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It's interesting that looking back one can see how aversions and desires lead to catalyst. As a teenager in the 90's my suffering was a result of, like many, interaction with peers with a strong desire of, and from, the opposite sex. My craving was always for the body to be attractive, yet paradoxically I had a deep fear of and aversion to being vulnerable sexually. It was a constant pull/push growing up that left me unfulfilled and others confused. When others had enough of the rejection, I felt I had to make up for it to recover their attention.

This craving and aversion push/pull lead to my most serious problems I encountered thereafter. I went through anorexia as a 14 year old thinking I needed a better body to attract, and after recovering, then taking drugs/parties etc to be 'cool'. After high school I moved out of home while going to university, and living with a guy who sold drugs in a highly fear based environment - it was heavy. Needless to say I abused a lot of weed and alchohol, with some episodes of speed that covered up the fear.

Then one day when I was 19, the house was empty and I was actually sober. I had an intense feeling/message for immediate change from this very externally-orientated, fearful, intoxicating environment. I looked at myself in the mirror and halucinated whereby I saw my face as being an anceint old man with half his skull caved out and scars all over - he was tired and battle weary. I thought 'My god is that my soul'?? I had an intense feeling/message to contact my Dad for help and that this request had to be before midnight on this particular day - I simply knew the choice to contact or not would have a dramatic effect on my life path. And I did contact him with about 10 minutes to spare. This was a major cross-roads where I definately had two paths on offer...

After that day, suffering from mild paranoid schizophenia my parents offered intensive energetic healing for about 2 weeks, at their home cut off from the world, where that's all I did and stayed at home quietly being/healing/meditating. Then the schizophenia left after a commitment to letting go of all old ideas about me, acknowledging that what my head as telling me was an old pattern of unsubstantial reality, and embraced giving love to others - despite my mind feeding me an intense fantasy/paranoia storyline at the same time that was very hard to disengage from, for a period of time.

After months of meditating and healing completely, that's when I felt an impulse to just start writing in that exact moment. I looked over and there was some paper and a pen. So I auto-wrote a text, very fluently with no thought, just the next word popping into my head to be written. Never been able to do it since, but haven't really tried or been inclined to. That text has been a guiding force in my life for the 17 years since then to refer to and is special to me. In April 2012 I created a short animation video from the text for my children to understand this simple philosophy call 'The Shell - The Release'. You can check on You Tube - watch?v=0IhR-EX3GSU. I think it relates very closely to the Law of One and when I found the Ra Material and the Q'uo/Aaron material it resonated very much for me. From the time I wrote this I have always had a pressure in my third eye charkra that comes and goes, which I take as some sort of activation.

After many years of casual meditation, career development and 'normal life' with family and kids, I found 2012 to be an amazing year of fast forward spiritual growth. Very syncronistically I discovered the Ra Material in the first half of the year, studying it along with the teaching of Advaita Verdanta and A Course in Miracles - all working off one another in a beautiful symphony of truth within. Then towards the end of the year, I decided to do a 10 day intensive Buddhist Vipassana meditation retreat whereby I had an experience late in the course that I only found out later was described by Q'uo in a session.

As some background I found that Vipassana offers a condensed microcosm of experience in transcending 3rd density condtioned thought-form. At these 10 day intensives, one is required to meditate for 10-11 hours a day, with no speaking at all, minimal vegan food, and no interaction with others. When in meditation after the anticipation of the first day has worn off, the mind really wants to escape. You sit there following the technique in silence hour after hour, and the conditioned mind resists. The mind - when it wants out, it wants out now! However there is no option for this, that option is cut off deliberately by the Vipassana teachers and course designers. So you then realise you have another option. To simply observe this tendancy and observe it come and go, come and go. And it does and peace comes as you remain in pure consciousness. When resistance comes you can observe it, from an awareness beyond egoic mind where there isn't any resistance at all. But you notice that if you do identify with the mind and resist, the suffering stays. It doesn't move. Then on the 4th day they introduce 3 x 1 hour intensives of absolutely no movement. None! Then the physical pain crops up, screaming for movement. But again you just observe it, it comes and goes, comes and goes. You remain as you are. You notice again if you resist in the mind with aversion to pain, the pain remains and intensifies! In resistance the pain becomes unbearable as the pain is not only in the body but also in the mind. But observe the resistance and accept moving consciousness into the pain, observing it detached, you observe its unreality. First the pain halves as the mind's half is gone, and then over time often it dissappears physically.

