Note: If you think you recognize me from somewhere else, please use a private message to communicate and respect my forum pseudonym for now.
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My parents prized intellectual cleverness: wit, puns, crossword puzzles.
I grew up in a house full of books. Every week or two, we'd visit the public library, or occasionally a bookstore, to get more reading material.
My parents chose whatever topics inspired their sense of self-admiration for cleverness. Whodunit mysteries were a favorite of theirs, along with history books which baffled them with the variety of human nature. They got books with examples and step by step instructions to feed their understandings related to their hobbies, such as Dad's carpentry shop area in the garage, and Mom's cooking and gardening.
They worked hard to try to find what were the "right answers" in each of these areas. They liked logic puzzle books: If Mr. Green drives the blue car and the person in the white house walks to work, what color car does Mr. Orange drive?
I learned excellent study skills and how to logically analyze things, including things that make no sense.
Yet there was one section of the library that they totally ignored: the whole first batch of shelves in Dewey Decimal - 0's through 200's or so. The ones that had to do with psychology, emotions, ethics, spirituality, wisdom in decision-making. After all, they perfectly knew everything about all that, so why waste a second about what the defective little people had to struggle with?
As far as I can recall, my parents almost never admitted an experience of anything so human as what anyone else would call an emotional state. Except for two ways to measure the ways that others' misbehaviors forced them to suffer.
There was the embarrassment to humiliation axis, if other people, especially their children, failed to do enough spectacular things to make the parents especially praiseworthy.
And there was the frustration to anger axis, if other people, especially their children, failed to work hard enough to understand the right thing to do, whether or not clearly instructed.
A 2D plot could be made over time of the humiliation and rage that was, of course, the only possible response such reasonable could have to the inadequacies of their children, who put them to such inconvenience. The last word needs to spit with barely hidden fury to really convey its meaning.
Mom often "had to" discard relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, religious leaders (with one exception I'll discuss in later posts); because they disappointed her by doing things that, of course, could only have one possible meaning: out of nastiness in their hearts, they must have spitefully chosen to not care any more about her.
Mom often "had to" be offended, dismayed, shocked, when random strangers didn't live up to The Rules, which she'd then proclaim to them and they, out of obstinate nasty stubbornness of course, refused to follow, or only grudgingly obeyed.
Mom's brother mentioned an anecdote from before I was born. My uncle happened to stop by right as Dad returned from an errand. She asked him about his errand, and he gave a detailed description (he was a computer engineer). She blew her top, proclaiming that of course the rule of polite living was that one answered a question expeditiously without beating around the bush! As always, Dad immediately sheepishly apologized, tried to figure out what to promise, and changed the subject.
A few months later, my uncle again happened to stop by right as Dad returned from an errand. Mom asked him about it and, as instructed, Dad gave a concise, terse answer. Mom blew her top, proclaiming that of course the rule of polite living was that one gave a full answer without forcing other people to have to ask pestering follow-up questions!
This was a daily occurrence.
I think that Dad saw the whole idea of emotions and spiritual matters as a big ball of confusion, best left to the little lady in whatever way would humor her instabilities.
Recently a forum member here had a post that commented on how service-to-self entities strive to increase the sense of separation and alienation between themselves and the rest of humanity. Reluctantly, I've had to agree that this describes my Mom perfectly, and that if she's still alive, I'm very unlikely to reach her in any way that matters at all to her. (More about that in future posts.)
After becoming familiar with the Law of One material, I've abandoned the sense of traditional Christian heaven that I never could believe in wholeheartedly, and hope instead that through a life review and a time of healing his spirit has since come to realize that his service of accommodation and appeasement lacked wisdom, and led to many hurtful experiences for his children.
Intelligence and wisdom are totally separate things.
Intelligence is a useful tool to increase the effectiveness of an entity that's vigorously made their Choice of polarity. If the choice is unconscious - as I believe my Mom's negative polarization, which so saddens me, to be - then intelligence can invent massively elaborate cover-ups for the truth.
My parents were intellectually brilliant, but they were also emotionally and psychologically very stupidly ignorant, by their own choice, and pretty much spiritually bankrupt. They made lousy choices and then tried to put off the pain of making better choices, by enduring the pointless consequences of their previous stubborn mistakes; and they thought this was virtue.
I was just a little kid that wanted love.
I've wasted most of four decades trying to get water from empty wells. In this incarnation, I likely never will feel the sense of security, self-worth and love that comes from someone knowing that they are well taken care of by good-enough parents. If it's true that we choose our parents as the best available way to fulfill our incarnational plans, then the only solution I can come up with so far as that Mom and I had some kind of deal to show each other the opposite sides of polarization, and to reject the other side no matter how much it hurt us to do so.
Yet the point of those early childhood experiences is to be confident in the Creator's love for us. I hang on Kahil Gibran's words about parents only being entrusted to parents, for a short time. My parents broke that trust, but the Creator still loves me on a deeper, closer, stronger, more enduring level than any human parent could. A new well, far away from the swampy mud and gravel pits, goes deep through the rock to a bubbling spring of living water deeper and cleaner by far than anything I was deprived of. Through the challenge of having to dig, I learned how to be compassionate with others who hunger for mercy and thirst for righteousness.
Thanks for reading, fellow seekers.
I was home a few years ago (I go home about every three years), and was driving my mother around on errands. Because I didn't know where we were going, I asked her what to do at the next intersection, "straight, left, or right"? She ignored me and I asked a second time, a little louder. This time she told me to turn right, indicating that I should have known so, sort of a "What? Are you stupid"? Upon turning right she chimed up "If you had gone straight, we would have been there quicker". There never was, and never will be a way to win with her. I left home at fifteen...
My father left my mother when I was seven and I never saw him again. The same as your parents, it seems to me... inept socially. My mother is also inept when it comes to emotions, but I gave up trying to figure her out. She is who she is, and I am who I am. I have been somewhat messed up due to my parents too, but I I don't set myself on fire because they did, if you get my gist?
