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Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-05-2014
I'm posting this thread because I view everyone on here as my family. The ones who see life from a total different perspective rather than the ones who are living the planetary dream.
My mother doesn't approve of my girlfriend, as a result I'm living two separate lives. I live at home and see my girlfriend 4days of the week.
I just can't take it anymore, being in the middle of the two women I love most, both complaining about each other. My mother is very stubborn, she won't even be civil with my girlfriend.
On top of that, my stepfather is an a****** who is probably the most negative miserable person I've ever met.
He gets high off of correcting people and makes me walk on eggshells in my own home.
I asked my mother today if she was ever going to be civil with my girlfriend, and she played the victim (she's very sensitive).
She told me to leave her the hell alone and if it wasn't for my brother she would just "disappear".
She is most likely going to kick me out, god knows where I'll go from there. I'm trying to stay positive.
Everytime I try talking to my mom about my girlfriend she cuts the conversation. It's very difficult.
I love family, and I'm a very compassionate person so this is a difficult time for me. Anyways I love you all
RE: Problems at home - AnthroHeart - 04-05-2014
I'm not usually one for advice, but I'll keep you in my positive energy sending.
Love you too. I'm not in a relationship, so don't know what advice I could give anyway.
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-05-2014
Thank you brother that means a lot
RE: Problems at home - michael430 - 04-05-2014
[deleted]
RE: Problems at home - Raz - 04-05-2014
I dont feel like I can give advice on this, but I had a good read on TGFP and thought about you, perhaps it can inspire =)
There was once an old farmer whose horse had run away. When the people of his village heard, they came to his house to show their sympathy. The villagers said, "What bad news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
The old man's son went out to look for the horse the next day, and found it playing with two wild horses. He managed to capture all three and bring them back home. The villagers came again saying, "What good news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
The next day the old man's son was trying to tame one of the wild horses, and he fell off the horse and broken his leg. Again, the villagers came saying, "What bad news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
The following day, the military came and conscripted all the young men of the village except for the old man's son because of his injury. The villagers came again saying, "What good news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
RE: Problems at home - Phoenix - 04-05-2014
From my little 'automatic writing' thing:
Wanting a different outcome from the same behaviour is madness.
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-05-2014
(04-05-2014, 07:35 PM)Raz Wrote: I dont feel like I can give advice on this, but I had a good read on TGFP and thought about you, perhaps it can inspire =)
There was once an old farmer whose horse had run away. When the people of his village heard, they came to his house to show their sympathy. The villagers said, "What bad news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
The old man's son went out to look for the horse the next day, and found it playing with two wild horses. He managed to capture all three and bring them back home. The villagers came again saying, "What good news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
The next day the old man's son was trying to tame one of the wild horses, and he fell off the horse and broken his leg. Again, the villagers came saying, "What bad news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
The following day, the military came and conscripted all the young men of the village except for the old man's son because of his injury. The villagers came again saying, "What good news!" and the old farmer simply shrugged and said, "Maybe."
This is a great story raz. It's inspiring because one event may lead to another and lead to another and so on and so forth.
The "maybe" implies an event to be either good or bad depending on the next future events outcome and the next etc etc.
Strong meaning behind it, thanks!
RE: Problems at home - Melissa - 04-06-2014
Hey, situations involving close family are always tough. I hope you'll decide what's best for you, regardless of what anybody else might think/do/say. Best wishes
Also, I've been in a similar situation so if you'd ever like to talk about it, feel free to do so.(04-05-2014, 05:32 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: I'm not usually one for advice, but I'll keep you in my positive energy sending.
Love you too. I'm not in a relationship, so don't know what advice I could give anyway.
Excuse my curiosity but what about the relationship with your mom?
RE: Problems at home - AnthroHeart - 04-06-2014
My relationship with my mom isn't all that strong. We don't usually fight, but she gets upset at a lot of things, and it wears on me. When she does, I get violent thoughts towards her. Good thing I've never acted on them.
RE: Problems at home - Melissa - 04-06-2014
(04-06-2014, 09:08 AM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: My relationship with my mom isn't all that strong. We don't usually fight, but she gets upset at a lot of things, and it wears on me. When she does, I get violent thoughts towards her. Good thing I've never acted on them.
She lives with you, right? Have you ever asked/encouraged her to find a place of her own?
RE: Problems at home - AnthroHeart - 04-06-2014
She did live by herself before, but it's not possible now. She has 2 dogs and 8 ferrets, so couldn't find another place.
