Bring4th

I'm reachin' out for words when I can't feel my hands, into a primordial soup where the thoughts flow like sand, because tears aren't enough, and I can't take a stand with no cause to defend, with no words and no plan. I've got all of the fire but where is the direction? How do I smile for the world and then hate my reflection? I'm ripping out feelings and swallowing healings- I'm trying to run while my soul is still reeling from the pain and the shame and those things, all the same, things I can't even name while they drive me insane, and they rant and they rave, shouts from shadows and caves...the unending voices that cut down and calls names, and I'd like to shout DEMONS! and then beg to be saved, then I realize it's just my own mind playing games.

I stitched my heart closed then I ripped it all open, green light pouring out but I'm bleeding and chokin'. I keep climbing out then I keep crawling back. I forgive the whole world but can't cut myself slack when the black is a song and it pulls me along and I follow the music even though it feels wrong, but I just want to dance and to hide from the chance that I'll run into the Self I've kept hidden so long- that Self I've abused and that Self that I've used, the Self that wants to join one side and ends up on two...the self whose innocent face is so horribly bruised...can I look into those eyes and still have strength to Choose?

I see eyes lookin' up to me, and hands reaching out, and I want to save them all from their fear and their doubt, but what you're lacking within always shows up without, and how can I dare to lead others when the message I shout, it goes up and goes down and it swirls around town, and who I was yesterday's not who I am now, and tomorrow I could forget all the lessons I've learned, or run into the brick walls that always return, and my unstable mind might cause others to burn...so many things I drilled in that I need to unlearn.

How do I swallow my pride, reconcile all the lies that I told with my eyes for the ten billionth time? How do I come before people that I've come to despise and kneel down and fess up to my nebulous crimes? How do I bear the agony of "I was wrong, you were right"? How do I withstand the glare of my own judging eyes when the gaze is so piercing in the brightest of lights and there's nowhere to hide? I just want to forgive...am I dying inside?

I know that there's wisdom in the things that I've seen, in the paths that I've walked, in the wounds that still bleed, but where are the words and the cords and the seeds, to plant on new ground, to bind up and to speak? In All I see beauty and in All I see pain...in All I see nothing and in All I see gain. I could talk about any of All all the day, but without my head straight how much sense will I make? And there's ears ever listening, eyes still watching and waiting- there's seekers believing I've got something worth saying, and with trembling hands I keep taking the mic, praying to God and the Void I can say it all right.

I'm scared, unprepared in these lessons I share, yet there's no turning back- only faith and a dare...to believe there's more left of which I'm not aware...that there's things still inside me I have yet to share, that there's things that I'll see to reach things that I need, that there's still depths of strength left to help me to Be, and to stand up with courage and to Love and to speak, and somehow still wake up tomorrow as me. So I'll keep pushing forward and try not to look back, and reach out to others to help keep me on track...we'll walk it together as the sun sets and rises. I give all that I can to you...my heart's own devices.

To everyone who insisted on following me down the hole, and pulled me back out kicking and screaming, you have my most infinite thanks.

IMHO,

As we come to understand our own Higher Being, that also reveals to us two other aspects of our reality that we cannot deny.

One being that if we have a higher, than we must therefore have a lower.

As above, so below!

This has always been an extremely important aspect to the Ancient Ones because it is the basis upon which guidance and assistance is constructed.

secondly, the fact that there are higher beings with which to connect, and knowing that many that have gone before us have had the choice to walk in light or darkness, than that tells us that there are higher beings that walk in darkness and have pursued it just as many in this density do.

Those higher beings of the darkness, having freely chosen to experience this creation in that regard, make themselves available to those who seek after them. those seekers then open themselves to the intrusions and abuses of those higher dark powers. I have never been able to understand the attraction to the darker beings but that is me. I am aware that many are for whatever reason attracted to things of darkness.

But they should do so in full awareness of the risks that they take when they play with those forces and energies. Truth, love and Light is not what one will find on that path. What they will find is beings of great influence and disdain for things of love and harmony. Higher Beings who would enjoy nothing more than to lead you into further confusion and take advantage of the fact that one is willing to allow them to abuse them and misdirect them.

When one opens themselves to beings of darkness, and dares to walk that path for the sake of curiosity, or the sake of self gratification, they take the hand of beings that have no love for them and have no intention of offering them any sort of assistance or benefit. So if one seeks to know their true self, or to find love and understanding or truth, and chooses to walk the dark path in search of it, they must know that they are deliberately wading into the water in an effort to stay dry. They are doing the exact opposite of that which they should be doing.

Why would they do this? Because once they open that door the dark energies begin drawing immediately and the victim becomes confused and enticed. the attraction becomes seduction.

The truth is that if one truly seeks to know their true self, and to find love, and light, you must open yourself to the Higher Beings that will share that with you and lead you onto that path. Those Higher Beings will NOT be found in the darkness.

Many have gone on before us. Take great care in which you seek after and call to you?

