05-19-2014, 08:50 AM
in working with feelings and attempting to use them 'better', I've noticed that a certain misunderstanding can crop up (mistakes which I've made plenty of times in the past).
namely, it is: the feeling is true and real, in an absolute sense. It is what you are experiencing, and it floods your mind and consciousness. When someone says to you they are feeling something, it is quite literally their reality. It cannot be denied, even though you can't take out the emotion/feeling and put it on a table for others to see.
but what is less true and real is the conclusions that we end up deducing or that we use to explain our feelings/emotions.
I have noticed it time and time again in going through my past, that the Conclusion I used to explain the Feelings was totally misguided, and led to the creation of maladjusted belief and behavioural patterns.
Let me give you an example to make it more concrete and graspable.
one exceptionally common Feeling is that of rejection. I'm sure everyone's had a taste of it. It don't feel too good.
in our attempts to explain 'rejection' and the events, we can create various narratives or explanations.
One of my most common ones was - "there is something wrong with me. I'm a freak. No one will ever understand me. I'm the perpetual outsider".
Now, as I've said, the feeling of rejection is absolutely real and the 'experience'. It's reality. Your reality at the time.
But in an attempt to lessen the weight of that Feeling, we can create these constructs that end up being re-inforced over time. By repeated thinking these constructs become belief patterns, and belief patterns become energetic blockages.
So yeah, I felt the feeling of Rejection many times growing up. I was excluded because of my racial heritage, with no account of who I really was. However, I formed the incorrect Conclusion that others would never be able to understand or accept me because 'they' all had that attitude. So I stopped trying. Stopped trying to make myself present, and to share the inner self (the personality, the person beyond the skin color), because my conclusion was that they would just reject it, without further thought.
My Feeling was true; the Conclusion was false.
And I can't tell you how many times this has played out in my life. But looking back, you can revisit or re-review your Conclusions, and put in place more fluent and coherent understandings, ones that don't paint yourself as being separate, and that gives others the full autonomy to make their own decisions moment by moment. That the outcome isn't foregone.
- -
and of course, all of the above applies to positive Feelings as well. One can draw very erroneous conclusions from positive feelings too.
(ie one might be the feeling of being in 'love', and that this will be forever, and then when that doesn't hold true to reality, the ensuing disappointment that follows).
namely, it is: the feeling is true and real, in an absolute sense. It is what you are experiencing, and it floods your mind and consciousness. When someone says to you they are feeling something, it is quite literally their reality. It cannot be denied, even though you can't take out the emotion/feeling and put it on a table for others to see.
but what is less true and real is the conclusions that we end up deducing or that we use to explain our feelings/emotions.
I have noticed it time and time again in going through my past, that the Conclusion I used to explain the Feelings was totally misguided, and led to the creation of maladjusted belief and behavioural patterns.
Let me give you an example to make it more concrete and graspable.
one exceptionally common Feeling is that of rejection. I'm sure everyone's had a taste of it. It don't feel too good.
in our attempts to explain 'rejection' and the events, we can create various narratives or explanations.
One of my most common ones was - "there is something wrong with me. I'm a freak. No one will ever understand me. I'm the perpetual outsider".
Now, as I've said, the feeling of rejection is absolutely real and the 'experience'. It's reality. Your reality at the time.
But in an attempt to lessen the weight of that Feeling, we can create these constructs that end up being re-inforced over time. By repeated thinking these constructs become belief patterns, and belief patterns become energetic blockages.
So yeah, I felt the feeling of Rejection many times growing up. I was excluded because of my racial heritage, with no account of who I really was. However, I formed the incorrect Conclusion that others would never be able to understand or accept me because 'they' all had that attitude. So I stopped trying. Stopped trying to make myself present, and to share the inner self (the personality, the person beyond the skin color), because my conclusion was that they would just reject it, without further thought.
My Feeling was true; the Conclusion was false.
And I can't tell you how many times this has played out in my life. But looking back, you can revisit or re-review your Conclusions, and put in place more fluent and coherent understandings, ones that don't paint yourself as being separate, and that gives others the full autonomy to make their own decisions moment by moment. That the outcome isn't foregone.
- -
and of course, all of the above applies to positive Feelings as well. One can draw very erroneous conclusions from positive feelings too.
(ie one might be the feeling of being in 'love', and that this will be forever, and then when that doesn't hold true to reality, the ensuing disappointment that follows).