be controlled by extremely negatively polarised beings.
I do not want to be an extremely negatively polarised being.
However, it seems more and more like this aspect is becoming dominant in my conscious reality and drowning out the control that I have.
It is like an intense apathy. An intense unwillingness to show mercy or care. It is horrible. Am I expected to accept this? Or if I am to give credit to this dream in terms of what I talk about, am I expected to align myself with it in order to be complete? Is it possible that this is “the way that it is” or “the way that I am” and my efforts to show and live through kindness are mere illusory thoughts which I cling to?
I understand from a Law of One perspective that after sixth density opposites are harmonised and the negative entity must reverse its polarity.
- What occurs in the time between the reversal of polarity, specifically, fourth, fifth, and early sixth density for the negative being?
- The positive entity experiences large amounts of bliss returning to source, is this also true for the negative entity?
- Ra speaks of “that which is not” being unable to endure third density. [85•11] Does this mean every third density incarnation results with the individual giving up their separate identity during their lifetime?
(Does it mean that at some point it will be too difficult for my “ego” to continue without dissolution?)
- Ra says that first density was a period of 2 billion years, and second density a period of 4 billion years. Say that in third density an entity polarises negatively, and continues in fourth and fifth density along this path. Would this equate to millions or billions of years of darkness and pain for the entity?
I ask because, I have been alive for 25 years. I am in great and immense and unbearable pain. I cannot imagine going through this for millions or billions of years, if it were the case that my reality is inherently negative and there is no grace for me.
I had a dream where a crystalline serpent approached me. It said its name was “Seraphim”. It said to me I was going to have to make a choice between being kind and being complete.
Recently, I had been trying to embody more of my mothers kindness in my life. Perhaps out of chronic clinging to her physical and emotional form after she had passed.
When I say “more”, I mean that I had been trying to transform myself into someone who shows unconditional kindness.
I had dealt with a lot of trauma in the past. This trauma manifests as a huge amount of negativity. I had taken some severe mental beatings, and it is possible that over the last two years in moving towards this choice I had bottled that pain up and repressed it.
It is now coming out in my “external reality” in the form of other-selves reflecting to me a sort of self-contained and self-aware universe of horror. It appears to me as horrific because it is the opposite of this kindness, and it forcefully implies that it is truly me that is this total degree of unkindness and cruelty.
In the past I had been a cruel person to those I loved. But as I started to believe I was awakening, I moved away from this. Effortlessly, I seemed to be much more like my child self - as my mother knew me when she was alive. And her kindness shone as a contrast to my dad’s unconscious mental torture.
I feel that the Universe had thrown to me an opportunity to rectify all the trauma, but I did not choose this in my own unconsciousness. By rectify, I mean that the trauma could be healed in a way that did not involve whatever severity seems to be manifesting itself now.
I am still choosing to be kind. But every day I am plagued by incessant malefic thoughts which are becoming increasingly intense; directing my life as if there are certainties waiting down the line; and my “external reality” seems to become more of a mirror of these malefic thoughts.
I do not want to be controlled by extremely negatively polarised beings.
I do not want to be an extremely negatively polarised being.
However, it seems more and more like this aspect is becoming dominant in my conscious reality and drowning out the control that I have.
It is like an intense apathy. An intense unwillingness to show mercy or care. It is horrible. Am I expected to accept this? Or if I am to give credit to this dream in terms of what I talk about, am I expected to align myself with it in order to be complete? Is it possible that this is “the way that it is” or “the way that I am” and my efforts to show and live through kindness are mere illusory thoughts which I cling to?
I understand from a Law of One perspective that after sixth density opposites are harmonised and the negative entity must reverse its polarity.
- What occurs in the time between the reversal of polarity, specifically, fourth, fifth, and early sixth density for the negative being?
- The positive entity experiences large amounts of bliss returning to source, is this also true for the negative entity?
- Ra speaks of “that which is not” being unable to endure third density. [85•11] Does this mean every third density incarnation results with the individual giving up their separate identity during their lifetime?
(Does it mean that at some point it will be too difficult for my “ego” to continue without dissolution?)
- Ra says that first density was a period of 2 billion years, and second density a period of 4 billion years. Say that in third density an entity polarises negatively, and continues in fourth and fifth density along this path. Would this equate to millions or billions of years of darkness and pain for the entity?
I ask because, I have been alive for 25 years. I am in great and immense and unbearable pain. I cannot imagine going through this for millions or billions of years, if it were the case that my reality is inherently negative and there is no grace for me.