Say a girl feels a strong attraction to a guy. The guy being extremely sensitive, knowing the pain girls endures but also that the two are on completely different paths.
One option is for the guy to avoid situations of being alone with the girl, or disappearing from the girl completely, so that the girl can forget about the guy.
Another option is to have more transparent conversation with the girl, however, risking making the girl falling in love even more, still unable to reciprocate love.
The guy knows the girl most likely won't learn the spiritual lesson, both situations being very traumatic to varying degree.
Under law of responsibility, if the guy knows that the girl won't learn the lesson and aware of every emotion and intensity of emotion of the girl, should he choose the option that will offer least trauma for the girl? Or should he see from the spiritual perspective, remain open, helping the girl go through this experience, knowing the girl won't learn the lesson and will likely experience much more trauma than if the guy just disappear?
the guy should stop overthinking and do what's right for the guy, and have some more faith that the girl will be ok and find her way.
or what is this, Romeo and Juliet?
A person can't be responsible for another person's psyche. They are responsible for their own.
Just a note, I met a girl once I thought felt like that about me, actually she turned out to be a bit of a sadist. Although she was ever so sweet and cute to begin with.
I am talking about how accurately we can percieve another. I am not saying that she doesn't feel that way about you.
(12-04-2012, 05:27 AM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]Under law of responsibility, if the guy knows that the girl won't learn the lesson and aware of every emotion and intensity of emotion of the girl, should he choose the option that will offer least trauma for the girl? Or should he see from the spiritual perspective, remain open, helping the girl go through this experience, knowing the girl won't learn the lesson and will likely experience much more trauma than if the guy just disappear?
How can you
know a person's future reaction to catalyst? That is the beauty of free will, after all. Even if you knew there was a 99% probability she wouldn't learn the lesson as you say, just because you might right 99 out of 100 possible times doesn't mean you aren't already in the 1 in 100 timelines where the unlikely occurs.
Consider having the open, transparent discussion from the heart if you haven't already. That would certainly be a good way to offer green/blue energy in hopes of helping her understand your position.
I agree with Xise, having been in this situation myself, just the other way around.
In my experience, gentle honesty is the best approach. If you suddenly disappear, it will be very hurtful, and they will likely assume they did something wrong to offend you. If you simply lead them on, you are not being honest with them or yourself and again, you will likely encounter hurt feelings when the truth inevitably comes out. Honesty balanced with kindness and tact will still likely glean some degree of hurt, but it makes your long-term relationship with this person much easier. To think the situation can be resolved with no pain to either party is delusional, but the discomfort can be minimized with transparency, at least in my experience, and I have been on both the giving and receiving ends of these kinds of relationships.
I say screw her until she decided you're boring and leaves you.
u have to be honest. u could say i am flattered and honored that u feel that way about me. i love u as a friend u are very dear to me and i cherish our friendship would be honest and also value her at the same time. there is no perfect answer other than to be honest.
It seems like you've already got her figured out. How can you be so sure she will react in the way you think she will? Just because you may have had that experience with other girls, doesn't mean it will be the same with this girl. This girl might surprise you and you might actually fall in love with her, and the tables could get turned!
Are you the charming type, who tends to attract girls easily? If so, sooner or later you will meet your match. Be humble and it'll be easier for you to respond to any catalyst this girl might offer you.
My advice is to be centered in green ray love and treat her as an other-self, not as a potential ex-girlfriend. Be receptive to what SHE might teach YOU!
And above all, be honest...with her and with yourself.
I commend you for being sensitive and desiring to do what is best for her...stay focused on that intention and you'll do fine.
(12-04-2012, 05:35 AM)Oceania Wrote: [ -> ]the guy should stop overthinking and do what's right for the guy, and have some more faith that the girl will be ok and find her way.
or what is this, Romeo and Juliet?
I sympathize with this. In kanonathena's story, I felt that either choice the guy acts on, the emotion involved is compassion.
