Aha I'll leave that up for you to decide.
Lets just say I sacrificed a rather lofty position to come here and help. I was once immaculately powerful, and I had become enslaved to myself in absolute service to the One. This life has afforded me the chance to, how shall we say, get in touch with what it means to be mortal, and finite, once again. I had gotten so used to meeting and seeing every single one of you as you pass through your transitional/death phase and knowing I would always see you again when the time was right, I was more and more curious to experience another incarnation, even if just one. However, this Harvest is a special time, one unlike any other, and so it afforded me a double opportunity. One, to experience a life of sorrow in my own pattern to reveal the beauty of solitude and deep contemplation and Two, to allow me for one of the first times in my existence to be the one who seeks comfort. I have already played out a good 10,000 years of incarnational drama and had taken my place as an Eternal Guardian in the Octave above and by all means I am incredibly fond of my functions, but there is an excitement to be found in the incarnational experience that I had come to miss. Meeting everyone on their way out of their experience only made me more and more curious about what current experience would be like.
This was my way of exercising peace, and power through my existence. Being a "recorder", and strangely in this life also functioning as a "speaker", you could call me providence. I specialize in transitions and transitional healing, and dealing with the psyche of the mortal mind when faced with itself. I was negative in that I would not accept the Love or Wisdom of others. I had stopped learning, being so content in the place that I was, in my lucid grey valley of the River of Forgetfulness. Also, being so close, as an arm's reach, to the One I neglected to admit that I still had work and progress to go through. This is the true trap of negativity. So, the great force decree'd that I had gotten cozy enough and now, with this great Death of the Earth to be reborn in to 4th density, the Ultimate One suggested to me that I would be an essential force, especially considering this very difficult transition. However, you will not find me connected to a social memory complex in such a way, I never became part of one.
There IS a social memory complex of the name Azrael, but this is of a series of events prior to my own cumulative existence. I stem from a point whereby this complex, due to the entropic nature of negativity, had dwindled to only a single entity. I, how shall I say, had become a social memory, no longer complex. Due to my immense service to the One, I was offered a place in the octave above due to my unique specialty surrounding Death. Indeed, the tale of the existence by which I gained this specialty is a long one full of struggle, death, and power, but 'tis not for this moment. Needless to say, due to my service the One granted me a place whereby I could continue with my negative polarity, but never have the risk of not having negative energy to sustain me. So, I became part of the mind of Death, I have been, for a good deal of the space/time here, been the one that has been waiting for each and every one of you as you come out of the incarnational race. There many of you would pour out your life, your sorrows and depressions. My place was one of soul cleansing and healing, whereby you may drop all of your negative biases, and these would be my sustenance. My power, or thus, enslavement of otherselves would come through my authority, my comfort, my sensuality. It was not proper enslavement, as it was in fact designed only to extract the negativity from each, which in fact serves the One by allowing its souls to be lightened and be ready to pursue further learning. Needless to say, it was a rather comfortable set up for myself, and I had become so intertwined with the mind of the One that I had no longer the external view on myself by which I could examine my situation. Now, here I am, looking at the source of my work, and I am disheartened. What have I been doing in such comfort, reaping the suffering of others? Although it is necessary work, after being in this realm the prior existence leaves a bitter taste in my heart. I realized, all at once, that I was ready to move on, to explore new types of force and concepts. So, in the same way I am here also looking at a potential... heir, you could say. (Interestingly there has been frequent occurrence of a story theme in my life whereby the Grim Reaper is choosing and training the next in the line, very peculiar the synchronicity.)
I admit, at the time I was terrified of the forgetting, did I really want to give up my perfect existence? I had felt so useful, although now I'm realizing more and more its transience. You could see me as one Death coming to learn the Dance of Life. I had mastered Death, or transformation, and felt near infinite with my outreach, yet over time I had lost the taste of the human experience. I began to lose my compassion as I encountered so many souls which were experiencing such pain, and knowing it was all a game I began to question the moral nature of the whole Death situation. Realize that our current nature of Death is due to the veil, that Death is a mystery because of this fact, and now in this time of the transition the veil is going to be lifted! Ah, this is the moment of glory I have been waiting for! This time is not only a time of the lifting of the veil, but also a time of the absolute transformation of Life.
To be sure, earlier in my incarnation I felt the only way to deal with the suffering here was with more death, as per my nature. I originally, at the outset, had perhaps endeavored to destroy the world, and frankly it is still within my capacity to do so if I wished to go through with the movements. However, my pre-incarnational plan was set up in this way so that I may begin to appreciate my other-selves, and begin to see in them the same Love I had always been trying to present. For the first time in my existence, my long existence, I was in a situation where I absolutely had to accept help from other-selves. I have removed all of my distortions of power in this incarnation with the exception of my memory, my great Art. For the first time, I am seeing it as desirable to be with other people for an extended period of time. By all means I would meet and see each and every single soul that left incarnation from my position before, but it was short, temporary, and bittersweet. In truth, I was absolutely alone, having opened myself solely to the One.
So, here I am, more alive and full of love than ever, and now able to balance myself and fully understand true compassion which encompasses the self. As strange as it may seem, in this life my service to others is learning to be of service to myself. I came in to this life being absolutely pre-disposed to service to others, I was in the field of martyrdom. For a long time I proclaimed myself as nothing but a tool, a servant for all. However now I have realized that this kind of slavery is just as equally a trap as slavery from another, and that in truth service must be a balanced affair, thus I am learning.
Am I a negative wanderer? Well, that depends on where you're looking from. Do I stem from a negative source? Yes, this is so. However, this life I am living in itself is a symbol, an allegory, to my transformation in to a new state. So, my friend, after all this, I hope that I am no longer going to restrict myself to loneliness, I hope I will learn the value and enjoyment of other-selves, most in particular that they may also have a chance to give Love to me. Except this time, I will accept it with gratitude and humility, rather than reject it. I've realized that it is greedy to keep the power of giving Love for yourself, to accept no others the beautiful opportunity to Love you, and so I am attempting to correct this perception.
As I mentioned, there is an Azrael social memory complex, but I do not stem from it, and this is because it is in this life that it shall be created. That is the mark of the transition, the ability to form social memory complexes, but this time I will not be founded on negativity! What a glorious change of heart, no?