Though she is so unforgiving and wrapped up in her little world of wrongs and rights to be happy even, I love her. That's all I can do, and I am working on myself and in being a wonderful father to my daughter. Even though everyone I know says I am an amazing single dad, I'm taking parenting classes. I will not make the mistakes my parents did.
i wonder sometimes if wanderers expectations of the emotional maturity of other entities can be too high. my gran sounds like a combination of both your mothers - judgemental, plays mind games, hugely emotionally controlling, she ties my mother up in knots to the point where my mum is right now, pretty close to having some kind of breakdown. my mum keeps trying to find a reason or a logic to her behaviour and the situations she creates - but there is no logic, no reason, no appreciation for the emotional wellbeing of others in her behaviour.
i see her very much as a child, i think perhaps she is a young soul with much still to learn. at the moment it would seem i am the only person who she likes and hasn't lashed out at, i feel such compassion for her alone-ness - she has pushed almost everyone in her life away and yet still she doesn't seem to have the skills to look at her behaviour in an objective way. she just doesn't understand this game of life she is playing.
i hope that my mum can emotionally disentagle herself from my gran and appreciate the gift that such an upbringing gave her - because her experiences no matter how hard were a gift and she has changed the world for the better because of those experiences.
but obviously the gift of such a difficult parental relationship is difficult to see when you are still feeling the pain of it. i hope you are able to fully realise the gift of your relationship with your mother one day questioner.
dear brother questioner
first of all dear brother i would like to say that you are very much
appreciated and loved here
it is highly likely that many of us came from less than ideal family
situations. they formed us they shaped us no doubt.
i always look forward to your posts they are unfailingly
insightful and helpful. why you went thru that situation and others went
thru other situations we will probably never know. i think though at this
point the most important thing is that you are here and you are loved
two things i would like to tell you about first the unitarian universalist
church and second the yoga vasistha. i won't go into it here but if
the spirit moves you investigate and see if there is anything there for
you
your brother
norral
Thank you, Peregrinus, Lorna, and Norral.
Peregrinus, is that driving direction situation a typical interaction with your mother? I think that in a way, having to try to figure out ever-changing rules helped increase my intellectual alacrity as a kid. That speedy, connection-searching thought process ("what do I have to figure out and do next?") helped my technical career. No mess of tangled spaghetti code was as full of contradictory, incomplete layers of meaning as what I was told as a kid! I wonder if maybe that intellectual process helped your engineering work as well?
But for me, it's been tiring to not be able to easily turn off that ever-investigating mind when the subject is nothing of any depth. I'm now working through some of these issues with an excellent therapist. More about that later.
I'm the youngest. The oldest, 10 and 13 years older than me, got the hell out as soon as they could, when I was just a few years old. That would put them as teenagers, around the same age as when you left home. My parents stayed together.
I admire and commend your taking parenting classes to learn better ways than what you were subjected to.
Lorna, I think you're right, I have had unrealistically high hopes. But just the basics of some kind of emotional balance would have helped a lot. I recently read this at another forum: "Don't expect logic or reason to change a decision that wasn't made with their help in the first place." This puts some things into perspective, doesn't it? At least it did for me.
For both your gran and my Mom, the whole "young soul" theory actually makes a lot of sense. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I really like the Michael teachings and think I'm likely in their mature soul/old soul range - not that this means I'm always mature in my behavior and thoughts!
The biggest challenge I face is to discard justifications and excuses that I took as sincere statements of fact. These were just nothing more than what people blurted out to try to soothe their own feelings. It wasn't until I was about 30 that it ever occurred to me that this is how many people live much of their lives. Realizing this has gradually helped free me somewhat of the urge to analyze some deeper meaning and truth to words blurted haphazardly.
Norral, thank you for the abundance of warmth, hugs and smiles. This means so much to me.
I've been a member of Unitarian congregations before. For many years I've been in complete agreement with their principles. I'll discuss more about that a bit later. I've done some independent study of Hindu thought. I like a lot of the metaphysical side of Shiavism. Yoga vasistha is new to me. From a quick browse of the Wikipedia article, it looks useful to me.
For now, I'll continue my story here with a discussion of the cult that damn near killed me. This will take a while to figure out how to put into words, since some of it happened before I had words to work with. I hope to post that part soon.
I agree here that intelligence is different then wisdom. From what I've been able to amass, Intelligence is the bank of ability or way of thought/being to skillfully address the incarnation's aspects. But upon reading up on wisdom I found some interesting words by Q'uo concerning wisdom and intellect. Reading upon wisdom I found that only glimpses of it are offered in third density.
Quote:In a non-relative sense we may say that wisdom is to
be embodied rather than contained within the mind.
A great amount of work is done within the density
of wisdom to improve the spiritual eyesight.
Foreshadowings of this density of wisdom fall across
the seeker’s path in third density daily, and the
seeker does well to give a good effort to striving to
attain a measure of wisdom even though that effort
is doomed to certain failure, because the desire to
seek wisdom in itself contains the wisdom of third
density.
Quote:To those in third density the intellect seems the higher faculty within the human consciousness and the stirrings and feelings that arise making little logical sense or offering little structure seem to be less useful. Yet the balance which each seeks is a balance within the open heart, not an intellectually precise balance between two intellectual concepts, for wisdom is not an aspect of your density. There is little use seeking wisdom. There is a great deal of wisdom seeking that center of feeling which is absolute.
Quote:The lie of your metaphysical dynamic is concerned with the value of wisdom in spiritual seeking within third density. Knowledge and wisdom, in the spiritual sense, can be seen to be highly negative when unlit, unillumined, by love. That is why love is learned before wisdom. That is why love must be learned before wisdom. For when wisdom is learned first it is fair to the taste and so smooth within the intellectual digestion, and so handy and useful in the intellectual display of personality and intelligence that it is often not clear, for lifetimes at a time, that without love, wisdom is utterly devoid of content. No matter how many fine thoughts roll around inside of an intellectual system, if it does not come into the heart and become grounded by what this instrument would call good works, good living, it will not abide in the sense of being spiritually useful for the evolution and the maturity of the soul.
So wisdom is not true wisdom when it is missing love? maybe that can be linked with intelligence and other aspects of thought.
When I first read the Law of One, I was confused as to what the difference was between wisdom and intellect. Ra seemed to make a difference between wisdom and compassion (compassion = wisdom integrated with love, Ra said), but that did not seem to make sense to me. As far as I had ever known, wisdom was defined as intellect with compassion, but this definition did not seem to fit with how Ra described it. So, I settled that wisdom must be some form of intellect or understanding of things around you. But, recently I have begun to doubt this definition. This topic definitely rings true with my more recent thoughts on the subject.
I have come to the conclusion (a very flexible conclusion!) that intellect is a very malleable force an individual can use as they see fit. If they desire to hide their true nature as love, then intellect will be of great use as an intellectual mind can find endless clever ways to use logic to achieve this delusion (I certainly did for about 20 years!). But at the same time, if someone wishes to further their spiritual development, intellect can play a fantastic role in analyzing catalyst and disciplining the personality. It all comes down to how you apply this gift of intellect.
Questioner, thank you for sharing your story, and I look forward to reading more about your life. It seems you have had much unfair pain in your life, but hopefully your story can inspire others who have had similar pain.
Cyclops, those passages perfectly speak to me. Thank you so much for bringing them forth here. One of the comforting concepts of the Law of One is that in this density, we won't fully be able to express either love or wisdom; and that's OK. I really appreciate your finding those quotes that shine a loving light on the situation.