(12-04-2012, 05:35 AM)Oceania Wrote: [ -> ]the guy should stop overthinking and do what's right for the guy, and have some more faith that the girl will be ok and find her way.
or what is this, Romeo and Juliet?
Heck, even my love story isnt this convulated and i just asked my ex girlfriend/ex-fiancee to marry me and produce babies with me and live 100.000 years and move to outerspace.
(12-04-2012, 05:35 AM)Oceania Wrote: [ -> ]...and have some more faith that the girl will be ok and find her way.
That is just brilliant, I should say, Oceania.
Ability to see that I am not the absolute center of another individual's universe, however close or related the relationship may be, is a very very difficult lesson to master, in my opinion.
haha, I am not in this situation right now, but I have been there before. I usually choose to ignore and avoid or even act like I'm not at all the kind of person she believes me to be.
I have been holding off for the perfect girl since forever. In my short life I meet several girls that are 70% or even 80% of a perfect match for me, I feel very strong attraction for them too, but I know I won't be able to communicate 100% to them. I know once I engage in these relationship, I won't have the chance to be with the perfect girl if I ever meet her again. I have met the perfect girl twice in my life, I don't know if they are the same person (extremely similar looking/vib). Another problem is that I am too shy, plus the eye contact I have with that girl makes me content enough not to do anything.
Right now in the office I works in, there is another girl... lol... there is a natural attraction. She wants me to express, I being too shy and thinking too much, not able to open up. I actually had the courage to ask her out out of blue, she said she has a boyfriend. But she still seems to want me to talk to her, I found my stuff rearranged on my desk every Monday morning... plus lots of other gestures... This been going on for two months now since I began working here, should I ask her out again? The thing is in front of the girl I like I found it difficult to talk, the only words I can say is that three words, anything else sounds disgenuine to me.
Thank god meditation and focusing on spiritual staff has opened me up gradually, but time is growing thin.
(12-04-2012, 09:58 PM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]She wants me to express, I being too shy and thinking too much, not able to open up. I actually had the courage to ask her out out of blue, she said she has a boyfriend. But she still seems to want me to talk to her, I found my stuff rearranged on my desk every Monday morning... plus lots of other gestures... This been going on for two months now since I began working here, should I ask her out again? The thing is in front of the girl I like I found it difficult to talk, the only words I can say is that three words, anything else sounds disgenuine to me.
You may find it easier to talk to her if you don't think of her as a potential girlfriend. She is currently taken anyway! Just get to know her as a friend.
Then, allow it to develop naturally. If she decides you are a better match than her current boyfriend, she'll take action.
Better to get to know her now - without any expectations - than to hold back out of shyness, and then later find out it's too late because she's married.
She's not married yet, so there's nothing wrong with letting her know you are available. It's a delicate situation because you do want to be respectful that she's in a relationship, but...it's a relationship, not a marriage. I suggest talk to her as a friend and let whatever develops from that, do so naturally. She clearly is interested in you, at least in some way!
(12-04-2012, 09:58 PM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]haha, I am not in this situation right now, but I have been there before. I usually choose to ignore and avoid or even act like I'm not at all the kind of person she believes me to be.
I have been holding off for the perfect girl since forever. In my short life I meet several girls that are 70% or even 80% of a perfect match for me, I feel very strong attraction for them too, but I know I won't be able to communicate 100% to them. I know once I engage in these relationship, I won't have the chance to be with the perfect girl if I ever meet her again. I have met the perfect girl twice in my life, I don't know if they are the same person (extremely similar looking/vib). Another problem is that I am too shy, plus the eye contact I have with that girl makes me content enough not to do anything.
Right now in the office I works in, there is another girl... lol... there is a natural attraction. She wants me to express, I being too shy and thinking too much, not able to open up. I actually had the courage to ask her out out of blue, she said she has a boyfriend. But she still seems to want me to talk to her, I found my stuff rearranged on my desk every Monday morning... plus lots of other gestures... This been going on for two months now since I began working here, should I ask her out again? The thing is in front of the girl I like I found it difficult to talk, the only words I can say is that three words, anything else sounds disgenuine to me.
