Bring4th

Let me tell you a dumb little story. It has quite a few holes in it.

There was a married couple that had at least two kids. I don't know the married couple's names, personalities, when they were born or died, what they died of, where they met, whether their marriage was happy or whether it didn't even occur to them to ask if they were happy.

I don't know if the particular hometown where the kids grew up (I do know where that was) was where the couple came from, or if they relocated there from somewhere else. Somewhere back in previous generations, there was a particular expatriate missionary who had a particular strange habit about dining. Somewhere else in the family there was someone who worked at a particular university, helped move books when the school library was relocated, and also did botanical research in another particular country, resulting in the classic reference book in the field. I've seen the book and it's amazingly thorough research. Later the son and his young family visited that foreign country through this contact.

The man worked for a while in civil engineering. He participated in construction of a particular large water supply tunnel. The tunnel went diagonally through a hillside into a cave. During construction it was sometimes a fun place to visit for the son of the couple. I have no idea what the man's role was in that project. It wouldn't surprise me if he was a design engineer or project manager.

The tunnel project was in a different city than the family's main hometown. As a result the son spent some of high school years in one town where the tunnel was built, then he finished high school in his hometown. Both states noticed that between them, the son got a complete high school education, so he actually got high school diplomas from both states.

When in the other town where the tunnel was being built, the son noticed that there were some different types of plants than in his home town, some of them spectacular. I don't know if the wife and daughter also relocated during the big project.

The son enjoyed shooting off rockets in empty fields when he was a kid, maybe around high school age. His typing class had silly little exercises that stayed with him in his memory. He went to a particular college, served in a particular branch of the military, had at least a particular couple of jobs and eventually married.

At the wedding day, the mother made a particular comment that the bride overheard and that troubled her so much she almost canceled the wedding, but she decided to go ahead despite her misgivings. I don't know if she ever told anyone else but me about that overheard comment.

I don't know the sister's name or if she had any kids. She's probably since died.

The son and his wife had children.

As far as I know, there was no contact at all between the son's new family and his parents.

I'm one of those children of the son and his dismayed wife. I was an infant at time of the foreign country visit and don't have any memories of it.

You now know absolutely everything I know about my father's family of origin. In each case where I mention a particular, I know what it is. These are 100% of the particulars I have any knowledge about.

My question: is it bizarre that I don't have any more information than this? Including which of my parents broke off contact, or whether my grandparents and aunt were the ones who had nothing further to do with my father's life? Or is actually typical to know so little about one's father's family of origin?

When I was born I entered into a closed adoption, so I know next to nothing about my birth parents. The records were all sealed up tight, then the adoption agency closed down out of nowhere, making it that much harder to try to obtain the information. I have some questionable documents that give a few brief physical descriptions and that's it. So, to me at least, you've got a heck of a lot of information.

Just a few months ago I discovered the TV series "The Locator." (http://www.wetv.com/the-locator/) It's a documentary series about an investigator, Troy Dunn, who has a team that tracks down long-lost people. It's a business but the series shows the charity cases they take, typically involving adoption. It's fascinating to see how much family means to some people, and how indifferent some others are to relatives, reunions, and reconciliations. In my opinion, Troy Dunn is a very wise and compassionate person. The show has really helped me to even be able to put these questions into words.

Ahktu, what do you think about open adoption laws that would require adult children to be provided their complete adoption records on request? Do you think that's a good idea? Do you see any drawbacks?

i suspect it's more common than you might think questionner. my dad had almost no knowledge of his father's family, or indeed of his father, despite growing up with him and my grandfather living till he was 80. infact my dad commented at his funeral that had he found out more about his father from what the minister had said than he had ever found out from his parents.
some people, for whatever reason, keep their stories to themselves.

This is very common and a sign of the former times in which we lived. Transparency was not even a thought or concept at that time... and I have some of this in my family tree as well. Strange but true!

fairyfarmgirl

My family is fairly close... But I too know very little about their origins. I think if you don't go around actively trying to figure it out you just end up missing it... My brother invested some energy in it. Apparently theres is a family member with my exact first and last name in a rock band somewhere.

Whether not knowing all that's bad.. I don't know. It's just life isn't it?

Although I had a lot more details than you seem to I found a huge amount I never heard of when I did some research. In fact I found an entire branch of the family on my mothers side and cousins and stuff. I think losing touch was fairly common, the internet now gives us the tools if we really want to find out.