I haven't had much to say on the forums since my last big post speaking of how I left my wife. And this next period of my life has been so calm that I lost any urge to consciously seek "spiritual" things, such as meditation, reading spiritual texts, and interpreting all my dreams. I had some recurrent dreams I had to work through but after that I found myself unemployed and playing hours a day of Assassins Creed on my computer. I had the job I really wanted come to me and went through three interviews. I knew I was perfect for the job and maybe even a bit overqualified. My interviews went better than well, but then I was turned down.
I could find no other jobs that fit me and almost despaired, but then I had one last windfall from my deceased father. It was enough to make me last through the summer until school started without needing work. I knew it was divine timing as I have always been taken care of by the creator. I usually get depressed without work and when I was with my wife she always made me feel like s*** if I enjoyed my time while being unemployed. I was thinking this time would be pretty hard, but then realized that I was supposed to be unemployed this season. I wanted a job to live off of and was instead presented with free money.
So then I didn't know what to do with my time. I'm an introvert so as I mentioned before I started following all my desires without restraint and found myself playing tons of video games (Assassins Creed 1-4) and watching tv shows (Dexter and Game of Thrones). Without structure to my life all spiritual practices of mine fell away. I also talked with people from time to time and had good conversations about nature and energy. I started realizing how pointless all my spiritual and theoretical seekings were and found myself caring little about chakras, aliens, astral travel, etc... I only cared about nature and what applied to me right now in life. I liked assassins creed, because I got to experience my shadow, the Assassin. I got to see how much I enjoyed fighting, killing, stealth, and violence. I've always been trying to be the positive loving man, but failed to understand that I must embrace my more brutal tendencies within my shadow.
I used to fight my addiction to video games but I had no reason to this time. I fully accepted my desire for them. I accepted the dark style and violence I loved in them. I accepted it all. Through this I feel that this has been such a great spiritual experience and I have learned so much about myself by letting go of the "spiritual" and just allowing my desires to rule and observing where they take me. I care little about aliens and most of what this site talks about incessantly and just find my self simply sitting in aware silence-- quiet.
Sometimes we need talk of aliens and extra-dimensionals to fill our head to lift us out of the mundane world we live in, but sometimes all we need is to just live aware of ourselves and only think about the simple truth inside of the seeming 'mundane' existence of everyday life. You won't find me commenting on much here these days as very little of it has any practical application for me. I find more inspiriration walking through the woods and playing random video games. I mean no disrespect to the forum, but I feel that I must share my quiet experience here, as maybe someone else might benefit from it.
I'm in a little bit of a similar place with you.
I was at University and had panic attacks. What I would class as severe ones because they lasted for hours not minutes. So I stopped my University, and came home to live. From an astrological perspective, this happened when Pluto crossed into my 10th house. Which is known to be a position for Pluto where it makes itself known. I had originally wanted a simple job and to be 'normal' when I came back from University (so the desire then was a girlfriend and an alcoholic social life.). But applying for a minimum wage job seems to be like playing a scratch card. I found it difficult to carry on applying when there was no chance of getting a lot of these jobs. After more than two years or so, I exhausted my desire to fight the 'negative forces', that being the job centre. When a non fighting solution might be to lie about having applied for a job, or to apply without an aggressive aim. I proudly went in having done the job searching and confronting the people that worked there with the facts on the economy. (Based on a rather complex and likely incorrect idea of positive and negative).
Eventually on my self improvement I had to kick my habit of alcohol. Which was so strong but had basically remained unseen. I did get a job recently and I was aggressively bullied; and when I say aggressively I mean it. They then claimed I did things I didn't do and fired me. Essentially, when it comes down to it, I have had to continually work on myself, because a lot of these problems that I have worked on would have got me sooner or later. I have stopped alcohol, caffeine, sugary foods outside medical needs, and just recently masturbating, which is how I can naturally wake up at 8:30 and come on here!
