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+--- Thread: How do you deal with loneliness? (/showthread.php?tid=201)
How do you deal with loneliness? - Addax - 03-19-2009
First I'd like to say that this forum is great and the fact that i can even ask such a question is a profound step for me.I have read a lot of the LOO and am still reading "A Wanderers Handbook".I just dont know how far I can progress if I keep getting hit with this profound loneliness.Its so hard to stay focused and remain motivated when I cannot connect deeply with another human.Most days are good but sometimes its just too much, like today.I try, I meditate and pray but that hole is still there.I have faith that I must have chosen this for myself but damn.
I grew up with some friends but as I woke up they stayed very asleep.At a certain point I knew I had to move on.I cant hang out in a bar and get drunk every weekend.My family has no clue so here i am alone.For the most part its fine being in my own world but it would be great to share it with someone.Its like you wake up to find your self in this amazing playground but theres no one to play with.I've had times when I thought I had overcome this loneliness but it always comes back.I live in a small town and im almost 30 so its hard to meet people much less someone cool.Do I have to accept that I most likely will not find someone to play this game with? Is that the lesson? If this is a catalyst I cannot fiqure what for.
Any help from fellow lonelys would be great.How do you cope? Or do you?
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - fairyfarmgirl - 03-19-2009
Good Greetings Addax:
I too struggled with profound lonliness. The beginning of a new way of being is marked by this... I found solace in joining with likeminded groups of which I had to travel great distances to enjoy but found it worth my effort...
Some places to consider are a
UU church (Unitarian Universalist tend to be seekers... seeking truth and knowledge and learning to apply as wisdom.. each church varies dependent on its memebers)
A sweat lodge community... check a local metaphysical paper in your area or do a search on line
An Angel light circle or other energy working circle
These are some thoughts that come to my mind... these types of groups lead to new and perhaps better connections with people who are growing in awareness... It is a process of getting to know yourself and reflecting beauty to others and recieving beauty back...
I also embarked on a journey within to really learn the language of mySelf... Once I became proficient in knowing thyself I was able to open with prayer to willingly accept a love mate... to surrender to Love. This love mate literally just showed up and I knew immediately that this was right for me... We recognized each other... This is something that must be done with clarity and openness... without self-deception hence the long process of extinguishing illusions and learning the Laws of the universe...I can say without doubt that I am happy to share my process with you so perhaps that you will choose to embark on a glorious journey of discovering yourSelf and not become bogged down in feeling low because you are alone... I missed so many opportunities by following "relationship" that I knew was not right for me because I was simply not ready... Journey forth into the world... experience life with openess and joy and you will meet others who are like minded and joyous to share moments with you just by you living your life to the fullest... If there is something you wish to do (as long as it does not hurt anyone else) than do it... Go on that trip, embark on that voyage, take that class, go to that movie, see that play, listen to that live concert, go to that park, take that hike, join that adventure club, volunteer at that place that needs your assistance, smile at that person on the street, talk to that fellow human while waiting in line... be that friend that you wished you had to another and you will find that life is no longer lonely but full of experience... full of beauty... full of joy...
fairyfarmgirl
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Ali Quadir - 03-19-2009
Wow, I knew that feeling. It sucks. You can always hang out here.
Maybe you are from a group thats very telepathic and your "self" always had that constant presence. Which is now a constant silence. Which is (to me at least) the definition of loneliness.
For me the issue was connecting. I felt lonely because I did not connect, and I did not connect because I felt I was too different. But you know what? We don't have to be the same. I slowly started to realize that since I came here, I needed to be here! And even though all these people were super different, they had basic humanity in common with me. The biggest pain for me was the basic loss of tribe trauma. I eventually released that by accepting humanity as my tribe. Every single person on the street is my tribe. They don't know it
But one of us does 
Sometimes I feel lonely I try to really see every person I meet. And recognize that we're all struggling sometimes. And the small lights on the horizon are the wanderers who would understand.You're not particularly alone. There's 6 billion of you here.
