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Relationships and Choosing a Partner - native - 06-15-2012
Is the point of love when it comes to relationships, to find someone that is similar to you on various levels? Especially when it comes to spiritual beliefs? That would seem to create an equal giving and receiving. Or is that just falling in love with a mirror image of the self?
Or is there more virtue in seeking love with those who you may have an interest in even though there are differences, as an expression of radiance and giving love without expectation of return? 32.9 addresses the topic of wanderers and who they choose, but I'm interested in your answers.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Plenum - 06-15-2012
I would have thought that a 'lifelong partner' would have been a pre-incarnative choice, and that there's not much one can do about it, when you get here
for eg, I have two 'soul brothers' (friends in the truest sense), and the circumstances of meeting each would just boggle your mind in terms of 'how' we ended up in the same place at the same time. And even then, the window of opportunity for striking up a friendship and discovering common interests (vastly different in both cases) would appear from the outside to be most most unlikely.
and yet it happened!
- -
love (both platonic and romantic) has a way of finding YOU, and not the other way round.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - BrownEye - 06-15-2012
It took about 14 years before the wife and i understood we were meant for each other, and that it will continue to happen. Our coming together was quite random.
We did not have similar interests. We came from different ethnic backgrounds. When looking at "reincarnation" as following a DNA line, we have found our lineage to connect up the tree, as well as our previous life connecting higher up the same tree.
I have found that hunting for a mate is to possibly circumvent pre plans. And can drive you farther away from who you are meant to work with. Most of the people i know try to force this reality into place and repeatedly hook up with the exact same type of person over and over.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Oceania - 06-15-2012
it's an opportunity to experience the creator as has been said. to love another as another but as deeply as the self.
don't squander it by intellectualizing it. just fall in love. we can't decide who we fall in love with.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Patrick - 06-15-2012
Yeah, just follow your intuition, follow your heart.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - BrownEye - 06-15-2012
Most do not follow their heart, they follow appearances, money, similar tastes, etc.
My strengths,weaknesses are matched to my wife. This is something I realized years down the road, we work great as an actual team. This is also natural.
It would not work if I tried to find a person that matched me in similarity, which is also what most do. Then we would both have the same weaknesses, relying on outside help to fill the gaps.
I think many will find someone that has the exact same tastes as a way to reinforce self image. If they do not feel complete or "whole", they may try to find more of the same thinking that same makes a whole.
(06-15-2012, 12:45 PM)Oceania Wrote: don't squander it by intellectualizing it. just fall in love. we can't decide who we fall in love with.Well yes, many fall into the hook of lust as well, and it can be such a strong feeling it is mistaken for love. It blurs vision and can even make people appear nuts.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Monica - 06-15-2012
There's another thread on this topic that has some really good insights, but I don't remember which thread it is.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Unbound - 06-15-2012
We seek within.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Ankh - 06-16-2012
(06-15-2012, 11:34 AM)Icaro Wrote: Is the point of love when it comes to relationships, to find someone that is similar to you on various levels? Especially when it comes to spiritual beliefs? That would seem to create an equal giving and receiving. Or is that just falling in love with a mirror image of the self?
Or is there more virtue in seeking love with those who you may have an interest in even though there are differences, as an expression of radiance and giving love without expectation of return? 32.9 addresses the topic of wanderers and who they choose, but I'm interested in your answers.
Great thread, Icaro. I currently think that in order to build a stable ground and then move upwards, by a relationship, there has to be a compability, and especially when it comes down to spiritual beliefs (if these are a central part of your life), yes. I also think that each of us is unique and different, and may have different ideas about it. I only speak from my current experience and understanding.
32:9 is one of my favourite quotes, but I also think of quote 83:17, where Ra speak of doubling effect. That those of like mind who seek together shall far more surely find.
I actually talked about it with a close friend recently, and we discussed how difficult this plane is, and I expressed that this Harvest is very difficult one: it is difficult to polarize currently and it is difficult to seek alone. And I believe that compability, or like mind/vibration would indeed double the effect of seeking and polarization.
What do you think yourself?
(06-15-2012, 06:25 PM)TheEternal Wrote: I was told in an Akashic Record reading by the Keepers that a big part of the whole relationship thing is to perpetuate soul families, genetic designs and also for companionship. I think there are both possible "pre-chosen" possibilities, as well as more fresh ones that come about of free will activity. That being said, I think balance and harmony is most important. Is the relationship HEALTHY? Are you both feeding off eachother negatively or positively? Can you both handle eachothers variations and swings?
