Bring4th

I'm not to proud to say it, but I admit it...I wanted to "destroy" my step-father today.

Before I go into the post, I want to say that I do love my step-dad and he has been a part of my life for 20 years, but I have always tried to avoid him and do NOT like being in his presence alone. I objected from the beginning when my mom started dating him. He is one of those people that "must be a man" and acts overly manly and I CANNOT STAND those kinds of people whatsoever. If you piss him off, he starts screaming and tries to assert dominance. He's just way too unpredictable. He never physically assaulted me because he knows I'm a lil crazy myself and will go all out on him. He knows he can't threaten or intimidate me that easily so that pisses him off even more.

In fact, when he had a heart attack a few years ago, I came home from somewhere and I saw him sitting on the steps outside my house waiting for the ambulance and I sensed something was wrong and I'm like "what are you doing?? whats going on??" and he just gave me the dirty "f*** off" kind of look. The man almost died that die, and deep down, I kind of wanted that to happen just so I myself could be rid of his crap. There is a lot of positive in him that I see and he has done some very nice stuff for me and we were getting along real good the past few months, but today almost destroyed that.

BUT ANYWAY, it started like this. I came home after dropping my dad off in the afternoon. My cat who I EXTREMELY LOVE and is one of the VERY VERY few things in life that gives me real joy was outside with my mom and step-dad in the backyard. I saw he was outside relaxing underneath the small boat which is fine as long as he's supervised since he's young and curios. Well my mom and step-dad were outside and were ready to give my dog a bath. BAD MOVE!! You see, a hose will generally spook a cat, and thats what it did. I came back out a few minutes later and noticed my cat wasn't there where he was before. So I go outside and ask them where my cat was. They're like "he's around" and I'm like "no he's not" so we're all looking in the backyard and he's no where. We check all in the house and I start freaking out because he's not in the basement. I get real upset and I'm ready to cry and my step-dad's like "you gotta learn to deal with stuff!!" A minute later, me and my mom find him outside in the front of the house!!

What's scary about this is that someone on our street could have stolen him or one of the kids on our street could've chased him into the road and he could've gotten hit by a car. THANK GOD we found him in time, but I was furious with THE BOTH OF THEM because they were too careless and clumsy. NO $HIT THE CAT IS GOING TO GET SCARED IF YOU ARE SPRAYING A HOSE BY HIM!!!!

So I flat out tell them, he is not to be OUTSIDE PERIOD!!! END OF DISCUSSION! And my step-dad's like "well I'm doing stuff outside!! I can't keep watching him! I tell him "SO YOU PUT HIM UPSTAIRS OR IN MY ROOM!!" He keeps running his mouth and he said "I'll take him to the SPCA!!" When he said that, I gave him a VERY VERY stern look and in a kind of evil crazy way I just said "what??" Then my mom jumps in and says "what?" as well.

That man was literally 5 seconds away from being "destroyed" because NO ONE threatens my cat. So I just immediately left and went over to my friend's house for the day. I apologized to him, but I don't recall him or my mom giving me an apology.

how old are you Spirit? can you move into your own place that's in a kitty friendly neighbourhood?

I'm old enough to be on my own and there's quite a few cat friendly landlords. The only reason I am staying with my parents again is because I got kicked out of my apartment last year since I quit my job. Both of them know VERY well that I don't want to live there but I really have no choice until I have enough money to leave. I have about $400 banked away although I should have more since I blew a lot of it. I just need money for safe keeping too since I don't make that much money.

But I'm glad I played my cards right with this one and was careful with my words because I can't get kicked out. My mom usually supports him, but she knew they messed up this time and was on my side when he threatened to take him away. My mom would NEVER allow that, but even if he wasn't serious, that still hurt me VERY much that he would even say that, hence my previous comment, he's unpredictable. He reminds me clearly of a dry drunk.

The point is that this man just irritates the f--- out of me sometimes!!

I guess look for the lessons he has brought you with that exchange. What have his actions taught you? How have they affected who you want to be human. Ride out the anger because it will always pass.

Reminds me of a catalyst I had at the start of the year. We where getting a lot of work done on our house, tradesmen where coming in and out most days. A few times I had come home to find the painters had left the yard gate open with my dog chilling in the front yard. This made me extremely angry as they where told pretty specifically to shut the gate, what made it worse was one of the painters was just telling me the other day how he has a dog with the same name as mine, he was also pretty fond of my dog and she seamed to like him. So how could he be so thoughtless with all of that in mind.

One day I came home to find my dog no where in sight and the gate open of-course. So I fill with rage and go looking for my dog who I luckily found in a nearby park sniffing tree's. I was extremely angry at this point and told my dad to tell the painters if they leave the gate open again they will have to deal with me. The next day I guess I felt extremely guilty with my rage, luckily enough the next time I saw the painters they apologized and the gate was never left open again. I learnt both to be more mindful of things you may deem small eg shutting a gate, and forgiveness of-course.