Colorado, I like to think in an analogies that often pop up in my mind in the form of pictures or stories. As I read your post, the picture popped up in my imagination that intellectual ability can be compared to the contents of a workbench toolbox, or kitchen equipment. Intellectual tools can make it easy and even fun to separate ideas into their component parts or recombine them.
Just like tools can be used to chop up veggies, or to clamp wood together while the glue sets, the intellect can divide and assemble concepts.
Emotions are like the addition of heat or cold to the process. A great set of knives is useful in the kitchen, but no substitute for a stove or a fridge when that's what you need! A shop might have every type of pliers known to man. But if it can't add the heat of a soldering iron or welding torch, some processes can never get completed. One who despises emotions as an integral part of human experience is like a blacksmith or ceramics shop where no ovens are allowed. Not much of value will get built there.
Wisdom is the ability to choose what ingredients are healthy and to prepare a healthy meal using whatever tools are available. A great cook could make a good enough meal in a mediocre kitchen. A great carpenter could make a good enough desk using a so-so workshop.
Either creation would be easier to make with good tools. But someone who spends all day sharpening the kitchen knife and never uses the knife to make a healthy meal with love is just a fool.
It is very healing for me to be able to share my story, because a primary rule of dysfunctional families or any unhealthy situation is that you're not allowed to acknowledge the reality of what's happening. I hope that something here will inspire or help other people in their own journeys.
For the next part of my story to make sense, I need to say some things about a lady named Mary who was not in my family, although my parents invited her in.
Mary said some extraordinary things about herself.
She said that she had the one and only, totally unique in human history, unprecedented revelation of the mind of God. Before her revelation, nobody really understood the mind of God. Jesus kind of knew the mind of God and used this knowledge to heal, but, she said, it really wouldn't have mattered if he'd never lived. As for the rest of the Bible, it was mostly metaphorical and only Mary knew how to decode its real meaning.
Since the one and only way to know the mind of God was through her revelation, there were some things nobody else needs. You'd never understand God with your own mind, so any attempts of your own at reason, logic and thought were useless. Except to realize that your thoughts were useless and Mary's were divine. You'd never reach God on your own, so any Bible study, prayer, meditation or other spiritual techniques or teachings without her help were useless.
Your own emotion or intuition would only mislead you, except to feel certain that Mary provided you with the unique truth. If it seemed to you that your own experiences contradicted Mary's teachings, the only contradiction was that you stubbornly clung to your own misunderstandings rather than Mary's words.
No other teachers needed or tolerated, of course.
Mary provided a new definition for prayer, which was to agree with your mind that Mary's words were the perfect explanation of the mind of God.
Now Mary said there was an important result that would come from your learning to pray in this right way. The moment you understood enough of her words to agree that she was perfectly right, all your problems would instantly go away. Every illness, sickness, injury, infection would instantly become perfectly whole. Every problem or confusion would instantly be resolved.
Only one problem would remain, because of the nature of free will: some people would still be unaware of the truth, or hostile towards it. Some people would still be so ignorant that they aren't aware of Mary's words. Not to worry, the enlightened had no responsibility to these people living in darkness. Mary's words were available to them when they were ready to not be ignorant any more.
Despite being informed of Mary's words, some people would choose to be wrong with self-centered disregard for God's ultimate truth, available only through Mary. These people would continue to suffer, and make people around them suffer, until they gave up their foolish and wrong mistakes of believing that anything other than Mary's words could save them.
So your own enlightenment, which consists of agreeing that only Mary is enlightened, could not solve the problem of people unaware or opposed to the truth. But it would make it impossible for any of those people to have any negative effect on you.
Mary's words caused quite a sensation of publicity and controversy. They got her kicked out of mainstream Christian churches, so she founded her own church.
This church had an elected board that served only at her whim; her word was law. How could it be otherwise since nobody else had the revelation? The church never made an accounting of its finances. What did that matter since Mary's every decision was perfectly in accord with the mind of God? But that wasn't the end of the controversy.
By the way, the healing and resolution of problems did not involve any responsibility towards other people. There was no responsibility to be kind, loving, good, or even just try to be nice. No responsibility to make any choices about who one would serve, or any actions to serve them. No ethics beyond agreeing that Mary knew the mind of God, therefore one's own problems should disappear by now. Just study Mary's words until you realized they were right and they healed you.
If you couldn't figure it out on your own, the Church offered ways to pay for additional help in the form of other people to remind you of Mary's words until you realized they were the ultimate truth. Mary, of course, never had any reason to apologize, since she had no mistakes and no misunderstandings. She even knew what other people were thinking and what their motivations were for disparaging the ultimate revelation, and if they claimed something else about themselves, they were lying or confused.
Some of the leading journalists and commentators of the time investigated Mary's background. What they found was not flattering. Mary's teachings were not only not unique and unprecedented, they were largely plagiarized from, and rewritten by, others far more adept at words than she was.
Shortly before her revelation, her mentor died. Her mentor had similar teachings about healing, but didn't claim any unique role in history. He acknowledged that he wasn't the only one teaching principles about God's mind as the source of healing. Her mentor was someone she used to favorably discuss a lot, but suddenly she stopped mentioning him at all. Her mentor entrusted to her the manuscript of his unpublished book before he died. Not just passages, but entire pages of her textbook were outright plagiarism of his work. The editor for her book said he turned a nearly incoherent rambling mess into some semblance of structure.
Mary claimed that her revelation arrived when she was at death's door for a medical disaster. She said the arrival of the revelation instantly healed her completely. Her doctor at the time publicly claimed that she wasn't all that bad off. He said her condition and progress of treatment continued throughout that time without any spectacular improvements.
At least three investigators wrote book-length studies exposing her entire life, before and after the revelation, as totally consistent with the manipulations of a psychopath. These books, including at least two by the best-known and most-respected authors of the day, painted unflattering pictures of someone who was, at best, deluded with psychotic grandiosity and mental confusion, and, at worst, one of the most evil deceivers who ever lived.
None of that deterred the faithful. After Mary's death, they continued to have their unique form of church service at which Mary's hymns were sung, and Mary's texts were read in the order published by the mother church. The faithful read the same texts at home daily, using a blue chalk pen and movable number tabs sold in a kit with Mary's book by the church for this purpose to show which of her words to contemplate this week.
What more could anyone add? No need for any lesser mind to prepare a sermon, to comment or observe, to counsel. No need to have marriages or funeral services. No need for anything but to believe in her words, be healed, and to hell with the rest of the world until they figured out that all they needed was faith in Mary.
For those children too young to comprehend Mary's brilliant and poetic words, all their parents had to do was to believe on their behalf and the children would be perfectly healed and free of any problems, except that they might later choose to leave behind this perfect faith.
