Do you ever think of suicide as wanderers?
probably once seriously in my life. I had it all planned too; slashing of wrists in bathtub. It came when I was in a financially vulnerable position, and I couldn't see how I was going to move forward.
- -
in the end, the tears I shed for those that would be left behind(I'm taking my parents, brother and sister, best friend) rather than myself ceased that course of action.
this was not mild suicidal thoughts; they were plans in motion for the best part of 10 hours, which doesn't sound like much, but it was REAL and had the full INTENTION of follow-through.
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that's the only time in my life. I've suffered depression and anxiety too; and wanted it all to stop, but never to the level of planning stage. That's the one time.
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you might say that my STO instincts kicked in, and I could not do that to my loved ones, and the ones who had cherished me so long in life.
suicide is a spiritually fraught topic. For many years I searched for information regarding the karmic consequences. The most information I found was this:
you get sent back to 3d experience to relearn your lessons. No punshment as such.
Many times in the past, yes. Some times very seriously, but there was always something or someone preventing it from happening.
But I think that I would surely do that for real, just some time before finding Ra material, if it would not be for my daughter.
(02-08-2012, 03:01 PM)plenum Wrote: [ -> ]probably once seriously in my life. I had it all planned too; slashing of wrists in bathtub. It came when I was in a financially vulnerable position, and I couldn't see how I was going to move forward.
- -
in the end, the tears I shed for those that would be left behind(I'm taking my parents, brother and sister, best friend) rather than myself ceased that course of action.
this was not mild suicidal thoughts; they were plans in motion for the best part of 10 hours, which doesn't sound like much, but it was REAL and had the full INTENTION of follow-through.
- -
that's the only time in my life. I've suffered depression and anxiety too; and wanted it all to stop, but never to the level of planning stage. That's the one time.
- -
you might say that my STO instincts kicked in, and I could not do that to my loved ones, and the ones who had cherished me so long in life.
suicide is a spiritually fraught topic. For many years I searched for information regarding the karmic consequences. The most information I found was this:
you get sent back to 3d experience to relearn your lessons. No punshment as such.
well i now that there is a free will on the other side so it sounds cool to do it(i dont have to go back here)...i just think that i am a fool because i chose a human form lol...
(02-08-2012, 03:17 PM)Ankh Wrote: [ -> ]Many times in the past, yes. Some times very seriously, but there was always something or someone preventing it from happening.
But I think that I would surely do that for real, just some time before finding Ra material, if it would not be for my daughter.
hey Ankh, thanks for sharing this. These dark thoughts are difficult to admit, but in a way, they are all part of our experience and have to be accepted at some level.
and I concur with this:
just some time before finding Ra material
I'm the same. I don't think I've sunk to any serious depths of emotional turmoil/distress since I've found the Law of One. The truth is a beauteous thing to behold
and I'm sure your daughter is happy you stuck around too!!
Not as often as before but yes.
I have, but in the heat of anger. When I spend any time thinking about it, I just think this life IS one drawn out suicide attempt anyway, so there isn't any need to rush it at this point.
Back on October 28, 2011 I did contemplate it at one moment. I had spent most of my time building a universe within me that I very much loved. Then I lost control of it and truly thought I was being pulled into negative space, that I would be harvested negative.
I came to terms with that telling myself "that won't solve anything" and I demonstrated love by telling Ra that I would willingly go through the negative experience because I loved them that much. When I accepted my "fate" (being harvested negative for violating free will), the sensations eased. I was quite afraid because I thought I had violated the free will of my creation. I was emotionally hypersensitive, and it felt like the world around me was falling apart. I had already decided not to kill myself when the ambulance arrived to take me to the mental hospital. I still thought it was going to get worse as I felt like I was pulled more into negative space. I just accepted it because there wasn't physical pain, so I felt I could handle it.
It's one of those things where you think that the other people's job is to hurt you, but I loved enough to where I didn't freak out in the ambulance. I even thought them taking my blood pressure was a form of mild psychological torture. Only my love for others got me through it without breaking down. My solar plexus felt very dense, like a black hole, and I feared that because I remember how Ra says that the negative entities have an unusually dense solar plexus chakra.
Later after I had accepted it, it began to be fun. Because I felt now like I was fulfilling a purpose. Even when they put a catheter in me, I was laughing because I saw shapes of cute cartoon characters on the ceiling that weren't really there.
