(11-30-2020, 07:06 PM)Aion Wrote: Well, I might look to the opposite to try and get in touch with that. You resonate with all those aspects, so how do you feel about the opposite of those things? What is your relationship with control?
Is it that freedom = good and no freedom = bad? Is that actually realistic for those concepts? Just some things to ponder.

In the Western tradition there are two opposites which work off eachother, the terms in Kabbalah are Mercy and Severity, or in Ra terms, total control and total acceptance.
In Kabbalah, the idea of evil actually comes from an imbalance of these two powers. Too much of one or the other leads to an imbalance which leads to unwise decisions and thus 'evil' or negativity.
A lot of people see Severity as the "negative" side and Mercy as the "positive" but in truth it is the balance between the two that equates with 'good'.

In this sense, structure and flow, the key is to utilize them together I believe, as you say reconcile.

It seems you are already comfortable with flow, so to be explored is maybe your issues with structure?

(12-10-2020, 02:15 PM)Dtris Wrote: It sounds like your brother has always been the dominant part or your duo, and he is feeling a loss of control. As you grow into your own person and not what he thinks you should be, it causes him to lash out at you. Then you are used to being the follower and you cave to what he wants to make him happy.

Any time someone changes, those changes will be resisted by those around them, no matter how well meaning they are. A different version of you exists in everyone you knows head. When your behavior is not congruent with that version, they will try to put you back into that box they have made for you, that is because your changes make them uncomfortable. That is on them to correct, not on you.

There is a control/controlled dynamic that seems to be going on here. Nothing nefarious or even intentional, but this is part of many people's relationships. I would suggest you examine your relationship from that perspective and you need to decide if that is a dynamic you want to accept moving forward.

(12-10-2020, 08:07 PM)sillypumpkins Wrote: Minyatur - lol minyatur every time I see your name I think “minitaur” like a Minotaur but smaller hahahaha.

(12-13-2020, 01:36 PM)sillypumpkins Wrote: So there's been a lot of frustration within the house lately.

My brother is hurting real bad, he's really depressed and I know he feels lonely these days. I try my best to keep this in mind when we are trying to talk about issues that we have.

It's hard for me to deal with someone close to me saying "I'm done putting effort into our relationship" or "I lost my brother years ago" (referring to when I started dating someone in 2017 and wasn't hanging with my bro as much,) and then he comes up to my room and asks if I want to talk.

He even knocked on my door yesterday, and when I said "not now please" he threw my door open and started yelling at me.

It's like, I know he's my brother, but under any other circumstances this would be a totally abusive and toxic relationship.

I know I play a part in the confusion.... I've said things that I didn't mean. I still have trouble not reacting to him sometimes. I'm not even mad at him, I don't even see this as his fault or anything. This is just sooooo toxic and it doesn't help either of us!

My brother's feelings of hurt and everything else he is feeling are totally valid, I realize that. However, I can't stick around for this anymore. It's too messy. I don't know what's mine and what is his sometimes, yknow?

I've got some forgiving to do. And I think I need to remove myself from this situation as well.

Just wanted to post an update, but also just wanted to get my thoughts outta my system. My mind has been on overdrive the last couple days! Like, pretend conversations happening in my head. It was hard to fall asleep last night. I had an extra long meditation sesh this morning so that helped.

thanks and love to all you lovely peeple

(12-13-2020, 04:36 PM)Aion Wrote: I'm going to offer you a musical analogy. Right now, you two are playing a very busy piece with a lot of counter-point. The moments of tensions are those moments when your patterns result in a dissonant harmony. Often this happens when two opposing notes are sounded together.

How can you improve on such a composition? There is a lot of focus in music on the "active" elements, notes, tones, rhythm, pulse, beat, all of these things.

However, I'm sure you've heard the saying, "you have to listen to the notes that aren't being played".
In between all the notes and activity is the passive element - silence, rest, SPACE.

Space is such a crucial element to music, not just to create a composition, but also for creativity to flow, and I think these musical principles can be applied to all areas of life.
Space is that time to breathe, time to listen. It sounds like you both could consider more about space.

A friend once suggest to me to "include more space" in my meditations. Maybe you'll find that fruitful as well.

