Only recently have I been making a conscious effort to make positive change in my life in order to live more beautifully. I can sincerely say I want happiness/want to be happy. For the longest time however I was stuck in unhealthy patterns of thought and was unwilling to make positive change regardless of oppurtunity. I'm still afflicted with such thought patterns but they are significantly weaker. I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness? I used to feel as though my pain was what gave me worth as a human being and without it I would be worthless. I'm sure theres much more to it than that but I'm hard pressed to think of a fuller answer. Any help is greatly appreciated.
(01-26-2014, 08:29 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ]I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness?
What exactly do you mean by this?
Are you asking why someone would choose sadness when they have previously chosen happiness?
Are you asking why someone would choose sadness when there is the potential for them to choose happiness instead?
Or are you asking something else?
(01-26-2014, 08:39 PM)xise Wrote: [ -> ] (01-26-2014, 08:29 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ]I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness?
Are you asking why someone would choose sadness when there is the potential for them to choose happiness instead?
That is pretty much it.
(01-26-2014, 08:46 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ] (01-26-2014, 08:39 PM)xise Wrote: [ -> ] (01-26-2014, 08:29 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ]I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness?
Are you asking why someone would choose sadness when there is the potential for them to choose happiness instead?
That is pretty much it.
Keep in mind that language is a poor translation of these sorts of concepts, but in my experience, actualization of potential seems to involve work-change.
I use the word 'work-change' as opposed to work, because for me work implies more of brute force work, whereas work-change implies more of working smart and intelligently and constantly evaluating the effectiveness of your work and a willingness to try new things if you're stagnating.
I think 'faith-confidence' in the desired outcome is important, but blind faith-confidence in a particular route/method/path of achieving that desired outcome is often counterproductive. That's why I think it's important to always evaluate whatever method you're using to achieve your goal, and be willing to try out other ways of getting there. Sometimes you gotta change things up.
And as happiness/sadness is an internal thing, the entire endeavor revolves around balance and your belief system. Less of the whole external doing, and more of the internal doing to change your being.
It's the perspective of your rational mind that is creating it. The mind finds it easier to be the victim, so it says that everything else is causing sadness. People are cold, they don't understand, I'm this or that and have been dealt bad cards etc. Settling into the mind-frame where one is the victim feels safe, and believe it or not, we find comfort in that state of mind because of its familiarity. The sadness is a familiar state that we can fall back into. I went through all of this. Transformation will happen when, for whatever reason, you simply realize that life is beautiful and great
It can't ever be articulated so that one day you just get it. You just keep working with the catalyst until that transcendent moment of realization is experienced. A lot of it has to do with the pull from the societal mind..what society values and why it is supposed to make us happy..the "meaning" of life.
I really suggest spending time in the sun and nature. Sun helps heal depression, and nature will uplift and nurture you.
In 3rd density, we use other selves to mirror to us undesirable ways of being. When we are young, we buy into the belief that the things that make others happy are the things that will make us happy. It is only when we choose to look inside ourselves and make our own decisions regarding happiness without the distortions of orange-ray (other-selves) and yellow ray (family/society) influencing us that we can begin to grow.
Part of the joy, fun, and challenge of this illusion is making the step where one sees themselves as the Creator and accepts that role, and I think it is commonplace that most entities give themselves a full plate, so to speak, to come out from underneath. So in short, we choose sadness so that we can then later experience the exhilaration of choosing happiness and the magic that it entails.
(01-26-2014, 09:19 PM)Icaro Wrote: [ -> ]Settling into the mind-frame where one is the victim feels safe, and believe it or not, we find comfort in that state of mind because of its familiarity. The sadness is a familiar state that we can fall back into.
This is absolutely true for me. It really does take a lot of strength to change this, especially when you've been playing the victim for many years. It really requires getting out of your comfort. I'm just struggling with what to do with my time. I don't want to spend any of it pursuing things which make me depressed. This is why I dropped out of uni and can't find a job worth holding on to.
