In the recent past I had such love for everyone that it was like a sun within me, shining out to everyone.
But tonight it feels like a loneliness that I don't have others around me. I do have my mom, but no friends that I can frequently hang out with. And this loneliness makes me a little scared to go to sleep at night. Something about going into a dark room alone. I feel like a wolf pup, alone, somewhat lost. I still feel love, but it's not as strong as it was before. Is this normal?
It's ok to feel loneliness. Just have faith that those experiences and feelings will pass.
I'm an only child. I grew up n the middle of nowhere (lived like 30 minutes outside the city) - no kids on my street to play with when I came home. I grew up with parents who were very much all about conditional love (although now they are completely loving, probably because they became much more spiritual during my adult life). So not only was I physically alone most of the time, but emotionally as well.
It probably makes sense in retrospect that I've only had one serious relationship (11 months). But there are reasons for the loneliness. I know I incarnated to explore issues of lack of self-love, which makes me run from serious relationships (at least until I resolve the issue, or so I feel).
After years (decades?) of cutting over relationships right at the 3 month mark, and after years of working on my self-love issues (though real work on took place after viewing it in a spiritual light), I think I can say I'm ready to open up emotionally, feel like I can love myself, and therefore feel that I am ready to let someone else love me.
Perhaps my story is a little off topic, but I've pondered loneliness (for different reasons perhaps) for a long time, and I hope my thoughts may bring you comfort and faith to know that this too will pass.
I know what you mean GW...
But I think I miss the genuine feeling of "I'm by myself" that only a atheist little boy could have. Atheist in that I had no real sense of supernatural beyond a sense of "this moment is divine" beyond all other moments and that I was by myself and no one else was around when I was outside.
That feeling I miss, now when I'm outside, I know I'm telepathically linked to so many things not to mention things that are always interested in me (starting from friends to animals watching me) that its just a little unnerving. Not knowing anything and just being myself outside. Was something else
That I really miss, that sense of "lonelyness"
Various LOO channellings have spoken of this as part of the spiritual burnout period where your vital energy has been drained. The key is to recognize it, accept it, and take comfort in the fact that it will pass and you shall once again tread upon that inevitable yet unpredictable rocky path of seeking.
As the questions of ones commitment come about, doubt inevitably rears its ugly head so when those times appear, just tell keep telling yourself that IT WILL BE OK. You can then take comfort in this fact and eventually you will awake with renewed vitality ready to keep on keepin on
head to the chat bro, sitting there.
It's going to take some time before I'm ready to seek again. Just trying to stabilize now.
yeah i can tell, that was the most awkward 15 seconds in the chat area i've felt in a while! >_<
Well you keep the busy here and i'll stake out the chat
(01-15-2013, 10:59 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]In the recent past I had such love for everyone that it was like a sun within me, shining out to everyone.
But tonight it feels like a loneliness that I don't have others around me. I do have my mom, but no friends that I can frequently hang out with. And this loneliness makes me a little scared to go to sleep at night. Something about going into a dark room alone. I feel like a wolf pup, alone, somewhat lost. I still feel love, but it's not as strong as it was before. Is this normal?
When you enter that room Gemini, just shine brightly.
You will find that frequency band that is just right for you.
You create these vibrational rooms yourself - or, others will co create them with you. Just most folks are not aware that their 'sub conscious' is driving the narrative, the actors playing their roles.
Human love whilst comforting at the time is folly.
we have been conditioned to feel the human-human love bond as being the strongest. It is not by far. We are loved to a capacity that causes our physical vehicles to overflow.
What you are experiencing is just balancing.
Thank you all. I am doing much better today. I slept in late.
I am currently out of work on disability so have lots of time to ponder things.
Thanks Ashim for clearing that up. So if it's just balancing, then I have nothing to fear.
I once experienced the unconditional love that came through the veil for a few seconds but I could not handle it.
It made me break down and cry. My heart has to have some protection built into it because of how sensitive I am.