I'm worried about my mother, so now I have done some much needed work on myself, if things go the 'Wilcock way' as I'm hoping (he's talking about a change in society.) Somehow my mother can gain a bit of a break; because she is a bit of a workaholic, and has a talent for finding these people that desperately need her and having to do extra work. But perhaps I can make things OK for her simply by handling tasks that she might have to do. As for getting a job myself, I really don't know. I have applied for hundreds! And employers currently seem to be bullies since they have all the power and they know it, my health in my last job fell apart pretty sharpish when I was subjected to more stress than I volunteered for (that woman didn't care about contracts or fairness), since I have pretty good instincts on my own health. I also seem to be subjected to unusual stresses for instance, thinking constantly of this sort of information, auric seeing and other third eye sensations.
I had to give up alcohol because of my meds, but I would only drink an ounce or two mixed with coke. I wasn't a heavy alcoholic. But it makes me feel sick if I drink now. It's hard for me to give up sugar mixed with tea, and caffeine. And masturbation I haven't been able to stop. I do it like twice a week. I've been fortunate to have a good job.
I can relate to that Gwolf and Marc as well. I went through a dark time when i was drinking quite heavy about two or more bottles of Jack a week, mixed with different narcotics and a daily fix of porn. Since then i have been able to give up drinking, smoking and cut back on porn a lot. I think of those things as my main distortions as well as my desire for power. After my dark night of soul i was able to let go of the drinking/drugs. The porn and desire for power is lessening as i have been practicing mindfulness and seeing how empty these things are.
The infinite present moment continues all the love we will ever need.
I've used Ra's statement of "no desire should be overcome" as an excuse to continue in the cartoon anthro porn. Even if it does feel empty afterwards. Just need to make a decision to get past it, and accept it.
Accepting desire is a huge part of self-acceptance.
I think there comes a point when acceptance needs to move onto balance. The foundation of balance is based on acceptance from my understand. I have found my self using acceptance as simply an excuse to put off balancing in the past. Sometimes desires need to be let go of moving from a desire of one type to one that's less distorted or more in line with love/light.
I agree Matt. My main desire is for something that does not even exist in this physical world, so will have to wait till the afterlife or in dreams to fulfill them. If I am desiring what I cannot have, that must cause a degree of imbalance. This desire though I feel is in line with love/light, though I don't know why I ponder it.
acceptance, then understanding.
or green --> blue.
balance is about a relative ratio between the energy centres in terms of attention given, and the amount of time spent on each. A positive entity is moving towards an even spread across the spectrum, giving equal weight to each portion of self (Creator).
- -
Don makes a supposition:
Don Wrote:43.8 Questioner: I agree with you wholeheartedly, but I sometimes am at a loss, before investigation into an area, to know whether it is going to lead to a better understanding. This just seemed to be related somehow to the energy centers that we were speaking of.
I am going to make a statement and have you comment on it for its correctness. The statement is:
When the Creator’s light is split or divided into colors and energy centers for experience, then in order to reunite with the Creator the energy centers must be balanced exactly the same as the split light was as it originated from the Creator.
Is this correct?
and Ra is in agreement:
Ra Wrote:Ra: I am Ra. To give this query a simple answer would be nearly impossible.
We shall simplify by concentrating upon what we consider to be the central idea towards which you are striving. We have, many times now, spoken about the relative importance of balancing as opposed to the relative unimportance of maximal activation of each energy center.
The reason is as you have correctly surmised. Thusly the entity is concerned, if it be upon the path of positive harvestability, with the regularizing of the various energies of experience.
Thus the most fragile entity may be more balanced than one with extreme energy and activity in service to others due to the fastidiousness with which the will is focused upon the use of experience in knowing the self.
The densities beyond your own give the minimally balanced individual much time/space and space/time with which to continue to refine these inner balances.
Lately, I've been allowing my higher self to sort of attune me or keep me in balance rather than mentally focusing on each individual energy center. It seems much softer than when I went it alone, as it was easy to overcharge one, and cause discomfort.
Balance has less with what actions you do or do not take, and more about what you state you are in when you are doing them. Thus, to use a common example, balance for one person might involve not eating meat, for another it may. It's less about the action and more about how you go about the activity. Another example the Ra passage mentioning that when Lincoln's 4D Positive walk-in continued to polarize positively despite ordering war upon other selves.
