02-18-2011, 08:11 PM
Hello everyone,
Today is a wonderful day. I´ve been reading you for a quite a while and today I had to write.
I want to thank you all first for this wonderful site.
I´m 34 and I have always felt different and alienated. I have never identified myself with my name and I have always thought that I was adopted. My childhood was very painful and I don’t remember much till when I was about 10. I remember things every now and then, especially sad moments, like crying a lot, drawing my burial, lying to my parents to let me out so I can walk and walk never knowing where to. I couldn’t understand poverty, always trying to look for a remedy, questioning everything. If anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow older I always said a perpetual student. My teenager’s years were very artificial. Always trying to fit. Feeling I am two separate persons. During University my best friend died and that same night I had a dream that I had to write. I have been writing this dream diary for 11 years. My dreams have helped me to understand myself as well as showed me wonderful places and people.
Stones are very especial for me. I just love to look on the ground and sometimes one stands out for the way it makes me feel I take it home.
I feel very connected to plants, animals, the sky, the moon and water. I need to have water in the room/place where I am at all times. I work with 1-2years as an English teacher, but if I´m alone and know that I will not be disrupted or anyone is listening a different language comes out. Don’t know the meaning of the words. They just come out with lots of sounds involved and much more melodic. I get very enthusiastic and excited. It happens also when I am with my parent´s dog and when I am alone in my house. It actually happens more often now than ever.
Years ago I had a cat. One early morning, my cat started calling me. At that time I had a split second thought that there was something in the room. But open my eyes and saw nothing and let the cat out of my bedroom. Shut the door and went back to bed. From outside he started calling me louder. Let him in. Went back to bed and sensed my room lighted up in orange. Looked at the feet of my bed and there was the shape of a body in a halo. Very shinning. No eyes, no mouth…nothing . I didn’t feel any discomfort. I found myself looking at it as paralyzed. The voice said: I´m here because you miss me and then I passed out but don´t know for how long. I found myself trying to lie down on my belly to sleep again. Feeling very heavy. As I was reaching the pillow, an arm grabbed me from my neck letting me slowly reach the pillow and rest. This arm belonged to a man, it was hairy, strong and had a black medieval crossed tattooed, which is the last thing I saw before passing out again. The voice again said: Don’t be scared. After this I sleep for almost 6 hours!! I Woke up feeling so tired and different but aware that it happened. Years later, I saw in one episode of Stargate light beings that were from other planet. I cried so much, felt that what came to visit me that morning was my family.
Another experience I like to share happened a couple of years ago. Went to my parent’s house on the beach. That night my sister and I went out. Came back almost for sunrise. I said to her: lets go to the beach and see it. We sat down. A man came from the distance walking along the sea shore. When he was closer I saw that he was carrying a broken beach umbrella and a plastic chair. He looked really dirty, homeless…he passed in front of us and stopped and asked me for a cigarette and so I gave it to him. He spoke Italian. But not like a native speaker because I speak Italian and would have recognized. As he was leaving, at about 2 meters away from where we were he stopped and looked down in the sand and uncovered something. Looked at it, turned back and looked at me. He approached again and handed it to me. It was a picture of me!! I was shocked but more for the fact that something unreal like that has occurred to me while I was with company. My experiences have always happened to me while alone. My sister asked him, who are you and that sort of things. He said: why? I´m only giving to her what belongs to her. And he left. I could only say thank you. For the next two weeks when down to see him but he never appeared again. That photo, it was just a normal one that I taken few months earlier for my passport. Only I had this photo. This experience made me feel a lot more closer to water and the sea.
Now over the circumstances and without expecting it I came back to live in the house where I lived till about when I was 8. It has been rented for the past 26 years. My parents are letting me stay. I will never have thought about the possibility of coming here again. Its only been a few days and I been so busy that I haven’t been able to think much of my childhood in here, first of all cause I don’t remember, but I sense that things will opened up. I feel I´m back in this house for a reason. That something big that will affect the whole universe positively is going to happen. I feel almost ready and I´m looking forward. I want to go home.
Thank you so much for taking your time and read through. I feel you all.