Then as the course progressed into the second half, many pleasurable experiences came and went. It was vitally important to remain simply aware of them, but not to crave them once you notice they are not there. To remain equanimous. To enter into craving would be to succumb to the patterns of suffering.

Finally on the 8th day I had this amazing experience that Q'uo described in a podcast I found. During meditation on this 8th day a light being with no features releating to the 5 senses was evident, just a light humanoid shape (maybe for my benefit) silent, but fully aware. I knew it was completely aware of every molecule in the universe, but with absolutely no reaction to any of it, and a presence of profound peace. This being meditated with me and as it did, my sence of presence increased ten-fold. At then end of this particular session, I saw a vision of a lotus flower unfolding in my heart.

In the 2005/06 Sunday Meditations incarnations veiwed from time/space, Q'uo mentioned that the higher self is simply one's 6th density being before retuning to the fold of the One Infitinte Creator revisiting itself in all densities in one final act of remembering and gifting itself in time/space on its path to unity through density. I believe this being was my higher self in 6th density assisting me in time/space to release the conditioned mind, so that I can naturally express service to others with love, and without fear or sense of separateness, and thereby aid in my graduation from 3rd density.

What a year is all I can say! Now I can observe any craving/aversion as a figment of the egoic mind, without identity or reaction, and what a release that is!! Onward and Upward!
Wonderful man. You inspired me from this moment on to let the past go. You're fortunate to have such an enlightening experience. Mine has been about black holes and neutron stars. But I guess I chose a difficult path.
I'd love to find peace.

Unbound

Gemini, you may find this interesting, someone in a group mentioned this to me today. Apparently it was suggested by Nassim Haramein "that, everything is a black hole.. every atom, every star, every planet, and even you!"

Thought I'd share that. Smile

Also, this is a wonderful insight in to Vipassana as it is something I have been interesting in trying this myself. Blessings to you! Smile
Thanks Eternal. I definitely feel myself being pulled inward toward Creator. I had to strike a balance between moving inward and stabilizing. If I pull inward too quickly, it physically hurts. But it seems that everyone around me who I get in touch with is pretty positive, and seems to lighten up in my presence. I even feel tingling in my fingers and toes.

On the inside I feel like a star, a furry sun shining brightly in my heart.
Welcome to the forums! Thank you for posting you story Cameron, it's very inspiring. Reading about your experiences with Vipassana is very intriguing to me. Glad to have you here Smile
(01-09-2013, 10:11 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Wonderful man. You inspired me from this moment on to let the past go. You're fortunate to have such an enlightening experience. Mine has been about black holes and neutron stars. But I guess I chose a difficult path.
I'd love to find peace.

Hey Gemini, what do you mean your experience has been about black holes and neutron stars? Can you please describe a bit more?

(01-09-2013, 10:45 PM)Spaced Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome to the forums! Thank you for posting you story Cameron, it's very inspiring. Reading about your experiences with Vipassana is very intriguing to me. Glad to have you here Smile

There are Vipassana courses all over the world. Best thing is that they are completely with no upfront cost, and are run completely on donations. No payment required at all for food, accomodation or the course itself. Most students choose to donate at the end according to their means, whatever that is, so that others may experience and benefit from the technique in a future course, but this giving can also be by way of 'service' in future courses, i.e. cooking, facility set-up and close down etc. Go to dhamma.org for the info Wink
Hi Cameron. Mainly I've been focused on intensifying and confronting my fears. They have manifested as spiritual black holes that I had to use Love to escape. My experience has been one of intensifying emotions and finding balance in that rather than meditation. I intensify emotions on the inside and then balance them. This has created such emotional density for me that I spiritually could hear big bangs going off. I am now stabilizing and allowing myself to coalesce inward toward Creator as Ra puts it. I'm pulling the love of the infinite creator. It's a painful and fearful path, but it's quite powerful when I finally reach a place of centeredness and see the many changes in reality around me. But the amount of love I feel is incredibly dense as well.

There are neutron stars in my Universe as well that have hypergravity. It took me time to realize my spiritual density equated to the spiritual gravity I was generating. My biggest worry was that I had hurt another during my spiritual journeying.