I still have some slight fear though about when God said "Let there be Light, and there was Light" and that Lucifer is called the Light Bringer. I'm starting to doubt as to whether Lucifer really exists. My experiences with Lucifer felt real, but I could be creating my own story there.
I was lonely too
so first step i made was to change it
got to activate that yellow chakra power and control over self
so i first i made a post on bring 4th. i want to meet people in the austin area and bring sandwiches
then i ended up meeting monica's son... then i ended up starting my own lightworker meetup group focusing on the Law of One and teaching it to others
http://www.meetup.com/Austin-Starseed-Wa...Ascension/
While I did continue to feel loneliness, I realized that I had created a community and a group of friends who can all get along. the words that i had created something resonated with me deeply, and all thanks to my angst concerning lonliness
use the feeling as your catalyst then do things to enact changes in your life and invite others in. Having those creator moments... love it.
(01-16-2013, 06:39 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Thank you all. I am doing much better today. I slept in late.
I am currently out of work on disability so have lots of time to ponder things.
Thanks Ashim for clearing that up. So if it's just balancing, then I have nothing to fear.
I once experienced the unconditional love that came through the veil for a few seconds but I could not handle it.
It made me break down and cry. My heart has to have some protection built into it because of how sensitive I am.
I still have some slight fear though about when God said "Let there be Light, and there was Light" and that Lucifer is called the Light Bringer. I'm starting to doubt as to whether Lucifer really exists. My experiences with Lucifer felt real, but I could be creating my own story there.
Lots of people are beings of Lucifer. Just like there are Sirians, Andromedans, Zetas and all of the others.
Who's planet do you think you've been residing on all those years?
hey Gemini,
I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but part of the growing ability to work with the light is an ability to hold it in a consistent fashion.
one can work with the light as a candle; and have it blown out by an unexpected breeze.
one can work with the light (love) as a lantern; and have it sheltered from the vagaries of the world, and have it powered by a slow burning oil. (our faith).
there will be fluctuations of course; but with steady workings this thing becomes a steady light. It becomes as reliable as one's hand, or knowing that turning on the light switch will give you instant light.
that is the goal of course; and we are all aiming for it
take care brother,
plenum
I personally see lucifer as a parallel for Prometheus in bringing enlightenment in a good way. Lucifer isn't ever mentioned in the bible, just satan, which means 'adversary'. Also, don't be scared of anything. Fear is darkness or the unknown, light/love illuminates the darkness and integrates the known knowledge into your being.
In the moments of fear, darkness, or loneliness, focus on what you DO know. "The moment contains love"
Id recommend that you start to ground yourself on a daily basis. Along with that, red jasper crystals (that contain more red than orange/brown etc) are excellent for curing a sense of loneliness. Itll make you feel loved and empowered even in the dark room.
Should you decide to get yourself a crystal, get one around 60-120g. Black tourmaline is a great addition to the jasper, making the grounding process easier. 140g is max effect for that kind.
(01-17-2013, 03:38 AM)MarcRammer Wrote: [ -> ]I personally see lucifer as a parallel for Prometheus in bringing enlightenment in a good way. Lucifer isn't ever mentioned in the bible, just satan, which means 'adversary'. Also, don't be scared of anything. Fear is darkness or the unknown, light/love illuminates the darkness and integrates the known knowledge into your being.
In the moments of fear, darkness, or loneliness, focus on what you DO know. "The moment contains love"
Lucifer is mentioned once in Isaiah 14:12.
and also just mentioned one time in the Ra material.
It's easy to say "don't be scared of anything" - I'd say you will be scared and it will be for a reason.
Fear is not darkness or unknown rather it is the negative wisdom already known by the 6th density higher self. It's known to the greater mind but depending on the developmement of the entity not yet accessed in 3rd density. Thus the darkness.
(01-17-2013, 01:53 AM)Ashim Wrote: [ -> ]Who's planet do you think you've been residing on all those years?
The One Infinite Creator's.
