(10-02-2017, 06:32 AM)JayCee Wrote: So I got diagnosed with cancer last week. It is already the second diagnosis, I did not believe the first one because I was feeling so good and that all is well.

(10-02-2017, 09:08 AM)anagogy Wrote:

(10-02-2017, 06:32 AM)JayCee Wrote: So I got diagnosed with cancer last week. It is already the second diagnosis, I did not believe the first one because I was feeling so good and that all is well.

I don't mean to be insensitive, but I'm genuinely curious. Why did you go to the doctor if you were feeling so well?

Quote:46.15 Questioner: How does cancer do this learn/teaching when the entity has no conscious idea of what is happening to him when he develops cancer?

Ra: I am Ra. In many cases catalyst is not used.

(10-04-2017, 03:18 AM)JayCee Wrote: Thank you all, you are so lovely !
I love you. So much love. Incredible.
Someone said about fighting it.
I will not fight anything, let alone my own body. I have seen my father fight till his very last breath and it was not a good sight to behold, the way he died. When we fight something we have already lost. Remember that scene in the Matrix? Neo finally stopped fighting his alter ego Smith and that is when the change happened, when he finally realized that fighting was a waste of time.
And re meditating on the cancer, it is very obvious why it came.
I have been caring for my mama for the last three years to the point of totally forgetting about my own needs and cares.
And now I have breast cancer and the latin word for breast is mamma. The synchronicity is really blatant.
And please don't misunderstand me, I wlll get treatment, I already found a doctor whom I can trust (which is not easy for me because I am naturally suspicious of the medical establishment, haha)
A friend of mine said "maybe the good thing is, now you will lose your doctor phobia".
The good thing is - I now have to let other people care for me! because I am not used to that at all, I was always there for everyone else and taking care of them.
And now the way things unfold it is the other way round.
Re giving God a hug, that is lovely and made me smile. I have not been hugged so much in ages, like during those last days. And I know whenever I hug someone, I hug God also because he is in each and every one around me.
Another thing, I gained weight during the last year when things were already bad with my mum and I wasn't able to lose it. Now that is happening by itself because my body forces me to eat really healthy.
Because if i sip my wine in the evening like before and have chocolates I will sweat my heart out during the night. Now no more wine and it is nuts and herbal tea and I am fine. Even if I wanted wine, I just could not! it is not possible.
I already told my colleague "when I come back, watch out, I am a really obnoxious health nazi now"  
I see you are all lovely people and want to help.
So as it is about me accepting help and you wanting to give I offer you the following:
if you feel like it and want to help, you could send me love and pray that no matter what happens, the situation will be for the best and highest good of all involved.
And that includes you, too, of course.

(10-04-2017, 03:18 AM)JayCee Wrote: So as it is about me accepting help and you wanting to give I offer you the following:
if you feel like it and want to help, you could send me love and pray that no matter what happens, the situation will be for the best and highest good of all involved.
And that includes you, too, of course.

(10-06-2017, 03:07 AM)JayCee Wrote: Thank you all for your support, as always!
You are lovely.
I want to talk about some energy symptoms that are happening lately.
As I already mentioned, for about the last two weeks I am eating very light food and little food, compared to before (I am not so hungry and it comes naturally)
And I have those states of almost spiritual ecstasy where I am so filled with love and awe and in tears, overflowing with grace and gratitude.
Afterwards or rather, the next day, it is often some sort of backlash, where the mind is extremely active and tries to insinuate what might happen, etc. and I am very agitated and cannot find sleep, despite being really tired (yesterday was a really wacky day energetically, probably accentuated by the full moon and the wind storm ). And then after that, when the mind sort of has shot all of its arrows, there comes a period of relative calm (that is the state I am in now)
Has anyone experienced similar?
My own interpretation is that it is the mind or ego that wants to regain control because it feels threatened by spiritual high-vibrational states.

(10-10-2017, 05:22 AM)JayCee Wrote: Thank you infinitely Quan, that was profound!
Is there a buddha angry at silicone implants also?  
I will be operated in two weeks on both breasts, I got the final results yesterday about cancer. But I was really getting angry when the doc mentioned silicone implants as a possibility (because not much will remain of the breasts).
I tried to argue it is artificial stuff that they put into the body but he said they are no problem and could even remain for a lifetime inside.
God I feel my distrust of doctors returning and god, silicone!
on the other hand, if everything is god, then god is also inside silicone implants.
And I am being struck again how the symbolism behind this is so blatant -
the breasts are the moon, astrologically speaking and also the mother. The moon in my birthchart is afflicted by rather heavy aspects, my mother had the same constellation and even the wife that my brother married has it!
It is said that one day those constellations that keep repeating in families have to be resolved.
Someone has to do it.
So the moon is also the ocean right? The tide rises and retreats according to the moon. Ever since I got this diagnosis I have been thinking I should travel to the sea and symbolically give my breasts over to the ocean, before they go the way of all flesh.
And they will operate in a clinic that is called Helios.
Helios the sun god.
I will sacrifice my breasts on the altar of the sun, the sun will eclipse the moon.