If you change your perspective to stop isolating yourself you become open to meet people.FairyFarmGirl Wrote:We recognized each otherI love your choice of words. I think that's the right way to put it
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - ayadew - 03-19-2009
Hello Addax. I found much revelation and understanding of loneliness from this link
http://iasos.com/metaphys/3d-4d/
Please find comfort in that you are not alone in your loneliness!
(2:30 and forth) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bOQi1mFpTE&feature=channel_page
The fact that turned my view of my own loneliness was the thought "I can chose to not be." So simple, yet so much.
Very loving answer fairyfarmgirl. Truly joyous!!!
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - fairyfarmgirl - 03-20-2009
(03-19-2009, 08:50 PM)ayadew Wrote: Hello Addax. I found much revelation and understanding of loneliness from this link
http://iasos.com/metaphys/3d-4d/
Please find comfort in that you are not alone in your loneliness!
(2:30 and forth) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bOQi1mFpTE&feature=channel_page
The fact that turned my view of my own loneliness was the thought "I can chose to not be." So simple, yet so much.
Very loving answer fairyfarmgirl. Truly joyous!!!
Thank you, Ayadew for the link. This is the best definition I have yet to see that describes and illustrates how the world is changing. A great resource that I will be sharing with those that I work with that are at the high 3D end transitioning and feeling like they are losing it (they are but not in the way they imagine..lol)
fairyfarmgirl
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Addax - 03-20-2009
Thanks guys. Your kind words really helped. It was just one of those days. Its a kind of spiritual loneliness, like I know Im missing something but I dont quite know what it is. The link ayadew gave about 4d relationships really illustrates how Ive always felt it should be. I think im just missing that experience. In the end these bouts of loneliness help me to get on with the work. If I hadnt felt that way I wouldnt have made the post and I would not have heard such encourageing words from you guys. Thanks again, your STO is much appreciated.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - fairyfarmgirl - 03-20-2009
This is the type of lonliness that I experienced in my twenties... that sent me seeking after meaningful connection through means that did not satisfy my seeking. This is why I encourage you to experience life... for in my 30's I have learned that by living life fully that is when the meaningful spiritual connections with self and others are created---for in living well from the heart those very connections are attracted and created... you will draw to you all that you are seeking by thinking and feeling those connections into being... this is the law of attraction...
I am glad you are able to get on with your sacred work... I am glad there are resources freely available to you in order to do so...
Blessings to you as you journey back to yourSelf.
fairyfarmgirl
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - MisterRabbit - 03-21-2009
To offer a slightly different angle, in order to be lonely there must be someone to be alone. However if you come to realize that you are not actually a finite self, but a nexus at which the universe meets and experiences itself, loneliness is an absurd concept. This might not be as warm and fuzzy an approach, but I think that the sort of loneliness and angst we all experience is basically a result of our feeling like finite selves, when really we aren't. The person who lives behind your face, the "I" you refer to when you talk about yourself, is a linguistic trick and a figment of your imagination. There is no "I" nor a "You" but simply that which is. Thou art that. Thou art God.
Grokk it and rock it. lol
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - fairyfarmgirl - 03-23-2009
(03-21-2009, 06:58 PM)MisterRabbit Wrote: To offer a slightly different angle, in order to be lonely there must be someone to be alone. However if you come to realize that you are not actually a finite self, but a nexus at which the universe meets and experiences itself, loneliness is an absurd concept. This might not be as warm and fuzzy an approach, but I think that the sort of loneliness and angst we all experience is basically a result of our feeling like finite selves, when really we aren't. The person who lives behind your face, the "I" you refer to when you talk about yourself, is a linguistic trick and a figment of your imagination. There is no "I" nor a "You" but simply that which is. Thou art that. Thou art God.
Grokk it and rock it. lol
Good Greetings Mister Rabbit and ALL:
This is the ultimate destiny in seeking to know that the I is infinite as in I AM that I AM.