Two of my parents' favorite authors were Mark Twain and Willa Cather. Yet somehow, their exposes of Mary Baker Eddy, and the New York Times reports of how her Christian Science cult was untrustworthy, were never read by my parents. Of course, for people as brilliant and as right as they were, they had no choice as adults but to try to make Mrs. Eddy their own source of all spiritual wisdom.
How convenient for people as clever as my parents that ultimate truth didn't require anything but being clever enough to recognize it. No need or use for pesky limitations like feeling emotions, being compassionate, offering kindness to "the least of these," or having any responsibility for one's own spiritual evolution.
One of my current tasks is to untangle the crazy nonsense of Mrs. Eddy from the crazy nonsense of my family's immaturity. Either one by itself is a pretty bad hairball. Together they are a knot that shuts down rational thought, emotional awareness, intuition or self-determination on the part of those caught in the tangle.
And that's what I was taught as I grew up. To even put it in words is as challenging as trying to describe what it feels like to see the color of the sky. It was simply all there was, obviously, no matter how uncomfortable I was with it.
My own belief now is that there have been a few actual healings experienced by people devoted to Christian Science. I believe those came about because of the nuggets of spiritual wisdom that were plagiarized and misrepresented by Mrs. Eddy. Those nuggets would have been more nutritious if received from the original sources, before they were fried in the indigestible crazy juice of her insane self-promotion.
It gets worse before it gets better, but this part of my story is long enough for now. I'd welcome any comments. I'll continue my story over the coming days.
Cyclops Wrote:...
So wisdom is not true wisdom when it is missing love? maybe that can be linked with intelligence and other aspects of thought.
Eckhart Tolle talks about it when he says: "Intelligence in service of the ego yields cleverness. Intelligence in service of the spirit yields wisdom."
So I would put it as: Wisdom is the flowing knowing of the spirit! Intelligence is the body's smarts automatically used (as it has been for many evolutionary years) for protecting the self and enhancing the ego.
Wisdom can be "known" by any human capable of rational thought. But the more brain intelligence they have to embrace the wisdom with, the more they will be able to articulate the undefinable. If not guided, intelligence is usually self-serving. But one can choose to direct their intelligence in another way, such as a great project that benefits all.
Questioner, after reading your story, I'm glad and amazed that you were able to rise above the mire and think clearly for yourself! It's unbelievable how one person's egotistical intelligence can garner so many followers when they pluck just the right strings in the minds of others.
crikey questioner! the name mary baker eddy rang a bell so i googled, but i am completely unfamiliar with christian science
it does indeed sound strange and contradictary that your parents would value intellectual pursuits, which presumably invovled a scientific approach of questioning and analysis before assuming anything, but yet appear to have taken this woman's material as truthful on the basis of her telling them it was
it sounds like an incredibly stifling environment in which to grow up, i'd be interested in hearing more of your story, and i wonder whether wanderer stories would be a good place to share your journey?
Hatonn March 1972
Quote:What is spiritual development? It is the process of maturing; the process of maturing, the process of analyzing everything that you are aware of in a true and unbiased sense. In order to do this, one must be able to recognize truth. It is only possible for one to recognize truth by the process of allowing truth to communicate the absolute base for truth which is ever present throughout the universe. This communication is accomplished primarily through the technique of meditation.
There is a separation of maturity into primarily two aspects: intellectual and spiritual maturity. They go hand in hand, and one generates the other. However, it is not necessary to acquire intellectual maturity in order to acquire spiritual maturity. It is, however, necessary to acquire spiritual maturity in order to acquire intellectual maturity, for the intellect cannot accurately evaluate concepts without a true spiritual basis.
There are three more things which I would like to speak about concerning maturity: the concept of infantile maturity; the concept of general or induced maturity; the concept of absolute or total maturity.
The concept of infantile maturity is highly misunderstood upon this planet. An infant, upon incarnating into your environment, has a certain amount of maturity that he normally brings with him. It is not necessary to induce this quality of maturity through any system of education to the infant. It is only necessary that he be alerted to the possibility of generating a continuance, through his own intellectual processes, of his own spiritual evolution and, consequently, spiritual maturity. Unfortunately, your religious systems do not provide, for the most part, this stimulus.
It is recommended that, in order for infantile maturity to progress at an acceptable rate, the infant be made aware at the earliest age possible of his responsibility in creating an intellectual communication with his total self. This is usually done through techniques of ritual and appreciation of the natural forces of the universe. The ritual that is employed by most of your religious systems upon your planet is highly ineffective, since it is generated primarily by force, and is not freely offered, to be accepted or rejected.
Those, even in an extreme infantile state, who are appreciative, due to their previous growth of the proper ritualistic communications, will accept them, and continue, at their own pace, and should not be forced to attend weekly meetings at specific hours for these purposes, since they reach a peak of spiritual attunement that is a function of their own cyclical activities, and therefore should be able to seek out, at any time, spiritual communications and should be provided with a place for seeking. And this should be the limit of that which is expected of them. Your present system drives most of your people from spiritual seeking at a very early age due to the aspect of force which should be totally removed. This is what we have experienced, and what we have found to be most beneficial.
The second aspect of which I speak is that of induced maturity, occurring in most unusual aspect among the peoples of your present society. This maturity, which is a false maturity, is induced by the social systems which are presently in effect upon your planet. Each system intellectually communicates an aspect of assumed maturity, which has nothing to do with real or absolute maturity. Therefore, much strife and confusion is realized by those who attempt to orient their thinking so as to reach the accepted state or level of the assumed concept of the mature mind. This concept is usually heavily intellectual, for your society at present is primarily an intellectual society, with very, very little awareness of the existence or function of what you would call a spiritual society.
Therefore, to mature within the boundaries of your present society and be accepted as a mature person, it is necessary to be able to communicate with it in its accepted intellectual jargon, which includes primarily a ridiculously long list of totally meaningless concepts. These should be, if one is to attain true maturity, rejected as meaningless, for they are extreme transients and have nothing to do with spiritual maturity.
The last aspect of maturity upon which I wish to speak is that of real maturity. My friends, there is only one way to reach real maturity: that is through meditation. We have said this many times. You cannot get there by intellectual mechanisms. You cannot get there by analyzing each of your thoughts, and labeling it either worthwhile or worthless. All of these things are aids, but with the foundation of daily meditation you cannot use this analysis, for the result of this analysis is insulated from the total self by a boundary. This boundary is permeable, but this boundary is only permeable when the mind is conditioned through meditation. Lack of meditation reduces this boundary to an impermeable state, all intellectual functions occurring on the surface, and having little effect upon the growth of the true self.
