Bring4th

...cause if not, I probably just ruined my life because of it

Hi, by the way.

I'm a 25 year old male from USA. Raised fundamentalist Christian in a very fear and rage filled environment. Realized that the cosmology doesn't make sense, went searching for one that did, explored everything i could find, but never in any particular depth because my mind was acting like a guided missile, targeted for something that it subconsciously already knew, even if I didn't consciously realize what it was. It's taken me about 2 years to get from devoted Christian-missionary-oriented mind-slave to here.

Unfortunately in the middle of this when I was feeling particularly down (about a year ago) I got in touch with this pay-service shamanic healer who claimed that all my troubles were due to my parents' bad energy clogging up my energy field. And then claimed he was going to send said bad energy back to them. Being the sacrificial person that I am, I was like, no, why can't I keep holding it for them? And he was like no, it's their karma, it should be with them. So I was sullenly like, ok whatever, but I never really believed him, and I don't think his energy healing worked very well because I was never in a receptive state of mind and never really accepted the idea that my parents karma should be returned to them...I mean what would be the point of undoing 25 years of painful service?? However he convinced me to move out on my own and "live for myself" which I complied with because I figured I wasn't doing my parents much good while I was so overwhelmed by their fear and sadness and emotional violence.

At approximately the same time I contacted said healer, I also found the Law of One info as presented by Hidden Hand on the abovetopsecret.com forum which I was searching for ultra-fringe (the normal fringe being unsatisfying to me after I realized that people like Alex Jones aren't promoting love in any way, shape or form) information. When I read the part about 3D life being analogous to creating an avatar in a video game, I felt like I had found something I'd been looking for all my life. Nearly everything Hidden Hand and later Ra said, resonated with me more deeply and truly than anything I'd encountered before. But since my life and my emotional state were very shaky and volatile at the time, I never really did anything about it, I just let it sink into my heart for a while.

Enter the events of the last week. Because I'm so awesome I never stopped keeping in touch with my parents through email and occasional visits (despite this being incredibly painful for me because, I really don't like my parents at all, they terrify me due to things that happened in early childhood, the memories of which are mostly suppressed) all the time trying to get my dad to look past his fear-blinkered version of Christianity and look for the inner truths of infinite love/light. But it got more and more impossible to talk to him 'cause he just wouldn't listen and twisted and distorted everything I said. So I gave up. I told him I'm giving up, I intended never to talk to him again, I told my "healer" guy that I finally did what he was suggesting and cut off all contact with my parents. This was just last week remember.

Few days later...suddenly, I don't even remember why, I'm back to the Law of One website, (I never really read the whole thing originally), and I stumble across the part about "Wanderers". Finally, for the first time in my life, my life made sense, I had a story that could be my own. I Am Somebody, not just a wisp of glowing soul blowing about in the gale of other people's pain. Suddenly the Harvest was not the ghost of hope of a better life and shadow of fear of not-being-good-enough that it had been up to that point...it was the brilliantly shining possibility of imminent Homecoming, the restoration of the reality of all the echoes of memories that have haunted me with mysterious longing all my life. I'm alive again.

Within the next day or two I then found myself confronted with a dilemma...one that I'm sure came from above despite it not being accompanied by any particular metaphysical experience. The choice: now that I (think I) know who I am, do I set my sights on going Home as soon as possible, or do I agree to live out the coming adventure with the purpose of giving love/light to whoever I can? Obviously I chose the latter, 'cause that's how we roll. I desperately just want to go home, there is nothing left on this earth that's worth staying for, in fact sometimes it seems like my emotional attachments to things in this life have been deliberately, systematically removed by an outside force. But I have yet to have a single actual metaphysical/supernatural experience so I figure I'd better keep living as if I might be staying for a little while longer.

So then I started to wonder if, now that I've re-dedicated my life to STO (not that it hasn't been all along, but the single-minded focus and clarity has been lacking and consequently I need to clean up my personal habits and fix my very broken emotional world), now that I'm sure what the direction of my purpose is, I wondered whether I need to go back to trying to help my parents...cause I can't imagine any other reason I would have been subjected to them if not to be an energetic counterweight to their negativity. This morning I decided to do so, and have resumed the difficult email discussion. At the same time I asked my "healer" if he had considered that I might be an ET and he said I wasn't. By this time I was quite sure of and attached to my wanderer-ness and was momentarily rather distressed by this, until I remembered that this wasn't by any means the first thing he'd told me that simply did not resonate...so I told him so, and that I don't necessarily trust his source of supernatural information (he claims there are "spirits" that you can contact that will tell you anything you want to know), I was trying to be nice and respectful, but he was very offended, and I think he is done with me, hopefully he won't try to exact any energetic revenge or send any negs after me

