Hey. I wonder if anyone can help.
I am having a lot of feelings that things are going wrong. It doesn't really matter what I seem to do, things seem to be malfunctioning. Like some sort of curse.
I have become steadfastly Christian. I have released ideas I believed to be unhelpful and the problem may be that my mind needs a bit of fixing since they were so damaging. I feel consistently scared and can't put my mind together to make basic decisions. (Although there are changes and decisions I have made) It is as though my will is broken.
One of the problems is a feeling around the heart chakra. I have very little to base my reality on since a lot of the ideas I have gotten rid of were very strong perceptual filters.
Maybe just take some time off and distract yourself a little. Music, movies, friends etc. Other than that I don't know what else you can do. Good luck.
Sounds dark-night-of-the-soul-ish. I've been going through something similar. I'm trying to keep finding the love in the moment, to keep attempting to be of service, and to have faith that things are working out for the best, even though it's not always obvious how.
(09-23-2014, 06:30 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I am having a lot of feelings that things are going wrong. It doesn't really matter what I seem to do, things seem to be malfunctioning. Like some sort of curse.
Concepts: "Wrong", "malfunction"
Explore these. You will inevitably find these concepts don't exist.
Quote:12.24: ...There are no mistakes under the Law of One...
1.7: ...In truth there is no right or wrong...
There is a problem that has come up for me during church service. I got a very strong thought to tell my fathers widow of his infidelity. I didn't quite, I nearly did but she says don't worry about whatever it is. Now the thought sort of fills my mind and I can't seem to 'do' anything else. So I may phone her. My impression is she wants to remain wilfully ignorant. (I don't know what to do here. I can I think get on with things without telling her. It is confusing.)
My feelings such as this have raised a lot since I ended contact with a friend that caused me a lot of anxiety.
When I try and look at the feeling of 'wrong'. It is an ongoing feeling of their not being enough of the Creators presence. But I don't mind working on that.
I think it is a petrifying fear of not doing things right. For instance, I feel I should tell this woman about her husband. I worry that if I don't do it then I am acting in a service to self manner.
(09-23-2014, 08:19 AM)Adonai One Wrote: [ -> ]Concepts: "Wrong", "malfunction"
Explore these. You will inevitably find these concepts don't exist.
I find this difficult. What when it crosses with the idea of polarity? Surely you would rather be positively polarised than negatively polarised. I do use that quote sometimes to guard against anxiety.
You don't have to bear the sins of your father. His widow probably knows on some level. If you were to tell her, you might inherit some karma repercussions for bringing this information to light. If you sincerely forgive everyone involved (including yourself for your "secret"), the intense feelings might start to go away. Forgiveness absolves, not the repeated airing of dirty laundry.
My mom cheated on my dad for many years. They eventually got divorced over it. I don't feel obligated to go tell my dad specifics, or to rehash every time I was forced to lie to him at a young age. It's over. The best we can do is keep moving forward.
For what it's worth, I think in most cases, ruining someone else's peace of mind to find your own is the true service to self action, while withholding potentially hurtful information is an act of protecting the other self. Of course, it's all how we frame it individually, but to get caught up on one act whether it is STO or STS is a lot of energy, considering we can basically flip the switch on and off each moment.
Thanks Jade. Very sincerely.
Yeah. Actually at the communion where I got the feeling. I associate that particular feeling with a negative presence, but that is not yet certain.
She definitely knows, not specifics but she knows. I also need to say the more positive things. But I was sitting here praying and the feeling to tell her basically evaporated. As well as the feeling yesterday when I got over it I felt far, far better. I felt my free will had returned and that I'd just escaped again from a negative presence. (But this whole area is very difficult to perceive.)
Also there are other things I didn't tell her about, of a more personal nature. So if I become more truthful about myself maybe these things will naturally find a good balance.
Thanks.
I'm back feeling good again!
(09-23-2014, 09:47 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ] (09-23-2014, 08:19 AM)Adonai One Wrote: [ -> ]Concepts: "Wrong", "malfunction"
Explore these. You will inevitably find these concepts don't exist.
I find this difficult. What when it crosses with the idea of polarity? Surely you would rather be positively polarised than negatively polarised. I do use that quote sometimes to guard against anxiety.
