I've never posted to Wanderer Stories. I usually don't do introductions like that. But my whole life I've felt "different". I don't think as a kid I resonated with ET's, but before I found the Ra Material, I sure thought I was one.
I've done DMT smoked a number of times, which once landed me on a spacecraft above a planet. That was my experience in hyperspace. I've also done a variant of Ayahuasca. This was before my 3 schizophrenic breakdowns.
Schizophrenia for me has been both terrifying and beautiful. Since it varies so much I'm now on a mood stabilizer.
There isn't really much to say about me that hasn't already been said.
I once had the experience that I went through a portal and became Creator. I wanted to make stars with other Creators. I've learned since then that you can't take spiritual experiences at face value.
(07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Schizophrenia for me has been both terrifying and beautiful. Since it varies so much I'm now on a mood stabilizer.
when did that first start for you?
(07-05-2014, 05:39 PM)Bring4th_Plenum Wrote: [ -> ] (07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Schizophrenia for me has been both terrifying and beautiful. Since it varies so much I'm now on a mood stabilizer.
when did that first start for you?
It's been over 3 years, maybe 4. I'm on meds so I don't hallucinate now. But still, I get anxious in life.
(07-05-2014, 05:43 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ] (07-05-2014, 05:39 PM)Bring4th_Plenum Wrote: [ -> ] (07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Schizophrenia for me has been both terrifying and beautiful. Since it varies so much I'm now on a mood stabilizer.
when did that first start for you?
It's been over 3 years, maybe 4. I'm on meds so I don't hallucinate now. But still, I get anxious in life.
Did you have symptoms when you were younger? Seems strange you developed it later in life as I thought schizophrenia usually happens much earlier. It seems you have had quite a life my friend. Good luck.
No symptoms when I was younger, no. I think it developed because of smoking DMT and taking a variant of ayahuasca a number of times. It blew open my indigo chakra.
(07-05-2014, 05:54 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]No symptoms when I was younger, no. I think it developed because of smoking DMT and taking a variant of ayahuasca a number of times. It blew open my indigo chakra.
Smoking marijuana put me in a disassociate state. Not sure which chakra that relates too.
Smoking MJ made me very sensitive to what was going on about me. It made me in a hyper-anxious state. Watching a dubstep video was really freaky to me and scared me. And I couldn't walk straight, my balance was off.
Hello Gemini Wolf,
(07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I've never posted to Wanderer Stories.
I'm Glad You've shared equivalent of that
(07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I've done DMT smoked a number of times, which once landed me on a spacecraft above a planet. That was my experience in hyperspace. I've also done a variant of Ayahuasca. This was before my 3 schizophrenic breakdowns.
Schizophrenia for me has been both terrifying and beautiful. Since it varies so much I'm now on a mood stabilizer.
If I would like to be extremely consequent with what I've learn from The Law of One about our true beingness and rules of this illusion, I would andvice You Dear Gemini Wolf, to resign from all meds and experience your current state in full. Heal with your Work and Understanding - not with pharmacological "aid", which influence only conditions of the material vehicle. Your Self, as Whole, may have some problems with addapting here. Or maby You just need to accept what You have, not repress.
Please remember - this is just my opinion. An advice. Eventual decision is Yours to make. It may be harsh at first but eventually You should balanced Your Self out.
I just have bad experiences with medicaments and I know from experience that a lot is possible to overcome with Will and Understanding.
(07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]There isn't really much to say about me that hasn't already been said.
Before this post I've read a lot of your comments. In most You've expressed suffering. I'm truly sorry for all Sorrows You've experienced here in this reality. I hope from this point on it will be Better for You.
(07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I once had the experience that I went through a portal and became Creator. I wanted to make stars with other Creators. I've learned since then that you can't take spiritual experiences at face value.
I'm wondering what exactly You ment by "can't take spiritual experiences at face value". Could You express it in many more words, please?