In the beginning is it not so that we are mostly unaware of this. To build awareness one must begin to live life fully by living with and through the senses... sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing, and intuition... this in the end leads to the knowledge that I AM that I AM which with practice becomes the Wisdom of I AM that I AM. Of course this is the path of the HEART or the Feminine.
I believe to do this through Asceticism it takes a long time over many many many reincarnations and is a much much more difficult path as well as being more STS in orientation... or to be termed in Tantra and/or Shamanism this would be called the masculine path. The way of the Mind rather than the way of the Heart.
fairyfarmgirl
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - airwaves - 03-25-2009
(03-19-2009, 02:36 PM)Addax Wrote: I grew up with some friends but as I woke up they stayed very asleep.At a certain point I knew I had to move on.I cant hang out in a bar and get drunk every weekend.My family has no clue so here i am alone.For the most part its fine being in my own world but it would be great to share it with someone.Its like you wake up to find your self in this amazing playground but theirs no one to play with.
I feel your pain so much friend. All of my friends and all of my family though very open and non judging are still asleep. I have not shared the information that I have gained with them, so my loneliness is largely my own creation. I do not believe they would accept the LOO with open arms nor do I think they could accept it. Also I have the sneaking suspicion that if I were to teach them what I know about the LOO it would be extremely detrimental to there faith. So I am alone. I have been a loner my whole life though so it is not anything new to me. As I always say when some of my friends ask me about my loner tendencies, (you know crawl back up to my ivory tower to recover from the horrors) "I like hanging out with myself, I'm good conversation." Honestly though, I cant sit in a bar and get drunk every night, it is not healthy. All I can do is what I have always done. Be the best friend I can be. The shoulder to cry on, the open ear, and the help whether needed or not always there and ready with new information should they be ready to accept it. It may not be all that I/we can do but it is my equilibrium.
Love and Peace friends
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - MisterRabbit - 03-28-2009
Hello FFG,
It's possible that I didn't communicate myself properly, or simply that you have a different view of what I'm talking about. Anyway, I'd like to respond to clear up any misunderstandings:
Quote:This is the ultimate destiny in seeking to know that the I is infinite as in I AM that I AM.
This is a touchy subject, because I believe often the I AM can be confused with the I, since it indeed contains it in the saying. But the I, the ego, that which we normally refer to when we say "I like this" or "what am I going to do tomorrow?" is very much a figment of our imagination, because in reality there is no real division between or what we call our self and everything that is. That is why I don't refer to Being as "I am" because it sounds too much like you're talking about the Ego, or who you THINK you are. I mean I think that I know what you're referring to, but it's so close that they can begin to become exchanged for one another, then that's a problem.
Quote:In the beginning is it not so that we are mostly unaware of this. To build awareness one must begin to live life fully by living with and through the senses... sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing, and intuition... this in the end leads to the knowledge that I AM that I AM which with practice becomes the Wisdom of I AM that I AM. Of course this is the path of the HEART or the Feminine.
I agree for the most part, but would add that it must become more than knowledge and even wisdom, but a continuous or relatively continuous experience, or inform our experience to a high degree. That may be what you’re talking about when you say wisdom.
And what you’re saying basically sounds like what I’m describing, the feminine path. Actually, this subject is covered in a thread I made in Olio called Doing and Being, you should check it out and discuss if you have anything to contribute.
Quote:I believe to do this through Asceticism it takes a long time over many many many reincarnations and is a much much more difficult path as well as being more STS in orientation... or to be termed in Tantra and/or Shamanism this would be called the masculine path. The way of the Mind rather than the way of the Heart.
Oh no, I wasn’t talking about asceticism or at least not in the traditional sense. I was talking about practicing basically the Buddhist concept of no-self, which basically reduces you to everything. If you have no IDEA of a self that you are, then you will suddenly realize that you aren’t a self at all but that you are everything. This is the yin path of reduction, as opposed to the yang path of expansion where more and more is taken in.
