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The Grand Illusion - Lodo - 12-07-2019
Hello and good day to you all. I haven't really been able to explain this process to anyone so I'm guessing this will be cathartic for me to write out
My wife and I had made a decision long ago that the environment in Denver wasn't the best for our family. After 10 years there, things were getting more dangerous, the quality of life was dwindling, and overall we felt stuck. Stuck at our place in life, not being able to pursue things we wanted to. Constantly under the burden of city life, we wanted a change. We tried for months to relocate to Cheyenne while we still lived in Denver, but everything fell through. Inexplicable let downs for me in the job market. I have a wealth of management experience and graduated with honors from college, but I couldn't get a job to save my life - literally. We had a deadline to leave our place by May 31 and time was running out. So, we sat down and reviewed other options.
Had my father still been alive, we would have moved to Iowa. But, he had passed the previous October. After looking into things like demographics, population size, and proximity to nature for prospective destinations, we decided to relocate to Coeur d'Alene - sight unseen - without jobs lined up. It was a bold, conventionally dumb move, but that's what we choose. We put all of our furniture and belongings into storage, loaded up our Camry, and then on the final day of my eldest son's school year - we left Denver.
Our trip took us through fantastic, beautiful locations - central Wyoming, Jackson Hole, east Idaho, Bitteroot Valley, Missoula, and then it was sometime in June when we landed in the Silver Valley mountains of north Idaho. We were staying at a ski resort for about two weeks while my wife and I searched for work. I was driving to an interview in Couer d'Alene which was 45 minutes away. In the desolation of the surrounding mountains, with no power lines or cell service, the sun gleamed on me. It sat above a mountain top and rained light on the trees. As Ghost Town played in the background, I thought of my father and lost it. I cried alot, the whole way down the mountain. At the time, I thought I was emotional missing my father and hearing a song that reminded me of when he died. But in hindsight, I think it was a divine moment. From then on, my priorities changed drastically.
I didn't get that job, and suffered more inexplicable let downs thereafter. The issues that plagued me in Wyoming chased me into Idaho - I felt cursed. Yet, my wife was able to find a run of the mill job at a local hotel. That, and our savings were enough for a wonderful man to take a chance on us and let us sign a lease. We moved into the house which had everything our one in Denver didn't - we were ecstatic and still are!
I was able to finally get a job with a local small business which was everything I longed for. I really enjoyed it and gave it my all, then the ownership's prior failures in accounting came to light. The supposedly strong small business had in fact been broke through mismanagement. My paycheck bounced one Friday, and that marked the last day of my job. It was at the tail end of my employment at the small business when I started to read the Ra material - and I was sucked in. After I stopped working I read so much everyday. It just clicked like nothing before. We were very much alone in our new place with little distraction and I focused a lot on the lessons. For the first time, something made sense. The material has helped me become a better father, husband, and neighbor, but I have still have a ways to go. I have peaks and valleys the same as anyone, but I try to mitigate it all the best I can. It's a process; one I'm so happy and grateful to undertake.
Throughout my life I valued experiences above all else. I spent my 20's sacrificing the traditional stability most people chase by being a nomad, moving all over the country and then across the Pacific to Japan. Learning languages, making friends, trying new things, and simply not holding back were my passions. I never really understood why I loved "the moment" so much, but after reading Ra I did. The regular ways of life on Earth were never exciting to me. I've never really been a fan of modern western culture - war, racism, pillaging, dominance, bureaucracies, financial achievement, etc. Despite growing up around those firmly entrenched in our matrix, it was just never for me. I've always had a tin foil hat , rarely believing the story as its told. This lifetime of curiosity really prepared me to absorb the LOO when I was ready. I don't know if I'm a wanderer or not, I think I likely am but it doesn't matter much to me. I've found my calling within this Grand Illusion and I hope to better explore that in time. Writing has always been a passion of mine. After Ra, meditation, and having the time, I sat down and wrote a book. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I never had the gumption to pursue it. Now though, I feel empowered.
I'm really thankful to share this experience with all of you, and appreciate you reading all this. I hope to be active here and continue my attempt to spread light and love.
RE: The Grand Illusion - RitaJC - 12-08-2019
Welcome to the Law of One community!
Thanks for your great into!
RE: The Grand Illusion - Buster - 12-08-2019
Thanks for the beautiful story, Lodo.
It mirrors my personal evolution in many ways. We are not alone :-)
All the best!
RE: The Grand Illusion - Foha - 12-08-2019
Lodo, your introduction was so honest and human and it was so full of integrity.
You feel genuine, and I'm glad you are a part of our community. Welcome!