We do get along for the most part. It's my service to Creator.
RE: Problems at home - Plenum - 04-06-2014
(04-05-2014, 05:28 PM)Hotsizzle77 Wrote: My mother doesn't approve of my girlfriend, as a result I'm living two separate lives. I live at home and see my girlfriend 4days of the week.
I just can't take it anymore, being in the middle of the two women I love most, both complaining about each other. My mother is very stubborn, she won't even be civil with my girlfriend.
what is the issue each person has with each other?
ie, what is the complaint that they voice?
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-06-2014
My mother just doesn't approve of her. She won't swallow her pride, therefore I have to kind of hide her name/can't bring her around.
My girlfriend and I are serious, she often complains about me "favoriting" my mother over her. She feels as if there's no reason to pursue a relationship with me if my mother won't change.
I'm not gonna choose one over the other. Def. not fair.
RE: Problems at home - ChickenInSpace - 04-07-2014
Chosing neither will also be a choice since chosing both can't be a choice.
I would move out if possible. If not, I would try to move out temporarily. Otherwise my favorite course of action is open honest confrontation between the parties.
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-08-2014
Well looks like she's kicking me out and I have to find my own place. I'm basically running away from home, my family has abandoned me and don't want anything to do with me.
Might pack a bag of food, a soccer ball and just start walking
RE: Problems at home - Raz - 04-09-2014
Trying to contribute with some inspiration based on your situation;
My only advice here is not to fall in to the trap of victim mentality, I know that can be easier said than done. But as soon as you play the victim, the only thing you are doing is giving away your Power. You have been presented with a challenge, the most empowering stance to take is "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!". There are no problems, only challenges…
RE: Problems at home - Fang - 04-09-2014
Firstly, I'd advise somewhat paradoxically that you not base an important life decision based on what you read from strangers on the internet.
That said, I would advise against doing anything rash. Think it through man, if you just start walking what will happen? Plan it out, if you have to leave try and stay at a friends place and try and figure out some sort of plan. If you are employed I personally wouldn't risk losing your job over a family matter, try and get some days off work if you can and sort it out, face to face if need be. If you're not employed maybe seek some government benefit (we have a thing called "rent assistance" in Autralia) which might be able to find you a place and a form of welfare income to sustain you.
It's a tricky situation and I wish you the best
RE: Problems at home - Melissa - 04-09-2014
What happened? Hope you'll find a place to stay dude. This is an intense but potentially exciting catalyst for you.
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-09-2014
(04-09-2014, 08:00 AM)Raz Wrote: Trying to contribute with some inspiration based on your situation;
My only advice here is not to fall in to the trap of victim mentality, I know that can be easier said than done. But as soon as you play the victim, the only thing you are doing is giving away your Power. You have been presented with a challenge, the most empowering stance to take is "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!". There are no problems, only challenges…
You're right. Im actually not mad or feel like I am a victim. Honestly, I have transcended hope and fear, whatever this challenge brings me I am ready.
I sit back and view what is really happenin in my life, with a pretty good understanding of the Law of One I realize the same thing you said to me (this is a challenge). Isn't it amazing how vivid and intense 3d illusion is? It's a beautiful thing ey.
I'm just going with where life takes me brother.
(04-09-2014, 08:01 AM)Fang Wrote: Firstly, I'd advise somewhat paradoxically that you not base an important life decision based on what you read from strangers on the internet.
That said, I would advise against doing anything rash. Think it through man, if you just start walking what will happen? Plan it out, if you have to leave try and stay at a friends place and try and figure out some sort of plan. If you are employed I personally wouldn't risk losing your job over a family matter, try and get some days off work if you can and sort it out, face to face if need be. If you're not employed maybe seek some government benefit (we have a thing called "rent assistance" in Autralia) which might be able to find you a place and a form of welfare income to sustain you.
It's a tricky situation and I wish you the best
I hear ya, I got fired about 2 weeks ago and have been looking for something ever since. I'm trying to plan something out. I've spoken face to face with my mother about our issues, but she is incredibly stubborn lol.
Even tho you're a stranger, I appreciate your advice
(04-09-2014, 08:04 AM)Melissa Wrote: What happened? Hope you'll find a place to stay dude. This is an intense but potentially exciting catalyst for you.
Family issues happened, and thank you for your kind words!