But of course, just as ideas like masculine and feminine in fact interpenetrate one another at the points where they seem most separate, and are in fact not two, so are these two paths, which may be the very reason we are having some confusion. They seem very different, but really they aren’t.
I do however strongly disagree that one is more STS than the other. They both are aimed at oneness, and neither is aimed at solidifying the ego, like STS
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - fairyfarmgirl - 03-28-2009
(03-28-2009, 09:07 PM)MisterRabbit Wrote: Hello FFG,
It's possible that I didn't communicate myself properly, or simply that you have a different view of what I'm talking about. Anyway, I'd like to respond to clear up any misunderstandings:
Quote:This is the ultimate destiny in seeking to know that the I is infinite as in I AM that I AM.
This is a touchy subject, because I believe often the I AM can be confused with the I, since it indeed contains it in the saying. But the I, the ego, that which we normally refer to when we say "I like this" or "what am I going to do tomorrow?" is very much a figment of our imagination, because in reality there is no real division between or what we call our self and everything that is. That is why I don't refer to Being as "I am" because it sounds too much like you're talking about the Ego, or who you THINK you are. I mean I think that I know what you're referring to, but it's so close that they can begin to become exchanged for one another, then that's a problem.
Quote:In the beginning is it not so that we are mostly unaware of this. To build awareness one must begin to live life fully by living with and through the senses... sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing, and intuition... this in the end leads to the knowledge that I AM that I AM which with practice becomes the Wisdom of I AM that I AM. Of course this is the path of the HEART or the Feminine.
I agree for the most part, but would add that it must become more than knowledge and even wisdom, but a continuous or relatively continuous experience, or inform our experience to a high degree. That may be what you’re talking about when you say wisdom.
And what you’re saying basically sounds like what I’m describing, the feminine path. Actually, this subject is covered in a thread I made in Olio called Doing and Being, you should check it out and discuss if you have anything to contribute.
Quote:I believe to do this through Asceticism it takes a long time over many many many reincarnations and is a much much more difficult path as well as being more STS in orientation... or to be termed in Tantra and/or Shamanism this would be called the masculine path. The way of the Mind rather than the way of the Heart.
Oh no, I wasn’t talking about asceticism or at least not in the traditional sense. I was talking about practicing basically the Buddhist concept of no-self, which basically reduces you to everything. If you have no IDEA of a self that you are, then you will suddenly realize that you aren’t a self at all but that you are everything. This is the yin path of reduction, as opposed to the yang path of expansion where more and more is taken in.
But of course, just as ideas like masculine and feminine in fact interpenetrate one another at the points where they seem most separate, and are in fact not two, so are these two paths, which may be the very reason we are having some confusion. They seem very different, but really they aren’t.
I do however strongly disagree that one is more STS than the other. They both are aimed at oneness, and neither is aimed at solidifying the ego, like STS
I thank you for your clarification.
fairyfarmgirl
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Plenum - 03-26-2012
it's funny, never really been lonely in life.
I've kept to myself for many periods, but that has almost always been by choice.
I've always found this Ra quote particularly humorous, where it talks about the 'loneliness of the body'.
Quote:61.6 when the company of another is craved to combat the type of loneliness which is the natural function of the body as opposed to those types of loneliness which are of the mind/emotion complex or of the spirit.
I guess it's always good to know the SELF well, so that one can backtrace from where these emotions spring from.
it fact, this whole QUOTE on the use of bodily functions is extremely enlightening and helpful.
http://www.lawofone.info/results.php?session_id=61&ss=1#6
this one, in particular, is burnt into my psyche as a core piece of wisdom (for me):
It is well to know the body complex so that it is an ally, balanced and ready to be clearly used as a tool, for each bodily function may be used in higher and higher, if you will, complexes of energy with other-self.
the body is not something shameful or degrading, it is the anthanor, where the alchemist does his/her work.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - AnthroHeart - 03-26-2012
I look at a lot of furry art, since I admire anthros. It sort of turns my loneliness into a longing.