I recall a story of a buddhist lamas who was married by decided to get a divorced with his wife. There is a principle called bodhicitta whereby one endeavours to be enlightened as possible. This lamas and his wife realized they were not creatring bodhicitta together and so for the best of their growths needed to part ways.
Thank you for this, TheEternal. I loved what you wrote! =)
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - native - 06-16-2012
I agree with keeping in mind the idea of pre-incarnative choices. And I have no problem following my heart with someone who is the opposite of what I'm looking for if it felt right. My concern is with those who, for various reasons, there may be apprehensions. We would normally say "Well my heart doesn't feel it" with that person. As has been said, if there is disharmony that can't be overcome, walking away is reasonable.
But does what we feel have anything to do with the heart, or is it placing our heads where our hearts should be? Is what we feel their problem as a result of not being congruent with their development because of their choices and the character they developed, or is it actually ours in not being able to see past superficial judgements and radiate love without expecting to be wholly fulfilled? We certainly can't be responsible for everything, but what if they are actors testing our ability to love and do what is most loving? "Light and love go where they are sought and needed.." We have these ideals in our mind, and when they're not met, it supposedly has nothing to do with us because our "heart" doesn't feel it. Perhaps this lack of feeling in the heart may actually be pointing to a lack of love in general within the self.
What if our apprehension towards others is the resistance of the edge? Are we the ones stuck in this illusion? We speak of our unity, infinity, and being perfect representations of love and wisdom, yet I wonder if any of us are really living it. I mean, it's said we're to commit to a mate, but also get a collective orgy going on. Freely shared social and sexual intercourse. There are an infinite number of sub-densities, and I think the choice and polarization is all that's needed, but I can't help but wonder how far we can go.
In terms of like-mindedness, I think we need to express our beliefs honestly, but perhaps the only requirement for a relationship should be built on the foundation of love/community/harmony. Otherwise I think we may just perpetuate the archetypes (for lack of a better word) of superiority, dogma, and the enlightened master. I don't want to be creating any slaves! And I want to be careful that I'm not looking for a mirror to grope.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Monica - 06-16-2012
(06-15-2012, 01:54 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: There's another thread on this topic that has some really good insights, but I don't remember which thread it is.
Ah, found it!
Life on Planet Earth > The Quest for a Soulmate
It's quite a good thread.
And here's another related thread:
Strictly Law of One Material > Twin Flames
(06-16-2012, 11:05 AM)Icaro Wrote: We speak of our unity, infinity, and being perfect representations of love and wisdom, yet I wonder if any of us are really living it. I mean, it's said we're to commit to a mate, but also get a collective orgy going on.
Good points. I am often amused by the idea so prevalent in New Age circles, that those who prefer monogamy are somehow 'uptight' while those seeking "free love" (what they really mean is free sex) and group sex are somehow more advanced.
How can we commit to a group if we can't even commit to one person? How can we love a group unconditionally if we can't even love one person unconditionally?
(06-16-2012, 11:05 AM)Icaro Wrote: Freely shared social and sexual intercourse. There are an infinite number of sub-densities, and I think the choice and polarization is all that's needed, but I can't help but wonder how far we can go.
We know the beings inhabiting the Sun are engaging in constant orgies! But to expect to be able to do that here in 3D, with the veil in place, and still remain pure in love and acceptance, is quite a tall order. I have yet to see anyone pull it off.
(06-16-2012, 11:05 AM)Icaro Wrote: In terms of like-mindedness, I think we need to express our beliefs honestly, but perhaps the only requirement for a relationship should be built on the foundation of love/community/harmony. Otherwise I think we may just perpetuate the archetypes (for lack of a better word) of superiority, dogma, and the enlightened master. I don't want to be creating any slaves! And I want to be careful that I'm not looking for a mirror to grope.
These ideas are explored, in depth, in the aforementioned thread.
(06-15-2012, 06:25 PM)TheEternal Wrote: I recall a story of a buddhist lamas who was married by decided to get a divorced with his wife. There is a principle called bodhicitta whereby one endeavours to be enlightened as possible. This lamas and his wife realized they were not creatring bodhicitta together and so for the best of their growths needed to part ways.
It's rare to see such a mature, amicable parting of ways based on mutual agreement that it's best for both.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - native - 06-16-2012
Thanks for the links, I'll read them. As far as the freely shared business goes, I have always believed in being dedicated to one person but sometimes I just wonder.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Monica - 06-16-2012
(06-16-2012, 02:33 PM)Icaro Wrote: Thanks for the links, I'll read them. As far as the freely shared business goes, I have always believed in being dedicated to one person but sometimes I just wonder.
