Bring4th

Full Version: A big life crises
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I am 32, and have been going through this terrible period, with many things happening. A major depression, insatisfaction due to job reasons; I never really knew what my career could be apart from my interest in community living, environmental living and plants.

I live since 3 years in an intentional community, sounds cool yes, but it is sort of corrupt in spirit, and that makes me sad, and so many other members that the environment is now terribly dense and full of conflicts.

I have now decided to take half a year off and until then teach someone else to had my position in place of me; it's a great job, what I do, and I have a good relationship with everyone, but people lack organization, motivation and a real community sense around me and it frustates me a lot. It makes me sad that people are just here for the money.

Then, I want it to leave, go away (even without knowing exactly what to do if I leave) but my love partner lives with me, and also works at the community and she wants to stay, she needs income to studies, so she can't move elsewhere as I want. She is still a beacon of stability and love in face of all of this hardship. It's one of my few things good. Even if our relationship is going through its 7 years crises. It's a hard choice to leave or to stay here.

The things I wanted to do would be to save plant species from extinction, I was starting doing it (as a hobbie after my job times), but then lost the motivation as no one else shares the same interest, and when the depression hit, things got worst and plants have been suffering due to my lack of attention, which is terribly sad. Also the bossof the community want us to move house, so I would have the drop all my plant projects anyways. Anyways if I move to another country as I want to, I can't move them with me, and that is another trouble. They seem doomed.

I am feeling terribly overwhelmed because of all these pressures conspiring at the same time! Thing is I have been long abroad, this is now Iceland, and although a pretty beautiful country, people are cold, I only have temporary friends here, mostly foreigners, and the climate is bad with much darkness over a long time in winter, snow from september to june, and a cold summer (anyways was not the best climate for our plant dreams).

I dream of returning to my home country, Portugal, but there is a terrible financial crises there. I wanted to buy a farm there, with my love partner (we're both from there), and maybe even start our own ecocommunity, but we have not enough money for it. We feel confused, dreams lost.

The last big thing it happened was that my family (Portuguese) ask me for money, a quite large sum, as they ended up in terrible debt due to their terrible financial mistakes, that money is more than my savings, but the other day they were so enraged they decided to break their relationship with me, when I told me that lending that much money is not easy for me. Trouble here, I had all my saving at their house (since banks were collapsing a couple years ago), so now I can lost both my family and savings.

I also have going through health problems, but that's still a minor thing, caused by all this psychological stress and pressure.

So, everything seems like a mess, of course I know in life, these sort of crises sometimes happens. But they can be pretty devastating. Too much breaking apart at the same time!! I still have a lot of nice friendships, my love partner (even if under a complicated choice), and a lot of dreams which I do not know how to reach.

Anyone wants to comment?
It's hard to remember in these situations, but we are unconditionally loved by countless beings. I know it might not make things easier. I live day to day with spiritual and mental irritation, having to put up with a lot.

I can't say much except I'm with you, and send my love. I too am somewhat struggling financially. Life's certainly not easy. But in the end, the reward will be great. What great learning opportunity we both have. We'll be able to share our life experience with others one day. Every detail. I too feel like I'm in a non-ending spiritual crisis at times. I see a therapist because of it.
Keep the faith irpsit. Remember, you chose to be here there's no doubt that we are all going to go through hard time phases throughout our lives. I mean that's why we are here, we got work to do! Whatever your decision to make about anything, is exactly where you need to go/be.

I give you my love and compassion for your issues/emotions are my issues/emotions. Just keep on moving up.
Dear irpsit,

Wow. You have multiple sources of tough catalyst... at the same time. Based on recent events alone I can understand the depression, and the struggle.

Unfortunately I have nothing helpful to offer in terms of the outer circumstances (whether or not to move, whether to loan the money, what vocation to follow, etc.). I do have a few meager words for the inner situation.

I would start with hotsizzle's idea: see that your inner experience is of your own making. Eckhart Tolle suggests to be fully present with whatever is happening in the moment, and to act everything that is happening is the result of our choice, as if we have chosen everything as it is.

I think this is very empowering, one of our first, basic acts of power. Ra says: "...if this same entity, being biased from the depths of its [self] towards love/light, were then to accept responsibility for each moment..., such an entity can empower its progress in much the same way as we described the empowering of the call of your social complex distortion to the Confederation."

Your inner experience is your own. No matter the tumult and discord, limitation and deprivation of the outer scene, you are always on sovereign ground within, just a slight shift of attention away from peace, stillness, power, love and light.

Part of that claiming your ground is in knowing who you really are, that you are not this body, of this nationality, of this planet, of this lifetime, trapped by these circumstances; you are not in the human sphere or the government's sphere or the economic condition, you are in the Creator's universe, and you are that; you are the Creator.

This is the work of will and faith. Like GW was pointing to, you must keep the faith, brother. *Especially* when s*** hits the fan on multiple levels. The crises may be fast and furious right now, but their acute form will not last forever, the waves will break. Nurture, care for, and love yourself through this. Give yourself the inner space that you need. Find time to "step outside" the circumstances and be with nature, be with the Creator, be with yourself. The strength, energy, inspiration, and resources you need to cope with this situation are all available to you within.