(01-26-2014, 11:11 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ] (01-26-2014, 09:19 PM)Icaro Wrote: [ -> ]Settling into the mind-frame where one is the victim feels safe, and believe it or not, we find comfort in that state of mind because of its familiarity. The sadness is a familiar state that we can fall back into.
This is absolutely true for me. It really does take a lot of strength to change this, especially when you've been playing the victim for many years. It really requires getting out of your comfort. I'm just struggling with what to do with my time. I don't want to spend any of it pursuing things which make me depressed. This is why I dropped out of uni and can't find a job worth holding on to.
The victim role is in line with the martyr, which is an overbalance of heart chakra energy. Maybe you are constantly giving of yourself but not allowing a return of energy, or not using discernment/wisdom to learn how to say no or sever ties with the one in the abuser role.
Sounds like dropping out of school and work may be you choosing to use your discernment, so good luck to you in finding your path. My best advice is to try to find what feels the best, and really, truly indulge in it, ask to be of service, and trust that your path will unfold before you.
(01-26-2014, 11:11 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ]This is absolutely true for me. It really does take a lot of strength to change this, especially when you've been playing the victim for many years. It really requires getting out of your comfort. I'm just struggling with what to do with my time. I don't want to spend any of it pursuing things which make me depressed. This is why I dropped out of uni and can't find a job worth holding on to.
It's odd isn't it? It's a defense/coping mechanism. To use the concepts discussed in the material, there really are elements of stepping into the unknown in terms of opening yourself up to the state of beingness. The mind is in an absorptive state, in that it's dependent on others to give in order to feel happiness. It resists stepping away from that absorptive nature, because it's completely the opposite of how we view and interpret experience, and how the mind thinks the nature of reality works. So breaking free from that is a release that does take strength and a type of faith. The mind is trying something new by stepping into unknown and uncertain territory..a new pattern of mind abandoning the old which takes courage. This is one way in which the mind transforms. As one finds happiness from within, you're becoming radiant in that there is no expectation from the exterior to make you happy..it's a giving without receiving.
As far as your other concerns, I'm in the same boat! There aren't many worthwhile options, and the ones that exist generally don't pay much or are volunteer positions. I feel that's in place on purpose, in that we're supposed to take chances or put our own ideas into motion. How else does change come about? There's always that element of uncertainty.
What kind of activities leads to enjoyment, excitement, happiness for you? What do you like to do for fun? Is there a moment in these past few months where you did feel excitement, happiness, or 'not-sad'? If so, what were you doing?
(01-26-2014, 11:31 PM)Jade Wrote: [ -> ]The victim role is in line with the martyr, which is an overbalance of heart chakra energy. Maybe you are constantly giving of yourself but not allowing a return of energy, or not using discernment/wisdom to learn how to say no or sever ties with the one in the abuser role.
I agree in a way. What's interesting is that many people who are unhappy and do find themselves stuck in that state early in life
are actually very giving people. I was one of them, in that I was born with an extremely open heart only to discover that the world seemingly wants nothing to do with such empathy and sensitivity.
But the irony of the situation is that the open heart and innate understanding is actually causing the conflict. The mind tells itself that others don't "get it", and so it closes itself off as it encounters apparent darkness. This seems to be one example of groping in the moonlight that Ra refers to, and where adepts apparently get stuck. But what's interesting is that this incarnational pattern must be preferred or even required depending on why you're here, because it offers the opportunity of streamlining balance since it can kick-start the seeking process. It's a blessing in disguise.
"As we have said, this instrument, feeling that it lacked compassion to balance wisdom, chose an incarnative experience whereby it was of necessity placed in situations of accepting self in the absence of other-selves’ acceptance and the acceptance of other-self without expecting a return or energy transfer. This is not an easy program for an incarnation but was deemed proper by this entity."