So here we are...I am now utterly alone and without purpose, at least insofar as my human 3D self. A week ago my life goal was, vaguely, to try to build up my positive energy and create a nice, pleasant, balanced 3D life for myself in hope of somehow "earning" my ticket out of here. Now I suppose I am still trying to build up my energy and be happy and kind to my human self, but its only for the purpose of having more to give away! So like I said in the beginning, I sure hope I'm not just crazy and that the Law of One is for real and I'm really a wanderer of some sort or another. If not, I just messed up everything I've worked for for the past year for no good reason!

At the moment I am quite terrified and feeling sick due to being afraid of continuing to interact with my parents as well as the aftershock of having an unpleasant interaction with my "healer", I absolutely cannot stand conflict, it destroys me emotionally. My 2nd/3rd chakra section is completely stopped up and filled with all the fear and rage and sorrow I've taken and eaten for the people around me, and I've not the slightest idea how to fix it, other than trying to be more consistent with diet and exercise and sexual abstinence.

Well, if anyone's read this far, thank you fellow wanderer for your time. If you have any spare nice warm fuzzy feelings to send my way, it would be greatly appreciated. And if you feel particularly led to try to help me, feel free to PM me, I could really use some kindred-spirited pen pals at the moment, since I've managed to scare away most everyone in my old life

Much to you all

Dearest Scribe,

Welcome! I'm so happy you found us. You are NOT crazy, and you are not alone. You are much loved! I look forward to getting to know you here at Bring4th.

Love and light to you!

Greetings Scribe, and certainly do not worry about your insanity in any way as you are not mislead by your spirits! Something notable to me that Ra said is that one should not work to change their original perceptions of the One, or rather the terminology of the religion used. I was also raised Christian, Catholic in my case, although not nearly so severely or without love. However, I went through a long period of rejection of faith and scorned any association with Christic concepts. However, now as I have gotten older and realized the nature of archetypes I've come to understand the Christian cosmology more thoroughly. I have recently been doing deeper work with Angels and I have been finding it very beneficial. Call out to your guardian angel, and call to the angels on high for guidance and light, because no matter the mechanisms and thoughts of men those principles of light are eternal within us.

Also, do not scorn your 3rd Density experience, nor treat is as ill, because to do so is to deny the beauty and love of the One within all things and all densities. There is still MUCH for you here, just as there is on every other level. We are just as "Home" here as we will ever be and it is the realization of that is what returns us to the Kingdom of God. Free Will is paramount, the choice was made to come here, the choice of your parents, and the choice of your struggles were all tools of catalyst to help you learn something. From my perception, what you are learning here is compassion.

Of course, many people think of compassion towards others and leave it at that, contenting themselves to take on the guilt and pains of others. However, full compassion includes the self. You must learn to empathize with yourself and discern between what is yours and what is not. Something I have been learning in my own life is that it is not noble to be a martyr, you cannot help when you sacrifice yourself constantly. By taking the responsibility of action away from others and taking it on to ourselves we effectively inhibit THEIR lessons that need to be learned.

Try this meditation but using yourself as the focus for compassion, and then gradually extending to those around you. We must start with freeing ourselves before we may free others.
http://www.healingwithawareness.com/arti...tation.htm

I definitely understand the difficulties of conflict, but this can also be lessened with an adjustment of your perception of the nature of conflict. Do you perceive it as a struggle or as a test? If you see each challenge as a tempering of your will and faith you will begin to see the nature of the conflicts before you. Remember that what it outside you is a reflection of what is inside of you. The conflicts you perceive outside you are representative of the conflicts which are within you.

As shocking as you may find this with your upbringing my best advice to you is: seek out pleasure and happiness. The 2nd and 3rd Chakra relate to sexuality, or rather creativity, and the third to the emotions. A blockage is a confusion and a repression. There is no need to abstain, nor any need to limit the things you consume, because it is the IDEA of the negativity of these things that makes them negative. No longer separate your spirit from your body, because your body is the expression of your spirit. Your body is YOUR creation, it is your universe of which you are the Creator. Love it, treat it well, allow it to explore and understand its sensations and desires. You must get to know yourself for all that you are, not simply for those parts which you have been taught to exalt. The whole being is wonderful and valuable, and so long as you keep your intentions good and pure and act in Love then you have nothing to fear in this world.

