01-17-2013, 02:17 AM
Hello everyone, I am new here. Upon reading some other members' inspiring stories, I decided to take the time to write down my own 
It is a bit long but each paragraph illustrates a part of my growth which I consider relevant and hopefully helpful to some readers. Thank you for reading!
The Story of a Helper
My name is Tina. I’m a French Canadian born on January 4 1989. In this life, I am an artist, a designer, an entrepreneur and a teacher, among other things. Through a journey of self-discovery which started in early adolescence, I have discovered much about the world that surrounds me as well as my own true self. The adventure is far from being done and I learn every day more and more. These days, I do my best to share my knowledge whenever appropriate, and I am slowly but surely preparing myself for the next phase of my life, a phase which will allow me, I hope, to teach people in a direct manner about the arts, culture and spirituality. I am no saint, no guru, but I am a helper. And here’s my story…
I recently started reading Carla Rueckert’s A Wanderer’s Handbook and found so many stories of lonely children, misfits truly, who came to realize (or confirm) they were wanderers later in life. I can therefore say that in comparison, I had it easy as a child. Although I was born in a low middle-class family who had limited means, I did not need much to be satisfied. I was a smart kid with great grades, I loved school and making friends was not a problem, even if I was (and still am) rather selective when it comes to friendship. I switched schools three times and adapting, in retrospect, was never an issue for me. I am an only child and although I remember begging to my mother for a sister a few times, I do not remember feeling lonely. My best friend (who still fulfils this role today) was a great source of fun and support, one of the nicest people I have met on this planet. I felt different in many ways, however that was not a source of discomfort for me.
One aspect which defined much of my life is independence. My mother being a mostly nice but very self-centered individual, I had to learn to rely on myself to get things done. Homework, school projects, travel projects, and grades were met by her with disinterest. As a child, I assumed this was normal and proceeded to “do my own thing”. It was not until I hit my late teenage years that I understood she cared little about how I spent my time, so long I was safe. This realization initially angered me but I later came to forgive and accept that behavior; in fact I am grateful as this carelessness taught me much of what I know about self-reliance today. So, thank you mom.
At age 11 my interest for the paranormal sparked and I can say with near certainty it was the age at which I started devouring books and reflecting about all kinds of “unexplained” phenomenon, ranging from life/death to spontaneous combustion, UFOs, religion, aliens, ghosts, etc. Naturally curious, I wanted (and still do) to know everything. I applied for an advanced studies program in high school and was accepted. High school, being a micro human society, is a place of great strain for many who face for the very first time rejection, mistreatment, manipulation and peer-pressure. Although I was influenced by my peers (how could I not be?), I was also very lucky as I was not part of any main group; the bullies, the popular kids, the Goths, the jocks and the picked-on kids did their own thing and I did mine, not associating with any of them. I had my own small bunch of friends at the time but we did not label ourselves. At best, I was the class’ artist. Therefore, this position gave me a great opportunity to watch and analyze my peers and their behavior. It gave me a unique perspective on societal standards. As a kid I had been pretty happy, naïve and oblivious of people’s actions. As a teenager, I met bitterness and anger. These emotions defined the next ten years of my young life.
Like many wanderers present on this forum and quoted in Rueckert’s book, I am not alien to emotions of despair and sadness. At times during my teenage years, even so as I was motivated to discover more about the nature of the universe, picking up books about cosmology or anthropology (Zecharia’s The 12th Planet was my first official introduction to alien/human history, around age 13-14) one day, escaping through sci-fi and fantasy the next, I felt lonely. Looking at the people around me, I did not understand why people were so mean to each other, why they destroyed the planet, how they could live bathing in ignorance and be satisfied. Human stupidity and cruelty fueled my inner frustration. At times I wondered what I was doing there among all these people and if I was ever going to find peace. Happiness and bliss were unattainable emotions and concepts in my mind. I hoped that by the end of my life I would reach such states…maybe. Overall, I was pretty pissed off at the human race.