(01-17-2013, 05:38 AM)Ashim Wrote: [ -> ]Lucifer is mentioned once in Isaiah 14:12.
and also just mentioned one time in the Ra material.
It's easy to say "don't be scared of anything" - I'd say you will be scared and it will be for a reason.
Fear is not darkness or unknown rather it is the negative wisdom already known by the 6th density higher self. It's known to the greater mind but depending on the developmement of the entity not yet accessed in 3rd density. Thus the darkness.
The name lucifer was never mentioned in the actual Hebrew, only 'Bright morning star'
Quote:How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! (Isaiah 14:12 NIV)
In the King James Bible Erasmus, the translator of it, took liberties to interpret it as lucifer when the context talks of an earthly king and uses no such name in the Hebrew.
In the Ra material, Ra mentions Lucifer as a story book character in our current mythology.
Quote:Let us illustrate by observing the relative harmony and unchanging quality of existence in one of your, as you call it, primitive tribes. The entities have the concepts of lawful and taboo, but the law is inexorable and all events occur as predestined. There is no concept of right and wrong, good or bad. It is a culture in monochrome. In this context you may see the one you call Lucifer as the true light-bringer in that the knowledge of good and evil both precipitated the mind/body/spirits of this Logos from the Edenic conditions of constant contentment but also provided the impetus to move, to work and to learn.
I'm not a lucifarian at all but I just think much misinterpretation and distortion has brought about a warped perspective about him.
Fear is the unknown. When we don't understand something we tend to fear it. Our higher self will give us intuitions sometimes that may seem like fear, but not all fear is that.
In regards to negative entities I've had many encounters in my youth with them harassing some of my friends, and because I knew them and didn't fear them, I was able to have much power over them. My friend would mention my name to them and they would freak out cause of my fearlessness. The key with them is to be the creator and not be scared.
I, however, do advocate cautiousness. Like if you know that a chainsaw could hurt you badly, you would use caution when using it.
Fear has no reasoning besides the unknown; caution is reasonable and doesn't have to mean fear.
I tried working with the light, but turned out I was working with darkness the whole time. So I can't really trust how I feel, because it misleads me. And my dog was hurt because of it. *cries* Maybe this forum isn't good for me.
(01-17-2013, 02:10 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I tried working with the light, but turned out I was working with darkness the whole time. So I can't really trust how I feel, because it misleads me. And my dog was hurt because of it. *cries* Maybe this forum isn't good for me.
Do you ever challenge whoever you are working with in the name of the Christ principle?
(01-17-2013, 02:28 PM)MarcRammer Wrote: [ -> ] (01-17-2013, 02:10 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I tried working with the light, but turned out I was working with darkness the whole time. So I can't really trust how I feel, because it misleads me. And my dog was hurt because of it. *cries* Maybe this forum isn't good for me.
Do you ever challenge whoever you are working with in the name of the Christ principle?
I was stupid not to have done that. It just felt right at the time. I think I'll lay off working with magic for some time.
I still have an upcoming court date, and I don't know which date it is. I still have regrets for what I did, though I have forgiven myself.
It all started when I tried DMT a few years back. It seriously messed up my brain.
i'm so sorry to hear that Gemini. it might be best to take time off from paranormal stuff and just take care of yourself and your dog. i hope everyone sends you and your dog lots of blessings and love.
did you not have schisophrenia before you tried DMT? David Wilcock thinks it can crack open the third eye leading to schisophrenia type illness.
These episodes started after I had taken DMT. I don't take that anymore. I'm now on psych meds. I'm even ashamed to call myself a furry.
The loneliness has now become nervousness with a bit of fear to it. Fear of loneliness, like I'll have nobody to turn to.
I feel betrayed by God, though I was told by what I thought was him "I will never betray you."
It's like when I pray to God, am I reaching God or some stand-in negative entity? My heart wants to shine, but the state of Texas is against me.
