I've moved to seattle about 1.5 yrs ago and people here are not the most friendly type of people. I'm a very loving person one on one but when it comes to groups of people that I don't know in a strange setting all by myself I freak out. (INTP) The only places I've met people were in bible studies I went to with my very Christian wife. I have made no friends here in this city and so my wife wants me to get out and meet people.
She sent me to a community dodgeball game and as soon as I pulled up, I started having crazy fears of going into the community center. "I don't know these people. They are loud... I came late... What if they don't like me? I don't like loud noises... I have a headache..." So here I am scared sh*tless of groups of people. I'm also scared to death of approaching strangers and especially groups of people.
How am I to make friends like this? Is this a normal condition for Wanderers? I love people but groups freak me out and if I don't have a friend of a friend to talk with someone new it scares the daylights out of me....
Unconscious fear-based reactions are not due to being a wanderer. It's just an aspect of yourself that lacks balance. You may use your reactions as catalyst and work on accepting that part of yourself.
'Agoraphobia' is a very serious condition where a person is unable to leave their their homes due to severe anxiety & fear about becoming super anxious or having a panic attack if they leave their homes. Perhaps this is social anxiety or acute anxiety or going through the challenging experience of adjusting to new life? Has this happened to you before?
Start where you're most comfortable at and work up little by little... I know some people chat with new people online and meet up later. Gives a bit of space to work thru stuff slowly. Moving to a new city is quite an anxiety provoking experience. I like to be a wallflower and really feel out the environment & people, then make my debut lol.
(02-05-2013, 01:01 AM)rie Wrote: [ -> ]'Agoraphobia' is a very serious condition where a person is unable to leave their their homes due to severe anxiety & fear about becoming super anxious or having a panic attack if they leave their homes. Perhaps this is social anxiety or acute anxiety or going through the challenging experience of adjusting to new life? Has this happened to you before?
Start where you're most comfortable at and work up little by little... I know some people chat with new people online and meet up later. Gives a bit of space to work thru stuff slowly. Moving to a new city is quite an anxiety provoking experience. I like to be a wallflower and really feel out the environment & people, then make my debut lol.
I'm not as extreme as agoraphobia but its the same reactions just down about 50%. I do fine at work and moved up there in my short time here, but its just strange making friends. My wife goes to bible studies and stuff but whenever I went with her I had to keep my mouth shut from saying too much and I can't find friends there since there's too much difference in views. I think I'm gonna try some groups on meetup.com for meditation maybe..
Also as you balance using the orange and yellow ray centers as feedback may be of use.
Do you want to make friends? You mentioned that your wife wanted you to, but not that you did.
So, fear of the unknown, self-love could be greater, and you don't feel very secure in groups. As said before, this sounds like orange to yellow-ray imbalance.
Fear of the unknown= Red/orange, ground yourself properly with earth energies, entering through the feet. Uselful crystals: Black tourmaline (optimal)
Self-love: Blood red, basically same as above. Can be improved by red jasper crystals that appear more red than orange/brown etc
Secureness/awesomeness: Try doing some physical exercise, this will harden you, but without the self-love you'll still be vulnerable from the inside.
(02-05-2013, 07:49 AM)βαθμιαίος Wrote: [ -> ]Do you want to make friends? You mentioned that your wife wanted you to, but not that you did.
This is a good question. If you're simply doing it for your wife, then its already doomed to fail. If you're ok with not having many friends or a social life, then she shouldn't push you to be something you're not.
I sometimes think about having having friends to hang out with but then I remember that most people are on such a different wavelength, I'd rather just sit in my backyard and enjoy nature. Though I also don't have the time for a social life either which makes finding like minded people that much more difficult.
(02-05-2013, 07:49 AM)βαθμιαίος Wrote: [ -> ]Do you want to make friends? You mentioned that your wife wanted you to, but not that you did.