*hugs*
i came to the conclusion that i would be sent back and have to experience the same crap. maybe even worse.
Interesting. Since I found the Law of One, my personal teachings have been much harder. The lessons more difficult than ever before. I was at the scope of creating octaves, which wore heavily on me. It's been both mind numbing terrifying, and remarkable.
(02-08-2012, 03:27 PM)plenum Wrote: [ -> ]I'm the same. I don't think I've sunk to any serious depths of emotional turmoil/distress since I've found the Law of One. The truth is a beauteous thing to behold
Yes... I really really REALLY don't want to go through another full set 3D incarnations. Otherwise, things couldn't be harder for me right now and I might consider that option if it weren't for that probability. Also I recognize this is going to be very special "show", so I am trying to hang on the best I can.
I am having extreme difficulty scraping by in the "old world". Despite all the signs screaming the message of what is about to transpire, nobody else around me seems to hear this. So they make it seem like this isn't going to come true. Thus, since I have such a tendency to feel what other's are feeling, I sort of become them so that I might see things from their perspective.
I don't know how to explain to them why I have so many difficulties trying to insert myself into what I see is a very complex version of slavery in most instances (a job). I only seek to do this so I don't have some of my most important personal relationships go sour, as they just wouldn't understand why I am being so picky about finding a job that I can be comfortable with.
I feel like I am waiting to start my "real" life, and I'm just waiting for the fireworks to start so I can begin.
(02-09-2012, 01:48 AM)DuncanIdahoTPF Wrote: [ -> ]Yes... I really really REALLY don't want to go through another full set 3D incarnations. Otherwise, things couldn't be harder for me right now and I might consider that option if it weren't for that probability. Also I recognize this is going to be very special "show", so I am trying to hang on the best I can.
I am having extreme difficulty scraping by in the "old world". Despite all the signs screaming the message of what is about to transpire, nobody else around me seems to hear this. So they make it seem like this isn't going to come true. Thus, since I have such a tendency to feel what other's are feeling, I sort of become them so that I might see things from their perspective.
I don't know how to explain to them why I have so many difficulties trying to insert myself into what I see is a very complex version of slavery in most instances (a job). I only seek to do this so I don't have some of my most important personal relationships go sour, as they just wouldn't understand why I am being so picky about finding a job that I can be comfortable with.
I feel like I am waiting to start my "real" life, and I'm just waiting for the fireworks to start so I can begin.
I am waiting for 21.12 so that we can go home
(02-08-2012, 03:24 PM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]well i now that there is a free will on the other side so it sounds cool to do it(i dont have to go back here)...i just think that i am a fool because i chose a human form lol...
You are not the one you are now, in your true form, when passing into the larger life, imho. So, when you go back, you will see, with infinite love in your heart, all the pain that you left behind you. And perhaps your plan was to alleviate that very thing you might cause by taking your life - sorrows and suffer upon this planet. Perhaps you wished to heal it, to heal other selves, to aid someone, but instead, by suicide - you'd cause more sorrows, that very thing that you came here to heal?
You will see what you've done with open eyes and open heart, and perhaps, being in that density, in that milieu, you will forgive yourself for that, but will wish to polarize deeper, further, and in infinite love to the One Creator, you might decide that you need to go back again, to learn these same lessons you are here now to learn.
Think of everything that you've been through this far. Think of everything that has already happened to you. Think of your childhood, and everything that you've suffered this far. Would you want it to repeat again? But now you are awakening, or already awaken. You found some part in yourself - this part that you will have to seek again, that you will have to suffer new, and still the same catalysts again, in order to find again. Don't close your eyes on karma and sorrows you might bring to both yourself and other selves, and this planet, by taking this action.
Look at the now instead, and try to seek the reason for you coming here. You came here with a *plan*, an amazing plan that you created for yourself, to learn something, and... to share something unique which you have hidden from yourself - that uniqueness is your amazing love and light, that no one else has. There is no one like you in this creation. And other beings line up to incarnate on Earth, Confederation enetities tell us, and few of us are chosen on those unique premises, gifts and talents that we bring with us. Look for that, wake up a little bit more. Because, my brother/sister - that amazing plan of yours - was *not* suicide.