As far as I know, Ra only lists the negative polarity as the polarity with the concept of wrong, calling it "falsity".
I never see Ra claiming the positive polarity believes in right and wrong explicitly.
(09-23-2014, 08:29 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I think it is a petrifying fear of not doing things right. For instance, I feel I should tell this woman about her husband. I worry that if I don't do it then I am acting in a service to self manner.
To me, this is definitely the type of question that we are here to experience. Its answer lies directly in the middle of a gigantic grey area, where each of us need to make our own decisions on and experience the results.
All that anyone can do is "the best they can" with these types of things, and there's definitely no correct answer. "service to self" would only come into play if you were using the decision to prop yourself up in some way..
I hope this isn't a sign that something is going wrong in my Universe.
the way i look at my own personal issues is where am i not allowing to love or to be loved by the creator.
what perception is making it seem that the love is not there.
this is harder than it seems, otherwise it wouldn't be called the adept path
(09-23-2014, 08:29 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I think it is a petrifying fear of not doing things right. For instance, I feel I should tell this woman about her husband. I worry that if I don't do it then I am acting in a service to self manner.
IMO, telling her may be polarizing
slightly service to self because that would be an attempt to control your environment/another self. Accepting the situation would be polarizing service to others.
46.16 Wrote:Questioner: What is the plan for use of the catalyst of cancer?
Ra: I am Ra. The catalyst, and all catalyst, is designed to offer experience. This experience in your density may be loved and accepted or it may be controlled. These are the two paths. When neither path is chosen the catalyst fails in its design and the entity proceeds until catalyst strikes it which causes it to form a bias towards acceptance and love or separation and control. There is no lack of space/time in which this catalyst may work.
This is just a concept I am suggesting you consider. As another Ra quote suggests, one cannot judge another's polarity. Also, it is (of course) your Choice how you interpret the catalyst.
(09-23-2014, 10:50 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I was sitting here praying and the feeling to tell her basically evaporated. As well as the feeling yesterday when I got over it I felt far, far better. I felt my free will had returned and that I'd just escaped again from a negative presence.
That is the key! When in doubt, pray and ask for guidance, then meditate to receive the guidance.
Then see how you feel about whatever it was you wanted to do. You may feel differently, as you did in this instance!
When I was about 13, I spent the night as a close friend's house and her dad touched me inappropriately. I never told her. Now, 40 years later, I reconnected with that friend whom I hadn't seen in 35 years. Her dad is long deceased and she thinks the world of him! She goes on and on about how much she misses him and what a great dad he was. I listen, thinking "oh gosh, if she only knew! he was a pervert!" but what good would it accomplish to tell her? It would serve absolutely no purpose and would only hurt her.
So I will never tell her.
If she ever were to ask, I would tell her the truth, but I see no reason to burst her bubble. In your case, you think she knows anyway, and she has made it clear that she doesn't want to hear it, so I would respect that. If she ever hints that she wants to know, you can re-evaluate at that time.
(09-23-2014, 10:50 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I'm back feeling good again!
Wonderful!
I did tell her. I got a dream that made me think in the area of my relationship with the holy spirit and although I had a choice, the choice of keeping the secret would have been very painful.
So I phoned, she was VERY nice and she told my mother she had known anyway. I also came to a certain conclusion after the conversation that A) my bad ideas about my father were a little less correct than I thought since he told her, and B) that he loved me. Because we ended up discussing him a bit.
There are other things rattling around in me now. And this has come since I admitted my sins to others, so it is a sort of natural outpouring I think.
With my level of anxiety my ability to handle secrets has been greatly reduced.
(09-23-2014, 06:30 AM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]One of the problems is a feeling around the heart chakra. I have very little to base my reality on since a lot of the ideas I have gotten rid of were very strong perceptual filters.
What sort of ideas did you prune away from your world perspective, if I may ask?
I think that not every secret needs to be told. I am working on the idea that sometimes it's good to reveal, sometimes it isn't. This is an idea partly because of the karmic blowback I got when sending another message. Things to do with my dad- healing. Other things I might want to say - possibly not. Of course I could have got this from Monica's message if I was paying attention.
The ideas I released were past lives, I thought I had and an astrology system called the human design chart. Although the latter is very difficult to experiment with in the real world, so I don't have a firm answer. I also am quite cautious with the Law of One concept that we come from different densities. Preferring never to base my behaviour on such ideas.