I want to make like 1 or 2 good friends. I find it super easy to talk to others and just show love and discuss deep metaphysics, but big groups of total strangers in a strange place was just too much for me. After the freak out I went home and meditated for a while and my higher self said I chose certain strengths and weaknesses for this incarnation and that was weakness I chose for myself before I incarnated so as to provide catalyst for a more philosophical and contemplative outlook. My higher self also said I could balance myself so as not to be fearful, but my default in this incarnation was timidity when it comes to big groups of people I don't know.
I guess I have some catalysts now that can really encourage growth in my lower centers...
Thanks for all the insight
As a fellow INTP, I can tell you it is just a natural part of our personality type. We very often dislike / are bad at smalltalk.
Personally, I try to keep a handle on it so it doesn't cross the line into being truly 'anti-social', yet try to accept it the best I can rather than fight it.
Marc, I have something similar but different, what I think is called Ochlophobia. It's funny, because I'm fine if I'm boxed in both those that I know. Or I'm fine if everyone sits down and focuses on one thing (like a movie, or if I'm giving a speech), but when walking up and about, it's difficult for me. I once visited Manhattan, and I had to stay heavily medicated just to make it a few streets.
It almost feels as if I'm absorbing too many people at once. I do know that I can't even figure out where my thoughts and emotions start and end in those situations. The anxiety has made me faint in such situations before.
However, you lead me to a social setting with a few people, even some strangers, and I'm extroverted and extremely social. I've also wondered if it's related to being a wanderer, or just "absorbent."
(02-06-2013, 04:29 PM)Parsons Wrote: [ -> ]As a fellow INTP, I can tell you it is just a natural part of our personality type. We very often dislike / are bad at smalltalk.
Personally, I try to keep a handle on it so it doesn't cross the line into being truly 'anti-social', yet try to accept it the best I can rather than fight it.
It's a fun balence to keep. When I was young I went through extreme cases of anti-social bouts. I even started to seriously dislike people with my fundamentalist Christian upbringing. I'm just learning myself I guess. I'm still young (just turning 21) so I have a lot to learn about myself still.
(02-06-2013, 06:50 PM)kainous Wrote: [ -> ]Marc, I have something similar but different, what I think is called Ochlophobia. It's funny, because I'm fine if I'm boxed in both those that I know. Or I'm fine if everyone sits down and focuses on one thing (like a movie, or if I'm giving a speech), but when walking up and about, it's difficult for me. I once visited Manhattan, and I had to stay heavily medicated just to make it a few streets.
It almost feels as if I'm absorbing too many people at once. I do know that I can't even figure out where my thoughts and emotions start and end in those situations. The anxiety has made me faint in such situations before.
However, you lead me to a social setting with a few people, even some strangers, and I'm extroverted and extremely social. I've also wondered if it's related to being a wanderer, or just "absorbent."
That totally makes sense to me. It's definitely something I've never heard of before though I've had small issues of a similar fashion and I learned to close myself off when around many moving people. I slowly started to look around while on the train and slowly worked myself upto a state where I could make eye contact and smile without having headphones on. I think most fears can be conquered although we choose our handicaps for a reason, even if the reason was to overcome it.
(02-06-2013, 06:50 PM)kainous Wrote: [ -> ]Marc, I have something similar but different, what I think is called Ochlophobia. It's funny, because I'm fine if I'm boxed in both those that I know. Or I'm fine if everyone sits down and focuses on one thing (like a movie, or if I'm giving a speech), but when walking up and about, it's difficult for me. I once visited Manhattan, and I had to stay heavily medicated just to make it a few streets.
It almost feels as if I'm absorbing too many people at once. I do know that I can't even figure out where my thoughts and emotions start and end in those situations. The anxiety has made me faint in such situations before.
However, you lead me to a social setting with a few people, even some strangers, and I'm extroverted and extremely social. I've also wondered if it's related to being a wanderer, or just "absorbent."
sounds a bit like being empathic and absorbing too much of everyones energy around you?
