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Life of Seeking the Truth - Seeker of the One - 01-12-2017
Hello,
As you might notice, I first came here in 2013 but never introduced myself, however after almost 4 years I decided to write a story here about myself, I don't know why but I just felt that I need to share this story right now.
I was an atheist in my teenage years and was kind of materialistic person. Then at some point around 2012 I got involved into desire to know more about the unseen world and started learning about different mystical traditions (not mainstream religions, but rather magick, different schools of thought, freemasonry, numerology, astrology, gnosticism, New Age etc). Not finding the truth there, I read Bible, Quran, Mahabharata and a lot of other holy books. Although I gained some knowledge and overall understanding it still wasn't enough for me to perceive the actual hidden truth. I started practicing meditation and different rituals to connect to divine however with no success. I could shut off my mind and get into silence but never went into trance. I was just kind of enjoying the state of peace, but no more. I couldn't get a proof or feeling something divine myself. I was very upset about it.
After I have dedicated the whole year exclusively to studying spiritual mysticism, in 2013 I found the Law of One and with my inner passion of actively seeking the truth I read through all the books. I thought I finally found the seemed-to-be truth and was thinking about the main concept of The Choice in 3rd density, being convinced I was / or desired to be STS. Then again I got into meditation practices and still no success other than just enjoying the rest during the practice.
Several months later my circumstances changed and I needed to get a job so that I actually forgot for several years about all this spiritual stuff and was working towards material success.
However, last 2 years were very hard in my life, my family and I had a lot of serious problems and a lot of my friends died and it seemed to me like starting from around 2010 the life was changing to worse, every year being harder and more terrible like an increasing black line in the life.
Finally after my beloved pet died in November 2016, I was heavily depressed and discouraged continue living this life at all, since everything I had in my life was she, like my beloved child and she suddenly died in the short period of time out of nothing, even though I tried to make everything possible I could to help and save here before that happened. I was thinking about suicide because I wanted so much to reconnect with her and couldn't imagine living this life without her.
Then I started questioning everything. I started to question the very existence of things, of self, of the world, of God, of life, of everything. I shouted both in my thoughts and aloud addressing God that I hated him with all my anger in the heart, that he takes lives of innocent and keeps life for cruel, immoral people who do bad deeds to others and the world.
At this point of time I was thinking about becoming rationalistic, agnostic, skeptic person who lives in a cruel world of control and domination of strong over weak. That it is real life and hard cruel truth I need to accept. That there is no loving God. And death is just death after which you do not exist anymore, you lived and then you died and nobody cares.
After that I was still thinking about the death of my beloved pet and started noticing the patterns in what happened during all these weeks and weeks before leading to that event. It was all that fast and non-understandable at first glance but made perfect sense when I analyzed the cause and the effect of what happened analyzing every hour of all days that it seemed like that some Higher plan unseen from regular human point of view occured and was destined to occur like that. I became more calm about it and allowed to release my mental pain.
Then I started to analyze my whole life and all my seeking during last 5 years of my life. I concluded that although I still wasn't able to gain the understanding of what I so desired to know about the very existence of everything, I still had my personal mission here still to be fulfilled.
I researched that my life path is 33/6 according to numerology, I don't know for sure if I am a Wanderer or not, I don't know anything about my past reincarnations, I know nothing but only about my current life while I am here. I never gained any higher insight from divine or managed to contact spirit world. I have no other source of understanding or truth but my mind and myself.
So that being said, I concluded that my life mission is to test my inner faith in One Infinite Creator while being completely disconnected from any other sources other than my conscious mind so that I cannot gain any understanding or evidence of him, but just being put beyond the Choice of blind faith or no faith at all.
Apart from that, as you remember earlier I said I was thinking I was STS when I first came across the Law of One. That was influenced by the fact that I hate other people who are uneducated, arrogant, cruel, immoral, who cause others to suffer. All in all, I hated the people thinking I am not the one of them and not of their kind, therefore I put myself above them, thinking I was superior to them at first in terms of intellect, knowledge, ability to trick them into control, manipulating their desires, intents, feelings, making profit from them. I viewed myself as someone who is better than the others.
So I concluded one more thing while rethinking this approach to life. Whether I might be a Wanderer or the entity from 2rd density incarnated for the first time, or I might have incarnated multiple times before in 3rd density, I thought that I am being put under test of not just blind faith in One Infinite Creator while having no evidence, but also the test for Love and Compassion for All That Is, destroying my ego and arrogance toward others.
That being said, I have been reading these forums occasionally and looking for interesting topics, while also coming across studying of Archetypes, nothing makes true sense to me as I can't gain the true understanding of them. Maybe I am too stupid to understand, but I am finding it very difficult to read and understand the information about Archetypes or any metaphysical matters that people discuss here. I just can't understand how you made the conclusions about that topics yourself.
After all, I probably wanted to become more integrated into this community and maybe make friends with others, I am so tired of my inner desire for knowledge that I cannot grasp fully and it is very stressful and unsatisfying. All I have is blind faith in Unity and inner desire to serve others in the ways I am able to.