So you see, my friends, there is a dual process occurring. However, the meditation is always of the primary and greater importance. Once, however the art of meditation has been fully mastered, the intellectual mind becomes a useful tool in the development of spirit. It is of little consequence until this state of communication between the two is mastered. Therefore, my friends, all is of no avail until receptivity is made possible through daily meditation. This not only breaks down the barrier between the intellect and the spirit, it also breaks down all other barriers between the spirit and the one great All.
A beautiful excerpt Peregrinus, thank you. I especially liked this part.
Hatonn Wrote:Therefore, much strife and confusion is realized by those who attempt to orient their thinking so as to reach the accepted state or level of the assumed concept of the mature mind. This concept is usually heavily intellectual, for your society at present is primarily an intellectual society, with very, very little awareness of the existence or function of what you would call a spiritual society.
Therefore, to mature within the boundaries of your present society and be accepted as a mature person, it is necessary to be able to communicate with it in its accepted intellectual jargon, which includes primarily a ridiculously long list of totally meaningless concepts. These should be, if one is to attain true maturity, rejected as meaningless, for they are extreme transients and have nothing to do with spiritual maturity.
I must say I do agree that sometimes I find myself having to learn and take in more and more concepts and learning which have nothing to do with anything spiritual but mostly to do with basic societal ways of life and how to survive in it. Although I find this acceptable because it makes seeking that much more interesting. To me when there is a lot of confusion it is a challenge and sort of fun to come to a balanced concept or an idea about something spiritual. Also perhaps why this planet's societies are mainly focused on intellect can be seen through this quote as well.
Quo Wrote:We realize that it may seem to be off-balance that such a low positive grade would guarantee graduation, since 51% is not usually considered a passing grade, whereas in order to graduate service to self, an entity must have an almost perfect score of 95% or more of service-to-self [orientation.] However, we assure you that it is as difficult to achieve unselfish choices over half the time as it is to achieve selfish choices 95% of the time.
The reason is that the culture in which you are embedded is basically a service-to-self culture, thereby creating an outstanding and substantial bias which must be overcome by those who wish to vibrate in unconditional love, or service-to-others polarity. Choosing to be of service to others at the expense of the self is difficult to speak about and, within the confines of this question and this session of working, we would only point in the direction of speaking about it by saying that there are many examples of those who have chosen service to others at the sacrificial level.
I also stumbled upon one of the Q'uo sessions and found this to correspond with what we're discussing right now on intellect.
Quo Wrote:The universe of space/time is the universe in which your intellect functions. Your brain is a tool that is limited to the space/time considerations of analysis, the solving of problems and other abstract functions of reasoning and rationalization.
The world of time/space is the world of the unseen realms or the inner planes. It is the realm of your consciousness and your heart. If you sometimes feel that you have a divided mind, you are perceptive and literally correct. For you have two kinds of mind. You have the mind of the brain and you have the mind of your heart. The brain is an excellent tool for solving problems of your consensus reality. The mind of your heart is the province of intuition and insight. It receives promptings, visions, dreams and inspiration from the spiritual realm.
This instrument has often said that the longest distance in spiritual work is the fourteen inches from head to heart. Neither kind of thinking is to be rejected or disrespected, and the goal that we would suggest to each of you is to combine the two ways of using the faculties that have been given to you as a person or a soul.
Hello Questioner, thank you so much for sharing your past so vividly. You have obviously had a hard time- and yet we never give ourselves a task that we know we cannot handle.
What is Wisdom, what is Intelligence? Great question. It reminds me of another way I've heard it put, "Street smarts vs. Book smarts". You can read all you want about self defense, but until you find yourself facing off with someone you realize you don't know anything.
It's a slippery comparison... where does intelligence blend with wisdom, are they separate altogether, does one lead to the other? I wrote a lot here and deleted it, because essentially I don't think I really know the difference yet myself. I believe wisdom is superior to intelligence, or that intelligence is a facet of wisdom. I can't put a finger on it. I like the idea that others have put forward about love making the difference. Certainly, it is no coincidence we have the label "Cold hearted intellectual" in our culture.
I actually had a bit of an epiphany a few weeks ago that is relevant here. I used to be disturbed by the atheist position, and it gave me cause to evaluate and re-evaluate what I believe about spirituality on at least a weekly basis. (this is a terrible thing to do by the way- very uncomfortable!). The reason I gave it so much attention was because I for the life of me couldn't figure out what it was about their viewpoint that was flawed. If you review their position and ignore a couple anomalous things such as NDEs, hypnotic regression and PSI phenomena, coming at it from an intellectual standpoint ONLY (ignoring all subjective feelings), you will eventually conclude that they are correct. That we live in a cold and senseless universe. While I could never fully believe it, I could at the same time not determine why, which was disturbing to me. Then I ran across a lecture by Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist who had an amazing experience. She suffered a stroke, and remained conscious, while her entire left brain shut down. When it did- she had a intense feeling of unity, of oneness, with everything around her- to the point where she didn't even recognize the boundaries of her body and the start of her environment. But at the same time she couldn't read, speak, use numbers, or anything 'intelligent' that the left brain controls.
To make a long story short- I realized that what the atheists are doing wrong is using only half of their brain to analyze reality. If we have a right side of our brain that deals in emotions, art, color, spirituality and the subjective in general, to ignore it is a gross misinterpretation of reality. It's like having a shop full of pliers only, when what you really need is a pliers AND a hammer to get the job done, to use your example. Atheists would scoff at this claiming it to be a deluded statement. But if you are not using all of your human facilities available to you, who is it in fact that is actually deluded?
To get back on track, I believe that our society has placed an overly large emphasis on left brain thinking, as exemplified by your parents. Left brain thinking is great of course- it has served us very well in the sciences. But for all it's greatness, science is still an exercise in intelligence, perhaps. Should we begin to use our *entire* brain, left and right sides together, we might begin to exercise some wisdom. Richard Dawkins is an amazing thinker, but he will never taste the fruit of wisdom so long as he discounts his subjective experience of love. Surely there are religious leaders who on the same token are denied wisdom by entrenching themselves so heavily in dogma and biblical rules- ceasing to think altogether in favor of obeying God and pleasing Jesus. I hope this hasn't sounded too scattered, I guess I'm figuring it out for myself as I write this.
On the topic of your parents, if I might comment, you might enjoy reading a book called 'Journey of Souls', by Michael Newton. It fills the gaps not covered in the Ra material about time/space very well I think. Newton is a now retired hypnotist, who over the course of his career did about 7000 in-between life regressions. He speaks a lot about pre-incarnative decision making, and how we choose our parents and so on. It helped me tremendously in understanding why I have who I have as parents, why I am with my wife, and why I have had the experiences in my life that I have had. (I'll save that for my own story! hehe) It sounds to me like you have already done a lot of work in understanding yourself in relation to your parents, but should you wish any further help, I suggest his books.