I don't think he's a victim at all. Just momentarily lost and trying to find out who he is and what he's here to do. Sometimes one needs these dysphoric states to catalyze seeking and figure things out for oneself.
No worries rie, never said he was..just explaining how our mind interprets experience to feel that we are the victim.
(01-26-2014, 08:29 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ]Only recently have I been making a conscious effort to make positive change in my life in order to live more beautifully. I can sincerely say I want happiness/want to be happy. For the longest time however I was stuck in unhealthy patterns of thought and was unwilling to make positive change regardless of oppurtunity. I'm still afflicted with such thought patterns but they are significantly weaker. I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness? I used to feel as though my pain was what gave me worth as a human being and without it I would be worthless. I'm sure theres much more to it than that but I'm hard pressed to think of a fuller answer. Any help is greatly appreciated.
(01-26-2014, 08:29 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ]Only recently have I been making a conscious effort to make positive change in my life in order to live more beautifully. I can sincerely say I want happiness/want to be happy. For the longest time however I was stuck in unhealthy patterns of thought and was unwilling to make positive change regardless of oppurtunity. I'm still afflicted with such thought patterns but they are significantly weaker. I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness? I used to feel as though my pain was what gave me worth as a human being and without it I would be worthless. I'm sure theres much more to it than that but I'm hard pressed to think of a fuller answer. Any help is greatly appreciated.
I think that's a good question to ask. Another question that helps plumb the situation even more deeply is to ask, "What is the root cause of suffering?" Or, "Why do I and why do we suffer?"
There's a whole lot to say on this matter. One aspect I would like to address at the moment is the notion of "choice" in your question. While I agree with the Confederation's philosophical stance which says that the entity and only the entity is ultimately responsible for the generation of their experience and reality, I'm not so sure that the word "choice" conveys what most people are doing when they are unhappy or suffering.
I believe that most who suffer, myself included, aren't precisely
choosing, least as we might understand "choosing". To pay better respect to the nuances of the predicament, perhaps it is helpful to consider that suffering/unhappiness is resulting from a) unconscious patterns in motion and b) identification with those unconscious, mostly mental patterns.
Those unconscious patterns tend to be seeking fulfillment in some future, imagined, desired condition. Or tend to be fearing the imagined future. Or tend to be dwelling on things that didn't transpire as one desired in the perceived past. Or tend to be perpetually looking outward for scraps of pleasure, satisfaction, and meaning by chasing a desired arrangement of circumstance – meanwhile missing the only access point to happiness and the end of suffering: the Now; the unconditional surrender to the experience of this moment *regardless* of how it may or may not be manifesting.
Another way to respond to your question: people "choose" unhappiness by failing to accept What Is. The situation in this moment is as it is, and instead of recognizing its perfection, wholeness, and completeness, our unconscious mental patterns (with which we are more or less identified) are resisting the conditions, circumstances, and outer costumes of this moment. We are fundamentally saying "no" to life, and "no" to this moment.
The key, then, is to become increasingly conscious of the patterns that play themselves out in and through us. To know them, to accept them, and to realize that we are not them; we are the witnessing presence that is aware, that is only and forever in this eternal moment.
With love and light to you, Folk Love
(01-27-2014, 01:01 AM)rie Wrote: [ -> ]What kind of activities leads to enjoyment, excitement, happiness for you? What do you like to do for fun? Is there a moment in these past few months where you did feel excitement, happiness, or 'not-sad'? If so, what were you doing?
I like going for walks as often as I can. Listening to and playing music brings me excitement occasionally. Hmmmm, can't really think of much else. A lot of the time I've felt joy in the past, I wasn't really doing anything, just sitting perhaps. Thank you to everyone for the responses. Love and light to you all.
(01-27-2014, 02:47 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ] (01-27-2014, 01:01 AM)rie Wrote: [ -> ]What kind of activities leads to enjoyment, excitement, happiness for you? What do you like to do for fun? Is there a moment in these past few months where you did feel excitement, happiness, or 'not-sad'? If so, what were you doing?