Creator is Everything in Potentation. Creation is an activation of this Potentation. Of course even most advance Being/Entity is able to perceive only Part of the Entire Creation. No One but Creator HimSelf may experiences Everything/Has All Experiences.
It must be truly Amazing Feeling to experience Self as Creator. Eterniy/Forever-ness in Its Entirety, I imagine.
Take Good Care Gemini Wolf
"can't take spiritual experiences at face value"
I once thought I was in 4D already. When in reality I wasn't.
(07-05-2014, 08:59 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]"can't take spiritual experiences at face value"
I once thought I was in 4D already. When in reality I wasn't.
- or, just maybe, You were experiencing time/space. Were You able to move? Or maybe surroundings alone were moving while You were Immovable?
Those are conditions of time/space and - supposedly - Plane of all Spiritual Experiences. When One is able to gain conscious access to that part of Self, One can practicably be Harvested at Will/Decision.
I was always wondering if example of that are stories of monks in Asia, while Europe was in Middleage, whom after weeks of meditations just dissapeared "in thin air" - literally - there were no bodies left (supposedly of course, those are the legends).
I had those legends in mind when I've read in Ra materials about "deactivation of yellow-center body"
(07-05-2014, 08:59 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I think it developed because of smoking DMT and taking a variant of ayahuasca a number of times. It blew open my indigo chakra.
It is also possible, that You've accelerate something, for which You were not prepared at that time. I think it's You rather than drugs.
Learn/Teach Self/Creator.
Greetings from a fellow schizophrenic. I was diagnosed after having a "psychotic break" roughly four years ago. Since, I've learned to take my varied diagnosis with a grain of salt.
I found the collective works of Carl Jung to be very insightful into my experience. It gave me a new perspective to subjectively view my psychosis, more importantly one that didn't look at my diagnosis in such a negative light.
True schizophrenics drowned in the same sea of collective consciousness/thought, that us "mystics" learn to swim in.
Quote:In the field of “psychosis” it seems that
many things are discovered, then
forgotten again, and it is left to future
generations to rediscover them.
Here is a link with info on Jung and how he approached the disorder.
http://recoveryfromschizophrenia.org/201...zophrenia/
Best wishes on your journey.
/namasalute
(07-05-2014, 05:49 PM)Folk-love Wrote: [ -> ] (07-05-2014, 05:43 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ] (07-05-2014, 05:39 PM)Bring4th_Plenum Wrote: [ -> ] (07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Schizophrenia for me has been both terrifying and beautiful. Since it varies so much I'm now on a mood stabilizer.
when did that first start for you?
It's been over 3 years, maybe 4. I'm on meds so I don't hallucinate now. But still, I get anxious in life.
Did you have symptoms when you were younger? Seems strange you developed it later in life as I thought schizophrenia usually happens much earlier. It seems you have had quite a life my friend. Good luck.
Rare to develop symptoms at a young age. It's earlier for men than women but usually after 18yo and definitely before 35yo... Those who might have the genetic predisposition may not even develop symptoms and some do. Age of 'onset' of symptoms and type of symptoms depends on individual life factors. You could have minor symptoms as youth, which can become more intense due to major life stressor... so it'll depend.
(07-05-2014, 03:50 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I've learned since then that you can't take spiritual experiences at face value.
Any time one travels through the mind or leaves the physical body anchor there needs to be translation. This means that the experience is no different than dreaming, which can be largely an experience downstepped into symbols.
One of the problems with society today is the propagation of literalism. It hasn't worked for any religion, and is not faring so well with science either. It just pushes us farther and farther away from the memory of symbolic definitions and our ability to co-create in a more efficient manner.
Did these "events" culminate in or around the time of your 30th birthday?
I have a few other random questions if you don't mind.
Is there a personal significance behind the choosing of "Wolf" as part of your monicker here on the forums?
Do you currently/or did you at one time smoke cigarettes?
Quote:This was before my 3 schizophrenic breakdowns
Would you be comfortable describing one of these breakdowns?