You post is very inspiring. I may have to create a thread of my own at some point. In the meanwhile I look forward to reading more about your story.
Much love and other right brain thinking,
Lavazza
Questioner, Peregrins, Lorna, et al.
Your story has deep similarities to mine as far as parents are concerned. My mom ruled our home with a tight, selfish fist. She is intelligent yet she has driven nearly everyone she knows away from her - family and friends. She has a very negative attitude and she doesn't seem to realize that she is poisoning herself. I left home at 18 and have not been back except to visit until now. I am back in my childhood home looking after my mom in her old age. I'm the only daughter and it's my responsibility.
Your posts have helped me to see her in a new light. She is a very young soul, I can see that now. Since I cannot control her or change her, I have only myself to work with. So I CAN model positive and caring attitudes and actions in my life in the hope that she will achieve a bit of wisdom in this incarnation, to at least maybe see that there's a different way to relate to those around her. But I won't be attached to the result. :->
If it's OK with the moderators, I'd like to leave this in "planet earth." When I get to the part about my discovery of the Law of One, at that point I'd like to continue the story with a new thread in Awakening. It will take me some more posts here to bring my story up to date.
I'm really thrilled to see the discussion, comments, and excerpts here. Thanks and love to everyone contributing. I can't find the words for how moved I am by the warmth and acceptance of painful experience. Back tomorrow with more after I've had time to digest the marvelous, lovely, deeply caring contributions of caring and light. Next I'll need to discuss why I believe CS was appealing, polio, age 3 and the horse. That part of the story is a hell of a doozy and I can't wait to share it.
I think I remember hearing that Don Elkins grew up a Christian Scientist. Possibly some of his interest in healing "the instrument" (Carla) was informed by that background.
This page says that he left the faith as a young man. Yet another similarity between our two Questioners.
I was really excited to discover, a year after I found the Law of One material, that this is a similarity. In his teens, Don realized he had no interest in hearing anything more about Mrs. Eddy's point of view! Now that's something that's easy for me to respect.
I'm still processing the wonderful comments here, but I can say some more about CS and its appeal to my parents.
My parents' turn to Christian Science didn't come about in a vacuum.
My uncle (Mom's brother) told me that when he and my Mom were growing up, their parents had this arrangement: Once a week, the parents would have a conversation about what was important to them. The parents agreed together on their priorities and plans for the week. Then, throughout the week, their mother would direct the family's activities and run the household according to that agreement.
My uncle told me he wondered if my Mom was simply unaware of their parents' weekly discussions to agree and negotiate priorities together. He wondered if she thought that their mother made up her own decisions about what everyone should desire and do. He said that after their mother died, Mom became quite a bit bossier and tried to take over an unwelcome role of telling everyone what to do. I can see how some of that behavior of hers might have come about from the kind of misunderstanding he wondered about.
My Mom and uncle had another brother. The three kids were all born within a few years of each other. As they grew up, the family went to the Methodist church. Apparently, even back then it was more of a liberal do-gooders' social club than an institution devoted to any particular creed. (I don't say this to criticize, just to observe.)
The other brother was killed in an accident while on a bus ride with the church youth group. The church was apparently totally clueless about how to be supportive to the family, ill-equipped to provide any meaningful counsel or solace.
My uncle said that at the memorial service, he felt absolutely certain to the core of his being that life continues spiritually after physical death. He later joined the Unity church, which has some of the same metaphysical New Thought approach as CS, but without the nutty cult leader or the prohibition on doctors. I have a lot of respect for the Unity church and its adherents.
Mom was interested in Ernest Holmes's Science of Mind and some other intellectual approaches to finding meaning in life. It was because of the books at the house that I learned of Viktor Frankl and Albert Schweitzer, and for that matter of Mark Twain and Willa Cather. Both parents loved Twain's work and Cather was one of my Mom's favorite authors.
My uncle's suspicion is that Dad simply went along with whatever philosophy captured Mom's interest. My uncle thinks that Dad would have had no reason to step into a CS church or reading room, or to know who Mrs. Eddy was, if not for the marriage. I feel this is probably accurate.
Mrs. Eddy was a hit with the New England intelligentsia of her day. Many of her early following came from established, wealthy and powerful heritage. Her church was soon able to present an appearance of a highly philosophical, literate, abstract yet personally comforting form of spirituality that rejected any other creed, legacy, or hierarchy. In that way it had some similiarities with the whole New Thought movement's growing popularity at the time.
Mrs. Eddy also tapped into some of the same appeal of Yankee independent philosophy that found a welcome audience for Emerson, Thoreau, intentional communities like Oneida, and discussion centers like Chautauqua. The architecture, publishing, music and structure of the services, even the Reading Rooms system, all present an imposing grandeur that seems to present deep concepts in formal, elegant ways.
The CS Monitor is to this day one of the most respected newspapers; CS is only used as the basis for the daily religious page. The Reading Room in most towns with a CS church is an elegant and extremely quiet place to sit and read. I don't think they'd welcome a visitor pulling out a copy of The Mask of Christian Science, but quietly reading one's own notes or the assortment of CS and metaphysical material they offer for sale is always welcomed.
For someone who wanted to find some greater meaning in life, who felt traditional Christianity had led to arrogant power structures that recklessly killed her brother and never even really apologized, considered herself an intellectual driven to find the Right Answers to dictate conduct, and was ignorant of other alternatives, CS had a lot to offer.
All the questions and uncertainty could be thrown overboard at last. Answers would be found amid a community of people looking at the intellectual aspects of a charismatic leader's flowery language. One on one counsel was available (for a fee) from officially trained CS practitioners. Remember that my parents were unskilled at handling emotions, preferring to live in their minds as much as possible - even when rejection of emotion made no sense!
I can speculate that all of this may have been some of the appeal, and if I'm right, I can sympathize. The part I object to is that after asking, at some level, "Is this appealing system the truth that's right for me?" she didn't quickly answer, "Hell no!" I don't object to Dad saying something like, "If this spirituality of Mrs. Eddy's means so much to you, I'll check it out with you." I do object to his not quickly saying, "I don't like this, we're not going to devote our lives to it, and we won't raise our kids by it!"
I could contribute a separate thread about Christian Science if people would like. The thread might expand to an overall discussion of cults, which I think we don't have a good discussion about here. After this detour, I want to continue on with some other aspects of my story. Here are some starting points I recommend for those who'd like to research more about CS.
The CS textbook is Mrs. Eddy's book "Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures."
It's available as a pdf at
http://christianscience.com/science-and-health.html.
It's available to read online, with an excellent keyword search engine, at
http://www.spirituality.com/dt/toc_sh.jhtml.
The hanging words to the side of the main text are section headings in the published book.