Also, another useful tool for managing your natural empathy (which is why you have taken on all these emotions for yourself, through an identification of the self with the uses of the self) is learning to shield yourself.
http://empathic.net/how-to-shield-empathic-energy.html

This will help you to distinguish the energies which are a source or a reflection (created by yourself or a reflection from another-self). You are learning to individuate. We must all go through a time when we leave our parents and our teachers and begin to stand with our own wisdom and seeking. It can be very scary and lonely, especially at first, but as time goes on you will see how much light is truly always with you, within you and around you. We are all here together and we must first focus on what it means to be HUMAN, before we may learn what it means to be a spirit living as a human. You will be fine! I hope you continue well on your path, may Love and Light go from Creator to Creator, in Love and Light, blessings, adonai.

Hello brother.

When you follow the path of STO, and your thoughts, words and deeds reflect this, you'll find the happiness in the now. And there is only now :¬)

A life lived this way, regardless of beliefs (or anything else for that matter) is a worthwhile life indeed.

If this healer takes great offense, then he/she is not as far along the path as they may make out (unless it's the negative path, then it is indeed very apt). Trust yourself and your own guidance/intuition above anyone else's :¬)

Regarding your blockages, balancing is a lifetime(s) endeavour. Patience and diligence are the key.

You do not need to carry around anyone else's baggage, as they say, you can choose to release it anytime. Identifying negative core beliefs is an incredible way to free yourself. Bashar's teachings are invaluable here. PM me if you'd like some help with it, I could talk you through it over Skype.

Scribe, you sound healthy to me. I know the defeated feeling well. One question- What do you love? Seek out what you love. The world is pointless, but if you are able to find some things to enjoy, do them. We have to put up with the rest of it, but the enjoyable things can balance it out.

Oh, don't think you do anything because of the LOO. Own your choices. You did what you wanted to do. So, there's that.

The world is not pointless, if you would see the purpose in all things. I think it is absolutely silly to think that "this" world is pointless but that there are other states of existence which are not. They all co-exist together in equality!

When reading your story I was filled with the feeling of wanting to help, so when I meditate I will add you to my thoughts and send your way love and light. And remember to light-love= Live

-Conifer16-
Adonai Vasu Borragus
I get the feeling that you will fit right in here at bring4th.

Welcome in this place!
You are at the right place, at the right time, Brother.

I am at a similar age as you (25 now, 26 soon), and I got through here with the help of the Hidden Hand writeups, but I did not have the "luxury" of others trying to bring me down, as it was always my own thinking that led me down to a path that was not helpful at all. But everything is right and well now that I am here, and we are all together in this.

Hi Azrael,
Thank you for taking the time for such well-communicated advice. Not to sound like an arrogant know-it-all (I always do) but everything you are saying is things I already know, and it sounds like you are speaking to one who has never been above what I understand to be 4th density. But I understand the wanderer to be likely to be someone who is 6th-density and thus has already gone through all this before. And I feel like I've already been through all this before and learned these lessons and doing it all again would just be going through the motions. I feel utterly alienated here, like my home is somewhere far elsewhere and I am someone much different and more clearly defined than the rather vaguely defined person I have been in this incarnation. But in this confused place how can I know whether these feelings are an echo of the past or an echo of the future? If I am really a 6D being limiting itself in 3D, there isn't a difference between the past and future, its just like jumping into the middle of a pre-existing novel/film/etc and writing a character into it. But I'm not the character. I don't feel like I am my human self. Which is why I still don't know if I'm crazy, because such a schizophrenic feeling might just be, in fact, simply schizophrenic. Assuming there is any such thing as "just" schizophrenia, isolated from spiritual conditions...there isn't really I think. But these are just the confused ramblings of a lost soul. But Azrael, you are hitting on the real dilemma I have...my 3D self has lost all of its momentum (don't read this as suicidal, I'm not!!) and I'm trying to find a motivation to continue it that feels good rather than fearful. As a free will chooser I don't want to be here anymore, I'm too hurt and too tired and too full of longings for things that simply do not exist in 3D. But I'm still willing to keep martyring myself here, while realizing that indeed I must be "selfishly" happy and love myself, I just don't know how because my ability to do it naturally, that got lost/suppressed/broken a long time ago.

