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I am only an egg - MisterRabbit - 01-25-2009
I'd like to say before-hand that, although I am posting in a forum with the theme of "wanderer awakenings", I must say that I am not entirely sure whether I am a wanderer or completely awakened. Well, I guess who of us is COMPLETELY awakened; but as to the wanderer thing, I think it's not that uncommon to feel different than others and perhaps even like an alien in this world, and I don't make any metaphysical conclusions based on those feelings since I do not have access to any such knowledge. I wish I did, I really want to make a continuous and conscious contact with my higher self, but it hasn't happened yet. Whether I am a wanderer or not, I will continue with my spiritual growth and meditation. Such status would be interesting to know, but is ultimately trivial, as all are one.
This post may be shorter and less dramatic than some of the others, for I am still wee in years and have only been "awakened" for a relatively short amount of time.
I have/had very loving and good parents, both christians and musicians. As the story has been told to me I was a very "old soul" as they say. My family has described my childhood self as a "miniature adult". A couple of stories in particular seem to demonstrate this. When I was three, my parents told me that I had to put on my seatbelt in the car. I asked why? They said because it's the law. I said "I'd like to see that law, please." Another time when I was about 4, I was afraid to go up a dark staircase, and my uncle asked me what was wrong. I said "it's okay, I'm just having some monster problems." Apparently it was like this all the time with me. So, while I seemed strangely mature for my age, nothing along the lines of past-life memories, telepathy, or UFO sightings occurred that I remember. I've always just been an old-soul trying to find the Truth.
However, my mother has only recently related to me that she had a vision about me prior to my birth, which I found very surprising. Now, she is a traditional christian, and claims to see angels frequently. I had previously thought that, well I suppose it could be true, but more likely than not it was just her imagination fueled by her faith. However, when she related to me that she had gotten a hold of some aspirin and eaten half a bottle when she was still a toddler, went into a coma, and had been brought out of the coma when her parents made a sort of “pact with god" that if he would save her they would devote the rest of their lives to his service (which they still do, even though they are retired), I interpreted this with my new knowledge of near-death experiences and psychic abilities and considered this information to give greater validity to the possibility that her visions of what she calls/sees as “angels” may well be more than her imagination. In any event, apparently when she was I believe three months pregnant with me, she was in the bath tub and an angel appeared, visibly, right there in front of her, and told her not to worry about her child, that it would be a boy, and that someday it would be a prophet. Another time, in a dream, she was shown by my father (who died when I was 5) around a garden-like paradise where everyone wore white robes (which also suspiciously corresponds to near-death experience reports as well as other evidence from various sources), and he showed her a stone monument (which maybe everyone had) that had my name on it and everything that I would do.
Well, as you can imagine, these things made me really wonder. I currently think that these visions may have actually been some kind of contact with my mom by entities presenting themselves as angels, since this corresponds with her beliefs, and that I am to be a prophet, whatever that means. Now, that does NOT mean I think I am going to be some kind of a big time prophet like Isaiah or something like that, to me it could simply mean that I will be one of those who uphold Truth and shine a light, as it were, and possibly help others. Whatever it might mean, I do think that the vision was genuine, as it corresponds with the overall gist of my life so far, which I will now relate.
Well, not much beyond what is relatively normal happened through the rest of my childhood years. As an adolescent I became extremely withdrawn, negative, confused, as is usual in this culture. I indulged in various addictive behaviors, did some minor drugs for a while, and eventually came out of it. I slowly began to read books from the school library awakening me to new truths. I was gradually taking up once again what had been my initial interest, and was looking through various holy books. I think what originally sparked this for me was reading the short story “Teddy” by J.D. Salinger, which if you don’t know it is about a young boy who is basically an incarnation of a very advanced soul, and he gives a dialogue with a reporter about such things as the moment he realized that everything was God, a block of wood not actually having dimensions like we think it does, and getting out of the finite dimensions. Well, something about that story struck a chord within me, fired a spark as it were, which eventually led to my first landmark realization from reading Raymond Moody’s “Life After Life” and its sequel. These books and the other six some odd others plus much internet information I would soon read changed my perspective of what is really going on here, and greatly increased my feeling that there might be hope in this seemingly pointless reality. Now, I had tried at various times to take up the Christian faith I was raised in, but it never settled well with me, and I ultimately rejected it, only to feel that things were pointless. Now, from this material and the long line of information it would lead me to, I was expanding my paradigm. It was somewhere around this time that I had my mushroom experience, which is perhaps the most important event in this entire story.