(02-09-2012, 03:17 AM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]I am waiting for 21.12 so that we can go home
We *will* go home. Each and every one of us. When it happens, we don't know. But I beg you to try to offer of what *you* have, before you go back. This Earth needs you. These people need you. They are starving for love. I wish to offer this quote by
Q'uo:
Sunday Meditation, September 16, 2001 Wrote:We are grateful to the one known as Jim who witnessed to the lack of love upon your planet. Truly, no truer words, no truer thought has been spoken than this one. Your people and Gaia desperately need to be loved; to be seen, to be apprehended for the first time as part of the self.
(02-09-2012, 06:59 AM)Ankh Wrote: [ -> ] (02-08-2012, 03:24 PM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]well i now that there is a free will on the other side so it sounds cool to do it(i dont have to go back here)...i just think that i am a fool because i chose a human form lol...
You are not the one you are now, in your true form, when passing into the larger life, imho. So, when you go back, you will see, with infinite love in your heart, all the pain that you left behind you. And perhaps your plan was to alleviate that very thing you might cause by taking your life - sorrows and suffer upon this planet. Perhaps you wished to heal it, to heal other selves, to aid someone, but instead, by suicide - you'd cause more sorrows, that very thing that you came here to heal?
You will see what you've done with open eyes and open heart, and perhaps, being in that density, in that milieu, you will forgive yourself for that, but will wish to polarize deeper, further, and in infinite love to the One Creator, you might decide that you need to go back again, to learn these same lessons you are here now to learn.
Think of everything that you've been through this far. Think of everything that has already happened to you. Think of your childhood, and everything that you've suffered this far. Would you want it to repeat again? But now you are awakening, or already awaken. You found some part in yourself - this part that you will have to seek again, that you will have to suffer new, and still the same catalysts again, in order to find again. Don't close your eyes on karma and sorrows you might bring to both yourself and other selves, and this planet, by taking this action.
Look at the now instead, and try to seek the reason for you coming here. You came here with a *plan*, an amazing plan that you created for yourself, to learn something, and... to share something unique which you have hidden from yourself - that uniqueness is your amazing love and light, that no one else has. There is no one like you in this creation. And other beings line up to incarnate on Earth, Confederation enetities tell us, and few of us are chosen on those unique premises, gifts and talents that we bring with us. Look for that, wake up a little bit more. Because, my brother/sister - that amazing plan of yours - was *not* suicide.
(02-09-2012, 03:17 AM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]I am waiting for 21.12 so that we can go home
We *will* go home. Each and every one of us. When it happens, we don't know. But I beg you to try to offer of what *you* have, before you go back. This Earth needs you. These people need you. They are starving for love. I wish to offer this quote by Q'uo:
Sunday Meditation, September 16, 2001 Wrote:We are grateful to the one known as Jim who witnessed to the lack of love upon your planet. Truly, no truer words, no truer thought has been spoken than this one. Your people and Gaia desperately need to be loved; to be seen, to be apprehended for the first time as part of the self.
yeah..
I have been there.
I remember contemplating it without emotion as a young child--about 6.
I again as an adult went through an experience very similar to Plenum's. I even had a nurse friend in on it. I spent many nights surfing the internet for the easiest way to die. What got me out of it was the idea of quitting my mission to be here, and what I would think of it when I got to "the other side." I imagined being so disappointed that I didn't stick it out. Part 2 of that scenario is that I got back on track with goals. To live here in 3D, one must have some participation in 3D to tolerate it, unless you are content to be a roving aesthetic who lives off of handouts. I worked hard on developing my way out of the low point.
I like to imagine now that when I leave this place, I will be celebrating that "I did it." I did what I came to do, no matter how hard--which ironically will make the success even sweeter.
thanks Dinko.
we are all brothers and sisters of Sorrow here.
called to a place of great suffering.
has there ever been a time in recorded history where there was not at least ONE WAR going on?
(02-12-2012, 07:47 AM)plenum Wrote: [ -> ]thanks Dinko.
we are all brothers and sisters of Sorrow here.
called to a place of great suffering.
has there ever been a time in recorded history where there was not at least ONE WAR going on?
Im so sad when i read peoples stories i can relate to them
I wish i could help them... But u cant do much
Depressive disorder can hit anyone. It lurks around me plenty of times. I think that Wanderers have a vague, vague memory of life being LOTS better "somewhere else." That exerts a pull nearly non-stop. Having an identity as (maybe) a Wanderer, and what it means, i.e. sorrowful but here to help, puts things into perspective and encourages carrying on.