So in other words, everything Azrael is saying is true as far as my 3D self goes, but I'm not very interested in my 3D self at the moment because its a disaster I'm willing to work to undisasterify if necessary, but if I'm going to set about creating a new and improved 3D self, then in order to make it most useful for whatever lies ahead, I would want to get in touch with someone higher (spirit guide/helper/etc) but I don't feel any inclination to do so, that could be fear-based or if I'm really a Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow wanderer, it could be because I'm not supposed to get any such help in this incarnation...I don't know. As Ra said, love and light don't have to plan ahead, they just go wherever they are needed...not sure how that works in 3D cause I don't see the point of actually dismantling my 3D job and posessions and goals and just go wandering about being kind to people as a homeless person...that just doesn't resonate with me, but when one is so full of past hurts as I am, it can be difficult to determine whether the lack of resonance is because I'm afraid or because it really isn't for me! Yes this all the ramblings of a broken-down mind, I'm sorry if I sound like I am disagreeing with you Azrael, as you said I need to learn energy shielding and in the absence of such knowledge, refusing to accept everything that doesn't resonate is one of the only ways I have to protect myself.

Thanks for the kind welcome everyone else,

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(10-05-2011, 04:54 PM)3DMonkey Wrote: [ -> ]Scribe, you sound healthy to me. I know the defeated feeling well. One question- What do you love? Seek out what you love. The world is pointless, but if you are able to find some things to enjoy, do them. We have to put up with the rest of it, but the enjoyable things can balance it out.

Oh, don't think you do anything because of the LOO. Own your choices. You did what you wanted to do. So, there's that.

What I've been doing for the past few months since I moved out on my own is trying to fill my life with the things I love. Most importantly instrumental music, like film soundtracks and contemporary classical, I have a vast collection and I listen to music nearly every waking moment. It's pretty much the main thing that has kept me sane and seeking love and not forgetting that I'm a beautiful person at heart. Medicine for the soul, its instrumental because the things my heart needs are completely beyond words. Words are just distracting most of the time, though there are some special "singing" songs I love. There are other things that I love but they are more confusing and not as pure and clearly beneficial. That could take about 6 hours to explain properly

Yeah, I didn't mean to sound like I was blaming the LOO for anything, I just thought it was an amusing introduction to my story. I only ever always do what I want to do, at least when I am lucid. OMG that's STS isn't it!! :@ just kidding Actually, the harmonic blending of the relationship of STS and STO in the wisdom of my secret heart says that eventually STS and STO are the same thing, two sides of the same coin, because STS is STO when done for the purpose of STO, like we said earlier, compassion for others requires compassion for yourself or you become just an empty dead lifeless hunk of former aliveness.

(10-05-2011, 03:19 PM)Scribe Wrote: [ -> ]in fact sometimes it seems like my emotional attachments to things in this life have been deliberately, systematically removed by an outside force.

if it is really and undeniably as such despite your efforts, it may mean that it is actually happening. and needs to happen. dry leaves must fall.

Quote:I wondered whether I need to go back to trying to help my parents...cause I can't imagine any other reason I would have been subjected to them if not to be an energetic counterweight to their negativity.

you cant help who doesnt want help.

Quote:At the moment I am quite terrified and feeling sick due to being afraid of continuing to interact with my parents as well as the aftershock of having an unpleasant interaction with my "healer", I absolutely cannot stand conflict, it destroys me emotionally. My 2nd/3rd chakra section is completely stopped up and filled with all the fear and rage and sorrow I've taken and eaten for the people around me, and I've not the slightest idea how to fix it, other than trying to be more consistent with diet

try meditating.

Quote:and exercise and sexual abstinence.

and clog yourself more.

actually it should be the opposite. however, while doign so you should choose your mates wisely. start with finding good people and replace your social circle with them.

Quote:So in other words, everything Azrael is saying is true as far as my 3D self goes, but I'm not very interested in my 3D self at the moment because its a disaster

if you are unsatisfied with your 3d self, change it.

if you are wanting to go home, prepare to go home.

if you are just wanting to stay until it is ok for you to go home, do so.

Quote:Azrael, as you said I need to learn energy shielding and in the absence of such knowledge,

start meditating.

Quote:refusing to accept everything that doesn't resonate is one of the only ways I have to protect myself.

it is the basic principle for what you speak of above. however wouldnt be enough.