Now I know that many spiritual seekers do not advocate the use of Entheogens for spiritual purposes, but I decided to take some mushrooms in high school because I had read that in some people they induced experiences bordering on the paranormal, etc. So, my friend and I got some and ate them one night. Without going into great detail about the experience as a whole the things which most stand out are: at one point we were talking about God and I pointed at the full moon above us and stated emphatically “THAT is man, THAT is god…” by which I meant that simply seeing the moon, not any words we might be speaking, but that awareness and everything is God. At that moment, we both saw the clouds where I was pointing break into a perfect circle around the moon. Now, I did not say this, so it was not that I hallucinated it and then induced him to also hallucinate it, but it was something that we both saw and then only talked about after seeing. Then, as we went inside, the trip began to get weird. My perceptual abilities were literally liquefying, I remember in particular staring straight at the television set and not being able to perceive what was actually on the set, every ability my brain had to make sense of sensory data and construct a world from it was being taken from me, and I was driven inward. I thought I was going insane. I imagined my family having to explain to people that I was now in a mental asylum from a psychosis that was triggered by hallucinogenic mushrooms. I soon enough decided it would be better to die. This is the point at which the trip becomes less and less effable. I remember after thinking about dying that I could see my heart. Not feel it, not see it as if it were an actual fleshy organ, but I could see it with some hitherto unknown seeing apparatus through which I saw everything’s form, everything was blueish purplish. I looked at this beating heart and I knew, not thought but KNEW, that I could stop its beating any time I desired. I chose not to and went…elsewhere. That’s the only way I have to describe it. First, there was a feeling of tunnels of various colors, and then eventually I arrived at a place that was within myself but not anywhere, it was an OBE but not somewhere else outside my body, but rather just…nowhere. I was nowhere. This is what I mean about it’s ineffability. This was my mystical experience. There was light, there was music which sounded like “perfect tones” which is also indescribable. In fact, not only is most of this indescribable but I can barely even remember it due to it’s being something which is so beyond that it does not fit into my limited normal consciousness framework. In any event, as I eased back to my normal state, I felt myself literally slipping into my body from wherever I had been. I twitched my hands and arms as if I were actually putting them back on, like gloves. Once I got myself mobile, I got up and felt incredibly blissful. This lasted for roughly a month or two. During that time, I felt somewhat detached from my body; that does not mean I felt trapped by it, quite the alternative, I accepted it to a much greater degree, but I also did not feel particularly driven by my bodily desires, such as eating, which had previously been a problem for me. The most lasting and important result of this experience is that I know have a sort of bedrock of faith, if you will, based in my own experience. When I read things like the Ra material or anything like it, I take it much more seriously because I know in a very experiential way, not just in an intellectual way, that I am something else…energy, light, forever ness, whatever you want to call it, I experienced myself as that for one night, and ever since has been different. This was a major turning point for me, and there is no going back now. So, while hallucinogens are sometimes dangerous and can have mixed results, I personally believe that given the right circumstances they truly can produce transformative experiences.
Since that time I have meditated, continued on with life as usual, learned more in the metaphysical areas, and eventually found the Ra material, I think from the wikipedia article on Edgar Cayce. I have always been prone to take channeled material with a grain of salt, but I soon came to believe the Ra material solely because of the degree to which it resonates with me within, and also the fact that it seemed inconceivable that such a breadth of such complex information could really be made up by this lady, even her unconscious, who is just laying there under a sheet. In fact, even if it was a hoax, it‘s unlikely that a human would ever be creative enough to make up something this good. From this I also was led to other channeled materials from extraterrestrials, etc. I discovered the Ra material about three years ago. Also, in the time since my mushroom Experience, I have rid myself of a life-long severe allergy to dairy products, through concentration, visualization, and the power of faith. I suppose this is more interesting than relevant, but I have definitely made up for lost times with the ice cream! So good
The last thing I want to mention here is that once I found out about the Ra material, I began discussing it with my friend through our email correspondence. He was of course skeptical at first, but gradually warmed up to it. Since I was ahead of him in the reading, we talked about it a lot and I related my understanding of it to him, answered questions, etc. Now, here is the odd thing about this: he didn’t really accept it, really open up to it and to the other side of things in general, until his friend and seemingly soul-brother also learned about it and got into it. Now, these two have to be connected on some kind of higher level, because the telepathy and synchronicity with them is just like non-stop, and has led them both, in spite of being skeptically minded individuals, to this kind of seeking. Now they are both into the Law of One, and have even told a few people they know. This is what I find most perplexing: some of the people they have told about it have agreed with it and sort of gotten into it! Which to me is just astonishing since the material, from the mainstream box that most people live in, seems so bizarre! And yet perhaps the centrality of the Law of One to the materials, and the universality of the principle, resonates with these people so much that they can get past the paradigmatic incompatibility. Whatever the case may be, I am really surprised that this sort of knowledge would spread from me even to these two guys, much less to others beyond them! To me, this may indicate that the general consciousness really is raising and changing in very concrete ways, like these people’s being open to something that they perhaps wouldn’t have been in times previous.
Well, that’s pretty much my story! I look forward to conversing with everyone on this website, it looks great! I’ve been looking for a sort of online community like this for a while, and I’m so glad one has been made. Kudos Steve and everyone involved!
RE: I am only an egg - Monica - 01-25-2009
Wow, great story! Thanks for sharing! I agree wholeheartedly that hallucinagens can, in some cases, pierce the veil and open our consciousness. And I love the part about your mom and the angels...and about the mainstream becoming open to the LOO!
RE: I am only an egg - fairyfarmgirl - 01-25-2009
Truth is Truth... It set us all Free... The LOO is showing up (watered down for mass Consumption) in mainstream media.... I have seen hints of LOO in recent movies such as the Illusionist, Pay it Forward and The Last Mimzy as well as part of the original Star Wars trilogy... It is out there circulating with the All assisting others in accepting this far out but very true Universal Truth...
Thank you for sharing your wonderfully written account of your life... a personal story...
fairyfarmgirl
RE: I am only an egg - peelstreetguy - 01-26-2009
Great story. I myself have had some of these transformative experiences....
RE: I am only an egg - Ali Quadir - 01-26-2009
Namaste, you are lucky to have such a good friend to attack the subject with. You are truly blessed. As for the mushrooms. I am as guilty as you are.
It's not necisarily a good thing, nor something I am proud of. I'm very ambivalent about it. It did not hurt me and it was a risk, yet maybe it was one I needed to take. Thats how it felt at the time.
RE: I am only an egg - MisterRabbit - 01-26-2009
thanks for the great replies all, and it's interesting to hear that so many others who are interested in this kind of thing have experimented with psychedelics. I'm actually doing qualitative research on the subject of transformative psychedelic experiences for school, I've always been fascinated even before I took anything.
RE: I am only an egg - peelstreetguy - 01-26-2009
MisterRabbit check your private messages.