Around that time I met the wonderful man who is now my fiancé. Lucky me (ah, how did I end up being so lucky, I wonder everyday!) he helped me a lot in my search for sense in this chaotic world. We share similar ideas about (almost) everything. We started dating in 2004 and saw each other once a month as he lived 250km away. He brought a lot of comfort to my angry teenage years. I am grateful for his presence in my life as he is the nicest and most loving individual I know, along with my best friend. Thank you, honey.
Because my best friend’s mother (and neighbour at the time) is a Native American medium and because they had their own share of ghost drama, I knew since a young age that the paranormal is very real (and much more normal than people tend to think). Although I could not see spirits or negatively polarized entities as clearly as some, I have had my own share of experiences, from occasional visitations in dream, seeing crawling shadows, feeling the presence of malevolence and sharing my bedroom for almost two years with a negative being who I could perceive as a small human-like form standing in the corner of the room, ever watching. I will not go into more details as this would lengthen uselessly this text. These experiences have all been useful to my expansion however they do not bring any joy, so let’s leave it at that for now. Until I reached my twenties, I had had more proof of negatively polarized entities than positive ones, but I knew on a deeper level that light and shadow balance each other out. I also felt as some times in my life the love and presence of what I believe to be my main spirit guide. Early on I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming these feelings, however now I know they are real.
I moved out at age 17 to Montreal in order to live with my boyfriend (and get away from my mother with whom I fought a lot as a teen). I went to college for two years (cégep/college is obligatory in the province of Quebec for students who wish to go to university) and then to university where I got a degree in design. Until age 18 I had not been sure what I was going to do with my life exactly; I was good at a lot of things and academia was usually easy for me. Influenced by some family members’ advice, I considered studying a career which would be lucrative. My mother had been an artist and she had abandoned her craft after plunging in a depression in her thirties. The only experience I had of watching an artist doing their thing from up close was failure. And so even if I handled crayons since I was 2 years old and started building websites and toying with graphic design at 11, I felt very uncertain. I feared failure. In the end however I listened to my heart and pursued studies in design anyway; my mother’s failure and lack of motivation was her own, I would make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. We were after all very different individuals. I was scared but I knew I would not know feel fulfilled unless I did what I loved, and creating is the love of my life.
When I look back I am amazed and very pleased by all the good decisions I took in my life. I was young and yet knew to follow my heart’s desire. I hated the idea of working in a cubicle from 9-5 even if it meant making a lot of money. I preferred being poor but be happy. It was clear to me, and when it wasn’t, I realized it was only because I tried to deny the truth.
In summer of 2010, I had a defining experience that changed my perspective of life. Enjoying the outdoors, I sometimes bike or walk on the St-Lawrence river shore and stop to take in the beautiful landscape. One day I stopped at a nice spot, sat in front of the river and proceeded to meditate. During that period my attempts at meditation were more or less successful however it helped me calm my mind and feel more relaxed. Naturally stressed, it is a great tool for me. For several minutes, I meditated with eyes closed and then opened them to appreciate the beauty of the surroundings. On a rock in the river there was a sunbathing seagull. It helped me focus. I closed my eyes again, but when I opened them the next time, it hit me; life is beautiful and this reality has everything to make all of us happy, if only we allow ourselves to see it. A wave of happiness washed over me as I understood, finally, what it was to be truly, fundamentally happy. It is a feeling that has been following me since, only increasing in intensity. I switched from frustration to joy in an instant, something I originally thought would take me decades to achieve. I was 21 and I knew of bliss. And I knew how to find it. It was like I remembered something extremely obvious that had always been there, only I had never paid attention to it. My mind was blown.
Once I was happy, it was much easier to be a loving person. I had not been hateful before, but I used to look at my human brothers and sisters with annoyance. Although it is much easier to feel this way about people, especially when I can see them repeating the same mistakes over and over, I traded discontentment for compassion. Introspection, reflection, meditation, inspiring writers and my own heart helped me greatly on this path. In the following years, I learned to let go of my fears and welcome providence. Not listening to family (as always!), my fiancé and I decided to focus our energy on our design studio; we now work together since summer 2011, me as a graphic designer, web designer and illustrator, he as a programmer and web developer. Although we have met challenges, I can say with certitude it was a great decision. I do not regret one second quitting my job at Apple to reach for my dreams.
