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I reach out tentatively with my story, to others who have apparently had a strange human experience. I inherited the Ra Material from a neighbor who died, which brought me to this site. I have no beliefs, only working theories. . . .

I have been reclusive most of my life, although I certainly can function in society. I am an author/illustrator, self-employed and work from home.

I was always aware that I was "other." My mother claimed I was a "changeling" and treated me very differently than my 3 siblings: more like a child would treat a parent, letting me have an almost complete free will about anything I wanted. As a child I was aware of 2 selves: the self playing a drama, and the "real" self observing. I began seeking and observing spirituality as soon as I could walk--from an observational, curious standpoint; not from a need to belong. I also maintained a box around myself when I was in school. It wasn't until I took a class in meditation as an adult that I had any idea what that had been. I was gifted artistically and intellectually, and became somewhat of a celebrity, although my inclination was always to "blend in" and not stand out. This particular polarization is still an issue in my life.

I have had dreams about being on another planet as far back as childhood, with individuals I know yet not know. I feel an intense longing to be in a society without cruelty. At times, I feel an overwhelming sense of isolation. This is exacerbated by a need to be reclusive as the sorrows of the world can be devastating to me, especially as concerns animals, plant life and the planet. If I don't keep the suffering elements of this world at bay, I can spiral down into deep despair--hence the reclusiveness. I have not had a television since 1992, and barely ever watched it when I had one. Even nature shows are somewhat upsetting, as I feel that humans should leave the animals alone in their habitats without interference. In spite of all this, I am a very strong individual with a propensity to rebel against any authority. I value freedom for myself and all life (and I consider everything alive) above anything.

I have had many paranormal experiences, some of which I have never heard of elsewhere. I will relate one: While driving alone and approaching an intersection, I felt a hesitation to proceed through it although I had the green light. Time seemed to slow down as I entered the intersection and I felt as though I was floating. I heard a screech, and to my left a car was braking as it had run the red light and it was trying to stop. I was then not moving, and the other car had stopped. Its front end, and the front end of my car were superimposed, like 2 ghost images, in a perpendicular fashion. I saw the driver, about 35, male hispanic, hanging his head as if distressed. I then looked forward and continued floating across the intersection. The driver did not seem to be aware of me at all. I slowly came to "normal" consciousness after clearing the intersection.

It seems wherever I look there is something different about me. I am a vegetarian, and although I know I must take the life of plants to survive, I feel that plant life offers itself for this purpose at least in part, and that animal life is in fear of being food. I don't kill anything if it can be avoided--even cockroaches and scorpions (not because of any religious beliefs--I have none--but because I respect and sense all life). I dislike zoos, and will not keep a pet unless it can be free (I find even fish aquariums distressing). I love children and they love me, yet I don't have any by choice. I have AB negative blood. I have always looked very young for my age. Regarding age, I have always been at odds with it, and felt it was "wrong" and was deeply saddened as a child when I saw elderly people. In numerology both my birth name and date are 11s, and all the subcategories have subtotals with 11s. My palm has a deeply creviced fate line that goes right up to my finger. In my astrological chart, all the planets are below the horizon, except for 3 in the 12th house (hidden things) suggesting that everything about me is hidden from daylight.

I first heard of the "wanderer" idea when I agreed to go see a "psychic" with a friend in 1989. I was present during my friend's consultation, and heard things about her which were in my present paradigm such as past lives. When it was my turn, the first thing she said was that I wasn't from here, and that I was here as a volunteer. I was utterly surprised and frankly skeptical, until afterwards, when I began to recall many things, such as the dreams of another planet, and that while growing up I would look at myself in the mirror and experience a niggling feeling that there was something not right or missing about my eyes.

This is a bare-bones narrative of my experience, as I am sure everyone else posting here presents. I wish the best for you all.