Crowds of people are not easy to handle for me either, I was on a big fair recently and the first day in the afternoon, walking around and being surrounded by those masses of otherselves, who walk by closely or brush you inadvertently I simply could not take it anymore, I felt myself go all numb inside and shut down as a consequence, to protect myself I guess.
(02-06-2013, 06:50 PM)kainous Wrote: [ -> ]Marc, I have something similar but different, what I think is called Ochlophobia. It's funny, because I'm fine if I'm boxed in both those that I know. Or I'm fine if everyone sits down and focuses on one thing (like a movie, or if I'm giving a speech), but when walking up and about, it's difficult for me. I once visited Manhattan, and I had to stay heavily medicated just to make it a few streets.
It almost feels as if I'm absorbing too many people at once. I do know that I can't even figure out where my thoughts and emotions start and end in those situations. The anxiety has made me faint in such situations before.
However, you lead me to a social setting with a few people, even some strangers, and I'm extroverted and extremely social. I've also wondered if it's related to being a wanderer, or just "absorbent."
You might want to try to compact your aura. Imagine all your energies outside the skin retract back to your skin. By doing this practice you might notice the boundary between you and the environment gets clearer.
You can complement this by asking your guides to keep up additional shielding if needed.(I don't do this).
"Absorbent", hm, that just gave me an idea...
are there absorbent and radiating people?
maybe like the difference between introvert and extrovert.
one soaks it all in, the other radiates outward.
I guess the latter would not be as affected by crowds either.
and introvert- yin? extrovert - yang?
(02-07-2013, 07:22 AM)Meerie Wrote: [ -> ]"Absorbent", hm, that just gave me an idea...
are there absorbent and radiating people?
maybe like the difference between introvert and extrovert.
one soaks it all in, the other radiates outward.
I guess the latter would not be as affected by crowds either.
and introvert- yin? extrovert - yang?
I think you are onto something here. The lesson I have been working on for the past few months is radiating vs. absorbing, or as my higher self puts it "Being a Dove or being a Raven."
and absorbing - STS (to the inside, to the self)
and radiating - STO (to the outside, to others)
I mean that without judgment, just as a means of dealing with energies?
since self and others are ultimately one, anyways
(02-07-2013, 01:47 PM)Meerie Wrote: [ -> ]and absorbing - STS (to the inside, to the self)
and radiating - STO (to the outside, to others)
I mean that without judgment, just as a means of dealing with energies?
since self and others are ultimately one, anyways
In a torus the bottom absorbs and comes to oneness and the top radiates outward until it is absorbed again through the bottom.
We should be doing both and when we focus on giving (radiating) the more power we gain in receiving (absorbing). A different take on polarity that Ra speaks of and this visual helps me make sense of it.
![[Image: 2005239.jpg?507]](http://www.mandalahoops.com/uploads/3/0/7/9/3079877/2005239.jpg?507)
Before I worried about radiating vs absorbing far too much. I think it's better to focus on being, whether I absorb or radiate.
(02-07-2013, 01:47 PM)Meerie Wrote: [ -> ]and absorbing - STS (to the inside, to the self)
and radiating - STO (to the outside, to others)
I mean that without judgment, just as a means of dealing with energies?
since self and others are ultimately one, anyways
Although I agree, the simplification of absorbing and radiating has always seemed as if it has issues in this regard. Is it self-serving to feel other people's emotions. I can see how it would be self-serving to force your negative ones on others.
Just a thought. Is absorbing/radiating a stretch of the analogy in this context, or is there more too it that I don't understanding?
Usually, the more emotionally absorbing people also tend to be very loving. However, the more emotionally radiating people could be either loving or selfish.
(02-07-2013, 07:16 PM)kainous Wrote: [ -> ]Although I agree, the simplification of absorbing and radiating has always seemed as if it has issues in this regard. Is it self-serving to feel other people's emotions. I can see how it would be self-serving to force your negative ones on others.
Just a thought. Is absorbing/radiating a stretch of the analogy in this context, or is there more too it that I don't understanding?
Usually, the more emotionally absorbing people also tend to be very loving. However, the more emotionally radiating people could be either loving or selfish.
