Jimhu
02-09-2013, 06:30 PM
I am going through something. Actually I have been stuck on something. For the past two months I have been trying to deal with being lied to. I didn't know why I am having a hard time with this. Then it came to me at about 10:45 PM on Friday 02/08/2013. Just suddenly it happened.
Something from my past. It is 1973 or 1974. Someone that I know is paying people on the street lots of money to say that I stole a custom made leather jacket from a mafia drug dealer. But the story is a lie. The person paying the money actually stole the jacket. He would brag to me and his brother about taking the jacket. I am confused. This person's older brother is my best friend. We are in high school together. My feelings are hurt. I know their family. Why did this guy do this to me? I am scared for my life. My life is ruined. It really hurts my feelings. It violates my trust in him.
I have been living in a state of panic since 1973 or 74. Panic concerning, will this be the day I die, will the mafia find out where my parents live and harm them. One of my brothers said a couple of times that guys, strangers, would come up to him and ask him are you so and so. He said they would not believe him when he told them that he was not me. I am in panic about this. Will these guys hurt or kill my brother?
At this time the only thing I really knew about the mafia was from Al Pacino movies like Scarface, and Serpico, from The GodFather movies, and from things I heard from my fair weather friends and acquaintances I met out on the streets. But now it was real, now it is part of my life.
I felt a small sense of relief in my body last night when I was shown that my panic was all connected to this time and incident that I was lied on and about. I went on the run from place to place, even from state to state. It wasn't until 2001 that I found out that someone had paid $2,000 to take me off the hit list. That this person had asked another guy who was a friend of mine in high school if I was worth saving. This person said that my former friend laughed and said, "Yeah, he is worth saving". That happened around 1983 or 84. Then this person said,"We knew where you were". To prove it he told me everyplace I had stayed and how long I had stayed. He said they lost track of me two times, and named those times. The first time I was hiding in my parents home. I would sneak to work and sneak back home. The other time I had moved to Mississippi for a little more than a year. This person further told me that my name had been placed on the bottom of a list. Around 1983 or 84 my name had moved up to the top of the list. This scared me even more. The mafia knew my name. I was still in a state of panic when this guy told me these things. Because of this constant state of panic, I get very upset when people lie on me
But this awareness is a start, at least. I am sweating now as I am reliving these past 40 years. Now I know the core about why I really hate it when someone lies on me. It not only hurts my feelings. I feel that my life is still at stake.
I remember that I would pray for God to save me, to protect me whenever I would go into panic mode about the mafia looking for me. I remember back in the late 70s that guys I met on the street would say,'so you are so and so. I heard about you, some bad guys are looking for you'. Instant panic. It got to the point that I was afraid to go outside, afraid to go to work or to the store. I was afraid about hiding out in the home I grew up in. My thoughts were constantly about 'Would today be the day that something bad will happen?'
I know from experience that a lie can ruin a person, no matter how small a person may think a lie is, no matter how a person may think they are only protecting themself. Really one is only protecting their ego. A lie, maybe, will even kill someone, it almost killed me.
Something from my past. It is 1973 or 1974. Someone that I know is paying people on the street lots of money to say that I stole a custom made leather jacket from a mafia drug dealer. But the story is a lie. The person paying the money actually stole the jacket. He would brag to me and his brother about taking the jacket. I am confused. This person's older brother is my best friend. We are in high school together. My feelings are hurt. I know their family. Why did this guy do this to me? I am scared for my life. My life is ruined. It really hurts my feelings. It violates my trust in him.
I have been living in a state of panic since 1973 or 74. Panic concerning, will this be the day I die, will the mafia find out where my parents live and harm them. One of my brothers said a couple of times that guys, strangers, would come up to him and ask him are you so and so. He said they would not believe him when he told them that he was not me. I am in panic about this. Will these guys hurt or kill my brother?
At this time the only thing I really knew about the mafia was from Al Pacino movies like Scarface, and Serpico, from The GodFather movies, and from things I heard from my fair weather friends and acquaintances I met out on the streets. But now it was real, now it is part of my life.
I felt a small sense of relief in my body last night when I was shown that my panic was all connected to this time and incident that I was lied on and about. I went on the run from place to place, even from state to state. It wasn't until 2001 that I found out that someone had paid $2,000 to take me off the hit list. That this person had asked another guy who was a friend of mine in high school if I was worth saving. This person said that my former friend laughed and said, "Yeah, he is worth saving". That happened around 1983 or 84. Then this person said,"We knew where you were". To prove it he told me everyplace I had stayed and how long I had stayed. He said they lost track of me two times, and named those times. The first time I was hiding in my parents home. I would sneak to work and sneak back home. The other time I had moved to Mississippi for a little more than a year. This person further told me that my name had been placed on the bottom of a list. Around 1983 or 84 my name had moved up to the top of the list. This scared me even more. The mafia knew my name. I was still in a state of panic when this guy told me these things. Because of this constant state of panic, I get very upset when people lie on me
But this awareness is a start, at least. I am sweating now as I am reliving these past 40 years. Now I know the core about why I really hate it when someone lies on me. It not only hurts my feelings. I feel that my life is still at stake.
I remember that I would pray for God to save me, to protect me whenever I would go into panic mode about the mafia looking for me. I remember back in the late 70s that guys I met on the street would say,'so you are so and so. I heard about you, some bad guys are looking for you'. Instant panic. It got to the point that I was afraid to go outside, afraid to go to work or to the store. I was afraid about hiding out in the home I grew up in. My thoughts were constantly about 'Would today be the day that something bad will happen?'
I know from experience that a lie can ruin a person, no matter how small a person may think a lie is, no matter how a person may think they are only protecting themself. Really one is only protecting their ego. A lie, maybe, will even kill someone, it almost killed me.