07-24-2013, 12:25 AM
This post is to fill in the gap of time I have been absent. In this thread I will present my thoughts and will share my journey with those who care to listen. I will also provide a few inquiries.
It has been long, it has been hard, but I have finally come to a point where the chaos in my life has turned into tranquility and peace for the time being.
So I believe I left off on my last postings with a misunderstanding for chaos and an inquisition about dragons. These inquiries were brought upon by a large amount of chaos presenting itself in my life, through the form of other selves emotionally harming me, in fact these happened to be the other selves who I looked the highest upon, and loved with all my heart. This was done by accusations against my character, and a complete betrayal of my trust, from my best friend and my mother. The events that took place pushed me to the point mentally where if I continued to deal with that catalyst I would have likely lost sanity and also my grip on my own reality. So I moved back to my original place of residence and worked out all troubles that were presented with my peers and family here. Things are going well and I am enrolled in college and turning my life straight, while also minimalizing the desired need for drugs and alcohol, or intoxication in general.
But I would like to elaborate more on the chaos aspect. It seems as though when chaos acts upon an individual and skews that selves life path in a way that allows them to either become more in-tune with their spirituality or be drawn completely away from it and to be immersed even deeper into the facade that is known as reality. Unfortunately even when immersing into the spiritual when dealing with problems, you still have to rebalance yourself after the initial harm is done. And when your own mother literally does everything in her power to betray your trust and hurt you what can one do but sit and think about how unfortunate they are for having these events brought down upon them? I have a hard time coming to a conclusion on whether or not these event's were scripted because it had nothing to do with an outside driving force, the event was dictated by the actions of two other-selves. So is it really catalyst that provides the learning situations in life? Or the decisions and actions torwards you by other selves?
I have officially coped with the entire situation as of now, and have forgiven those involved for the most part except for the male. I have a very hard time forgiving someone who literally did not care in the slightest about my well being in a situation and acted sheerly upon his own lust and disrespected me as a best friend. My mother and my supposed best friend are currently engaged and it is very hard for me to deal with.
Is it bad that I got a great deal of satisfaction from hearing my families feedback upon the subject when the feedback was nothing but negative comments about my mother and the supposed best friends behavior? I couldn't help but feel slightly distasteful because she is my mother and I do love and respect her but for some reason I just can't will myself to be okay with those two getting married. She has asked me to attend the wedding and I have flat out told her no. I want nothing to do with it. And they aren't even remotely bothered.
I have been asking the creator to guide me in the right direction since these events went down and I know that all events happen for a purpose and the purpose is clear now. My life was not going right for me, I had nothing left to learn about the life path I was living. And oddly enough entheogens were the main driving factor in my spiritual epiphany that led to my strength throughout the situations that were presented to me.
I have been having frequent nightmares as of late basically summarizing the harm that has been done to me by my other selves and I am witnessing every night a different struggle with a seemingly random selection of people who I care dearly about going out of their way to emotionally harm me. I have found myself crying upon waking up, the tears present even before my eyes were open and my brain reached an alert/awake state. This is troublesome.
The only other thing I struggle with at this point in time is feeling at one with everything, although I am aware that the law is one and that all is one. Something has been preventing me from truly registering this fact and at this time I would like to ask if there is any exercises or points of focus that I can truly immerse in to help me develop this connection to the infinite once again, and also prevent drifting away from these thoughts.
Thanks for reading and if you have any insight to present to me or any advice I would really appreciate it. Love and light of the infinite creator shine down upon each and every one of you my brothers and sisters. And may your experience continue to flourish.
![[Image: IL52hQj.jpg?1]](http://i.imgur.com/IL52hQj.jpg?1)
It has been long, it has been hard, but I have finally come to a point where the chaos in my life has turned into tranquility and peace for the time being.
So I believe I left off on my last postings with a misunderstanding for chaos and an inquisition about dragons. These inquiries were brought upon by a large amount of chaos presenting itself in my life, through the form of other selves emotionally harming me, in fact these happened to be the other selves who I looked the highest upon, and loved with all my heart. This was done by accusations against my character, and a complete betrayal of my trust, from my best friend and my mother. The events that took place pushed me to the point mentally where if I continued to deal with that catalyst I would have likely lost sanity and also my grip on my own reality. So I moved back to my original place of residence and worked out all troubles that were presented with my peers and family here. Things are going well and I am enrolled in college and turning my life straight, while also minimalizing the desired need for drugs and alcohol, or intoxication in general.
But I would like to elaborate more on the chaos aspect. It seems as though when chaos acts upon an individual and skews that selves life path in a way that allows them to either become more in-tune with their spirituality or be drawn completely away from it and to be immersed even deeper into the facade that is known as reality. Unfortunately even when immersing into the spiritual when dealing with problems, you still have to rebalance yourself after the initial harm is done. And when your own mother literally does everything in her power to betray your trust and hurt you what can one do but sit and think about how unfortunate they are for having these events brought down upon them? I have a hard time coming to a conclusion on whether or not these event's were scripted because it had nothing to do with an outside driving force, the event was dictated by the actions of two other-selves. So is it really catalyst that provides the learning situations in life? Or the decisions and actions torwards you by other selves?
I have officially coped with the entire situation as of now, and have forgiven those involved for the most part except for the male. I have a very hard time forgiving someone who literally did not care in the slightest about my well being in a situation and acted sheerly upon his own lust and disrespected me as a best friend. My mother and my supposed best friend are currently engaged and it is very hard for me to deal with.
Is it bad that I got a great deal of satisfaction from hearing my families feedback upon the subject when the feedback was nothing but negative comments about my mother and the supposed best friends behavior? I couldn't help but feel slightly distasteful because she is my mother and I do love and respect her but for some reason I just can't will myself to be okay with those two getting married. She has asked me to attend the wedding and I have flat out told her no. I want nothing to do with it. And they aren't even remotely bothered.
I have been asking the creator to guide me in the right direction since these events went down and I know that all events happen for a purpose and the purpose is clear now. My life was not going right for me, I had nothing left to learn about the life path I was living. And oddly enough entheogens were the main driving factor in my spiritual epiphany that led to my strength throughout the situations that were presented to me.
I have been having frequent nightmares as of late basically summarizing the harm that has been done to me by my other selves and I am witnessing every night a different struggle with a seemingly random selection of people who I care dearly about going out of their way to emotionally harm me. I have found myself crying upon waking up, the tears present even before my eyes were open and my brain reached an alert/awake state. This is troublesome.
The only other thing I struggle with at this point in time is feeling at one with everything, although I am aware that the law is one and that all is one. Something has been preventing me from truly registering this fact and at this time I would like to ask if there is any exercises or points of focus that I can truly immerse in to help me develop this connection to the infinite once again, and also prevent drifting away from these thoughts.
Thanks for reading and if you have any insight to present to me or any advice I would really appreciate it. Love and light of the infinite creator shine down upon each and every one of you my brothers and sisters. And may your experience continue to flourish.