I remember sinking so low that I didn't "have the energy" to take the steps to suicide, because I first would want to clean up my home and write a thoughtful note. If a bad guy had put a gun to my head however, I would have said, "What are you waiting for?" That's why I understand the warnings that say if, after taking this anti-depressant, you have thoughts of suicide, seek help. A little more energy might have pushed me that way.
Then there was this one very brief time when I simply was madly driven to reach for some implement and do myself in. It was urgent! I stopped it by asking myself, "What's this all about?" That was enough to make that go away and never return. Whew!
Non-drug treatments that push depression away:
At least one of these every day, if possible.
(02-12-2012, 07:01 AM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]By the way if u wanna give supportive words to those who need it you can do it on http://suicideproject.org/
Maybe this is your call/honor then, bro?
(02-12-2012, 07:01 AM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]By the way if u wanna give supportive words to those who need it you can do it on http://suicideproject.org/
Right now, I want to give supportive words to you, dear Dinko!
Are you ok? Do you have anyone in your life that you can lean on right now, who supports you and loves you?
Would you like a friend to talk to?
Dinko, I appreciate that you are endeavoring to interpret your feelings in the context of the Law of One. But I suspect that you are in the midst of despair.
Please know that YOU ARE LOVED.
Yes! WE LOVE YOU!
I don't know what your situation is, what your catalyst is, but I do know this: YOU ARE LOVED!
And, you chose this very catalyst. It is what you need to grow spiritually.
You may be experiencing the dark night of the soul.
Please know that you aren't alone!!! Many of us have been experiencing the very same thing.
It's 2012. It's a time of shedding old patterns that no longer serve us. Sometimes, in the process, we experience pain. The Chinese have a saying:
Pain is resistance to change. I've found this to be true!
Don't resist the changes, Dinko. Embrace them. You are unfolding, as a butterfly leaving the cocoon! Spread your wings and FLY!!!
Take action in your life. FORGIVE. If you do nothing else, FORGIVE. Forgive all who have hurt you. You might not feel it. But you can choose it. Think of those who have hurt you, and CHOOSE to love and forgive them! Remember, forgiveness breaks the cycle of karma! Make a choice to forgive those others, as well as yourself. Oh yes, especially yourself!
There are loving beings surrounding you, nurturing you, comforting you, loving you.
Please pm me or anyone else in our community, if you want someone to talk to...if you need a shoulder to cry on.
We're here for you!
(02-12-2012, 08:24 AM)Dinko Wrote: [ -> ]Im so sad when i read peoples stories i can relate to them
I wish i could help them... But u cant do much
Yes you can. You CAN help them! You can do A LOT! Just by radiating the LOVE that is YOU...
Next time you go to the grocery store, smile at the cashier! Look him/her in the yes and SEE THE CREATOR. Ask him/her how their day is going, and really mean it.
You will be amazed, at what a difference such a small thing can make.
Love/Joy will spread like a virus...
Thank you... You all are very kind
the serious contemplation of suicide that I described in the second post in this thread ... it created serious repercussions.
the elaborate planning and envisioning of my end, even though it was only for a 40 minute window, created a thought form that lingered for the last 12 or more years. It was a button that could be pushed in times of distress; sometimes by myself in hopes of releasing the thought form, sometimes from outside when I was more vulnerable, and 'others' had less than positive intentions for me.
when it was finally forgiven it was like a black cloak had been lifted from my awareness. So much more light could instream from above.
negative thoughts are permanent, and do not dissapate on their own.
forgiveness of self is the primary driver for healing.
I spent about a decade being passively suicidal, and to be honest, it still crosses my mind from time to time. However, I acknowledge these thoughts as just that. My will to live and learn what I set out to learn is stronger. What a privilege it is to be here, and would I just throw that away? To me, committing suicide is saying "I give up" and throwing in the towel, and if anything I'm just too stubborn to do that, even if it hurts to the point I'd give anything to end the pain. The suicidal thoughts manifest as an old defense mechanism...and I acknowledge them and choose to think about something else. Even when the barrel seems empty, I always manage to find a little more to scrape out to keep going.
Having one of my best friends commit suicide only strengthened that resolve. I saw the tremendous pain he caused his family and friends, and I myself felt the greatest pain my heart has ever known when I heard of his death. No way could I do that to the many wonderful people who care about me. Recently I've found the pain I know so well sliding away, and after all those years of wanting to kill myself, I'm glad I didn't. I finally found the joy that was buried there the whole time.