My friend, as a Speaker I do nothing but speak what words come to me, and I always assume them to come from the one I am speaking to. There is nothing new except what is forgotten, and sometimes we use others to remind ourselves of what we already know. We exist in all densities constantly in the moment, you weren't one or the other before or later, you are everything NOW. Yes, I have made my way through the cycle many times too, but it is different each and every time. Each time you go through it the next time becomes more challenging because you are a more experienced soul and the cycle becomes easier and easier to see and thus learning to see the love and value in each moment becomes a greater quest.

We are not a greater being becoming a lesser being here, we are a a great being learning WHY it is great to BE. You have lost the context within which you came in to this realm, you GLADLY came here, absolutely fully aware of the difficulties you would face, including this very moment you are in now. http://setyoufree.lefora.com/2010/02/02/...pleadians/ I would highly recommend reading this book, Bringers of the Dawn, I think it will give you a little more to work with on a practical level as to why you chose to come here.

Also, here is some food for thought: This is your first life. Since all lives are simultaneous each and every single one is the first for itself. I fully understand where you're coming from, since I have extensive memories of experiences and manners of existence which are much more free than this one. However, I can honestly proclaim that each and every experience is unique and no matter how many times we may go through similar visual events they all have their own particular flavour.

What does it mean to be a "past" self of a "future" self? (Since we know that our higher self is in fact simply our future self.) It means you are here to CREATE YOURSELF. You, right now, are the seed, what kind of plant are you going to strive to become? Without you here and now, the "greater" you does not exist. There is no need to split yourself, that is your conflict. You are imagining that your 3D self is different from the other states of yourself, but they in fact all co-exist in unison. Everything that you are is available to you here, in the moment of Now, the Eternal Moment.

I can tell you, there are things possible in 3D that may seem impossible to the logical mind. We have all the capabilities here we always have, we have simply forgotten how to utilize them. That is the nature of the veil, and part of the challenge of coming in to an incarnation, not just reclaiming your abilities but also remembering that they do indeed exist! All the densities exist here, we are not just in 3D, we are in all densities, right now, and being born in "limitation" is just a way to do finer work on our greater selves. Just like when you do any form of art there requires a degree of detailing and focusing on only portions of the work at a time. What aspect, what energy and what life would you like to add to the total of your being? How would you like to detail and colour this particular portion of your whole self?

In your post, you have already illuminated what you need to do. You have already created every answer to your every difficulty through the recognition of the difficulty and through your own insights and intuition. You do not even need anything "higher" to guide you, because you are constantly in guidance if you would recognize the motions. Appreciation and gratitude is all you need. It is not selfish to be happy, nor to love yourself, because unless you can find these things within yourself how do you expect to spread them to others? Right now, you are only anchoring pain. Not to be rude, but you are not martyring yourself. You will not find peace in some other density, or some other reality, because the distortions you experience are here and now. This is where they exist, not in any other place or time. It is here that the knot needs to be undone, and the darkness illuminated. Be compassionate to yourself, as I said, which means forgiveness for your pains, and letting go of the past.

Don't take this as argument, take this as though you were speaking to yourself, your "higher" spirit cares for you so much, it wants you to live and love and be full of light. I can feel it in my stomach and within myself the pain you feel and the feeling of sickness that comes from perceiving yourself. I am One with you, and I speak as a part of you to urge you to take up your Will and to shine forth with all the infinite light that is within you. Forget about densities, forget about "higher" or "lower" and realize that you are both the Creator and the Creature. Realize that you have never been split, or separated from yourself in any way, but that you merely forgotten that which is already within your possession. Look within, and you will find all there is to find.

As I like to say for myself: "Home is where the heart is, and my heart is the center of myself." I wish you the best on your seeking, and hope you can once again ignite the spark which is meant to shine so bright as your inner flame. Love and Light, blessings, adonai.

Hello and welcome dear friend!
Your story with your parents really touched my heart as I went through a very similar catalyst.
I want to comment on that to hopefully help you remember and understand a couple of things about that catalyst:

- We actually made contract with those people before we incarnated to this life. That means that they are doing what we wanted them to do for the learning purpose.

- Helping people to understand before they are ready and ask for it is not much helpful. Loving and accepting them for what they chose to be is the greatest help we can give.



Love and Light

Quote:if you are just wanting to stay until it is ok for you to go home, do so.

Well, this. What I wish to decide is what I should do with myself in the meantime. Which probably means just be as happy as possible. Which is what I already knew, lol.