Unbound

Excellent! A natural bodhisattva if I've ever seen one. Blessings, adonai.
very interesting! now i'm curious what celebrity you are, anyone i might have heard of? Tongue Stephen King?

i always look in the mirror and wonder. there's someone there but i don't identify it as my true self.
oh but Stephen King isn't a recluse. that other guy... Salinger was a huge recluse. but he passed. totally a wanderer. although Stephen King is also i'm sure. i wonder how many authors are wanderers.
lol spazzmatazz! i totally missed that your name is Diana Tongue i guess Stephen is out of the question then.
actually you might be a walk-in if you were accused of being a changeling. i dunno. i'll stop reposting now. Tongue
I tried to translate your story, my understanding of English is not perfect, but I understand all. Your story impressed me. I do not even like to see animals in cage, and fish in aquarium make me suffer. I' m not vegetarian, but I know eat animals is wrong and stupid. Really I eat few meat and do it rarelly, but this changes nothing, I know. The story about to look at you in the mirror remember me that i have difficult to see myself in the mirror, I feel some kind of inconvenience and also say my name (even mentally) makes me uncomfortable! It seems like I cannot accept my exterior self!
Once in a OOBE I tried to see me in the mirror of my bathroom and I was exactly as I am except for my hair wasn' t long but short and I had a idiot smile on my faceBigSmile
Thank you for share your story, every story I can read serves to relieve my eternal pain a little.
i hate my name too! it's like, that's not me! it's never been me. it's like some role everyone expects me to play. i hate it so much.
Thanks for joining, Diana. I like your story and hope you feel comfortable while clicking around the bring4th site. Oh, and also thanks for volunteering! We Earthlings need your help. Heart
Welcome, welcome, welcome, Diana!! Heart

That is a crazy experience you had with the car...

Brittany

Welcome! I really liked your story! I, too, have sworn off television. A lot of times I will leave the break room at work if I can't turn off the television and will go eat in a random spot. They all crowd in there wanting to watch things like Jerry Springer, and I can't even eat when shows like that are on. It's like my every molecule is attempting to drag me out the door where it is quiet again.

I also know the joy/burden of being artistically talented. As soon as people find out I can write and draw they're like "Write me this!" "Draw me this!", like I'm automatically obligated to do it. A lot of times they offer me money, but if I'm not drawing or writing about something I care about, it just doesn't come out the same quality.

It's awesome that you can work from home as you do. I hate working with the public, but have little choice at the moment. Are you an empath? Like, if you go into crowds of people you feel all their energies rubbing against you? That's how I am and it makes me want to hide in a hole.
(06-08-2011, 01:31 PM)Azrael Wrote: [ -> ]Excellent! A natural bodhisattva if I've ever seen one. Blessings, adonai.


Thank you Smile.
(06-08-2011, 01:43 PM)Oceania Wrote: [ -> ]very interesting! now i'm curious what celebrity you are, anyone i might have heard of? Tongue Stephen King?

i always look in the mirror and wonder. there's someone there but i don't identify it as my true self.
oh but Stephen King isn't a recluse. that other guy... Salinger was a huge recluse. but he passed. totally a wanderer. although Stephen King is also i'm sure. i wonder how many authors are wanderers.
lol spazzmatazz! i totally missed that your name is Diana Tongue i guess Stephen is out of the question then.
actually you might be a walk-in if you were accused of being a changeling. i dunno. i'll stop reposting now. Tongue

I'm not ready to stop being reclusive yet Smile.
(06-08-2011, 03:20 PM)ÆTERNAL Wrote: [ -> ]I tried to translate your story, my understanding of English is not perfect, but I understand all. Your story impressed me. I do not even like to see animals in cage, and fish in aquarium make me suffer. I' m not vegetarian, but I know eat animals is wrong and stupid. Really I eat few meat and do it rarelly, but this changes nothing, I know. The story about to look at you in the mirror remember me that i have difficult to see myself in the mirror, I feel some kind of inconvenience and also say my name (even mentally) makes me uncomfortable! It seems like I cannot accept my exterior self!
Once in a OOBE I tried to see me in the mirror of my bathroom and I was exactly as I am except for my hair wasn' t long but short and I had a idiot smile on my faceBigSmile
Thank you for share your story, every story I can read serves to relieve my eternal pain a little.