(01-17-2013, 02:10 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I tried working with the light, but turned out I was working with darkness the whole time. So I can't really trust how I feel, because it misleads me. And my dog was hurt because of it. *cries* Maybe this forum isn't good for me.
Realize this is what negative contact is, they rub the salt on your wound. you choose how you eat your food, how you digest that lonliness
let it paralyze you, do nothing, and let your problem rot, or hold that lonliness in your heart as motivation to create a new space for yourself.
it is up to you, the lonliness will not change it will not go away until you learn to chew it differently.
when people pray, i think it's talking to god but god doesn't talk back, except with synchronocities or other little things. god isn't supposed to just appear and tell you crap.
as far as loneliness it's sometimes hard to find matching company. but everyone on this forum cares about you and maybe that doesn't feel like much... but it's something.
After hearing Mckenna describe his experiences I no longer insipred to try it myself. I feel I can produce enough this DMT stuff anyway.
Smoked crystal or IV DMT would seem to me to have thearapautical use though. If I recall some of Dr. Strassmans patients reported life changing 'effects' during and after his DMT experiments. It did scare the absoulte shite out of some patients too.
The positive 'use' I can perceive would be when seen as a tool leading to or developing spiritual awakening.
It also sounds like something that's difficult to abuse.
Oh, Gemini for goodness sake stop feeling so unworthy.
Just for the record I need my meds too. They are different ones I guess.
See, you're not alone there bro.
Ok, I trust God to do what is right.
I can leave it in his hands.
I'm sure things will work out for the better.
Now to go make copies of papers I need to send my lawyer.
that's right all we can do is trust in prime creator.
we are all literally nothing else, but parts of him. i had this moment where i thought i lost everything, i needed to experience that to realize what i had around me and that i had everything i need. even down to the catalyst that i need given to me at a reasonable rate that i can handle.
thanks for not turnin up that catalyst rate creator!
*prime creator creates thumbs up nebula*
(01-18-2013, 07:57 AM)Ashim Wrote: [ -> ]It did scare the absoulte shite out of some patients too.
Oh, Gemini for goodness sake stop feeling so unworthy.
Just for the record I need my meds too. They are different ones I guess.
See, you're not alone there bro.
I had the crap scared out of me, literally. The energy totally evacuated my bowels against my own ability to restrain it.
Thanks for the words of stopping feeling unworthy. I needed them.
(01-18-2013, 02:00 PM)BlatzAdict Wrote: [ -> ]that's right all we can do is trust in prime creator.
we are all literally nothing else, but parts of him. i had this moment where i thought i lost everything, i needed to experience that to realize what i had around me and that i had everything i need. even down to the catalyst that i need given to me at a reasonable rate that i can handle.
thanks for not turnin up that catalyst rate creator!
*prime creator creates thumbs up nebula*
I agree, thanks to Creator for giving me just as much catalyst as I needed. Perhaps I needed all that to get rid of some spiritual pride I had. I think I had a degree of false humility.
Thank you both for your support. I'm feeling better now. Will have to go out and do some errands today, and feel good about getting out.
At one point I said the Universe was shaped like a wolfie's tail, being all playful. I think I am more playful fox, than pack-mentality wolf.
As I see the light and love and try to spread the goodness of and to man in vain. This does not deter me, what crushes my soul and fills me with sorrow is knowing that I am alone. I know all can overcome this by will alone and yet I fail every time. It is the one thing darkness can creep, when it does all I can do is see how far I can fall before I see the light again.
Gemini,
Please don't take this this the wrong way. But, it might be time to step away from the internet for awhile. Get out of the house, take a walk in the park, go to a museum....go to a quiet bar and listen to some music. Or go to the Riverwalk, find a nice table outside (perfect weather for it) and just observe the chaos, the noise, the music and people.
Or, as you were talking about in another thread...join a church. Or Volunteer. Find some human contact to share your love with. We can't "live" vicariously through these machines only.
All of us have something to share with others. But sometimes we need another perspective other than a keyboard. If only for a bit of a change of pace before coming back to chat.
Richard