Mrs. Eddy's autobiography is "Retrospection and Introspection," available at the same site.
The Mother Church, in Boston, provides weekly readings consisting of alternating passages from the Bible, and from Science and Health. These are published quarterly and used in CS Sunday services: "The following citations comprise our sermon."
Notice that a stopped clock is right twice a day, and a randomly changing clock is right occasionally. I don't deny that there are some solid good ideas, poetically phrased, sprinkled throughout Mrs. Eddy's material. But I see them as bait on hooks that are not healthy to take in with a big bite.
A scathing summary of the opposition to Christian Science:
http://www.atheists.org/Mary_Faker_Eddy_...an_Science
Mark Twain's book "Christian Science" starts with his typical bitingly cynical wit, then gets serious.
http://www.classicreader.com/book/1286/
Willa Cather's book "The Life of Mary Baker Eddy" is available at
http://books.google.com/books?id=bfUVPgvoNCkC.
Francis Edward Marsten's book "The Mask of Christian Science" is available at
http://books.google.com/books?id=d8QPAAAAIAAJ.
Articles critically evaluating Mrs. Eddy's connection with her former mentor, Phineas Quimby:
http://www.ppquimby.com/anderson/founder.htm
I'm really surprised that nobody has made a great biographical movie about Mrs. Eddy, as far as I know. It could be a wonderful conversation starter, and an Oscar turn for the actors.
An example of legislation criminalizing parents who use only Christian Science practice to treat their ill or injured children, declining available medical care because of their faith, and the controversy about such laws:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn..._n9983258/
http://www.religioustolerance.org/medical1.htm
http://www.apologeticsindex.org/news1/an011109-01.html
The change in Colorado law, search for 1286:
http://www.leg.state.co.us/2001/pubhome.nsf.
http://abcnews.go.com/WN/faith-healing-c...812&page=2 (Note that some of the parents here were not Christian Scientists, but the same legal questions apply.)
I tried to figure out whether Mrs. Eddy was sincere but really, really confused, or whether she was a deliberate liar and manipulator. After reading the Law of One material, I think she may have been a channel for a negative spiritual force that used a sugar-coasted frosting of spiritual truth to lure people into a manipulative abdication of thought and responsibility.
I don't have the reference handy, but there's also some research that asks the question about whether medically prescribed morphine may have been part of the explanation for the inconsistencies in her thought process.
This is enough to get a flavor of what Mrs. Eddy had to offer and why I decline her offer.
By the way, my dislike of "A Course in Miracles" is because so much of it is like CS at its worst. One of the original people behind the Course grew up in CS. I believe that whether through conscious editing or unconscious association or channeling the same type of negative sources, he brought a very strong CS influence into the Course. However, that will be a topic for another thread.
As I continue to contemplate the wonderful messages of others on this thread, I'll finish responding to them. Once caught up, I'll then proceed on to the next part of my story.
Questioner, your story is fascinating, and I'm glad you are here to tell the tale! I didn't know anything about CS, but I'm afraid I have a friend who's been getting into it. Haven't seen her for a few years now, so I'm not sure about the present. I have no first-hand experience with sects, but I've spent much time with friends who went through very emotionally unstable times because they were unable to fit in with the strict and dogmatic groups they had grown up in.
Just came across this today: an old saying in India is that wisdom isn't something you learn, it's something you become.
I'm looking forward to next installment!
Cyclops, thank you for the Q'uo references (#6). After time to consider them, I'd like to paraphrase what they mean to me.
I find it helpful to reflect on wisdom as an expression of our entire being, not just an action of the mind. I also find it helpful to think of wisdom as a value to aspire to, guiding us forward in this life, but not one we can fully reach on this side of the veil. Or even better, as a side effect of a striving to grow towards the infinite center of creation. That sure takes away pressure to try to get it perfect!
Colorado, I agree with you that the intellect is a tool. As with any tool, it can be used to help or harm. And as with any tool, there are some times that the best use is to set it aside. A nail gun is wonderful when you need to build a house, but you'll have more happiness if you put the tool away when it's time for hugs.
My guess about the higher densities: In fourth density, the focus is on how one entity or complex interacts with one other entity or complex. Is the other seen as an equal part of the Creator, to be loved and cherished and helped? At the extreme, does this lead to self-sacrifice for the goals of the other's individual self? (The path of Jesus.) Is the other seen as an irrelevant part of nothing more than one's own manipulation of tools, to be used or discarded? At the extreme, does this lead to a sacrifice of others on the altar of one's own vanity? In fifth density, these one on one manipulations (taking social memory complexes as one group mind) are put into a bigger picture. How does the flow of relationships relate to the greater evolution of spiritual growth in the universe? I have a hard time even guessing at the questions. What Peregrinus and Kristy have recently said about letting addicts face their own consequences fits in to that whole wisdom paradigm, I feel in some way I can't put into words.
Aaron (post #9), thank you so much for the kind words.
Continuing to work my way forward in chronological order, I'm now up to the Hatonn passage on maturity (#11). On first reading: Yes! Yes! Yes! Now to give time for digestion. Back soon with more responses.
(02-14-2010, 02:11 AM)Questioner Wrote: [ -> ]Recently a forum member here had a post that commented on how service-to-self entities strive to increase the sense of separation and alienation between themselves and the rest of humanity. Reluctantly, I've had to agree that this describes my Mom perfectly, and that if she's still alive, I'm very unlikely to reach her in any way that matters at all to her. (More about that in future posts.)
I was just a little kid that wanted love.
I've wasted most of four decades trying to get water from empty wells. In this incarnation, I likely never will feel the sense of security, self-worth and love that comes from someone knowing that they are well taken care of by good-enough parents. If it's true that we choose our parents as the best available way to fulfill our incarnational plans, then the only solution I can come up with so far as that Mom and I had some kind of deal to show each other the opposite sides of polarization, and to reject the other side no matter how much it hurt us to do so.
Hi Questioner !!! Thanks for sharing your life with us and opening your heart and showing your vulnerability. It takes a real strength and emotional maturity to do that. And face your pains. That is a big step towards healing them, accepting that they exist.
I can totally relate to your experience as mine. I had a rough childhood including brutal physical punishment. But I learned one thing- Our past does not have to hold us back, can not hold us back. When you
Forgive; you do that for your own self.
It is one big gift given to your own incarnation. It is immaterial who or what you are forgiving. Just that you do and break away from the invisible ties from the past that feeds on your emotions and hold you back from flying freely in the open skies. Once you forgive the past is no more and you own the moment with non-duality.
I find that I have many layers of emotions and I had to forgive again and again and again. I write down my letter of forgiveness and then burn it to release it. Then bring in the loving energy of the things that you love. It could be a person, thing or an idea anything to reclaim the empty spot...