Don't beat yourself up too much. Just try your best and keep on the path you choose for yourself. Being vegetarian helps because in meat there is fear and we are already surrounded by that here. But don't do anything that doesn't "feel" right.

Good luck Smile.
(06-08-2011, 03:50 PM)kycahi Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for joining, Diana. I like your story and hope you feel comfortable while clicking around the bring4th site. Oh, and also thanks for volunteering! We Earthlings need your help. Heart

Thanks Smile. I find this site very interesting and friendly.
(06-08-2011, 04:14 PM)Bring4th_Aaron Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome, welcome, welcome, Diana!! Heart

That is a crazy experience you had with the car...

Yeah, that was crazy. My first thought afterwards was, No one is going to believe me. I have had other similarly "crazy" experiences. But it doesn't seem too far-fetched if you look at some of the current theories in quantum physics and super string, or M theory. Even science is accepting that there are other dimensions (electrons pop in and out of somewhere for instance), and if so, you could extrapolate that moving between dimensions might be possible, even physically. And if there is focused attention, who knows what we could do (witness the double-slit experiment).
(06-08-2011, 04:18 PM)ahktu Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome! I really liked your story! I, too, have sworn off television. A lot of times I will leave the break room at work if I can't turn off the television and will go eat in a random spot. They all crowd in there wanting to watch things like Jerry Springer, and I can't even eat when shows like that are on. It's like my every molecule is attempting to drag me out the door where it is quiet again.

I also know the joy/burden of being artistically talented. As soon as people find out I can write and draw they're like "Write me this!" "Draw me this!", like I'm automatically obligated to do it. A lot of times they offer me money, but if I'm not drawing or writing about something I care about, it just doesn't come out the same quality.

It's awesome that you can work from home as you do. I hate working with the public, but have little choice at the moment. Are you an empath? Like, if you go into crowds of people you feel all their energies rubbing against you? That's how I am and it makes me want to hide in a hole.

Firstly, thank you. I sympathize with your work situation. TV is incredibly, fantastically irritating! Not to mention the way it seems to lower IQs.

I have some advice for you about writing/drawing. I learned a long time ago to say "no." If you have a difficult time saying no, practice for a week saying no to everything. You can even tell people what you are doing if you feel badly. That way, you get used to saying it and realize you can, and that it's okay. I was burdened the whole way growing up being asked to draw something for countless people. Now people ask me incessantly to write their novels for them. The audacity of that is mind-boggling. But the responsibility lies with me: I say no, nicely, and encourage them to try writing themselves, as it is such a wonderful therapeutic thing to do.

Good luck with your artistic endeavors Smile. If you want to work for yourself, start thinking about how that could happen.
A very warm welcome to the forum Diana! I know that you will find a wonderful home here.

Love
Thank you Diana for you suggestion.

Brittany

Thanks, Diana. Sometimes it is hard to say "no", but it's in everybody's best interest to say it!
(06-08-2011, 04:18 PM)ahktu Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome! I really liked your story! I, too, have sworn off television. A lot of times I will leave the break room at work if I can't turn off the television and will go eat in a random spot. They all crowd in there wanting to watch things like Jerry Springer, and I can't even eat when shows like that are on. It's like my every molecule is attempting to drag me out the door where it is quiet again.

I also know the joy/burden of being artistically talented. As soon as people find out I can write and draw they're like "Write me this!" "Draw me this!", like I'm automatically obligated to do it. A lot of times they offer me money, but if I'm not drawing or writing about something I care about, it just doesn't come out the same quality.

It's awesome that you can work from home as you do. I hate working with the public, but have little choice at the moment. Are you an empath? Like, if you go into crowds of people you feel all their energies rubbing against you? That's how I am and it makes me want to hide in a hole.