My heart opens with you. I hope you navigate these difficult waters. With love and light,
GLB

PS: I went in search of quotes from one of the most terribly beautiful pieces of writing I've ever read which focuses a great deal on the power of being responsible for ones own inner experience:

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
The only thing i can say is that nothing is fixed, no feeling will last forever. One day things will change for the better. Keep faithful that trying your best to be loving and caring will bring about the change you desire.
My only advice is to concentrate on what you appreciate. Don't focus on that which you don't. Don't underestimate the power of optimism. Whatever you give your attention to will increase in time. It's like watering a plant. Do you want to water the plants that will grow and strangle you? Or do you want to water the plants that will grow to nurture you?

The more you appreciate, the more you will manifest to appreciate. Attention is powerful.
Hello Irpsit,

Many here answered You with weight focused on the non-material components which is most important in the "long run".
I would especially recommend to You to practice what Bring4th_GLB wrote:

Quote:Give yourself the inner space that you need. Find time to "step outside" the circumstances and be with nature, be with the Creator, be with yourself. The strength, energy, inspiration, and resources you need to cope with this situation are all available to you within.

I've done this myself more or less systematic and it is capable of giving You distance to Self and Your life with which You are "involved with" (it is Your life after all). And I mean by that not just being able to distance Your Self from emotions (which allows You to watch them closely and to be able to see more clearly its/they sources) but above all it may give You new perspective regarding Your life and available to You choices. Feeling of being entrapped may be reduced as well.

Therefore first step would be to gain distance to Your life/situation/problems/feelings/needs. To see clearly what IS and to establish what is it that You WANT.

You wrote about being rejected by Your Family. I'm sorry to read that. What I can write that it was done with dramatic situation for Them and most likely is not "genuine rejection". When One is Hurt and seeks help, his/her/they companion is often desperation. It's source of many decisions which are regretted.
You may be perceived as One OUTSIDE crisis/country and therefore One that was able to manage in life and One that could help if only wanted to. That is false image of You as we know form Your post. I don't think Your Family realize what Your situation is and currently They may be overwhelmed with Their own problems and has no "space" for Yours worriess and need of being Supported.
What I'm getting at is that nothing is "final" or "irreversible". Please find in Your heart Understanding for Them.

Now, because I'm one of the mind, I was trying to find some useful advice(s) for You at the level of Your material existence (HERE and NOW).

I thought that by "returning to Your country" You do not necessary have/need to go back to Your Family, which at this point may not be able to "Welcome You" as You would need it.
Because I didn't knew what "intentional community" is, I've searched for it in the internet and I've found this:

http://www.tamera.org/index.html

You may already know this but just in the case (to be on the safe side) I wanted to turn Your attention to it. It is community (as I understood it) alike to which You are in now but it is in Portugal.
I've read about it on Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamera

Besides that - if it's something You already knew about and for some reasons resign from it - I would advice to reevaluate Your life. Please look back at Your choices and try to establish if they are same today as they were for You at the time of making them.
If You are interested in plants care/life, I can write that there are so many agricultural communities whom need support and young, intelligent people who would Support them with Their ability, knowledge, inspiration.
I myself comes from Poland and I if You reject above (Tamera) and will still have no idea for Your Self, please take a closer look at Poland. We are young country in the "western community" (25 years since change of political system) but we grow very rapidly and there's alot to do here. I can ensure You that You will be Welcome here and You will find People who will offer their hearts to You (but I'm sure Peoples like that are all over the world - I 'm just writing about that I know of).

Reagarding Your Beloved companion. You did not wrote much but I would like to ask if there is a balance between needs of You both? Does She minds Your needs as You minds Her? If yes, than a compromise would be possible (it requires the WILL of both sides to be reached). If there's no balance, please take a closer look at Your relationship, as One of You are hurting the Other.

At this point I would like to Apologize to You for allowing myself to be so blunt above regarding Your personal life. I didn't want to offend neither You nor Your Companion.

I wish You all Best. Be Strong my Other-Self Smile

Melissa

That's a tough situation, I know how it feels to see everything falling apart, so to speak. These kind of situations only begin to make sense when we can look back on them and are able to see where it has lead up to, so even though you may not see it now, have faith that things will work out for you. Your health is major issue and a vital 'tool' for any future endeavors, so my suggestion would be to do whatever feels necessary at this time; for you to gain some mental clarity and physical recovery. Take care.
Hey all,

It has been a long time since I last came here.
Thanks for all the kind answers, especially the ones of GLB and third-density-being were rather helpful (all of you were).

I now decided to quit and leave this job, community and current country. Actually I was living away from Portugal, third-density-being, so Tamera was not the intentional community I was living in. As I travel I will look around. Like you suggested. But in first stage, I am returning to my home country. So, no clear plan, no job or source of income, no clear vocation, but it feels at least liberating, open doors ahead.

You are helpful when you pointed relationships. Actually I feel neither of us is being as supportive as it could be to the other's needs. While I try to work to improve it, it seems it doesn't happen per se. It has been a relationships of several years. We both quitted the same situation, so in a way it was helpful for both of us, but still not enough for the relationship, which is still strained.

In what regards to my family, they figured out that situation themselves. Their created debt was paid to some degree and they calmed down, and as I seeked peace, the situation was much calmer afterwards. I wish to remain friendly but dettached.

What is mostly strangely is not feeling good with others, because of all the mess sometimes occuring, but nothing feeling good when it comes to being alone either (because it feels selfish). Actually I feel very confortable being alone, but then I just indulge in my own interests, and that's the problem, it is self-oriented. With other people, it's very easy for me to relate at a social non-intimate level, but of course I ask myself what else is more, when it comes to intimacy, there are obvious problems of selfishness too.

Thanks for you guys support! Love,