I like going for walks as often as I can. Listening to and playing music brings me excitement occasionally. Hmmmm, can't really think of much else. A lot of the time I've felt joy in the past, I wasn't really doing anything, just sitting perhaps. Thank you to everyone for the responses. Love and light to you all.
Another great question to explore is: what makes you unhappy?
(01-27-2014, 02:47 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ] (01-27-2014, 01:01 AM)rie Wrote: [ -> ]What kind of activities leads to enjoyment, excitement, happiness for you? What do you like to do for fun? Is there a moment in these past few months where you did feel excitement, happiness, or 'not-sad'? If so, what were you doing?
I like going for walks as often as I can. Listening to and playing music brings me excitement occasionally. Hmmmm, can't really think of much else. A lot of the time I've felt joy in the past, I wasn't really doing anything, just sitting perhaps. Thank you to everyone for the responses. Love and light to you all.
The best time to get to the heart of this challenge you are experiencing right now is when you feel the most happy, excited, joyful, etc.,. So for example, going out on that walk and listening to your favorite music, and figure things out then. Trying to understand yourself or your challenges when you feel like s*** just magnifies the negativity bc when you feel sad, your mind and your brain is limited in its problem-solving abilities.
In such positive states, you may be able to get more growth-promoting insights about yourself and the challenges you are experiencing right now. It's only in this frame of mind where creative problem-solving can occur bc your mind and your brain are both 'opened up'. More open, more creative problem-solving, more possibilities pop up in your mind, etc.,.
though it seens wrong to quote wikipedia I liked the various theories on this page discussing why sadness or depression may have evolved in the first place (the page does at least include links to peer reviewed articles and experiments)
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution...depression
just remember sadness can serve a distinct adavantage over other states of mind and happyness would be innapropriate if expressed all the time. your also at an age that can generally get caught up in melancholia and again that might be an evolutionary thing. also high dependence on surrounding, age, experience. at fifty you might be the most mellow person ive ever met in my life lol. I know a few things that seemed very important a few years back that as time goes on just drop of the radar.
Imagine having an open wound on your right arm. Every time something happens you feel sad or confused or whatnot, imagine that your left hand is automatically (unconsciously) slapping the open wound. Pain, being a signal to alert us that something is 'wrong', takes over. The body can temporarily numb the pain by sending out SOS messages, but when that signal finishes you really feel the throbbing pain. That can propel you to seek help by examining the wound or that can lead to other ways to ease the pain... When you're in pain you channel your energy into relieving the pain sensation therefore, less energy goes to figuring out what's behind this pain.
Depression is the same way. We find ways to deal with the pain... and relieving pain takes up a lot of our energy and will. It's easy to get stuck at this level and not get down to what's bothering us. When we are in that positive state of mind where the pain is not throbbing and bothering us (i.e., the emotional charge is not as high), we can divert energy into seeking what's going on. The mind and brain are contracted and singly focused on relieving pain when in negative state. The mind and brain are open and making new connections when in more neutral or positive states.
I usually stewed in my pains, became very vulnerable and experienced 'emotional death'. It's no fun but that emotional death experience seemed to open some gateway or something (not necessarily indigo, not sure) bc I got insight, inspiration, and epiphany that uplifted me. Not recommended bc it can take one to the deep dark end... and you have to 'pick up the fragments' later anyway.
Sometimes a sad song or sad movie can be inspiring.
open up your heart, We are all suffering together remember it's an illusion...
You've said you wanted to live more beautifully. To me, expressions of sadness are quite beautiful. What I find to be the greatest challenge is to balance sadness, which is ever present, and joy, which takes a little more effort. Then again, there can be joy in sadness and sadness in joy. All emotions are quite beautiful really, as long as it doesn't intentionally harm you, or anyone else.