I try to meditate while listening to relaxing music, but I'm not good at focusing, or following any particular intention, because my brain is usually insanely overstimulated. I could probably be diagnosed with about 10 different "disorders" but I don't go to doctors. That is what the diet and exercise is for, to try to calm myself down and make my body/nervous system work better, and the sexual abstinence is partially because I don't know how to find good people, I have been trying online dating sites and no one has talked to me despite my best efforts, part of why I said I am feeling like my emotional attachments are being deliberately minimized. I was rather forcibly dragged away from my emotional attachments to people in the church world and now that I'm out of the church world I can't seem to find a new social circle, except for a bunch of guys online that I play an auto racing simulation with, but that's kind of shallow obviously. Yet even there I try to be the guy that everyone likes and who races as respectfully as possible and tries to be friendly to everyone in the midst of an ongoing "war" between rival teams of drivers. Its fun and funny.

Also I just went to a nearby park to try to find a nice place to meditate and listen to music but I somehow lost my iPod and couldn't find it again...maybe it means I'm supposed to try to meditate without music, lol.

Azrael I comprehend what you're saying mentally but emotionally I'm a story-driven person (I'm a fantasy writer actually but all my stories were Christian and primarily about how to love a God that hurts you and thats...not really what I want to write about anymore!) so as a story-driven person it feels like you are saying my own soul story doesn't matter, which according to the highest perspective is true because I Am all people and all stories but, I don't really understand how it helps in this life to look at it from that perspective. But I do feel the art / refining a smaller portion thing, its very true, forgive my mixed messages cause I'm still just very new to all this and quite confused! I will read that Pleadians book sometime soon, the purple amoebas make me happy

I'm also trying to read the Wanderer's Handbook book, as well as slowly working my way through a thread on ATS by a seemingly STS guy who has memories of past lives as a gray (and many other things) which is absolutely fascinating me because he agrees with (at least partly) the LOO material but his perspective is completely different, refreshingly so, than any human I have encountered in this life, even though I don't agree with him he's hilarious and adorable. Its this if anyone's curious.

---

(10-05-2011, 06:21 PM)Cassandra11 Wrote: [ -> ]Hello and welcome dear friend!
Your story with your parents really touched my heart as I went through a very similar catalyst.
I want to comment on that to hopefully help you remember and understand a couple of things about that catalyst:

- We actually made contract with those people before we incarnated to this life. That means that they are doing what we wanted them to do for the learning purpose.
- Helping people to understand before they are ready and ask for it is not much helpful. Loving and accepting them for what they chose to be is the greatest help we can give.

You are right, I need to somehow focus less on "helping" them and more on loving and accepting them (which was made rather more difficult because I spent the last nine months with my "healer" trying to convince me that they were "bad" people that were going to have their souls destroyed after this life, I didn't believe him but it made it harder to think of my parents in a positive light since he was trying to get me to see them in a negative light). I find it hard to feel loving towards people I don't like, and I don't like most people, I don't know why, they just make me uncomfortable...my parents went way overboard on teaching me to be wary of "strangers" when I was a little kid, and that combined with being locked away in homeschool-prison for the first 15 years of my life (I literally had no friends until I was 15 and even after that I only had a few friends that were basically pre-approved by my parents!) makes it very hard to be comfortable around most people. Outwardly I've gotten pretty good at socializing, impressively so considering my upbringing, but its still awkward and not particularly enjoyable. I've only met a few people who were spiritual/empathetic enough that I felt safe enough with to drop the act and just be myself with, but those people are no longer in my life for various reasons. So, um, I guess the point is that I'm not very good at being "loving" at least in the sense of showing affection in the normal human ways, because nobody's ever done it for me and I've never done it for anyone, even though I desparately want to, my parents don't exactly seem like the best place to start since they are the most hardest and scariest. Although, maybe that means its a good place to start, like starting with the heaviest bowling ball makes the other ones easier, or something rather terrifying idea though. I want to be free of them forever but I also feel responsible for them, I need to find that inner place where I remember exactly why I'm so terrified of them, and fix it, but those are stormy waters to explore and I would like to have a safe port to return to if I go there, and I don't really have a safe port at the moment, which is why I'm sort of stuck in uncertainty and talking circles around myself

But accepting, I can do that!

