this impulse to be 'perfect' is something that I've worked with for most of my life.
it can be a reaction to an inner sense of 'unworthiness' - and so things have to be made 'perfect' as a response.
it can also have roots in an inferiority complex (self esteem issues), and the 'perfectionism' is sort of an over-reaction expressed as 'over achievement' (although its a slightly different response to the unworthiness above).
whatever the cause, trying to be 'perfect' for the world, and in one's actions and words puts a lot of strain and anxiety on the self, always comparing what is expressed with some inner perfect ideal.
it can make life very tentative and self-conscious (self-conscious in a slightly negative way).
that is not to say that the impulse to learn, achieve, improve, and observe feedback is a bad one (it is, absolutely neccessarily in fact for growth). But having an expectation of the 100% clean sheet, and an almost angelic sheen is one that one can never live up to, and so one always 'fails' in one's own estimation.
but I've found that if you address some of the root issues of unworthiness, inferiority, shame, etc, this relentless drive for perfection can be moderated into something like a 'pursuit of excellence', and 'a task done with caring attention', or something that reflects a more considered, and less absolute attitude than 'perfection'.
- -
just a little Ra effulgence to sprinkle in at the end
"May we note that just as each entity strives in each moment to become more nearly one with the Creator but falls short, just so is physical spotlessness striven for but not achieved. In each case the purity of intention and thoroughness of manifestation are appreciated. The variance between the attempt and the goal is never noted and may be considered unimportant."
I just love seeing things so carefully created the intelligence of the infinite shines through clearly.
I am sensitive to when I make mistakes, so I guess I have the impulse to be perfect. Although I am somewhat defiant to another in my life at times. She gets onto me for sleeping too much, something I enjoy doing. She says it's better to watch tv then to sleep because at least I'm doing something.
Tanner, maybe I'm not up to par on it, but I don't see the infinite nature of reality shining through. Infinity is foreign to me. I feel so separate that sometimes I cry.
(12-20-2013, 05:17 PM)plenum Wrote: [ -> ]this impulse to be 'perfect' is something that I've worked with for most of my life.
it can be a reaction to an inner sense of 'unworthiness' - and so things have to be made 'perfect' as a response.
it can also have roots in an inferiority complex (self esteem issues), and the 'perfectionism' is sort of an over-reaction expressed as 'over achievement' (although its a slightly different response to the unworthiness above).
whatever the cause, trying to be 'perfect' for the world, and in one's actions and words puts a lot of strain and anxiety on the self, always comparing what is expressed with some inner perfect ideal.
it can make life very tentative and self-conscious (self-conscious in a slightly negative way).
that is not to say that the impulse to learn, achieve, improve, and observe feedback is a bad one (it is, absolutely neccessarily in fact for growth). But having an expectation of the 100% clean sheet, and an almost angelic sheen is one that one can never live up to, and so one always 'fails' in one's own estimation.
but I've found that if you address some of the root issues of unworthiness, inferiority, shame, etc, this relentless drive for perfection can be moderated into something like a 'pursuit of excellence', and 'a task done with caring attention', or something that reflects a more considered, and less absolute attitude than 'perfection'.
- -
just a little Ra effulgence to sprinkle in at the end
"May we note that just as each entity strives in each moment to become more nearly one with the Creator but falls short, just so is physical spotlessness striven for but not achieved. In each case the purity of intention and thoroughness of manifestation are appreciated. The variance between the attempt and the goal is never noted and may be considered unimportant."
plenum, i'd like to ask a question. is your ascendant scorpio
I think a strong conditional acceptance of the self based on perfection is an orange ray imbalance for positive philosophy as it goes against the idea of unconditional acceptance.
However, it's probably also potentially negatively polarizing as it emphasizes conditional acceptance usually based on one's abilitys/power to achieve. Also, striving for perfection without unconditional acceptance of less than perfect can generate large amounts of willpower that is also useful to move up into negative yellow.
As having an Asian immigrant parent background, this perfection distortion runs deep in these communities, and also within my own personality. I'm in the process of balancing it.
I don't really have problems with feeling worthy. But I also don't have a lot of willpower. So my orange ray seems alright, but yellow ray could use some work. That's if willpower is yellow ray issue.
Regardless, it's just another form of acceptable catalyst and it is helpful to not identify with the ideal which drives any perfectionism, but rather attempt to make that ideal conscious and any habits which support the drive.
(12-20-2013, 08:22 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I don't really have problems with feeling worthy. But I also don't have a lot of willpower. So my orange ray seems alright, but yellow ray could use some work. That's if willpower is yellow ray issue.
Language is imprecise, but orange is more than worthiness. It's about loving who you are, right here, right now, in the incarnation, with all of your distortions, warts and all. And not just conceptually loving yourself. It's about vibrating that self-love. Thinking about who you are, and feeling warm and fuzzy instead.