What does being dedicated really mean? Does it include acceptance of the other person, despite their flaws, and forgiveness of the other person?
We know from Ra a bit about the sexual transfer of energies in the higher chakras. In my experience, the sexual energies naturally move up as the relationship progresses. So I don't really see how an energy exchange at the higher chakra level would be possible with someone we don't have a strong relationship with, that has developed over time and repeated choice of love, acceptance and forgiveness of the other-self. (Of course, it's possible for this to have happened in past lives, so the relationship in this life might seem accelerated.)
In other words, if I've barely just met someone and have not yet had a chance to love, accept and forgive them, how could I expect to have a foundation of green ray energy exchange, much less open communication and honesty (blue), devotion to the spiritual path (blue and leading up to indigo)?
When I look up at the Sun and think about those entities copulating in ecstatic bliss, I don't think they're doing it at the lower chakra levels only.
Here is an older post of mine on this point that might apply here also:
http://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2534&pid=35728#pid35728
This isn't a criticism of enjoying a sexual energy exchange at whatever level it's at; but I don't think it could be called an exchange of energy at all chakra levels in the way that Ra described.
Anyway, getting back to the original question, it would seem that choosing a partner would depend on what one's goals are in life. Is the goal to learn to love and accept an other-self completely? Is the goal to find someone with whom to work on spiritual progress? One can progress spiritually alone. All paths are valid. But the path of a dedicated, monogamous relationship offers tremendous opportunity for efficient catalyst. (As does the path of parenthood, if one chooses to see it that way.)
Oh wow, I just found where Pickle quoted the exact quote I was thinking of!
http://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=5024&pid=88588#pid88588
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Patrick - 06-16-2012
7 years ago, my GF and I were both looking on a social contact network here in Québec and we were filtering using astrology for the partner that would be best for our sign.
I wasn't putting much faith into this endeavor, but after meeting we both thought we would not fall in love with each others but that we would make very good friends.
Typically with such cases, we fell in love anyway.
And this relationship is more stable than any others I had and much more fulfilling too. She is not awake and not even spiritual, but this doesn't affect us.On about 50% of all things we are similar and over the other 50% we are complementary. This seems to be a great mix.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Monica - 06-16-2012
(06-16-2012, 04:26 PM)Patrick Wrote: after meeting we both thought we would not fall in love with each others but that we would make very good friends.
Typically with such cases, we fell in love anyway.
On about 50% of all things we are similar and over the other 50% we are complementary. This seems to be a great mix.
Case in point!
Thanks to Oceania for this pic.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - GreatSpirit - 06-17-2012
I don't mean to sound very negative, but I refuse to perpetuate my father's side of the family, therefore it is my CHOICE not to have children or get married. I can't say the same for my brother, or my half-brother who is from my dad's first marriage and only saw once.
My dad's side of the family is filled with mental illness and madness. My dad's dad died almost a decade before I was born and from what I've heard of him, I'm glad I never met him. Apparently he was a bad drunk and would beat the crap out of my grandmother. I remember my dad saying he was relieved that he died. Then my cousin told me of a relative who would slit the throats of puppies. Whether that is true, I don't know.
What scares me the most is that me and my brother have very bad tempers so that same genetic line runs through us. I know without a doubt that I am "mentally ill" and perhaps this is the reason I chose him as my father to learn unconditional love and to deal with a bit of madness myself.
I love my father and I have to accept him for who he is, but I will just say he has done some things that can be considered unforgivable and then some. His old landlady told me he is a lost soul and has a negative entity attached to him. It was synchronicity that me and his old land lady met because I was driving around the area to get a haircut one day and I just happened to stop there out of the blue.
What is even stranger about my dad is that he has "Murderers Thumb"
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Sagittarius - 06-17-2012
I have a feeling I'am not meant to be in a relationship, I don't think I really want to to be honest. Perhaps if I found a girl who was awake then maybe but at the moment I cannot image or visualize easily me being with someone and it being beneficial to both of us.
I have had a few one night stands over the past 3 years but each one less satisfying then the last, who am I kidding all of them where completely unsatisfying and the only way I could even finish was by focusing on my sacral chakra. I have never had a sexual orgasm as satisfying as my other orgasms anyway. I think this is my one and only incarnation here so I guess me not procreating or having a wife makes sense.
Sexual attraction to girls for me is simply a symbol of my attraction to the great female spirit, a clue for me to follow when learning about feeling and joy.