Wallowing in Love
More of my story... This week I'll continue to go through the responses so far on this thread.
My Mom had polio at some time in her youth. It left her with limited vision in one eye, and I suspect is the reason for her having a sometimes awkward gait.
In a recent conversation, my uncle was surprised to learn of this.
Some people who had childhood polio go a couple of decades without symptoms, then experience a post-polio syndrome at around age 40. The major symptoms are extreme fatigue, gradually increasing muscle weakness, and joint pain. Other symptoms include difficulty breathing, and troubled sleep.
The current theory is that when the polio originally damaged nerve cells, adjacent cells took over the functions of their "fallen comrades." After twenty years or so, they're unable to keep doing their neighbor's work as well as their own.
I believe my Mom had post-polio syndrome begin within a couple of years of my birth. Not sure if this started either shortly before I came along, or in my infancy.
Throughout my life, Mom has had an extremely low energy level. She can get up and get a few things done, then needs to go back to bed for a long nap. Sometimes she isn't able to do even a few things. When I was young, post-polio syndrome was little known. Even today there's not much treatment other than rest and kindness. However, when I was young, Mom only saw doctors sporadically. Most of the time, she turned to Mrs. Eddy's book to try to find inspiration and healing.
Sometimes TV ads will show a mother in a fantasy situation, such as in a land of unicorns. Sometimes ads show energetic Moms who had a lot of pep to take care of their families. That seemed like every bit as much as fantasy to me. Wasn't it obvious that what Moms can do is some morning work, then need to rest in bed most of the day, then some evening work, than usually an early bedtime?
As a kid, the best possible thing would have been for someone - anyone - to have told me that Mom's fatigue and irritability had medical causes and nothing to do with me. It would have helped me to have known that Mom was unusually sick, unable to do as much to take care of me as anyone would have liked.
It would have helped me to know that her inability to be present with me was not at all because I didn't deserve care and help and nurture. It was because she was unable to provide that care, for reasons unrelated to what I needed or deserved. It would have helped me to have known that her sense of despair was not because I was too inconvenient to exist with needs, but might have had something to do with her own guilty feeling that she had failed to study Mrs. Eddy's words enough to be healed.
It would have helped to have known that Mom was disabled, so of course, our friends, relatives, church members, and neighbors were asked to help us out now and then.
But, of course, that would have meant revealing the shame of illness and need, the humiliation of not being self-reliant, to people who had to be rejected for making Mom unhappy. Of course, they only made her unhappy through what must have been a desire to hurt her by not caring. And it might have meant the ultimate pain: acknowledging that one made a mistake and should choose something else to try.
As a kid, I was very confused about how I could stop making Mom hurt so much. I knew it had something to do with not having any needs that would inconvenience her. I needed to stop making her have to be upset at my disturbance when she needed her rest. Beyond that, I couldn't figure out how to be good enough so she wouldn't have to hurt and be sad. How to be good enough so she wouldn't have to be so troubled by my needing my Mother's help?
I now think that my Mom is a young or adolescent soul in Michael's terms, and I'll discuss forgiveness later. Thank you for the wonderful food for thought. It's quite tasty and I'm still chewing slowly. More to come soon.
The ideal of self-reliance we have in the western world is strange. It's impossible to be self-reliant. It's an illusion. Almost 100% of the things you have and do are dependent on other people's work. (does not apply to mental work (circumstances does not matter, only state of being matters))
Those circumstances would be very confusing and hurtful to any child. It makes me sad- I would give you a hug if you were near.
Questioner, I see we have similar upbringing. Intelligence was a theme of my life. Watching from small eyes and with innocent respect for my parents knowledge, I had to learn the hard way what wisdom is, and that it was within me all along.
I found that there are many kinds of intelligence, like there are many ingredients to a recipe. Each of us are somewhat unique in what we can make with it...and that in that diversity we can create quite the buffet. How well we choose to use the ingredients of intelligence can show our wisdom. Whether it is with words, musical notes, paint, emotions or what have you.
I have also wasted 4 decades searching in empty wells...for how can anyone know you, cook for you and nourish you? Only we know what we know, what we need, and how to create it. Finally I see the empty wells have filled to become mirrors.. and now I look in them with an objective perspective when I can.
In my traditional soul, I believed a family was a foundation from which you always stood..rooted like a tree. It never really occurred to me that I could step off at any time and that it would be safe to do so. My father was the first to go...I never suspected my mom would. After all, we had defined the relationship in some sort of loyalty cement and it was something I had learned to count on. When the cement crumbled and I realized the foundation was an illusion I was destroyed myself for a time. Until I could see that yes.. the parental role is not forever and should never be seen as such. There is a point when you sail your own ship and untie your boats, and that this step should remain permanent. Our society doesn't approve, but sometimes our souls rebel. Parental possession is unhealthy...we are not their product to be used to gauge their success or their righteousness. Unconditional love is what they represent. In that, they let us sail our boat alone whether we are ready for it or not. It should be celebrated, the untying, not wrenched from the heart in fear.
Thank you, Seagrass. I love your line about the empty wells filling to become mirrors. Thanks for your poetic expression of compassion, sharing how you used this challenging catalyst to promote your own growth and healing. I am very glad that we take all these things, talk them over and find wisdom inside us and in each moment.
Shortly after writing this, I had a few months of chaotic turmoil in my life and was off the forum. I wish now I had kept up with the forum, at least enough to let friends here know what was happening and ask for their prayers and moral support. I returned and got about 2/3 of the way through an extensive essay series on the enneagram, which I hope to finish later this year.
Your collection of metaphors will inspire some positive meditations for me. I'm glad that you are on the forum.
enneagram of personality? Interesting.
I use nature to describe many things....I used to say it was all there for us to see...without others... if we took the time to look. It is represented there in our outer world... us. Humbled to hear you liked them.
And I am glad you are here too.
I feel drawn.
I hope all is settled in your life enough now that you can get some of your work done.
within the first few paragraphs I see why I may be drawn. I am type 4 by default. (why doesn't anyone love me?)
I will read on thank you.
I see much within the 3,6,9 that follows what I know in Astrology. The opposition and trine. Although I haven't studied the ann it is highly represented in the "geometry of the stars". And duality and polarity in consciousness and social styles is very much similar.
Do you think the wanderer type is typically a 4, with thoughts of being special and fundamentally different? Or do you think the wanderer inhabits all numbers...and uses them uniquely? The 4 fits most of the symptoms in my mind. Curious.
Good question. I think a wanderer can be any type. As I point out in the series, any type can imagine that a particular person, situation, or self-image is the only way that God's love can save them. This is the meaning of my "where is your God" series... to point out that each one of these limited images is just that, something imagined and not the reality of divine love.