Bring4th

So, typical wanderer intro. Upon finding the Ra material a few months ago, I feel like I have received a cosmic validation of sorts for so many internalized truths I've held for so long. So much of the material resonated within me, it felt as though I found a piece of the puzzle I've held inside myself.
And yet, while I confess to feeling re-awakened in a sense, I find it very difficult to put love and light into practice.
I have always been imaginative and intrigued by mystery, magic, the occult, and ideas that those not in-tune with the intangible parts of our 'reality' would probably think me crazy for entertaining.
I've struggled with balancing my emotions for much of my life and though I have a strongly optimistic and positive attitude and outlook, it seems that I cannot help but be strongly swayed at times in that other direction.
I always joked it was because I'm a libra. The search for balance is often found by those varying extremes which always vacillate within me. I'm confident and strong, but insecure with waning self worth. I'm financially and willfully independent, yet over emotional and codependent in my personal relationships.
Upon stumbling on the Hidden Hand info which led me to the Ra & L.O.O. material, I truly felt that I had received a gift that I had been seeking, that I had found light and love and a bolstering sense of faith. Where I used to be depressed and withdrawn, I could now see the love and light in everything. And yet, during my daily life when I find myself at a crossroads faced with the very opportunities spoken of by Ra and Q'uo to turn a negative situation into a positive one, I veritably crumble. I know this polarity is essential, but it feels so self defeating that after praying for light and love and feeling it within myself, I break and let _____ overcome. Fill the blank-- is it ego? Is it the dark? That sense of service to self? I detest lack of accountability in others and myself; I know that I am responsible for my choices and yet I so desperately desire to be a beacon of light and love for others. But it seems my own personal weakness has more power and instead of love shining through I find myself wracked with anger and overcome with a lack of self control.
I have began to meditate more and can honestly say I've felt amazing bodily responses which result in feeling lighter and feeling love, but then for example, later in the day a disagreement will occur and instead of taking the high road I find myself fighting with the same passion I feel towards love.
Then I feel so angry with myself. I forgive myself and recognize that this is all essential, there are no mistakes, and yet it is still so hard for me to accept that my ability to become that which I can be is trumped by my eagerness and desire to be that which I can be.
I would love to hear any suggestions from others here on how they actively use the opportunities presented to them for polarization to service to others. Thank you!
Love and light

Control over emotion is easier if you have cleared out all dark energies and entities. When I first learned I even had inner demons just the focus of my attention made them leave one by one. Wrath was the first to leave. It seems that your conscious awareness can be pointed at an inner issue, and energies will sort of focus through you into the object of your attention, like the sun through a magnifying glass.

Find out if you have attachments, then do what is needed to clear them out. If you become aware of "them" you will find a dividing line between your emotions and you. You may notice that what you are feeling is not a logical reaction to the stress. You may even notice how it is amplified. You will then be aware of an "infusion" of energy into your emotion, and be able to make an informed choice as to whether you want to allow it.

Welcome to the forum Highpriestess,

Everything you describe is perfectly fine... for us here humble students of the Law of One . Emotions are like gems, they require some attention as in polishing before revealing themselves in all their beauty.

If it is not synchronicity, only a few moments ago I posted a link to the excellent Q'uo channeling regarding the fascinating topic of emotions. Here is the link on "The function and use of emotions" from where come the excerpts below.
http://www.llresearch.org/newsletters/issues/2009_4.pdf

Quote:Whereas the mind moves from thought to thought, generally governed by logic and the intellect, the heart moves from emotion to emotion, generally with no intellectual component whatsoever. For emotions are those gifts of the heart that stem from the very depths and roots of your consciousness. ...

Each person has a different and unique mentality and personality. However, as members of the tribe of humankind on your planet in third density, you share one consciousness. Your jealousy and another’s jealousy has the same energy. Your love and another’s love of a certain frequency has the same energy. It is emotions rather than thoughts which unite your people. ...

Consequently, as a spiritual seeker, each time an emotion arises you are working to feel it without shrinking from it or reaching towards it, the goal being not to do anything with the emotion except to allow it to sink into the consciousness of the present moment....

It is possible, indeed probable, that some sort of ongoing contemplation of the archetypal mind may help the seeker to evaluate and think about the experiences of emotion that he has....

...emotion, like the rivers and lakes of your planet, is an ever flowing, ever changing, ever evolving water system, shall we say, or circulation system of the consciousness of the one Creator....

it is to the one who trusts each and every emotion enough to give it space and time in which to articulate itself within your awareness that emotions shall begin to offer you the reward of that feeling of oneself that goes beyond the linear....

The nature of the human is to be ethically oriented and to desire to serve, to love and to know. Trust your emotions to help you learn these things. And as you relate to others, trust the emotions in them that resonate with your own in terms of dealing with each entity at the soul level.

Take care
:idea:

Whitefeather

The shadow of Love is Fear, which always comes back to fear of the self, fear of the experience. All things are within, the outside is just an illusion, there is no outside, you are inside an inside, your own. When you go in to fear, this is when you break down. However, this isn't to say one should shun the fear ignorantly, since one should learn to be able to feel fear and not be swayed by it. Balancing is NEVER about removal of anything, only adjusting arrangement, since the rule in our universe is - nothing destroyed, nothing created, only transformed for all is infinite.

I get a good resonance from you, if you'd like to chat or anything by all means it would be my pleasure. Hope things start to fall more in to place for you, love and light, adonai!

The fill-in-the-blank only THINKS it's more powerful than the loving ideal! The part of you that wants to control the situation to create an outcome of love is coming from a place of fear, so no REAL love can come into the situation.

What's behind the thoughts of desire to experience an ideal situation? It's your will!! Pay attention to it, and over time, it will become strong enough to surrender, release, accept, and simply allow the situation to be, and allow yourself to be in it, and allow the love to flow into it. Love cannot be controlled.

Like Azrael said, good vibes! You have such a warm, soft energy. You'll make it past this stepping stone in no time!