Mary Jane is the only girl who will have my heart.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - neutral333 - 06-17-2012
My wife shares very few similarities with me - and I guess I like it that way.
We bicker often because of our differences, but the connections run too deep to lose ourselves in the seeming differences. She shows no interest in spirit or philosophy, yet she has a natural insight that stupifies me.
Don't try to make too much sense out of love. It just doesn't work. The mind alone cannot solve that mystery.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Ankh - 06-17-2012
As this thread shows, there are many different views and ideas of relationships and choosing a partner. Nothing is right or wrong. All is valid.
Plus I guess that with time our views change, and sometimes even to opposite, as it has certainly been my experience.
GreatSpirit, nice post! Thank you for sharing.
Then I felt solace reading this:
(06-15-2012, 06:25 PM)TheEternal Wrote: I recall a story of a buddhist lamas who was married by decided to get a divorced with his wife. There is a principle called bodhicitta whereby one endeavours to be enlightened as possible. This lamas and his wife realized they were not creatring bodhicitta together and so for the best of their growths needed to part ways.
Instead of endeavours to be enlightened I changed it to endeavours to create a positive force though, a blessing to this planet and the Creator in my mind. But it wasn't that clear to me what was "wrong" until I read this post. In my last relationship we couldn't create this positive force, no matter how much we tried. So we became like a brother and sister instead. But we also acted as a healing catalyst for many of our friends who had negative experiences from the past when their parents divorced. This time they saw something beautiful and positive instead, and they literally said that watching us healed them.
And by some chance this topic was brought as a conversation topic *this night*, when I was working with a collegue with whom I have never worked with before. And she told me the exactly same story about happy divorce and staying close friends afterwards. So I shared the above story of buddhist lama with her. But what are the odds of this synchronicity? =)
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Unbound - 06-17-2012
We seek within.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Meerie - 06-17-2012
(06-17-2012, 11:21 AM)TheEternal Wrote: You are not your father, or your brother or half brother or anyone else but YOU. It might also be considerable that you may be a little angry because you have restricted your own life and consciousness based on perceived "karma" received from your male side and that you thus have to punish or suppress this male side to prevent further "affliction". These are just some thoughts that came to me that I thought you should know. I hope I didn't offend or anything, blessings, love and light.
that is a good point, and maybe, Great spirit, it is up to you now to loosen these ties of anger? And in doing so you will benefit all of your family too?
I have been thinking somewhat similar, my family has grumpy members everywhere and I find myself falling into the grumpiness all too often...
it is time to resolve it. When I visit my grumpy relatives and manage to be sunny and open, the good ole grumpiness falls from their faces and it is contagious...
I think I even read somewhere that wanderers are here to smoothen out collective karma (which could be linked to family karma)
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - GreatSpirit - 06-17-2012
(06-17-2012, 11:21 AM)TheEternal Wrote: Yes, that is the same idea! Being "enlightened", as in filled with light, I think is important. Is the relationship "enlightened", or, exactly as you say, creating positive, growing force rather than a diminishing one?
That is a cool synchronicity too!
Also, to Great Spirit, I don't think you are "mentally ill", and I have a very strong belief that individuals do not have "genetic bindings". You are not restricted by any fate that is in your blood. Your anger comes from your experiences and your perceptions that have arisen as a result of your feelings towards the men in your family. You fear yourself because you fear you will be like them, and that by existing you are "perpetuating them". However, I would, personally, completely disregard such thought and consider yourself as an individual. There is no one who is bound who is capable of looking at themselves and choosing how they want to be. You are not your father, or your brother or half brother or anyone else but YOU. It might also be considerable that you may be a little angry because you have restricted your own life and consciousness based on perceived "karma" received from your male side and that you thus have to punish or suppress this male side to prevent further "affliction". These are just some thoughts that came to me that I thought you should know. I hope I didn't offend or anything, blessings, love and light.
No offense taken and I appreciate your input. I'm a big believer in free will/choice as opposed to "my DNA made me do it". But trust me when I say that my dad has done some unforgivable things and that is my biggest fear, although rest assured I DO NOT have those impulses whatsoever.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - native - 06-17-2012
(06-16-2012, 04:02 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: We know from Ra a bit about the sexual transfer of energies in the higher chakras. In my experience, the sexual energies naturally move up as the relationship progresses. So I don't really see how an energy exchange at the higher chakra level would be possible with someone we don't have a strong relationship with, that has developed over time and repeated choice of love, acceptance and forgiveness of the other-self. (Of course, it's possible for this to have happened in past lives, so the relationship in this life might seem accelerated.)