Your absorbing is not STS at all but rather a different topic altogether I'd say. Empathy is others oriented-- or rather a closer realization of the Law of One.
I was born and raised in NYC, so I adjusted to the crowded subways and filthy crowded streets, but I never liked it. It wasn't fear exactly, it was just distaste.
Now I live on 2 1/2 acres about 20 minutes outside of Santa Fe NM. (a small city). It's quiet and I can see for miles and miles. I will not go to loud or crowed places, and that's fine with me.
It could be fear, so many things are, but honestly the discomfort is disgust. I prefer peace and quiet and good talk. I like being invited to a house party of people sitting and talking, but house parties with standing crowds and drinking and loud music are accepted once - and never again returned to.
Mediation groups certainly. Any other interests, political (?), or volunteering with animals at the shelter (?). Find something, a library book club (?), an astrology class (?), a yoga center (?), an astronomy class (?), a gym (?), a theater group (?), that interests you, and go because you will be interested. May or may not meet someone immediately, but have a good time anyway. The best friendships start out slow, and slowly build.
I don't think its a symptom of being a wanderer, I think its more of a you've been too comfortable for too long type of thing.
(02-07-2013, 03:27 AM)Meerie Wrote: [ -> ]sounds a bit like being empathic and absorbing too much of everyones energy around you?
This was my problem, personally. I only recently came to notice/accept that I was empathic and absorbing other's uncomfortable feelings.
(02-07-2013, 04:40 AM)Aureus Wrote: [ -> ]You might want to try to compact your aura. Imagine all your energies outside the skin retract back to your skin. By doing this practice you might notice the boundary between you and the environment gets clearer.
You can complement this by asking your guides to keep up additional shielding if needed.(I don't do this).
Or doing this:
(01-03-2013, 05:14 PM)TheEternal Wrote: [ -> ]It would be a good practice to perhaps learn some shielding practices, so you can keep your own field clear, but still be sensitive to the fields of others. This is easily done by creating a sphere of light projected out from your solar plexus around you. Another technique is to see your form as made of pure light and thus unaffected by lower vibrations.
"Empathy" from "absorbing too many thoughts of people around you" is due to use of the primary faculty of the psyche, without the inherent balancing afforded by the secondary function. So in effect, it's like a ship going around in circles on autopilot due to lack of course adjustments - being "just along for the ride" - no one is at the wheel so to speak.
I had experiences similar to 'absorbing' when I was younger. Helped to clarify my 'boundaries' and centering my energy & working on distortions. Kind of like imagining energy swirling around me, not directly through me, and being responsible for my own 's***'.
Empathy or being empathic is more being able to understand other people's thoughts and feelings (part of being able to open green ray maybe... to understand the other's perspectives through attuning to what other person is trying to say and what they are not saying out loud... empathy may mean listening with your 'third ear' to hear what the other is trying to deny or disown)
lol my word got censored... 'being responsible for my own stuff'
Also to suggest a need for "shielding techniques" is sort of like telling a drunk driver they need to upgrade their car's bumpers in order to not be affected by the drive. Balancing is not particularly forthcoming from shielding, for obvious reasons.
(02-10-2013, 02:35 PM)zenmaster Wrote: [ -> ]Also to suggest a need for "shielding techniques" is sort of like telling a drunk driver they need to upgrade their car's bumpers in order to not be affected by the drive. Balancing is not particularly forthcoming from shielding, for obvious reasons.
So you have personal experience with this problem?
(02-10-2013, 02:47 PM)Parsons Wrote: [ -> ] (02-10-2013, 02:35 PM)zenmaster Wrote: [ -> ]Also to suggest a need for "shielding techniques" is sort of like telling a drunk driver they need to upgrade their car's bumpers in order to not be affected by the drive. Balancing is not particularly forthcoming from shielding, for obvious reasons.
So you have personal experience with this problem?
Well of course?
Of course, no technique can substitute balancing. But there is both the crystallization and the proper energization.