Thanks if you read it to the end.
RE: Life of Seeking the Truth - Highrculling - 01-12-2017
Adonai to that.
RE: Life of Seeking the Truth - Infinite Unity - 01-12-2017
Read it all the way to the end buddy. It was a great story.
RE: Life of Seeking the Truth - third-density-being - 01-12-2017
Dear Seeker of the One,
I am deeply sorry for your losses. In some sense especially regarding “the pet”. You did not shared Her name, making this Entity for non-involved observer/reader an “it”, while this “pet” was definitely something far more to You. I concluded that from your own words of changes Her death initiated in your life. Many years ago I also lost pet, a dog, name Zenit, after fourteen years of presence in my life. To this day I miss Him terribly sometimes. He was innocent and His love never knew conditions. How He greeted me when I was coming back home after whole day was Unique and Lovely in ways I cannot express with words.
This I see as an amazing and utmost important offering from “animals” to “humans” – Love and Support in most fundamental ways/areas, in deepest sense of those words/labels/symbols.
From what I’ve read You are over-depending on your Mind. There are advantages and disadvantages of possessing strong Mind. He can always “take over”, which yours attempted when You’ve considered returning to His world exclusively. He also can block your conscious access to Self due to His beliefs/habits/concerns.
From your Words I see that You are at the threshold of big, inner change. I’ve been there, although circumstance in my life wasn’t as dramatic/traumatic as in yours.
On one hand You Know that there is more than confines of this material reality. On other hand your Mind was raised within three-dimensional reality and for Him this reality is true – everything else, beyond, is peripheral/outlying at best, without actual influencing Mind’s day-to-day challenges. It is not true.
If You are about to move further, your Mind must undergone utmost careful examination. I think most important is to become more self-aware of what Mind is doing. Mind is a powerful tool that awaits to be used / offered worthy task. Mind is arrogant and stubborn. He sometimes believes in something without requiring any facts. In such cases it is You, who must consciously examine such false belief and only than Mind starts to letting it go, because He is too proud to hold to something proven by Him-Self to be false.
Mind is a brilliant administrator with legendary ability to label and divide incoming data. He’s restless, unless over-tasked or simply tired/exploited. Those are situations when Mind’s control over One’s Beingness fades and deep glimpses within Self are quite likely at such times.
Transforming realization will be that what You think of World/Reality is Mind’s interpretation/creation build solely on data offered by five senses. Mechanistic, superficial and therefore incomplete view of Self and reality will become more and more obvious, especially in comparison to such phenomenon as Consciousness which seems not to be fully bound by laws of this reality. Mind’s unused/dormant resources/capability will seems nowhere to be used. At this point all circumstances will be optimal to consciously separate Mind from His environment/workplace.
To state the obvious: Mind is not a piece of meat within your skull. That is just physical requirement of Him being able to operate “here and now”, within the framework of time and space. And that’s exactly what He is doing. Guiding and Supporting Consciousness exploring Self within material reality. If so, Mind should be able to reach beyond physical Self / physical image of Self / Self governing the Creature.
Please imagine, that without such change You would experience vivid and strong vision of some sort. With Mind tightly holding to created by Him “view/comprehension of reality” He would very soon discarded such experience, because He would have nothing to compare it to and daily struggle would seem totally divorced from such experience. You surely would not treat it as a source of usable/important/significant information. However, reexamined Mind with new understanding of His nature and capabilities, would treat this experience as first step toward transcending His “learned identity/beliefs-regarding-His-boundaries”.
It is a gradual process and it will take time. Therefore please, be patient and do not stop with “faith”, which exclude Mind. Reform the Mind and let the faith propels You within your Seekings.
At this point I would like to recommend You to reread The Law of One. You are different Person now, than You were when You firs read Ra Materials. Idea/Understanding offered by Ra is an excellent framework to use by Mind being carefully examined.
The Law of One, when looked at from wider perspective, presents entirely different understanding/take/perception of everything that Is. Literally. With playfulness (not seriousness) it may be attempted to use Mind to build brand new “picture of reality” with data offered by Ra.
Mind is very flexible and capable of operating with two and more frameworks, going/passing smoothly from one to the another, if needed.
In other words You can be fully aware of everything You’ve learned since birth of how to operate within this reality and accepting it as true. Which in fact is, for the Creature You currently are.
At the same time You can build new world-view with Idea coherent enough to offer data with workable connections. RA changed meaning of some words / added new meaning and showed/created new relations and hierarchies (also offered the reason for hierarchies).
Thanks to it, it is possible to start perceiving “old in new light” and to rediscover an entire existence, starting with tiniest steps that will lead You to major leaps.
All I have Best in me for You
RE: Life of Seeking the Truth - ServeAll - 01-20-2017
Cool post, Seeker of the One. It makes me think of a piano piece being played in concerto and varying through the scales. To me, it looks as if you do not know who you REALLY are.
Do you?