I have to say, with the whole thing with my dad I experienced the need to tell, which was positive. Then I got an idea I should say something else, then something else. Soon enough I felt like I was being overloaded and also if I didn't do what was 'asked' then I would fail on the positive polarity and there were loads of strange ideas around that one. This I think (but it is for the reader to judge) is the hallmarks of something non positive having taken over a process that was originally positive. Because when you feel compelled like that and you don't really see a reason for it other than fearful 'theories' then something has taken over.
Phoenix, hear me out, but I think you should consider spending more time focusing on what actions make *you* *feel* *good*, instead of what actions may be positive or negative polarization. Because it's truly not our -actions- are that create our polarity, but our intent. You obviously have good intent and desire to serve others. If you instead consider how things feel internally instead of placing some arbitrary external definition of right or wrong, your Self will not lead you astray.
You spoke to your step mother with good intentions, and it ended up working out to be a positive emotional experience for both of you. We create the ripple effects that we desire.
Glad to hear it had a positive outcome! I agree with Jade that your intention was to help her, not hurt, and that is very important.
Jade, I took your advice with the messages. Two of them I needed to send for myself. They were about me. Another one that jumped into my head I did send but know it wasn't best to do so and said so. The other message was built on a semi conspiracy idea.
I have been experiencing this really severe problem for a while. If I don't do what I percieve to be positively 'polarised' then I get a feeling like a demon is bothering me. I get a sense of dread and fear. So I had three messages, when I didn't communicate / withdrew two of them I felt awful. Then I communicate the 'truth' and start to feel better. My theory on this is that when I am not positively polarised to quite an extent, I don't have protection and things bother me. With this case it may be that I was a little 'tricked' because one that was good and one that wasn't (?) both had the same sensations and feelings.
There may be more to this than this simple explanation.
The trouble is this fear is becoming quite constant. And seems to be extending even to when there is not anything obvious that is polarised. And I get anxiety (different from fear and dread) when I am properly 'polarised' and have done everything.
Oh well.
I really need to let go of all this and somehow relax and heal but a lot of these things keep getting in the way.
The last message I sent was OK. I got a very nice message back from the woman and it has cleared things up for me a lot.
I've come to the conclusion, that my best friend of 22 years had a lot more negative behaviourisms than I was prepared to admit to myself. My connection with this person has been one of the things that has changed since I have been putting on a cross and healing.
This was the thing that held up some of my narcissistic behaviours.
It has been so difficult for me to acknowledge this fact that I have been having a few difficulties for a while.
So when I say things starting to go wrong for some unascertained reason. What I mean probably is things starting to go 'right'.
Things are definitely going right for me. I know the reason. Let's hope it stays like this.
(10-02-2014, 01:25 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Things are definitely going right for me.
thumbs up (y)
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(10-02-2014, 01:25 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I know the reason.
what's the reason?
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(10-02-2014, 01:25 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]Let's hope it stays like this.
(10-02-2014, 03:40 PM)Bring4th_Plenum Wrote: [ -> ] (10-02-2014, 01:25 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: [ -> ]I know the reason.
what's the reason?
PM sent.
It seems synchronous that this thread got bumped right now so I'll just say what I've concluded after talking with someone from the Samaritans.
Essentially it's just a period of massive change. It's a period where my behaviour changes are being forced. For instance, earlier today I wanted to talk to my mother, who refuses any communication in these areas. I couldn't so I talked to a Samaritans person but essentially I need to be able to reach out and connect with people.
I could have realised earlier that today is a board game day and gone down to socialise with those people. But I hadn't realised my need for socialising. So this and other things means I need to rely on a heart chakra sense of strength in order to function.
Wow Gemini. That must be a good omen, you've been having troubles for a while. Perhaps it was my reflection of not dealing with things, now I am dealing with them and feeling it you are functioning better.
(10-02-2014, 06:09 PM)Phoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Wow Gemini. That must be a good omen, you've been having troubles for a while. Perhaps it was my reflection of not dealing with things, now I am dealing with them and feeling it you are functioning better.
I'm doing very well, if not a little mentally drained. I think we are both feeling better. I was doing pretty horrible before. But now there's hope.