The last 7 months have been rather intense for me spiritually. I started paying more attention to my intuition, felt the need to become fully vegetarian (I was pescetarian since age 17), I devoured hundreds of videos, texts and audios about spirituality, I started meditating daily and I launched an art project based on love, culture and spirituality. The impossible happened; I found my higher self and my guides – the truth is that they had always been there but I was often too busy chasing my own tail to consciously feel them. Over the last few months I also started communicating with my higher self (and guides) through meditation. It began with having some of questions briefly answered in my mind in moments of concentration. The connection was not very solid at first as I was scared of what I might learn. But when I let go of that fear and allowed the light and love to flow more freely I discovered I had access to them at any time I wished. My mission on this planet became clearer and I am now certain I am here to help my brothers and sisters to find their own peace, happiness and love. There is much left for me to learn. I enjoy every moment of this journey.
My experience was not extreme; I did not need an incident or close encounter to “wake up”. It was progressive. My curiosity led me to the right books, the right sources, my stubbornness and self-reliance allowed me to pursue what my heart dictated in spite of the discouragements of some family members. My supportive fiancé and best friend are also responsible for pointing me in the right direction in moments of uncertainty on more than one occasion and I am eternally grateful to them both. I am extremely lucky and happy to have the privilege to be able to help people who wish to receive the help I can offer. I look forward to a time when the opportunity to teach others what I know will present itself.
Finally, in regards to Earth and the so-called “homesickness” reported by several wanderers, I cannot say I really feel homesick. As it has been confirmed to me during my meditations, I feel the whole cosmos is my home. I am a helper and I will go where my help is needed. As long as I have a purpose and as long as there is love, I am home. Home is where the heart is.
Thank you for reading. Love and light.
It is a bit long but each paragraph illustrates a part of my growth which I consider relevant and hopefully helpful to some readers. Thank you for reading! The Story of a Helper
My name is Tina. I’m a French Canadian born on January 4 1989. In this life, I am an artist, a designer, an entrepreneur and a teacher, among other things. Through a journey of self-discovery which started in early adolescence, I have discovered much about the world that surrounds me as well as my own true self. The adventure is far from being done and I learn every day more and more. These days, I do my best to share my knowledge whenever appropriate, and I am slowly but surely preparing myself for the next phase of my life, a phase which will allow me, I hope, to teach people in a direct manner about the arts, culture and spirituality. I am no saint, no guru, but I am a helper. And here’s my story…
I recently started reading Carla Rueckert’s A Wanderer’s Handbook and found so many stories of lonely children, misfits truly, who came to realize (or confirm) they were wanderers later in life. I can therefore say that in comparison, I had it easy as a child. Although I was born in a low middle-class family who had limited means, I did not need much to be satisfied. I was a smart kid with great grades, I loved school and making friends was not a problem, even if I was (and still am) rather selective when it comes to friendship. I switched schools three times and adapting, in retrospect, was never an issue for me. I am an only child and although I remember begging to my mother for a sister a few times, I do not remember feeling lonely. My best friend (who still fulfils this role today) was a great source of fun and support, one of the nicest people I have met on this planet. I felt different in many ways, however that was not a source of discomfort for me.
One aspect which defined much of my life is independence. My mother being a mostly nice but very self-centered individual, I had to learn to rely on myself to get things done. Homework, school projects, travel projects, and grades were met by her with disinterest. As a child, I assumed this was normal and proceeded to “do my own thing”. It was not until I hit my late teenage years that I understood she cared little about how I spent my time, so long I was safe. This realization initially angered me but I later came to forgive and accept that behavior; in fact I am grateful as this carelessness taught me much of what I know about self-reliance today. So, thank you mom.