That's how I look at it as a catalyst. This is an exciting and thrilling new chapter in my life. (I say it like it's a good thing to be kicked out of the house). But we will see where this takes me
RE: Problems at home - MarjorieMorningstar - 04-10-2014
When I am faced with personality challenges...I put all parties (myself included) in a Pink Flame of Divine Love. It really does work.
Love heals.
Blessings,
Marjorie
RE: Problems at home - Confused - 04-10-2014
(04-06-2014, 09:08 AM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: My relationship with my mom isn't all that strong. We don't usually fight, but she gets upset at a lot of things, and it wears on me. When she does, I get violent thoughts towards her. Good thing I've never acted on them.
GW, you are one of the most transparent souls that I have ever come across.
You freely admit to your deepest thoughts that one would normally try disguising before others. Your example and posture is a source of inspiration, in many ways, in terms of owning up to the innermost and hidden disturbing thoughts that we might have. Also, if I may add, your transparency and, subsequently, effort to learn and better yourself is an inspiration in terms of not only owning up one's inner tumult, but bearing with it in dignity and acting out with the highest sense of compassion for all.
Thank you, dear GW. My humble salutes to your profoundly honest heart
RE: Problems at home - TLT - 04-10-2014
(04-05-2014, 05:28 PM)Hotsizzle77 Wrote: I'm posting this thread because I view everyone on here as my family. The ones who see life from a total different perspective rather than the ones who are living the planetary dream.
My mother doesn't approve of my girlfriend, as a result I'm living two separate lives. I live at home and see my girlfriend 4days of the week.
I just can't take it anymore, being in the middle of the two women I love most, both complaining about each other. My mother is very stubborn, she won't even be civil with my girlfriend.
On top of that, my stepfather is an a****** who is probably the most negative miserable person I've ever met.
He gets high off of correcting people and makes me walk on eggshells in my own home.
I asked my mother today if she was ever going to be civil with my girlfriend, and she played the victim (she's very sensitive).
She told me to leave her the hell alone and if it wasn't for my brother she would just "disappear".
She is most likely going to kick me out, god knows where I'll go from there. I'm trying to stay positive.
Everytime I try talking to my mom about my girlfriend she cuts the conversation. It's very difficult.
I love family, and I'm a very compassionate person so this is a difficult time for me. Anyways I love you all
No advice from me either...just a question: Does it seem that your mother is acting out of fear? We often fear what we don't understand. Just a thought. L/L to you.
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-10-2014
She may be fearful, then again she may be prideful. Prideful meaning she doesn't approve of my gf, so she's lookin for that "I told you so" moment.
RE: Problems at home - Jade - 04-13-2014
I'm going through a very similar situation (though probably a decade older than you) so I figure I'll try to share my insight/experience-
My father recently wrote me an extremely aggressive email basically kicking me out of his life because of his disdain for my husband. This wasn't a huge surprise or loss, as we live about a quarter mile away from each other but prior to the email we only talked a few times a year. We've never been extremely close and he's a very emotionally closed off person. He works a hard physical labor job and spends most of his energy on that pursuit, his leisure time is very minimal and I know after a long time that can be wearying on an individual.
The catalyst for the "me or him" ultimatum was that my father got a divorce about a year ago, and apparently he was dissatisfied with the amount of attention I have given him in his misery. The fact is, his wife left him for a lot of reasons that I can only agree with. (when I lived at home she was a very miserable step-parent as well; the walking on eggshells feeling is very familiar - through the years she bettered herself, however) Our conversations after the divorce involved him being very angry and irate, venting, and blame-shifting, and my proceeding to attempt to calm him down amidst his misogyny and hate. Usually I was successful. I didn't go out of my way to fill in this role, but was there every time he called. They made an attempt at reconciliation about 6 months ago that didn't work out. I hadn't talked to him since.
My husband is everything to me, and unfortunately a couple years after moving out here to be with me, he got a back injury which has caused him to be unemployed almost since. This doesn't mean that he is unproductive, he has been writing a novel that he has almost completed, and is signed with a literary agent with a publishing company to find a publisher as soon as it's done. No one in my family recognizes this as legitimate, so in their eyes, he's the lazy mooch, etc. I truly wish that were the case, as he is in such pain daily that I often have to pick him up off the floor a few times a day. When he came into my life it wasn't long before he absorbed the role of "whipping boy" that I felt like I had had in my family unit for such a long time.