Thank god meditation and focusing on spiritual staff has opened me up gradually, but time is growing thin.
Possibilities:
(1) She's just being friendly with no interest (unlikely in my experience)
(2) She's interested but firmly unavailable in her mind
(3) She's interested and not necessarily unavailable but wants you to know that she has a boyfriend before things go further; of which there are two categories: (a) She's is open to cheating or (b) She's in an open relationship.
(4) She's not interested and she lied about having a boyfriend. The fourth option doesn't apply to your situation since she clearly likes you, but you do see it at bars from girls.
I have personally experienced all of the first three of the above by girls who sent similar signals. Although I regretted it at the time for not obliging girls in the (3)(a) category, it's probably for the best to refrain from helping others cheat if you believe in love and truth. It's hard to gauge with version of (3) , and in southern California there are a few open relationships but often the girls won't talk about it unless you ask them about their situation.
And it's always possible she's no longer taken. Either way, enjoy the sexual tension.
I can feel she is frustrated, there are obviously opportunities I didn't take. Anyway I need to see the nature of the life in this situation, balance myself, let myself flow naturally.
Being empathic and knowing her well (she is very simple actually), I can't believe when it comes to action I totally tumble. I have been like this all my life, unreal...
(12-05-2012, 12:40 AM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]I can feel she is frustrated, there are obviously opportunities I didn't take. Anyway I need to see the nature of the life in this situation, balance myself, let myself flow naturally.
Sometimes people stay in unhappy relationships because they're comfortable and familiar. But if they are offered something better, they'll jump on it.
I definitely wouldn't advise getting involved past friendship unless/until she gets closure on her other relationship first. If she feels there is potential with you, let her end it with her boyfriend first. But you can do a lot in the friendship mode!
We are not friends, there is a tension between us, other than I asked her out that time, we never talked, only eye contact and games.
(12-05-2012, 01:37 AM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]We are not friends, there is a tension between us, other than I asked her out that time, we never talked, only eye contact and games.
Oh, so the attraction is just physical, then?
Quite the contrary, we play this way because on some level we understand each other perfectly. For example, she make small changes to my desk every Monday morning (sometimes weekdays), I reciprocate by arranging the desk the exactly way she once arranged for me.
This is why I feel not at ease, apparently she play with my stuff as a way to communicate with me, this has been going on for so long, it must be frustrating if I just keep playing but no action. Actually the reason I had the courage to ask her out (again we have never talked outside work, and the work is only the first week when she was instructed to teach me a few things) is largely because I thought this was what she wanted, she didn't expect me that day that move at all.
I must say I quite enjoyed all the subtleties, I need to actually talk to communicate in a more physical sense. I have played games with another girl before over a span of one year, the result is a disaster. Even though we met in person only a few times, never really talked, she never admitted anything, after the event has passed she kept playing the game one-sided for years.
There are instantaneous connection between people that exist in the inner most, can be excruciating when taken away for these not skilled in reflecting.
Well the risk I see here is that, with continued game-playing without communication, is that each person might fabricate their idea of what the person is like, and they might be totally wrong.
It's easy to continue the game-playing, while getting satisfaction from fantasizing, and then when/if the day comes that they actually interact on other levels, they might find that they are nothing like the fantasy.
So it would seem to me that the sooner you start an actual conversation with her - not necessarily ask her out, but just initiate some interaction on another level - then the sooner you can find out if you really do have a connection beyond game-playing.
Meanwhile, if you care to share, why did you rule out the other girl so quickly?
You have a good point. Although in my case, the connection precede the game, the game itself contains subtlety and care beyond conversation. Still since I am going all spiritual at this time, I must learn to communicate with all sincerity. That's actually why started this topic, I feel so much I need to apply subtlety into open communication. Right now I have trouble blending subtlety with openness, often caught in mind battle due to blockage.