Anger, I find comes from lack of understanding, as such ride the anger out as Sagittarius suggested. I ride it out (if I remember) constructively, like going for a run or doing chores home. It's free energy and there is plenty of it in "testy" situations. I perceive this thread as a way for you to do as such. After the the "storm" has passed in you, ponder the "why's" of hes and you're actions. In the calm you may find it in a different lite.
I have a "testy" father, I have yet to fully realize/understand the lessons he gives but I dare say I have lit many dark corners in me thanks to him. Probably will for a "time" still, till I accept the truth which I "know" but choose to ignore, for reasons one finds always many.

Q'uo Wrote:As we have said through this instrument many times, it is the darker emotions, such as anger, that when allowed to become refined and purified create the grit, the muscle, the determination, the energy of enduring and persevering and winning through to the goals of your incarnation. If you do not have that driving energy that is expressed in anger within you in a more purified and refined state, you do not have the energy to be patient with the self as it is refined in the athanor or the furnace of experience.

-----

And as you allow those feelings to be viewed again and even to be intensified and then, as you allow the seemingly opposite emotion to come, as a complementary color would be seen across the color wheel, you lessen distortion within yourself by encouraging the equal respect given to both the seemingly negative and the seemingly positive.

Q'uo, 20091226

anger aside, it's justified not accepting behavior that endangers animals or kids. our pets are children, our responsibility and we need to look after them. if someone threatens your kids you know full well that's nor acceptable. ever. and you need to make sure this is understood. if not then you have to be there all the time to make sure the other person doesn't let you down again.

Today / Yesterday was an emotional day for me as well. After finally nailing down for sure that my relationship with my wife was at an end a few days ago(and being able to take that in stride with hardly any internal/external anger), my soon to be ex wife informed me (in a polite/non-sarcastic way) that she was already dating someone else. It really ruffled my feathers for most of the day, although I was able to keep it mostly internalized since I will be living with her at least through August, possibly up until the lease is up in late January :S.

Also, just before I found this out, I had started what turned out to be my first real fight with another forum member here, which was very out of place for me.

I noticed there has been a geomagnetic storm going on for about 24 hours, which I suspect may be either the culprit or the symptom of energies in-streaming that are stirring the pot emotionally for everyone.

(06-17-2012, 11:04 AM)Ankh Wrote: [ -> ]

Q'uo Wrote:As we have said through this instrument many times, it is the darker emotions, such as anger, that when allowed to become refined and purified create the grit, the muscle, the determination, the energy of enduring and persevering and winning through to the goals of your incarnation. If you do not have that driving energy that is expressed in anger within you in a more purified and refined state, you do not have the energy to be patient with the self as it is refined in the athanor or the furnace of experience.

-----

And as you allow those feelings to be viewed again and even to be intensified and then, as you allow the seemingly opposite emotion to come, as a complementary color would be seen across the color wheel, you lessen distortion within yourself by encouraging the equal respect given to both the seemingly negative and the seemingly positive.

Q'uo, 20091226

Ahhh perfect I have just been thinking about the role of anger in my seeking as I have found a certain type of anger to give me much motivation and energy.

I call it righteous anger, the type a hero wields when vanquishing evil, not the hateful/fearful type. Thanks Ankh.

I very rarely get angry, but this weekend it happened. I was hiking in the wilderness and was being assaulted by swarms of mosquitoes. Eating them just by trying to breath.

At one point I was asking the spirit of mosquitoes to give me a break and a bit latter I was commanding them to stop. But of course, that only made it worst, or so it seemed to me.

Anyway, that was a great catalyst. I've worked on myself a lot and released so much fear and karma and all sorts of issues. But this one I was not prepared for.

So we are always provided with proper catalysts that will make us see where work is needed. Just realizing that what is happening to us is a catalyst, is in itself a great step forward.

PS: On the upside I completed that trail in record time.

(06-17-2012, 02:49 PM)Parsons Wrote: [ -> ]I noticed there has been a geomagnetic storm going on for about 24 hours, which I suspect may be either the culprit or the symptom of energies in-streaming that are stirring the pot emotionally for everyone.

Right, absolutely, plus Venus is still going retrograde, which means relationships could be afflicted.

For me the CME gave me lots of energy this weekend, I managed to do some badly needed housecleaning I had previously procrastinated, and to go hiking yesterday for 3 hrs. It was great. But I also felt the underlying agressiveness, definitely.

(06-17-2012, 05:09 AM)GreatSpirit Wrote: [ -> ]I apologized to him, but I don't recall him or my mom giving me an apology.

You chose to apologize despite your intense anger. In that moment, with your choice to offer forgiveness and unity rather than more conflict, you just made it a step further in your journey of STO. What comfort from anger that knowledge has potential to bring!