(12-24-2012, 12:35 PM)Brittany Lynn Wrote: [ -> ]I spent about a decade being passively suicidal, and to be honest, it still crosses my mind from time to time. However, I acknowledge these thoughts as just that. My will to live and learn what I set out to learn is stronger. What a privilege it is to be here, and would I just throw that away? To me, committing suicide is just saying "I give up" and throwing in the towel, and if anything I'm just too stubborn to do that. The thoughts manifest as an old defense mechanism...and I acknowledge them and choose to think about something else.
Having one of my best friends commit suicide only strengthened that resolve. I saw the tremendous pain he caused his family and friends, and I myself felt the greatest pain my heart has ever known when I heard of his death. No way could I do that to the many wonderful people who care about me.Recently I've found the pain I know so well sliding away, and after all those years of wanting to kill myself, I'm glad I didn't. I finally found the joy that was buried there the whole time.
well said
I've had a number of serious considerations in my life although I don't think I can say I may any deliberate attempts, although I would often reason with myself in a way that I would see suicide as more reasonable than continuing to exist and hurt people and myself. It wasn't until last year that I started to dissolve the bonds with the many demons I had allowed to take over my conscious mind, wanting their power, even knowing the price.
Realizing the Light, as all things, everywhere, and understanding it to be the multi-dimensional thought which gives rise to all of my perceptions, including the demons, my health, my energy. I had always known this, it was nothing new to me, I was always aware since the beginning of this body about my true nature. However, my view, of course, was limited and obscured by the nature of the mind/body/spirit complex, as some know it as, in that the unfoldment of my consciousness was based on a program of processing that can only happen through the occurences within space-time, thus you could say the seed was beginning to grow, and at a point the plant will penetrate the surface of the dirt, and then grow in to greater maturity. For me, between last year and this year has been the period of my breaking through, the year I was 22, which is also my Life Path number interestingly.
Now, I have realized the greater Light within me, and am losing more and more any desire to dwell in darkness, or the space of illusory separation. Well, more that the desire has become something new, and my relationship with the Dark within myself has become more clear and defined. I understand now that even though I am unified as One, I am still consisted of Many, and all the different aspects of my consciousness have inter-relationships within my consciousness. I, as the Creator, the I Am that I Am, choose what is what. Through the power of the Adam Kadmon I am able to so "name" whatever part as I choose and thus deduce, or within my consciousness, determine, such as through observation, its nature, form and being.
Suicide is like abortion, in the regard that, in both cases, we would be dealing with uncertain consequences following such action.
Whenever we deal with situations that involve life and death, we deal with hypotheticals, and for one to choose a course of action that is without certain consequence, I would think that risking such uncertainty would be a matter of grave circumstance, where the risk far outweighs the continuing toleration of that present life form.
With the grueling headaches, neck and back pain I deal with every moment of every day, yes, I think of suicide, often.
On this side of the wall, it seems like -this- existence seems unnatural, not the other way around. Like I'm stuck in a body that I shouldn't be, and in punishing circumstances.
Of course, I consider all the wondrous love that I have around me... like today.
But, my self-argument with suicide is not one from guilt, but of a long, long awaited sleep and mercy.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts on a situation such as this... in a body of persistent pain, that makes you break down and feel like you're losing your mind at times.
It's easy to cite the law of attraction and new age bla bla bla, but when it comes down to the line, I think anyone can be pushed to suicide with circumstances out of their control.
Thoughts?
(12-25-2012, 06:24 PM)kdsii Wrote: [ -> ]With the grueling headaches, neck and back pain I deal with every moment of every day, yes, I think of suicide, often.
On this side of the wall, it seems like -this- existence seems unnatural, not the other way around. Like I'm stuck in a body that I shouldn't be, and in punishing circumstances.
Of course, I consider all the wondrous love that I have around me... like today.
But, my self-argument with suicide is not one from guilt, but of a long, long awaited sleep and mercy.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts on a situation such as this... in a body of persistent pain, that makes you break down and feel like you're losing your mind at times.
It's easy to cite the law of attraction and new age bla bla bla, but when it comes down to the line, I think anyone can be pushed to suicide with circumstances out of their control.
Thoughts?
interesting post my dear friend...
Lets be honest suicide is a choice like any other...
If u do not want to live anymore u can choose to end this whatever this is... i dont think circumstanes really matter... if u would like some other more harmonious types of suicide there is the idea that is called prayopravesa