Dearest Ahktu

You are BEAUTIFUL!

Love and light!

Despite how hard you are on yourself, you have made incredible progress and toppled challenges that others may have never had the courage to face. Like many, you did venture in to the darkness, but you never forgot that Light, and never forgot your true Self, you just needed a few moments with the veil pulled away to see for yourself.

I cannot express the joy and amazement I feel at the rapidity of your progress, you have come an incredible distance in these past few weeks and I am humbled and pleased that I have been able to be present with you at the time of your deeper unfolding.

I am here with you, we are all here with you, the Light never turns from you and The Creator sees you with pure love. We are in this together, and we'll all make it through! Ehe We're not done our learn/teaching yet!

imho, want to share something, ahktu, if I can put it into words and if its not making sense please don't even bother to read it.

I have a sense that you have wandered here from 6D in the unity of your whole self and acceptance of all of who you are and have been and will be, and with the understanding that you are Light and Love as a a unique and beautiful facet of the Creator.

You are here now in 3D healing and experiencing the paradox of who you are and who you are not. Because you know who you are and who you were and from a 6D perspective you are light and love, but in lower densities you chose to experience who you were not. And you have come back here with all that knowledge and experience, with the aid and help of your higher self and for the mission to accept and love every part of your experience in the past, present and future as your gift and offering to All that is.

Thank you for your open sharing and beautiful expression of you.

I think I know what you are saying, Shemaya. Polarity is hard for me. It is easier without it, but here we have to follow it, and making that commitment has been hard for me. I've realized I'm afraid of the massive responsibility that comes with Choosing. I'm afraid parts of myself will be ripped away, but then I realize that's because I've forgotten the true nature of my Self. This personality and all its biases and preferences is just the smallest fragment of my I AM.

I know that there is gain in the odd path I have walked. I took on particularly hard lessons in this lifetime- a balancing act that has led for the most part to a life of imbalance. But as the smoke clears I feel I have a firmer foundation under my feet than when I started out Through foolishness I gain wisdom. Through fear I have learned Love. The light is never so beautiful as when beheld by eyes that have seen in darkness. Due to my empathic nature I have always had a compassionate heart, but now there is a greater appreciation and understanding of Love in its true nature.

Now there are just those emotional complex things like pride and insecurity to deal with. I have always been my own worst critic, and while I can forgive mass murderers, forgiving myself for even the slightest misstep often seems like an impossible feat.

I've realized that I have the chance to deliver something beautiful to other people, not just through my own experience, but through Adam's words, which have helped a lot of people already. I have realized now how close I was coming to completely sabotaging that contact- to replacing Adam with something not of the shadow which defines the light, but something that simply dwells in darkness with no regard for it. If not for the tremendous love and devotion (and flabbergasting magical capability) of the rest of the group, my work in that area would likely have quietly drowned itself. When one begins to channel, they are responsible for living all that they say, or they discredit themselves and their work. I don't know how to handle people looking up to me in such a way, and having every aspect of my life under observance has frightened me near to death. Realizing how blatantly I have been flirting with utter disaster fills me with a shame that is hard to swallow. I fear for my reputation. I fear that I will say something sub-par and cause others to suffer as well. I fear that I've already done too much and it will never be the same again.

A lot of times I wish I had waited instead of going public with my very first individual channeling work. It is a process that takes years to refine, and I don't think it is ever perfected. Giving my own contact instead of piggybacking onto someone else's group is an entirely different experience, and it has been a severe learning process. I realize now how much of my own personality has shown through some of Adam's words, and how much work I have left to do in making myself transparent in the channeling process. My goal is to simply be the microphone the speaker talks through, allowing the message to come through completely pure and undistorted, but Carla has been channeling for over 30 years now and even she feels that she still has work to do in this area. There is always room for improvement.

But in spite of all that, I feel that Adam's message has been growing much clearer in the past several sessions. I am honing my tuning process and crystallizing my vibration and attempting to let as much of that undistorted light in as possible. I was shocked when the full amount of Love they possess hit me head on for the first time. At the time, a part of me even felt a bit disappointed. Were they just another fluffy entity giving the same message that a million others have given? But that was my own inner distortion- my own confusion within the darkness. For some reason I couldn't handle the fact that Adam is in fact the piercing Light of truth, if I will just polish my lens up enough to let it shine through. I think the next sessions to come up are going to be big ones, breaking down a lot of walls. I am simply afraid to leave myself before the understanding and forgiveness of others. I want it all to be perfect NOW...a personality trait I have carried for numerous lifetimes, I think. But it's time to let go of that arrogance- that feeling that for some reason I should immediately be able to perform in superior ways when I am human just like everyone else.

Thanks to you all just for listening to me, and for your love and support. It's time to let go of this fear and this pain, because I know that we are all stepping into something wonderful and amazing.

I will say, the only magic involved here was the transformative power of Divine Love. Blessings, shanti, adonai.