In my experience, God put me into a black hole when he felt I was ready, to help smooth out any extra distortions that I have. I believe that now I am still in this black hole, stilling the extra distortions I have as I approach Creator further, and return to the One.
Oh sounds perfect Wink I like how you are prepared to face your fears, even intensified ones. I would suppose this magnifies the fear for more effective observing and balancing, leaving no 'black spots' when done, would that be a fair assumption? Do you think the hypergravity, in the form of a neutron stars and black holes, is an effect of the collective conditioning of fear that is so hard to escape from, that we are all apart of and co-creating in an imagination of seperateness from the Creator's love?
From 29.18, Ra talks about infinitely coalescing toward Creator. At first the black hole was a sign of fear. But after that I realized that it's singularity that represents Creator. But before I coalesce into a black hole I'd like to experience what it's like to be a planet or a star even.

I had to face mind-numbing terrifying fears to get where I am. Fears now are more subtle. I believe fear is caused by distortion.

From lawofone.info:
29.18: Ra: I am Ra. The gravity, shall we say, the attractive force which we also describe as the pressing outward force towards the Creator is greater spiritually upon the entity you call Venus due to the greater degree of success, shall we say, at seeking the Creator.

This point only becomes important when you consider that when all of creation in its infinity has reached a spiritual gravitational mass of sufficient nature, the entire creation infinitely coalesces; the light seeking and finding its source and thusly ending the creation and beginning a new creation much as you consider the black hole, as you call it, with its conditions of infinitely great mass at the zero point from which no light may be seen as it has been absorbed.
Yes now I know what you mean.

These black holes can be seen as manifestations of unity consciousness and we are spiraling towards source with greater and greater spiritual gravitational mass, at ever greater frequency and vibration.

The only thing that slows it down, ensuring there is not immediate unification, and therefore offers a wholehearted experience, is the choice of separation consciousness. This choice resulting in great fear, maybe even guilt - a distortion so as to choose separation from singularity, if only for a moment in between an ever greater desire for unification.

Perhaps this separation consciousness has a pulling down on source effect, creating the 'slinky' spiral field of energy and light to traverse. Therefore separation consciousness is fundamental and necessary to EXPERIENCE the choice of unification as a spiraling, orgasmic and unifying process.

Otherwise without separation consciousness that instant we would return to source and never have known this process. Therefore can separation consciousness, paradoxically, be seen as a wonderful, positive aspect of creation, creating space/time & time/space (and other dimensions) offering an amazing experience?

Therefore can we can remove any negativity surrounding this awareness of separation with Creator and any role we've played in that, and does this explain why forgiveness is infinite and indiscriminatory, precisely because separation, and ANY manifestation of it, is desirous in order to experience a choice of reunification?
infinite forgiveness
and
infinite love

I think you're onto something there.
As above so below. The outward radiation like a logos and the inward absorbtion like a black hole...

Here's a paper I recently read which is a larsonian physicist explaining the formation of the planetary system according to a correct system of physics. My higher self impressed on me that this is a picture of ourself and can be viewed physically and metaphysically.
Thank you for sharing you're story Cameron! .)

It sounds as you have found a path of your own, I am glad. Also seeing pain at such a "perspective" is quite interesting. I feel it to be true, yet to be able to do it, makes me go "WOW" .D

As Spaced said, I also am now intrigued by the Vipassana meditation. Thank you for bringing that to my awareness!
Ayeee Welcome to B4 ,D
Heart
i considered doing a vipassana meditation myself but i guess it's not right for everyone.
Developing equanimity or non-reaction is required to graduate from 3rd density - there is no choice in this as reactive thought forms keeps one anchored in 3rd Density. Remember Ra states that 3rd density is not only made up of entities but more importantly their thought-forms. You start practicing when you are ready.

63.17 Ra: I am Ra...Wanderers are third-density activated in mind/body/spirit and are subject to the forgetting which can only be penetrated with disciplined meditation and working.

63.32 Ra: I am Ra....the mind/body/spirit complexes of third density there are the artifacts, thought-forms, and feelings which these co-Creators have produced. This is third density.

Vipassana offers a tried and true technique that one can use for great benefit to remove identity from 3rd density egoic mind, which keeps one firmly rooted in 3rd density, by way of conditioned reactions.