I'm writing in a book, and I find that helps keep me grounded. At certain points in the book,
it also brings me a sense of fulfillment.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - BlatzAdict - 07-05-2012
i kept telling myself each moment is passing and there are no guarantees on the friendship between me and other selves other than with me alone.
Only after I can love me, can others love me as well.
I came to this thread specifically to look for answers, and further reinforcing the notion that I have to find this answer within myself. Though fairy farm girl even years after leaving the forum still helps me with her timeless advice. i think on some level i admire this person.
I need to do what I love and love what I am doing while I'm doing it. Though at the moment I'm in a transition period, and worrying about money.
this is hard when the basic step to doing anything is to do it out of love as opposed to out of fear. Doing things out of fear gets you in trouble!
It's so simple, but difficult because no one answers to you but you. It's like quitting cigarettes.. Which I'm also doing at the moment.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Eddie - 07-05-2012
I have hot found a cure, only a palliative treatment; that is to attend LLResearch Homecoming.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Daydreamin - 07-06-2012
Addax it's all about balance. And the sooner You realize You are Very Special the better.
And about the most basic thing I can recommend when I feel lonely and there isn't a human Being around that can relate I turn my dog who is a rescue dog and He rescues me from the loneliness.
I know what you mean though and it's all a lot easier said than done so hang in there and take it One day at a time.
Namaste!
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - GreatSpirit - 07-07-2012
Hola! Many of us here are going through that experience so definitely don't feel out of place or think something is wrong with you. Mainstream medicine/psychiatry says there is something wrong with you, and yet these are the same institutions that give you deadly anti-depressant/psychotics.
I can totally relate to you being out of place and not really connecting well with people. I have MANY acquaintances but only one good friend who is a female (ironic and strange since she's my opposite) and I relate to my dad better than any family member and he's the bi-polar one.
Hell, on July 4th, my sister had a cookout and my family was there and a few ppl I didn't know, and I got very uncomfortable and was outside for like a few minutes and sat inside alone for the rest of the event. Felt like an a$$ though.
This technique helps me accept "the natives". Think of them with a nice smile on their face and say their name repeatedly in your mind. Most importantly, realize they are the Creator!! That has to be accepted and applied in daily life.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Cyan - 07-07-2012
I wont go into the "this is how you cope with societal anxiety" thing, instead, i'll go to the whole, how to deal with the knowledge of being "the one creator" manifest and that in reality, you are always inherently alone from the first moment of awareness of the true commonality of all experience. From that moment on at the bottom of your mind you will always understand that you are, alone.
If you dont yet understand that, then what i say may sound very strange.
But since you are always alone, the best answer to how you cope with your lonelyness is to say "look around, this world is built out of your need to cope with your lonelyness"
This world is one giant distractor from the one obvious truth, we are all, as a species, unable to face the reality of our lonelyness.
That is to say that while we deal with coping with the truth, we are not playing any kinds of new fun and interesting games with the truth.
We could be playing games of "I'm illusionary, you're illusionary, but dont worry, we can still play" instead of "i'm illusionary so i dont want to play *sulk*"
And thats how i deal with the lonelyness.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - kdsii - 07-08-2012
You know, this is a good question.
Loneliness for me seems to be a catch 22 -
The more you want it to go away, or not to be lonely, the deeper down the hole you go.
It seems, when I coax myself to move on and concentrate on more productive things, that synchronicity kicks in, and people and events flow into my life again. It's a state-of-mind trap, a cloud, that WILL pass.
** And lastly, I visualize/meditate on the sun! Our galaxy's sub-logos.**
Helps me get past the dreaded feeling of being cut off, separated, from love/light/God.
Imagine, suspended in space, Earth is gone. You can see straight to the sun. No clouds, no weather. just you and this radiant, golden star.
Does it ever go away? No.
Do clouds ever really make it disappear? No.
Will it be there tomorrow, and long after you leave this plane, as it's been for eons? YES.
