(08-11-2018, 03:41 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: I find that when I do business with people, like major projects, after they're done, they no longer talk to me.
Even if I bring up needing another project, they still won't respond.
I used to be part of a spiritual group, and then for some unknown reason they stopped talking to me.
Even new people I've met on the web, we'll chat for a day, and then they stop responding.

I've not had anyone stick with me except my teacher, and I am paying her. But still, I've offered others projects who don't even turn them down. They just don't talk to me anymore.

So not sure what it is. I found that a lot when my book was being edited. The few editors I had did their job, and then stopped talking.

I've lost touch with many people this way. And I don't know what about me turns people off. I'm maybe too chatty. I've been blocked twice in social media by people for
I think being too friendly.

(08-11-2018, 03:35 PM)Glow Wrote: I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

(08-11-2018, 06:51 PM)Stranger Wrote: I know someone whose interactions with others are very similar to yours, Glow.

She is figuring it out still, but at present enjoys greatly connecting with other survivors of sexual assault or other trauma online, and helping them through their life's challenges.  Although not looking for it, she receives deep appreciation, validation and encouragement from them.

Perhaps you too could find a group of others who do enjoy connecting deeply on a consistent basis?

(08-11-2018, 07:01 PM)Infinite Unity Wrote:

(08-11-2018, 03:35 PM)Glow Wrote: I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

Your face is my own, when you are blindingly light filled. I can see my own face more.

*Whispers* You are the only one.

I've had many the same experience with peers, and older human beings. However it always seems the younger kids are always drawn around me.

(08-12-2018, 09:53 PM)Glow Wrote:

(08-11-2018, 07:01 PM)Infinite Unity Wrote:

(08-11-2018, 03:35 PM)Glow Wrote: I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

Your face is my own, when you are blindingly light filled. I can see my own face more.

*Whispers* You are the only one.

I've had many the same experience with peers, and older human beings. However it always seems the younger kids are always drawn around me.

It's funny you mention children, have you noticed that when even the most polished and poised person opens up they start to carry a very innocent child like energy? After the sharing is over it leaves but I quite like seeing it.

(08-11-2018, 04:17 PM)Glow Wrote: I wonder with you if it isn’t something innocent too.
You are very open, very innocent in a lot of ways and also very honest about your shadow. I wonder if people find that so unusual that they are not being able to mirror it back so just drop the attempt to relate.

You are quite wonderful so don’t take it as judgement. I think these things once we understand they get easier. My deep but intermittent connections used to make me feel like a regect or outcast but I kinda get it now.

It’s still weird to see over and over but it no longer hurts.