(10-12-2017, 04:41 AM)Quan Wrote:

(10-10-2017, 05:22 AM)JayCee Wrote: Thank you infinitely Quan, that was profound!
Is there a buddha angry at silicone implants also?  
I will be operated in two weeks on both breasts, I got the final results yesterday about cancer. But I was really getting angry when the doc mentioned silicone implants as a possibility (because not much will remain of the breasts).
I tried to argue it is artificial stuff that they put into the body but he said they are no problem and could even remain for a lifetime inside.
God I feel my distrust of doctors returning and god, silicone!
on the other hand, if everything is god, then god is also inside silicone implants.
And I am being struck again how the symbolism behind this is so blatant -
the breasts are the moon, astrologically speaking and also the mother. The moon in my birthchart is afflicted by rather heavy aspects, my mother had the same constellation and even the wife that my brother married has it!
It is said that one day those constellations that keep repeating in families have to be resolved.
Someone has to do it.
So the moon is also the ocean right? The tide rises and retreats according to the moon. Ever since I got this diagnosis I have been thinking I should travel to the sea and symbolically give my breasts over to the ocean, before they go the way of all flesh.
And they will operate in a clinic that is called Helios.
Helios the sun god.
I will sacrifice my breasts on the altar of the sun, the sun will eclipse the moon.

That is fine Im glad it came out right then. Thought it didnt make much sense!
We all are buddha self within, or Jesus , christ consiousness or whatever to calll it so given that if you are fine with then its okay    My blessings go to you with the operation of course hope all goes well I do have to say though   I couldnt help but laugh reading your post

(10-12-2017, 05:22 AM)JayCee Wrote: The best things are the ones that do not make sense, haha!
I really felt like in some wierd movie, when the doctor put out the box with the silicone things to let me look at them and touch them.
you know, I prefer to be a lovely bio-degradable corpse when I die, not one with plastic parts that won't rot at all. It is good if my posts make you laugh, I was already worrying it might sound depressing and gloomy what with sacrificing breasts to the sun  

(10-12-2017, 05:22 AM)JayCee Wrote:

(10-12-2017, 04:41 AM)Quan Wrote:

(10-10-2017, 05:22 AM)JayCee Wrote: Thank you infinitely Quan, that was profound!
Is there a buddha angry at silicone implants also?  
I will be operated in two weeks on both breasts, I got the final results yesterday about cancer. But I was really getting angry when the doc mentioned silicone implants as a possibility (because not much will remain of the breasts).
I tried to argue it is artificial stuff that they put into the body but he said they are no problem and could even remain for a lifetime inside.
God I feel my distrust of doctors returning and god, silicone!
on the other hand, if everything is god, then god is also inside silicone implants.
And I am being struck again how the symbolism behind this is so blatant -
the breasts are the moon, astrologically speaking and also the mother. The moon in my birthchart is afflicted by rather heavy aspects, my mother had the same constellation and even the wife that my brother married has it!
It is said that one day those constellations that keep repeating in families have to be resolved.
Someone has to do it.
So the moon is also the ocean right? The tide rises and retreats according to the moon. Ever since I got this diagnosis I have been thinking I should travel to the sea and symbolically give my breasts over to the ocean, before they go the way of all flesh.
And they will operate in a clinic that is called Helios.
Helios the sun god.
I will sacrifice my breasts on the altar of the sun, the sun will eclipse the moon.