Such is the light of your spirit, infinite love and light, that at times becomes obscured.
Joy WILL flow back into your life, with time. Clouds can only dissipate.
That's what I contemplate on, anyway, when I need it.
(03-19-2009, 02:36 PM)Addax Wrote: First I'd like to say that this forum is great and the fact that i can even ask such a question is a profound step for me.I have read a lot of the LOO and am still reading "A Wanderers Handbook".I just dont know how far I can progress if I keep getting hit with this profound loneliness.Its so hard to stay focused and remain motivated when I cannot connect deeply with another human.Most days are good but sometimes its just too much, like today.I try, I meditate and pray but that hole is still there.I have faith that I must have chosen this for myself but damn.
I grew up with some friends but as I woke up they stayed very asleep.At a certain point I knew I had to move on.I cant hang out in a bar and get drunk every weekend.My family has no clue so here i am alone.For the most part its fine being in my own world but it would be great to share it with someone.Its like you wake up to find your self in this amazing playground but theres no one to play with.I've had times when I thought I had overcome this loneliness but it always comes back.I live in a small town and im almost 30 so its hard to meet people much less someone cool.Do I have to accept that I most likely will not find someone to play this game with? Is that the lesson? If this is a catalyst I cannot fiqure what for.
Any help from fellow lonelys would be great.How do you cope? Or do you?
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Unbound - 07-11-2012
We seek within.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Jeremy - 07-12-2012
This is definitely something I'm battling right now. I've never really had a social life to begin with since I'm the quintessential introvert but it's even more pronounced after being exposed to the LOO. There has been a definite improvement when it comes to treating patients with more empathy (I'm and X-ray tech) and instead of automatically judging them based on their sometimes ridiculous reason to come to the ER, I have realized that regardless of their misgivings and misdirections, they are still hurting and need help so I give that love to them.
On the other hand, it's become increasingly difficult to hang out with my coworkers and just BS about stuff. It normally pertains to complaining about work/employees or some other negative and/or shallow subject such as how hot a girl is. Once I came to the realization that getting frustrated at work only drained my energy, I stopped. Sure, I still look at the other sex but since I am in the midst of a blossoming relationship plus the fact that's it's pretty shallow, it's not on my priority list anymore.
So when we aren't busy, I just read the long list of channelings that are here and try to blur out the conversations. This sometimes leaves me quite lonely and inquisitive about how to continue to integrate within society at all. I only have a few actual friends but none of them are in to such spirituality as we were always of the logic/science rules all camp. The one close friend that is actually close enough to han out with, is so entrenched in his self loathing misery, that it's hard to take more than a few hours of it before I tire of all the negativity.
Luckily the woman I have met, beams with positivity for the most part. Is pretty spiritual (hasn't read LOO yet) but believes in such ideas since reading the Celestine prophesy along with various books on crystals. So she is my salvation in a sense from the world around me but I can't seem to be able to find the way to ease back into society considering the ever increasing negativity and shallowness of most people.
I mean, I get the giving of love to others but when most subjects are inherently shallow, there really isn't a way to turn it around into something constructive without completely derailing the subject of the original conversation.
RE: How do you deal with loneliness? - Diana - 07-12-2012
The only thing I have found to dispel negative moods is action. It's much more effective for me than trying to meditate or talk myself out of low moods. By action I mean to plan, and execute, a goal. The goal for me is usually something meaningful, such as a business that in some way helps the world. Having a purpose is essential.
But any action can help in the short term. It is hard to battle the inertia, but even cleaning the house will help, and especially clearing and organizing a space such as a clothes closet. Clearing out old energy is a great thing. Getting rid of old clothes you don't wear, and donating them to the homeless (I don't recommend Good Will--it's a private business), organizing your space, and maybe saging it afterwards will do a lot to refresh your mindset.
Another note on purpose: remember that you came here for a reason. Be a spiritual warrior and know you had courage to do this, and you have the courage to ride it out in the best way you can, and maybe even be of service to some while here.