Session 28 Q'uo/Aaron dialogues:
R: Would Q’uo suggest a way of looking at turmoil in one’s life that is very emotional, tofind a way to balance all that seems to be negative and pressuring, happening seemingly atthe same time? Is there a general principle that can be extracted from feelings unique to methat others would enjoy too?

Q’uo: I am Q’uo. The beginning of a more friendly environment is light. When one sits indarkness, one has no perspective, no reference points. The feeling of claustrophobiasurrounds the timid soul. So it is with emotional and spiritual feelings that are dark. Like thebody itself, the spirit feels overwhelmed by dark emotions. Yet how to lighten the darknessand the burden of concern? We move to Aaron. I am Q’uo.

Aaron: My dear ones, first you must look at the erroneous assumption that the turmoil anddarkness are your enemy. When you experience turmoil, that is just turmoil. When youexperience fear, that is just fear. Then there is the secondary reaction to that turmoil or fear. Itis not fear that closes your heart and sends you into the darkness, but your reaction to thatturmoil or fear. Can you see the difference?It takes a great deal of practice in awareness to begin to notice the process. First is the arisingof fear. With that first notice of fear, you are still in neutral about it. You are not frightenedof the fear. Then you move to the stage of feeling attacked. At that point, there is a change inthe chemical balance of the body and a change in the vibrational frequency of the light body.It is seen by me as a constriction in your energy field so that the light that was moving freelythrough you and out of you and into you suddenly becomes trapped in this physical vessel,bouncing back and forth, truly in turmoil. It looks a bit like a pinball machine with the ballgoing

bing, bing, bing, bing, bing!

You are not here to get rid of anything in your life. If turmoil or fear is what is experienced—confusion, whatever—you do not need to get rid of it, but to learn how to greet it as a friend,to allow the experience of it with your heart kept as open as it can be; no judgment if it isclosing a bit, but consciously making an effort to stay open. Then the aversion to the emotion does not cause closing. Then all the old-mind matters, the remembrances in this body and other bodies of this kind of fear, the projections into the future, none of that becomes part of the issue. You are just here with this moment of fear.

Are you familiar with those sticky burrs that catch on your pants’ legs as you walk throughthe field? The pants are the material of your fear. The burrs are all the added burdens of thepast and the future. As they knot together it becomes an unworkable mass, and that is whatcloses you into darkness. Being mindful of that pattern in yourself, you find that you can ask yourself to stay in this moment with this very workable and much lighter bit of fear orturmoil or confusion and allow the experience of it. It takes courage. It takes sharp awareness.

When you do this, you come back to your connection with the light. This is not somethingyou have to grasp at or create in yourself. You are not, for example, naturally depressed orfrightened. The lightness, the openness, the loving-kindness, the generosity and patience, theenergy, the courage. Those are all qualities that are natural to you. They are small seedswithin you. But if you take a small seed, put it in a pot and then put it in a dark closet, itcannot grow. It needs light.Your mindfulness of your reactions to fear is a way of opening the closet door and inviting inlight, a statement, “Fear is not who I am. I am experiencing fear at this moment, experiencingconfusion, experiencing perhaps the outgrowths of fear as anger or greed, but that is not whoI am.”

As you learn to do this, you start to see that each of those catalysts is in fact a giftoffering you the chance to practice just what you most need to practice, which is how to bewith a painful catalyst without pulling the closet door closed behind yourself, withoutneeding to seek that protection; in essence, how to allow yourself to stay open and vulnerable.This is your deepest connection with the light, this deep knowing: “In essence, I am spirit. Iam divine and connected with the Divine. The body may be vulnerable, but I cannot beharmed if my heart is open and loving.”This is the way of opening the door: remembering your connection. Through countless timesof practice, you deepen your ability to keep your heart open no matter what comes. Whenyou heart is open, you no longer have the illusion of being in darkness. Rather, the turmoil,the anger or greed is seen more clearly as the illusion that deepens the sense of separation.I am not suggesting that it is easy, but it is workable.

Shin'Ar

(01-09-2013, 10:06 PM)Cameron Wrote: [ -> ]...when I found the Ra Material and the Q'uo/Aaron material...

I am SOOOOOOO sorry, but I just can't pass this one up. I will read and comment on the rest later.

for now, ALL HAIL Aaron.

Oh and Quo too.

lol

again I just couldnt hep mesef. Thanks for that opportunity Cameron.