I just revisited this thread after first posting it, now that I know members a little better. I wanted to respond again to your post Ahktu.

Yes, I guess I would characterize myself as empathic, or maybe just "sensitive." It is challenging to be in a mall for instance (thankfully I don't like to shop and do very little of it). Sometimes the noise in a restaurant is difficult (and I rarely eat out). I do think it's important to process the energies that "go through you or into you" by doing Tai Chi, yoga or some sort of meditative chi-moving exercise. Or even just exercise at all--anything--helps.

I understand the wanting to hide in a hole. I do it myself, but for me it is more like being in my sanctuary, with my energy in it. Yes, it is ideal for me to work at home, out of the city where I can feed the animals (the deer herd just came by for some carrots and apples Heart).
Wow, an early bloomer. I wished I had spiritual interest as a child. Some of us penetrate the forgetting much easier than others.

I agree with you about sensitivity to being in crowds. When I am even in small groups of maybe 20, I pick up on the room's energy levels. I can be hypersensitive at times.

How do you balance yourself so you don't get overloaded by the empathic side?

Funny thing, haven't had experience with others wanting me to write things for them, despite me being a published author and poet.
(12-08-2011, 12:00 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, an early bloomer. I wished I had spiritual interest as a child. Some of us penetrate the forgetting much easier than others.

I agree with you about sensitivity to being in crowds. When I am even in small groups of maybe 20, I pick up on the room's energy levels. I can be hypersensitive at times.

How do you balance yourself so you don't get overloaded by the empathic side?

Funny thing, haven't had experience with others wanting me to write things for them, despite me being a published author and poet.

Gemini, you are lucky on that score--I have had so many people say: I have a great idea for a book! You could write it for me! Of course I encourage them to write it themselves, and how wonderful it is to create that way.

The way I balance myself, is that I spend a great deal of time alone, in my home. I spend small amounts of time in public. I seem to require it. I also do some kind of exercise. I did martial arts for many years including Tai Chi, and now I am trying hot yoga. It's a delicate balance and I often fall too far on the side of being alone. The animals where I live help a lot. In fact, they helped heal me from the last few years of stress (I lost a bunch of money in the real estate crash).

It is hard being this sensitive, but after all, this is what we signed up for. I think of myself as a spiritual warrior. It takes courage to be here. It's also nice to have found this website where I can talk about these things with individuals like you, who understand Smile.
I see myself more as a lighthouse than a spiritual warrior. I'm very gentle spirited, and not really a fighter.
I just do what I feel is needed at whatever time it's needed. Sometimes I send healing, other times love.
Right now I'm not doing too much. Sort of slowed in my seeking for the time being.
(12-08-2011, 04:33 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I see myself more as a lighthouse than a spiritual warrior. I'm very gentle spirited, and not really a fighter.
I just do what I feel is needed at whatever time it's needed. Sometimes I send healing, other times love.
Right now I'm not doing too much. Sort of slowed in my seeking for the time being.

It sounds like you are listening to what you need Smile.

By spiritual warrior, I meant that it takes courage to be here and persevere with one's mission. I think Ra said something to that effect.
(12-08-2011, 04:33 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I see myself more as a lighthouse than a spiritual warrior. I'm very gentle spirited, and not really a fighter.
I just do what I feel is needed at whatever time it's needed. Sometimes I send healing, other times love.
Right now I'm not doing too much. Sort of slowed in my seeking for the time being.

No problem Gemini, we got you covered. I'm always battling the dark forces and saving the world in my dreams. I must have passed through Orion territory on my way here and picked up some warrior training. If anyone messes with my gentle friends, they gonna have to face me. Anytime I see an STS getting too frisky with one of my STO brothers, the lion roars, what can I say. Smile
Funny you say that, Fr33d0m - I actually had someone tell me just yesterday that I'd passed through Orion at one point. I'm not surprised. I have a bit of warrior in me at times, too.