(10-05-2011, 07:31 PM)Scribe Wrote: [ -> ]I try to meditate while listening to relaxing music, but I'm not good at focusing, or following any particular intention, because my brain is usually insanely overstimulated.

thats why you meditate, and its going to be as crappy as a mud pit at the start. normal.

Quote: and the sexual abstinence is partially because I don't know how to find good people,

then masturbate. its not good to hold back sexual energies.

Quote:I'm out of the church world I can't seem to find a new social circle,

2 years is nothing as a transition period. youll find people with time.

Quote:Also I just went to a nearby park to try to find a nice place to meditate and listen to music but I somehow lost my iPod and couldn't find it again...maybe it means I'm supposed to try to meditate without music, lol.

well ... its indeed rather clear enough.

Aha I think we're being a little too confrontational here, Unity.

I didn't intend to be so pressing, I can be a little overzealous with wanting to assist. Ehehe

Eh, its alright, all you're really telling me is what I already knew, which is to answer my own questions, which I was already doing, so it's all good.
I'm just lonely and want people to hug and cuddle and sing and dance with.
In absence of that I at least wanted somewhere to ramble about my spiritual thoughts where everyone wouldn't wonder what the heck I was talking about!

(10-05-2011, 09:20 PM)Azrael Wrote: [ -> ]Aha I think we're being a little too confrontational here, Unity.

I didn't intend to be so pressing, I can be a little overzealous with wanting to assist. Ehehe

what confrontation ? what assist ?

Hello Scribe, thanks for telling us you are here, so that we can accept you as one of us. You have enough advice, so I just say try each for comfort and suitability.

Meditation is just letting the mind find peace and quiet for awhile so that it can receive the good signal instead of the noise. A racing mind indicates the challenge of meditation and also the reward of doing/attempting it.

Love and light are all around--enjoy it.

"The LOO better be for real"

Hehehe that is really quite funny to me. lol

I can't imagine it not being real, but I'll ask a question. If the Law of One wasn't real, wouldn't it still be effective in changing a life for the utmost good or effective getting someone out of negatively? The information itself is quite powerful in and of itself wouldn't you agree?

Hidden Hand change my life as well. It was 3 years when I was 16 that I left christianity because of the fear it provoked, then a few months down the road I ran into hidden and was quite sadden I came when he left. Looked a Ra in the Law of One and that's when my life was forever changed again. Naruto a anime T.V show played a role of developing me to the person I am today. It's philosophies can blow a person mind, if they understood in depth of it.

I left the mind set of 9/11, Aliens, financial crisis and Illuminati. I'm into global oneness and world peace now. If there's a such thing as peace and people truly understanding each other I'm willing to help to achieve it.

hello!

the way i see it, even if it wasnt real the message is still important and for the betterment of all - love and unity to progress our species. it should be common sense in our world yet its not because the wrong people are in charge (people who love greed and violence). the bottom line is that there is no proof either way unless we get to meet the Ra SMC ourselves some day to find out, but something about the information given must speak to your heart or you wouldn't be here. so what do you think?

welcome btw

It's like CS Lewis wrote in the 4th Narnia book (Silver Chair), when they were trapped in the underworld and the witch was trying to convince them that all their previous memories of Narnia and Earth were just their imagination...

Quote:“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said. But there’s one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things–trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play-world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we’re leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that’s a small loss if the world’s as dull a place as you say.”

Even if I'm wrong, I'd rather believe in the cosmology that I'd actually want to live in, believe that the world really does work the way I feel it should, believe that lovelight and positive energy are infinite forces so powerful that in the face of the darkest evil they can only laugh at how puny it is, believe that there are infinite wonderful beautiful paradises to explore, believe that even the very lostest soul will someday find their way home...in short, even if I'm wrong, I choose to believe in the Best Possible Thing. And the LOO material is the most clearly stated, in words, version of that Best Possible Thing that I've found so far...even if words are so very, very insufficient.

(10-06-2011, 07:45 AM)Scribe Wrote: [ -> ].in short, even if I'm wrong, I choose to believe in the Best Possible Thing. And the LOO material is the most clearly stated, in words, version of that Best Possible Thing that I've found so far...even if words are so very, very insufficient.

Lovely!

Oh Scribe - what a beautiful portion of the Chronicles to quote here. I love the Narnia stories, so many truths there for us to find. Thank you for inspiring me to get them down from the shelf here and read through them again. And thank you just for being here with us!

Love & Light!

Welcome! To bring4th cant wait to see more posts from you!

Love and Light!