In other words, if I've barely just met someone and have not yet had a chance to love, accept and forgive them, how could I expect to have a foundation of green ray energy exchange, much less open communication and honesty (blue), devotion to the spiritual path (blue and leading up to indigo)?
I agree that we should be devoted to one person. I'm just wondering if in addition, in more of a small group type situation, a more open atmosphere would lift the veil higher. That kind of harmony enabled the contact with Ra. Violet transfer is said to be "..that great capital of the column of sexual energy transfer, violet energy transfers, is the metaphysical bond or distortion which has the name among your peoples of unconditional love."
I think if a small group of people were to at least get to know each other in an intimate way socially, it would add a great charge to the planetary vibration.
(06-16-2012, 04:26 PM)Patrick Wrote: Typically with such cases, we fell in love anyway.
I'm glad to hear that
(06-17-2012, 06:34 AM)Sagittarius Wrote: I have a feeling I'am not meant to be in a relationship, I don't think I really want to to be honest.
Why is that?
(06-17-2012, 06:39 AM)neutral333 Wrote: Don't try to make too much sense out of love. It just doesn't work. The mind alone cannot solve that mystery.
It really doesn't. I think it all comes down to harmony, and if it feels healthy enough.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - AnthroHeart - 06-17-2012
I get the same feeling about not really wanting a relationship. I'm much too sensitive to others to get intimate.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - native - 06-17-2012
(06-17-2012, 10:40 AM)Ankh Wrote: And by some chance this topic was brought as a conversation topic *this night*, when I was working with a collegue with whom I have never worked with before.
Keep an eye on her..she's invading your mind o_O
TheEternal - Speaking of synchs, I had been repeating the word bodhichitta in my mind the day before you posted because I heard it mentioned a month earlier. I never bothered to look up what it mean. It makes a lot of sense.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Aureus - 06-17-2012
Been sitting here for a good while wondering what to reply. I think I'm quite a balanced individual. I've only encountered one girl that is balanced at my level. Then I mean balance between feminine/maskuline. Our cultural standards for dating is not made for that I think.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Sagittarius - 06-17-2012
(06-17-2012, 06:05 PM)Icaro Wrote: [quote='Sagittarius' pid='89089' dateline='1339929264']
I have a feeling I'am not meant to be in a relationship, I don't think I really want to to be honest.
Why is that?
Not sure really I just can't imagine it very easily, can't imagine the type of girl I could get serious with. I feel like I wouldn't be committed to a real relationship, I need my alone time to so unless I meet a girl I really love I doubt I would want to even spend much time with them.
I guess the best way to put it is, I don't feel like I would learn anything from it. Me having no desire for something means there is no point in me having desire for it as I do not need to experience it to learn any lessons for my evolution.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - AnthroHeart - 06-17-2012
I'm with you on this Sagittarius. I don't know what a relationship would teach me in terms of my evolution,
or if it would even be necessary for me.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Unbound - 06-17-2012
We seek within.
RE: Relationships and Choosing a Partner - Meerie - 06-18-2012
(06-17-2012, 07:39 PM)Sagittarius Wrote:(06-17-2012, 06:05 PM)Icaro Wrote: [quote='Sagittarius' pid='89089' dateline='1339929264']
I have a feeling I'am not meant to be in a relationship, I don't think I really want to to be honest.
Why is that?
Not sure really I just can't imagine it very easily, can't imagine the type of girl I could get serious with. I feel like I wouldn't be committed to a real relationship, I need my alone time to so unless I meet a girl I really love I doubt I would want to even spend much time with them.
I guess the best way to put it is, I don't feel like I would learn anything from it. Me having no desire for something means there is no point in me having desire for it as I do not need to experience it to learn any lessons for my evolution.
Similar here... previously, for some time I thought I "should" be in a relationship, because, hey everyone does it
but it never really worked out. I felt more crappy in my relationships than I am when I am alone. So unless I don't find someone to truly relate to, on a soul level, I don't see the point in being with someone, simply to "have someone" or because people would think I am weird for being alone.
Interestingly enough I am also surrounded by two dysfunctional couples in my neighborhood, whom I hear yelling at each other from time to time, and each time I think "gosh I am glad I don't have to deal with that crap!"
So yes, lately I have been getting the feeling that it simply isn't meant for me in this lifetime.
It feels quite freeing, to be honest
It's the same thing with cellphones
- everyone has one, but doesn't mean I need one, too.