(12-14-2020, 12:32 PM)sillypumpkins Wrote: I just feel as though those questions are more apt as personal inquiries rather than interpersonal ones? does that make sense?

(11-26-2020, 06:13 PM)sillypumpkins Wrote: Hello everybody.

I've been dealing with some pretty tough catalyst with a sibling of mine this year.

My brother and I make music together and we both really like doing it. We live together now and most days we play together.

Lately, my brother has been getting really frustrated because (I quote) "we are so lazy about making music", "we could be doing way more", etc etc.

Last night, my brother seemed upset and I asked what was going on and he said that first thing, "we are lazy about making music." I sort of shut it down because I really didn't appreciate my self being brought into the equation in that way. I basically told him that I appreciate his feelings about it but I don't appreciate him bringing me into the equation, because it's clearly an issue within himself.

He sort of dropped it after that.

Well today it got brought up again. It was sort of presented this time as, "well, I can't bring this up with you anymore because you just get offended so I'm just not going to bring it up cause I don't wanna argue." I told him we can talk about it without arguing. We tried but it turned into an argument.

My issue with this is that my brother's issues with himself are very clearly being projected on to me. In the sense that, he feels that he should be doing more or that he's lazy, and yet he frames it as an "us" issue. We are identical twins, so each of our sense of self has always sort of been wrapped up in each other in one way or another. Just to give you a bit more context.

So, we are at a point now where my brother doesn't want to talk about it because "we both want different things and I just have to get over that," and he doesn't want to argue. And I will absolutely talk about it but often times I get upset about it just because of how the conversation always goes. Whenever I just listen to him, that is never enough for him, and whenever I explain my perspective on music-making or my perspective on how the "issue" is being framed, I just get pushed to the side. It's like he needs something from me and if I'm not giving it to him, he doesn't want to talk? I don't know. It's not a great feeling.

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of projection, particularly with a close family member? It is a total mind-f*** for me (pardon my language). It's like a stalemate. I understand my brother is upset about some things, and I want to give him the space to express that, but it's very difficult to do when the entire issue is framed as an "us" problem, and especially when I don't at all share the same sentiments. So on one hand, I want to provide the space to listen to him, but on the other, I can't sit and just listen to some of the things he says because he talks about it as a "we" problem, and to me it's totally not like that. We are each our own persons, and having faith in ourselves as individuals is more important than anything else.

Really just looking for some advice here. This has been my biggest catalyst that I can remember and it's quite draining at times. Less so than in the past, but still.

I appreciate you all. To my American friends: happy thanksgiving....... aw hell, thanksgiving to you all

(12-14-2020, 12:32 PM)sillypumpkins Wrote: S

@peregrine - I see, yes. Well, I know that my brother feels very lonely sometimes, and I often feel, from what he's told me, that I am a sort of counter-balance to that. I know he struggles being by himself, and I know he desires meaningful and creative relationships with others. When I started seeing a girl a few years ago, my brother took great offense to that and now tells me that I dropped him, and that he "lost me" around this time. We were living together for a year a couple years ago too, and I was going through some heavy stuff, also was still seeing my girlfriend, so I found it difficult to make time for other things. I was also working a lot. He tells me, to this day, that I dropped him and forgot about him as though it had something to do with him. He'll also point out that, when I was living with my partner and he was living at my dad's, he was always the one who had to come down to see me rather than the other way around. Well...... I was in school, working, and didn't have a car, so again, it had nothing to do with him.

Are these questions that I can even answer, peregrine? Serious question hahahaha. I just feel as though those questions are more apt as personal inquiries rather than interpersonal ones? does that make sense?

(12-15-2020, 10:53 AM)sillypumpkins Wrote: @peregrine - thank you..... yes, now that's a bit easier to work with! Lol

@ohr ein sof - thank you kindly for this reminder. I've found that sometimes when catalyst is really revving up, it can become difficult to recognize the divine in All......

It is sooooo much easier and graceful to face the catalyst and remind myself, "I may not remember why, but I chose this" and then resting easy in that realization. And like you said, ohr, "in time all things will be revealed to me"

thank you both