To follow rules about what "should" and "should not" do is less about acceptance, and more about control through judgment. Hence, in my opinion, Ra talks about why no desire should be overcome. You cannot fake balance. If you desire to do something, unless it is truly hurting others, suppressing the desire is worse than acting out the desire. Accepting and understanding something means that something may or may not fall away. The heart of acceptance is believing that something is 100% ok for the present moment. If there still is the lingering feeling that acting the desire out is unacceptable or bad, then you aren't fully accepting the desire. The question is, why are you attached to the idea that an activity must continue or must cease - why is there a desire and then another desire to stop that action - the way you resolve that is the important part of the determination of how you are learning and who you are.
Following one's desire is something I've very much being focusing on lately. There is an entire Greek philosophy devoted to enlightenment through desire. I believe this is an important point because desire, in many religions including Buddhism and Christianity, is popularly portrayed as harmful (orange distortion). I believe this is a distortion similar to the popular portrayal in many religions that life is full of hardship and pain (red distortion). It is simply a distorted perspective. If you are a positive being, you can trust your desires for things truly imbalanced to naturally fall away as you examine why you do an activity. If you cannot find this understanding, I believe it is either because you have not looked deeply enough or you are bringing the societal distortion of desires being harmful and the activity itself is not a big deal. Either way, unless the desire is something truly overtly hurtful to others, to not do the desire or to even think "I shouldn't do this" adds an extra layer of self-judgement and lack of self-acceptance.
Each entity is unique, and I believe generalizations about either path such as marijuana is mostly distraction, games from 1980 are mostly distraction, cancer is anger issue, homosexuality is aura infringement , vegetarian is better (Q'uo not Ra unlike the others) are very harmful if those generalizations are taken instead of true understanding. You cannot be spiritual by following generalizations and controlling your conduct. You do it by deep self-understanding, and accepting who you are. Many, many people, have acknowledged marijuana's deep significance in helping them awaken, including myself. There are some catalytic multiplayer and single player games. Cancer is definitely an incarnative choice for a select few people and is not always anger related. I can see a homosexual incarnative choice to done for learning purposes rather than always due to male/female balancing. There are some people who respond better to a diet of both meat and veggies. At the end of the day, f*** rules. I refuse to set rules for myself when I'm not in the heat of moment emotion. I trust myself enough at a deep level to make good calls, and if I don't, I learn from them. YMMV.
Nothing wrong with not consciously seeking as Ra said, even those not consciously aware of the Law of One can still polarize positively and achieve harvest. I think this forum sometimes gives off an evangelical presence like if one isn't in complete alignment with every nuance, one isn't living the Law of One. One can still live a life of acceptance and love without the constant meditations, chakra balancing, contemplation, etc. these are only meant to accelerate such seeking, not the only way to attain what we all seek
Xise that was perhaps the most or one of the most helpful posts i have read on here thus far! Good call
Being "spiritual" isn't about looking up aliens on the internet or "feeling" chakra energies anyways lol
good luck dude
Sometimes I wish I didn't feel chakra energies so much, because they can be discomforting.
(03-28-2014, 12:26 AM)Marc Wrote: [ -> ]I used to fight my addiction to video games but I had no reason to this time. I fully accepted my desire for them. I accepted the dark style and violence I loved in them. I accepted it all. Through this I feel that this has been such a great spiritual experience and I have learned so much about myself by letting go of the "spiritual" and just allowing my desires to rule and observing where they take me. I care little about aliens and most of what this site talks about incessantly and just find my self simply sitting in aware silence-- quiet.
I think you have to work with your self, right where you are, right as you are.
I think what is called "spirituality" should help one to have this general orientation and attitude.
Though I think we can develop concepts of what it means to be "spiritual" that place unnecessary and unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, and instead of focusing on accepting *what is*, we focus on being something else, something better, something different.
Thanks for sharing, Marc.
Spirituality takes many shapes and forms and it is nice to realize there is not a singular way one must act to be spiritual.
The balance that comes from being more honest with yourself, accepting that you don't need aliens or whatever, appreciating being a participant in the process as it is, is what allows the spirit to be further accessed. That's what I mean by "spiritual" (the actual relationship to the spirit rather than a particular practice) and my point was that you've obviously made headway in that lol