HAPPY FULL MOON NIGHT!
Today is a wonderful day. I´ve been reading you for a quite a while and today I had to write.
I want to thank you all first for this wonderful site.
I´m 34 and I have always felt different and alienated. I have never identified myself with my name and I have always thought that I was adopted. My childhood was very painful and I don’t remember much till when I was about 10. I remember things every now and then, especially sad moments, like crying a lot, drawing my burial, lying to my parents to let me out so I can walk and walk never knowing where to. I couldn’t understand poverty, always trying to look for a remedy, questioning everything. If anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow older I always said a perpetual student. My teenager’s years were very artificial. Always trying to fit. Feeling I am two separate persons. During University my best friend died and that same night I had a dream that I had to write. I have been writing this dream diary for 11 years. My dreams have helped me to understand myself as well as showed me wonderful places and people.
Stones are very especial for me. I just love to look on the ground and sometimes one stands out for the way it makes me feel I take it home.
I feel very connected to plants, animals, the sky, the moon and water. I need to have water in the room/place where I am at all times. I work with 1-2years as an English teacher, but if I´m alone and know that I will not be disrupted or anyone is listening a different language comes out. Don’t know the meaning of the words. They just come out with lots of sounds involved and much more melodic. I get very enthusiastic and excited. It happens also when I am with my parent´s dog and when I am alone in my house. It actually happens more often now than ever.
Years ago I had a cat. One early morning, my cat started calling me. At that time I had a split second thought that there was something in the room. But open my eyes and saw nothing and let the cat out of my bedroom. Shut the door and went back to bed. From outside he started calling me louder. Let him in. Went back to bed and sensed my room lighted up in orange. Looked at the feet of my bed and there was the shape of a body in a halo. Very shinning. No eyes, no mouth…nothing . I didn’t feel any discomfort. I found myself looking at it as paralyzed. The voice said: I´m here because you miss me and then I passed out but don´t know for how long. I found myself trying to lie down on my belly to sleep again. Feeling very heavy. As I was reaching the pillow, an arm grabbed me from my neck letting me slowly reach the pillow and rest. This arm belonged to a man, it was hairy, strong and had a black medieval crossed tattooed, which is the last thing I saw before passing out again. The voice again said: Don’t be scared. After this I sleep for almost 6 hours!! I Woke up feeling so tired and different but aware that it happened. Years later, I saw in one episode of Stargate light beings that were from other planet. I cried so much, felt that what came to visit me that morning was my family.
Another experience I like to share happened a couple of years ago. Went to my parent’s house on the beach. That night my sister and I went out. Came back almost for sunrise. I said to her: lets go to the beach and see it. We sat down. A man came from the distance walking along the sea shore. When he was closer I saw that he was carrying a broken beach umbrella and a plastic chair. He looked really dirty, homeless…he passed in front of us and stopped and asked me for a cigarette and so I gave it to him. He spoke Italian. But not like a native speaker because I speak Italian and would have recognized. As he was leaving, at about 2 meters away from where we were he stopped and looked down in the sand and uncovered something. Looked at it, turned back and looked at me. He approached again and handed it to me. It was a picture of me!! I was shocked but more for the fact that something unreal like that has occurred to me while I was with company. My experiences have always happened to me while alone. My sister asked him, who are you and that sort of things. He said: why? I´m only giving to her what belongs to her. And he left. I could only say thank you. For the next two weeks when down to see him but he never appeared again. That photo, it was just a normal one that I taken few months earlier for my passport. Only I had this photo. This experience made me feel a lot more closer to water and the sea.
Now over the circumstances and without expecting it I came back to live in the house where I lived till about when I was 8. It has been rented for the past 26 years. My parents are letting me stay. I will never have thought about the possibility of coming here again. Its only been a few days and I been so busy that I haven’t been able to think much of my childhood in here, first of all cause I don’t remember, but I sense that things will opened up. I feel I´m back in this house for a reason. That something big that will affect the whole universe positively is going to happen. I feel almost ready and I´m looking forward. I want to go home.
Thank you so much for taking your time and read through. I feel you all.
HAPPY FULL MOON NIGHT!
, 