Most of us here have great greens (no pun intended for those 420ers, though I seldom smoke anymore). You know you can feel love for another self and you get that warm and fuzzy feeling, probably around your heart? Well, you know you love yourself when you think about your incarnate self and feel warm and fuzzy in your gut. That's the best comparison I can come up with thus far for those who are energy sensitive.
It's a work in progress for me. It's definitely brutal work, but wonderful at the same time.
There are so many orange ray imbalances for us wanderers that it makes me want to look into whether there is something else going on. I'll have to think about it some more.
(12-20-2013, 08:07 PM)bosphorus Wrote: [ -> ]plenum, i'd like to ask a question. is your ascendant scorpio
umm, I think its Capricorn. Double capricorn I think (sun and ascendent).
so a strong impulse to build and perfect.
but that's not the only 'input' or 'cause' for this bias.
as xise mentioned, asian immigrant kids (both south east asian, chinese asian, and indian continent asian) have a strong familial pressure put on them, even though at times it may be well meaning.
'the need to succeed' if you will.
its not unique or exclusive, but it definitely has a wide preponderance in that demographic.
Thank you xise. That was encouraging about most of us having great greens. I was a little unsure about my green. Sometimes I think that I don't do enough for other people. But it's about how much love/light we have. I can demonstrate strong love/light for others, but don't tend to feel warm fuzzies for others, unless there are some bad things happening. Though when watching a good movie I can get emotional. I guess for myself I get the warm fuzzies at times.
The difference, for me, in striving to be perfect or embracing who I am, is having a solid base to work from. I believe the more you touch upon your 'true self' or 'core vibration', the more natural it feels to be kind and generous towards self/others. Whereas before I didn't actually feel much compassion because I was in a dark place, yet trying to 'give' as much as I could. Because it was the only reason for me to keep going. As I measured my worthiness on how much I'd done for others. It is indeed a catalyst and I'm thankful for it because it's the main reason I'm still here.
Warm fuzzies all around
I try to balance curiosity with contentment. Keep growing but appreciate the distance covered.
Strive to hard and you run out of breath, sit around all day appreciating your situation and you will rot away.
Perfectionism is an unconsciously motivated habit, therefore does not even actually carry an awareness of that which is in balance.
Plenum I gotta say I love your posts. You have always synchronistically posted so many threads at the exact tims that I had been deeply contemplating them. This post is no different. I spent the last year trying to be perfect. Perfect positive polarization. It wasn't until after my girlfriend left me a few weeks ago that I realized that this quest for perfection was bullshit. You can't force something that isn't there. By trying to force myself to have perfect integrity I lost my integrity because I was no longer being true to myself. And trying to be something I wasn't cost me everything - my job, my freedom, and the love of my life. This quest for perfection cannot be rushed that's why it takes billions of years and hundreds of millions of lifetimes to get there.
In the end, I realized I should not try to be perfect. What I should try to be is the best person that I can be. And that means always being true to myself and true to others. Always. Part of that truth will be expressing anger if I feel angry instead of repressing it and trying to be "perfect". It will mean fucking up sometimes and not pretending to take the higher ground. Only by being truthful can we hope to learn anything substantial in life. And unfortunately a lot of those truths are being honest with the fact that we make mistakes.
Anyway, keep up the awesome thoughts. I really value them.
Namaste
-guardian
yeah np, Guardian.
we put ourselves through the most horrendous experiences to learn (appreciate) some very simple things.
I know I've done it to myself enough times in this life
anyway, I hope things get back on track for you in the coming year (seems like a great chance to 'reboot', along with everyone else lol).
all the best, most sincerely,
plenum
I think people tend to confuse preference with perfection.
I love this topic! When I am a perfectionist, I usually have a whole picture of how I want others to see me. That is always a clue that I am dealing with my mind/ego as it is enlivened by my own feelings of inferiority. The truth is I am at this level of development for reasons beyond my full comprehension. In the absence of full comprehension, my mind constructs comparisons and stories about where I should be in my development. These stories then dampen my light a bit (shame) until I notice the con job I am doing on myself. THEN comes compassion for myself as an entity struggling toward the light without full comprehension and patterns that have not fully undone themselves. Now I can see that everyone is where they are at for reasons beyond my comprehension. Since I cannot see these reasons, it makes no sense to judge or evaluate them. ALL I can do (and I ask for the strength and wisdom to do this) is LOVE them in all their seeming imperfections. If I can do this, my perfectionist voice suddenly doesn't seem so loud.
Plenum, talk to me when you doctor !
(12-23-2013, 08:15 AM)Raz Wrote: [ -> ]I think people tend to confuse preference with perfection.
Well, perfection can be more intense form of preference bc of the intensity of emotions that emerge when something is not to one's satisfaction (perfection in a form of fastidiousness). Depends on the unique quality of that person's behavior and subsequent response to events.