More specifically the "catalyst" or "thoughts" behind the experience. Was there a connecting "thread" that permeated all three of them?
I'm 37 now, so back when I was 33-34 they began. The last episode was a year and a half ago, before I started my meds.
I resonate with the wolf, so chose it as a name. I love wolves.
I own a wolfdog as well.
I never really smoked. I attempted a pipe a couple of times, but never inhaled.
The only thread that connected my 3 breakdowns was Ra.
I usually received assistance from them when I asked.
I even once asked Ra to please kill me, bring me back home, because I was extremely weary from life,
and instead they showed me a bright, hot world, with distortions I could easily see and feel.
Some patches were hotter than others.
I was curious about smoking because from information I've read the ingestion of nicotine in schizophrenics is supposed to aid in controlling either positive or negative (i can't remember which) symptoms.
Astrologically speaking there is a significant transition around the age of 30 a person can be influenced by.
I was personally curious of the wolf due to some significant dreams during the "genesis" of my awakening.
I'm also a Gemini. =P
No, never got hooked on cigarettes, nor the pipe. Most I did was smoking DMT out of a glass pipe about 6-10 times. That I inhaled. Had an interesting taste. I've also done Salvia, but I preferred DMT. Oral-based DMT is even better, such as with Ayahuasca. The effect lasts for hours, and it's like a journey into beauty. Can't do it anymore though. But I don't miss it.
Not sure how nicotine would affect me. But I don't want to develop cancer from it.
We actually use transdermal nicotine patches to improve memory Alzheimer patients.
I wasn't suggesting anyone take up smoking, just mild curiosity on my part about your experience in general.
I tried Salvia once and it only seemed to effect the right side of my body. It is interesting because I've heard Salvia is a "feminine spirit" plant.
Salvia kept making me feel like I was at a carnival, a bit freaky. And I became the floor.
(07-06-2014, 07:07 PM)YourOtherSelf Wrote: [ -> ]I was curious about smoking because from information I've read the ingestion of nicotine in schizophrenics is supposed to aid in controlling either positive or negative (i can't remember which) symptoms.
I have found that something 'entheogenic' is going on with this plant. Casual nicotine administration in myself does /point/ the uncontrolled thoughts of my left mind to my right brain's awareness/.
So I finally 'see' the result of my thoughts in an intuitive way.
Of course the purpose of the drugs is to understand how it creates understanding in you, therby allowing you to apply this wisdom in your heart (the plant pointing you in the right direction) without physically relying on something external (the plant itself).
I like to smoke and read, but this plant has taught me much without the need to use the plant regularly.
Oops, mods pls split this, didn't realise it was Gemini's Wanderer story, lol
(07-05-2014, 06:16 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]Smoking MJ made me very sensitive to what was going on about me. It made me in a hyper-anxious state. Watching a dubstep video was really freaky to me and scared me. And I couldn't walk straight, my balance was off.
Yeah, I could get paranoid too. I do think vaping is better than smoking. But I noticed that if I actually paid attention to my energy centers and attempted to clear them, it was much better. The thing is: I just don't think it's really necessary for me any longer. I wrote about this specifically on my b4 blog.
I have found that the cannabis amplifies and expands, the energy centers with positive and negative crystal yin / yang balance.
So the only methods I have found for energy work in this catalyst are the experiences and significations of:
Accepting Duality, Grounding, Letting Go, Christ Consciousness, Tracing the bubbles of little nodal energy points of the Kabbalah in my body centers, Cleaning the field, Hara Intention Lines, Accepting and letting go of terrifying void and awesome lightning of Potential of Spirit, Matrix of Spirit
I have been told that wisdom can be converted to understanding and vice-versa, and open the crown. Of course there may be consequences of this in the individual's lower manifestation. But It may be done any time, without entheogens.
I'm just sending love to myself. Till I can feel it physically in my heart.
Though I am also working on hearing angels speak.
When I was a teen, my dad taught me about astral projection. That was my first foray into the spiritual.