That is fine Im glad it came out right then. Thought it didnt make much sense!
We all are buddha self within, or Jesus , christ consiousness or whatever to calll it so given that if you are fine with then its okay    My blessings go to you with the operation of course hope all goes well I do have to say though   I couldnt help but laugh reading your post

The best things are the ones that do not make sense, haha!
I really felt like in some wierd movie, when the doctor put out the box with the silicone things to let me look at them and touch them.
you know, I prefer to be a lovely bio-degradable corpse when I die, not one with plastic parts that won't rot at all. It is good if my posts make you laugh, I was already worrying it might sound depressing and gloomy what with sacrificing breasts to the sun  

(10-14-2017, 02:53 PM)JayCee Wrote: "Sacrificing beasts", haha Quan! nice Freudian slip.
You know what I think you were able to laugh at the post, because you subconsciously felt that there was no reason to feel sorry me. I mean, if I had written something like omg I will lose my beasts (oops breasts ) and so I will go down to the river right now and drown myself bc life sucks anyways, I suppose you would not have laughed (or would you ), and instead given me words of  help or something.
Xise I have skimmed it before I started posting this thread, but as I said my focus is not primarily on healing right now but more on benefitting from this. I guess it might sound strange but I have absolutely no reason to get rid of the cancer as soon as possible because life is so intense right now, my spirituality has been boosted immensely, I have been able to do stuff I had not been able before ( like switch to healthy eating, it just happens by itself), I am on sick leave (and will be for some time) so that is awesome also bcause it gives me all the time in the world to practice, etc.
There is a strong sense of fate in all this and that this was meant and necessary to happen.
You know I am one of those lazy people, and if there is nothing happening in my life and I think this will go on forever I don't practice my sadhana because , well, "tomorrow" is another day.
But right now I don't know how many tomorrows there will be and it helps me tremendously to be in the moment and live every day like "carpe diem", you know. I am immensely grateful for everything and also for this illness.
I know if I were healed tomorrow there is a possibility I would go back to sitting on the couch, eating chocolates and watching silly soap operas.
I feel that cancer is probably one of the least predictable illnesses and also varies a great deal from individual to individual, like what will help one person will not help another etc.
That is probably also what makes it so interesting. There are people who have done everything "right", have lived very healthy lives and yet get some of the most dastardly cancers. Some of the great sages had cancer, like Ramana Maharshi and Nisagadatta Maharaj.
Other people spend their days chainsmoking and drinking wine and die one day peacefully in their beds.
Some get healed through chemotherapy, others don't. Some are given up by doctors and go home to die and yet recover.
Some get healed at first and then cancer returns a lot stronger and they die.
All the statistics in my mind signify absolutely nothing. As I think it is destiny if it happens, it is part of what was planned.
As Ramana said "if something is supposed to happen, no matter what you do and try to prevent it, you won't be able to, it will happen anyway"
And in that sense, if I or anyone else is supposed to be healed of cancer, it will happen, regardless of the treatment they follow.
My 3year old nephew told me today that he loves me, and that if any time soon I won't have breasts anymore, he will get them because he is me after all.
Isn't that the cutest thing ever?

(10-19-2017, 03:30 AM)JayCee Wrote: Thanks, love, that story made my cry. Lovely.
Yes prayer is very strong, one of the palliative care nurses told me of a situation where relatives were standing around the death bed of someone close to them, and praying for that person to recover. The nurse (who apparently was having the "sight") told them to please stop it because it was time for that person to go and they only made it harder for the dying to let go.
Nice synchronicity btw because I have been thinking about death especially this week. On monday it was 7 month and 7 days since my mother died and I put out the bed linens she died in (never dared that before, they are lovely though with roses) and put them on the bed.
I have a slight cold and it manifested already the day before with wierd burps, like the throat was trying to free itself.
This happened for the first time in 2016, when I had my burnout and contracted the flu from my mum who was hospitalized. I have never felt so low like during that time, I literally had no energy left and I remember one night I was lying in bed, and the throat was acting all frantic and i just said "Lord if I die now no problem, at least I won't have to suffer anymore"
So those symptoms came up again on monday. So I laid down and I said "ok I am going to die now" (I wanted to pull a "Ramana", you know he had a panic attack and then thought he was going to die and pretended to, and it was the death of the ego he experienced)
So I lie there, burping my heart out and then I had to get up and actually vomit some slimy stuff, the body was trying to get rid of (and during the day I had already had lots of bowel movements so I remembered "oh wow ,that is like with mum before she died", it was the same, body is trying to cleanse itself)
I did that for three times and then the vomiting stopped.
But no death esperience either    
I just went to sleep and the wierd burps have not reoccurred (well it was the death of the burpety burps then, haha)
So what do we learn from that?
we cannot force some experience, it will happen when it is supposed to (ready when YOU are, I guess)
Another synchronicity, my friend lent me her big bag to take with me to hospital and the bag says "Styx".
That is one of the rivers in the greek underworld.