At age 11 my interest for the paranormal sparked and I can say with near certainty it was the age at which I started devouring books and reflecting about all kinds of “unexplained” phenomenon, ranging from life/death to spontaneous combustion, UFOs, religion, aliens, ghosts, etc. Naturally curious, I wanted (and still do) to know everything. I applied for an advanced studies program in high school and was accepted. High school, being a micro human society, is a place of great strain for many who face for the very first time rejection, mistreatment, manipulation and peer-pressure. Although I was influenced by my peers (how could I not be?), I was also very lucky as I was not part of any main group; the bullies, the popular kids, the Goths, the jocks and the picked-on kids did their own thing and I did mine, not associating with any of them. I had my own small bunch of friends at the time but we did not label ourselves. At best, I was the class’ artist. Therefore, this position gave me a great opportunity to watch and analyze my peers and their behavior. It gave me a unique perspective on societal standards. As a kid I had been pretty happy, naïve and oblivious of people’s actions. As a teenager, I met bitterness and anger. These emotions defined the next ten years of my young life.
Like many wanderers present on this forum and quoted in Rueckert’s book, I am not alien to emotions of despair and sadness. At times during my teenage years, even so as I was motivated to discover more about the nature of the universe, picking up books about cosmology or anthropology (Zecharia’s The 12th Planet was my first official introduction to alien/human history, around age 13-14) one day, escaping through sci-fi and fantasy the next, I felt lonely. Looking at the people around me, I did not understand why people were so mean to each other, why they destroyed the planet, how they could live bathing in ignorance and be satisfied. Human stupidity and cruelty fueled my inner frustration. At times I wondered what I was doing there among all these people and if I was ever going to find peace. Happiness and bliss were unattainable emotions and concepts in my mind. I hoped that by the end of my life I would reach such states…maybe. Overall, I was pretty pissed off at the human race.
Around that time I met the wonderful man who is now my fiancé. Lucky me (ah, how did I end up being so lucky, I wonder everyday!) he helped me a lot in my search for sense in this chaotic world. We share similar ideas about (almost) everything. We started dating in 2004 and saw each other once a month as he lived 250km away. He brought a lot of comfort to my angry teenage years. I am grateful for his presence in my life as he is the nicest and most loving individual I know, along with my best friend. Thank you, honey.
Because my best friend’s mother (and neighbour at the time) is a Native American medium and because they had their own share of ghost drama, I knew since a young age that the paranormal is very real (and much more normal than people tend to think). Although I could not see spirits or negatively polarized entities as clearly as some, I have had my own share of experiences, from occasional visitations in dream, seeing crawling shadows, feeling the presence of malevolence and sharing my bedroom for almost two years with a negative being who I could perceive as a small human-like form standing in the corner of the room, ever watching. I will not go into more details as this would lengthen uselessly this text. These experiences have all been useful to my expansion however they do not bring any joy, so let’s leave it at that for now. Until I reached my twenties, I had had more proof of negatively polarized entities than positive ones, but I knew on a deeper level that light and shadow balance each other out. I also felt as some times in my life the love and presence of what I believe to be my main spirit guide. Early on I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming these feelings, however now I know they are real.
I moved out at age 17 to Montreal in order to live with my boyfriend (and get away from my mother with whom I fought a lot as a teen). I went to college for two years (cégep/college is obligatory in the province of Quebec for students who wish to go to university) and then to university where I got a degree in design. Until age 18 I had not been sure what I was going to do with my life exactly; I was good at a lot of things and academia was usually easy for me. Influenced by some family members’ advice, I considered studying a career which would be lucrative. My mother had been an artist and she had abandoned her craft after plunging in a depression in her thirties. The only experience I had of watching an artist doing their thing from up close was failure. And so even if I handled crayons since I was 2 years old and started building websites and toying with graphic design at 11, I felt very uncertain. I feared failure. In the end however I listened to my heart and pursued studies in design anyway; my mother’s failure and lack of motivation was her own, I would make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. We were after all very different individuals. I was scared but I knew I would not know feel fulfilled unless I did what I loved, and creating is the love of my life.