Gemini Wolf - I can totally see you as a lighthouse. That resonates!

Light and love.
(12-08-2011, 09:49 PM)fr33d0m Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-08-2011, 04:33 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I see myself more as a lighthouse than a spiritual warrior. I'm very gentle spirited, and not really a fighter.
I just do what I feel is needed at whatever time it's needed. Sometimes I send healing, other times love.
Right now I'm not doing too much. Sort of slowed in my seeking for the time being.

No problem Gemini, we got you covered. I'm always battling the dark forces and saving the world in my dreams. I must have passed through Orion territory on my way here and picked up some warrior training. If anyone messes with my gentle friends, they gonna have to face me. Anytime I see an STS getting too frisky with one of my STO brothers, the lion roars, what can I say. Smile

fr33d0m, you are such a likable guy.

Also, to me, being a spiritual warrior means that one does the very best in everything they do. Here is an article I wrote for a martial arts newsletter on the subject, from the perspective of that genre:

The Warrior Spirit

By
Sifu Diana

Martial arts is much more than self-defense. Martial arts is a way of life. It is about being a warrior and developing a “warrior spirit.”

A person with a “warrior spirit” has the conviction to do everything to the utmost of his* or her ability. Everything. It doesn’t matter what he is doing—martial arts, taking out the garbage, or working at a job which he does not view as ideal. He always does his best because that is his integrity, not because he is seeking rewards. The rewards may follow, but the warrior doesn’t care. His reward is knowing he did his best.

A person with a “warrior spirit” never needs to brag or exaggerate. Why? Because he knows deep inside that he has done his best. Humility, confidence, and peace flow naturally from actions which embody a one-hundred percent effort and commitment.

A person with a “warrior spirit” seeks always to better himself. He does not rest on his laurels. He continues to learn and evolve because it is the nature of our universe to evolve. Change is constant and undeniable; the warrior wastes no time resisting the natural flow of the universe. To stand still is to become toxic, as stagnant waters do.

A person with a “warrior spirit” takes responsibility. Not because of karma, or the fear that a cause will have an effect, but because a warrior is self-contained. He moves through this world leaving no tracks, no marks, no harm, and in doing so he will have made a difference.

A person with a “warrior spirit” is true to himself. He speaks his truth and holds his head high, knowing that all is equal. Nothing and no one is below him, or above him. He reflects the yin/yang balance of positive and negative, male and female, hard and soft. Strength without balance is easy to overcome.

A martial arts warrior is someone who trains the body, mind, and spirit to the highest level of attainment, balance, and integration, and continues to evolve in a never-ending upward spiral.

*I have used the literary neutral masculine in this article for simplicity.







Well written Diana! When my son was about 9 years old he wanted to take a martial arts class at the health club near our home. I wanted to be sure what the instructor would be teaching because I'd heard horror stories from some parents about martial arts instructors promoting violent attitudes. So I enrolled with him. It was one of the highlights of my life! Not only sharing that experience with my son, but the training itself. And our instructor taught a line of reasoning similar to what you have written here.

Thank you for sharing it!

Light and love!
(12-09-2011, 01:09 PM)Ruth Wrote: [ -> ]Well written Diana! When my son was about 9 years old he wanted to take a martial arts class at the health club near our home. I wanted to be sure what the instructor would be teaching because I'd heard horror stories from some parents about martial arts instructors promoting violent attitudes. So I enrolled with him. It was one of the highlights of my life! Not only sharing that experience with my son, but the training itself. And our instructor taught a line of reasoning similar to what you have written here.

Thank you for sharing it!

Light and love!

I liked the discipline and courage in the martial arts training as well, but when it came to striking people such as practice fighting, I could not continue. I can only experience conflict when there is a pressing need to relieve suffering I suppose. But I gained many positive things from the training. It's there if I need it. Smile
Nice story, captivating. Wink
thanks for sharing your story Diana.

It is most beautifully expressed Smile