With the other girl, we played for almost a year, later when I choose to confront, I found she had be with another guy for a month. Knowing that there is nothing I can do I chose to leave.
The thing is she wanted me to chase her, didn't respond to online conversation (when I asked in person she only gave me her MSN account). I, being very shy and not able to open because she isn't perfect girl for me, stayed within the game (a game with MSN log on and the search content for my Myspace page) until the final moment. It is very very bittersweet and unfortunate... a testimony to my blockage... lol...
I am shy because I can't bear being rejected. Now I think about it, the pain I felt after being rejected at that one time with that other girl could have caused brain death.
lol...not really, the pain felt like all blood in my body rash into my skull, causing tremendous pressure.
I actually wonder why the pain was in the head, not in the heart. Might be a intense sense of shame.
Or maybe it's frustration at not being able to screw her.
(12-05-2012, 04:48 AM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]lol...not really, the pain felt like all blood in my body rash into my skull, causing tremendous pressure.
I actually wonder why the pain was in the head, not in the heart. Might be a intense sense of shame.
Migraines from tension usually. Emotional sitautions triggers those like crazy.
(12-05-2012, 02:41 AM)kanonathena Wrote: [ -> ]I must say I quite enjoyed all the subtleties, I need to actually talk to communicate in a more physical sense. I have played games with another girl before over a span of one year, the result is a disaster. Even though we met in person only a few times, never really talked, she never admitted anything, after the event has passed she kept playing the game one-sided for years.
With the other girl, we played for almost a year, later when I choose to confront, I found she had be with another guy for a month. Knowing that there is nothing I can do I chose to leave.
I have to say this situation is almost exactly what happened to me once. As I said before there was another sadistic element to it. But my emotional state at the time, and your description here are very very similar.
During this period I picked up a book called 'the sociopath next door' by Martha Stout, very good book, I got a very strong right ear ringing (the strongest I have ever had in the right ear.)
I feel like there's more I should be able to offer.
This is the problem with thoughts which involve others (Especially those that are sexually charged). Unwanted energy cords can form and one is also at risk of infringing upon the Free Will of another.
Often fantasizing about another will initiate such links on an unconscious level creating karmic ties which must then be processed. One may find another attractive and they themselves won't even know why. They may feel some sort of obligation towards another which may have been focusing such energy at them for some time, because they are at a subconscious level are being given such suggestions telepathically. In order to avoid this you need to shield yourselves whilst programming a parameter pertaining to filtering such thoughts or energy projections.
![[Image: Aura2.jpg]](http://www.gatheringspot.net/sites/default/files/u/73/Aura2.jpg)
In such cases I'd simply advise being all out honest. You may not realize it but you will provide the service of being a Catalyst. They are you afterall, and in the long run you yourself would want honesty, even if it 'hurt' temporarily, so why deny the other (self) the opportunity? Realize that you are all infinite eternal beings simply playing out the game.
(12-07-2012, 04:46 PM)Horuseus Wrote: [ -> ]This is the problem with thoughts which involve others (Especially those that are sexually charged). Unwanted energy cords can form and one is also at risk of infringing upon the Free Will of another.
Often fantasizing about another will initiate such links on an unconscious level creating karmic ties which must then be processed. One may find another attractive and they themselves won't even know why. They may feel some sort of obligation towards another which may have been focusing such energy at them for some time, because they are at a subconscious level are being given such suggestions telepathically. In order to avoid this you need to shield yourselves whilst programming a parameter pertaining to filtering such thoughts or energy projections.
In such cases I'd simply advise being all out honest. You may not realize it but you will provide the service of being a Catalyst. They are you afterall, and in the long run you yourself would want honesty, even if it 'hurt' temporarily, so why deny the other (self) the opportunity? Realize that you are all infinite eternal beings simply playing out the game.
Can you please expand on this concept of energy cords, and creating a shield "whilst programming a parameter to filtering such thoughts or energy projections?"
What exactly does this entail or mean?