When I look back I am amazed and very pleased by all the good decisions I took in my life. I was young and yet knew to follow my heart’s desire. I hated the idea of working in a cubicle from 9-5 even if it meant making a lot of money. I preferred being poor but be happy. It was clear to me, and when it wasn’t, I realized it was only because I tried to deny the truth.
In summer of 2010, I had a defining experience that changed my perspective of life. Enjoying the outdoors, I sometimes bike or walk on the St-Lawrence river shore and stop to take in the beautiful landscape. One day I stopped at a nice spot, sat in front of the river and proceeded to meditate. During that period my attempts at meditation were more or less successful however it helped me calm my mind and feel more relaxed. Naturally stressed, it is a great tool for me. For several minutes, I meditated with eyes closed and then opened them to appreciate the beauty of the surroundings. On a rock in the river there was a sunbathing seagull. It helped me focus. I closed my eyes again, but when I opened them the next time, it hit me; life is beautiful and this reality has everything to make all of us happy, if only we allow ourselves to see it. A wave of happiness washed over me as I understood, finally, what it was to be truly, fundamentally happy. It is a feeling that has been following me since, only increasing in intensity. I switched from frustration to joy in an instant, something I originally thought would take me decades to achieve. I was 21 and I knew of bliss. And I knew how to find it. It was like I remembered something extremely obvious that had always been there, only I had never paid attention to it. My mind was blown.
Once I was happy, it was much easier to be a loving person. I had not been hateful before, but I used to look at my human brothers and sisters with annoyance. Although it is much easier to feel this way about people, especially when I can see them repeating the same mistakes over and over, I traded discontentment for compassion. Introspection, reflection, meditation, inspiring writers and my own heart helped me greatly on this path. In the following years, I learned to let go of my fears and welcome providence. Not listening to family (as always!), my fiancé and I decided to focus our energy on our design studio; we now work together since summer 2011, me as a graphic designer, web designer and illustrator, he as a programmer and web developer. Although we have met challenges, I can say with certitude it was a great decision. I do not regret one second quitting my job at Apple to reach for my dreams.
The last 7 months have been rather intense for me spiritually. I started paying more attention to my intuition, felt the need to become fully vegetarian (I was pescetarian since age 17), I devoured hundreds of videos, texts and audios about spirituality, I started meditating daily and I launched an art project based on love, culture and spirituality. The impossible happened; I found my higher self and my guides – the truth is that they had always been there but I was often too busy chasing my own tail to consciously feel them. Over the last few months I also started communicating with my higher self (and guides) through meditation. It began with having some of questions briefly answered in my mind in moments of concentration. The connection was not very solid at first as I was scared of what I might learn. But when I let go of that fear and allowed the light and love to flow more freely I discovered I had access to them at any time I wished. My mission on this planet became clearer and I am now certain I am here to help my brothers and sisters to find their own peace, happiness and love. There is much left for me to learn. I enjoy every moment of this journey.
My experience was not extreme; I did not need an incident or close encounter to “wake up”. It was progressive. My curiosity led me to the right books, the right sources, my stubbornness and self-reliance allowed me to pursue what my heart dictated in spite of the discouragements of some family members. My supportive fiancé and best friend are also responsible for pointing me in the right direction in moments of uncertainty on more than one occasion and I am eternally grateful to them both. I am extremely lucky and happy to have the privilege to be able to help people who wish to receive the help I can offer. I look forward to a time when the opportunity to teach others what I know will present itself.
Finally, in regards to Earth and the so-called “homesickness” reported by several wanderers, I cannot say I really feel homesick. As it has been confirmed to me during my meditations, I feel the whole cosmos is my home. I am a helper and I will go where my help is needed. As long as I have a purpose and as long as there is love, I am home. Home is where the heart is.
Thank you for reading. Love and light.
Indeed I use the word "helper" because I feel it is a broad term which defines my purpose and does not limit me. I'm not a big fan of labels to be honest and I try to apply as little as possible. Aren't we limitless beings afterall? Why limit ourselves with words? 