I don't live at home, technically, but I do rent my house from my grandmother, and my dad and my aunt are not very happy about that, as they'd rather sell the house and have the cashflow as opposed to the somewhat cheap rent that she allows me to pay. So for the two and a half years we have been here we have been harassed frequently in an attempt to make us uncomfortable with our living situation. On the other hand, my grandmother begs us to stay for as long as possible, because she knows as soon as we move out she loses hold of the one last thing she really owns, along with all of her personal items that we care for and store here in this home. It's not a fun situation and we finally hit the tipping point where I feel my service to my grandma has to be given up to better serve my husband and to get him away from my family that has chosen him to project upon.
Anyway I feel like I'm rambling, I am just attempting to commiserate and maybe share what my point of view is. I'm guessing your situation isn't as dire as mine, as being in my family has entailed a certain level of abuse most of my life, but what it probably comes down to is that your mother is jealous of the attention you are giving your girlfriend over her (especially if her husband is emotionally unavailable and you are probably like a sweet, soft pillow for her to rest her head). I also think that parents build up this idea of who they want their child to be and who they want their child to be with, and take it as a personal failure when these images don't jive with reality. Just remember between either of them that, if someone is trying to control your actions, this isn't the highest expression of love and service to others under the Law of One - most people don't consciously realize this, of course, but to frame it this way for yourself might be helpful. Choosing to serve in bondage is still a service, especially with family. However there is a higher expression of love for all that allows you to deny situations that are more harmful to you than they are helpful to others. An analogy might be say, an allergy. Someone finds out that they have a lactose allergy that causes indigestion. "But, I've been drinking milk every day of my life and just coping with the effects, I have no reason to change! Milk is delicious!" is a legitimate choice. However, another legitimate and probably more informed choice would be to learn how to cut the toxin out of your diet to see if it brings positive changes in your well-being. You are a sovereign being and you have the power to stand up and say "No" to any person or situation that causes you discomfort. You also most definitely don't have to choose between the two of them, but not choosing gives others the power to choose for you.
Some questions to consider to maybe help with your own integration:
Does what your mother have to say about your girlfriend reflect specific dissatisfactions with herself? Does what your girlfriend have to say about your mother reflect any of her own insecurities?
How do the insecurities that they have with each other reflect any insecurities you have with yourself?
RE: Problems at home - manniz - 04-13-2014
(04-13-2014, 11:13 AM)Jade Wrote: My husband is everything to me, and unfortunately a couple years after moving out here to be with me, he got a back injury which has caused him to be unemployed almost since. ...
I truly wish that were the case, as he is in such pain daily that I often have to pick him up off the floor a few times a day.
Jade, that was really beautiful. Examples like you make me realize, if we did not have the arrogant men and women in leadership roles, and as our moral examples, masculine and feminine are so meant to work with each other. And, in fact be one another. Philosophy and intellect aside, the infinite creator is probably going to be the perfectly balanced mix of the best mother and father we can imagine, so much so that they are not distinct, but One. Though, I expect the infinite creator to be a little sneaky too, but in an infinitely wise manner. Best wishes for your relationship with your husband.
RE: Problems at home - isis - 04-13-2014
(04-13-2014, 11:13 AM)Jade Wrote: You are a sovereign being and you have the power to stand up and say "No" to any person or situation that causes you discomfort.i'll be doing this saturday when my parents try to get me to go to church on easter which is on 4/20
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-13-2014
Jade you a beautiful person, and you've showed me a totally accurate perception on what is happening in my life. Thank you, for you are a kind soul.
RE: Problems at home - Hotsizzle77 - 04-25-2014
I wanted to share with everyone my perspective on life. The issues that I have that I am currently trying to make peace with, and that issue is society. "The planetary dream" where people focus on striving for a good job, striving for success and cars and the best up to date electronic devices out there.
I can't stand it, I hate it. Ever since I was a little kid my family has applied so much pressure on me to become a doctor or lawyer or some kind of rich person.
As day to day goes on I realize something, I realize that the meaning of being "rich" doesn't consist of money. What it means is having a loving soul. Inner true kindness to everyone.
As a wonderer, I am having a really really hard time living on this planet. I can't seem to understand everyone running around to get there errands done, stressing over a broken nail, or a red light that just doesn't turn green fast enough.
I want isolation from it, I really do. But the purpose of my incarnation is to make peace with this distortion. To accept it and love it and say to myself "this is why I'm here, it's okay, make peace with it".
I try and I try to make peace with the fact that people with great jobs and money are labeled "better" than anyone else. To me it's blasphemous.
I don't care of you are a garbage man. If you're blissfull. you are richer than you think.
RE: Problems at home - AnthroHeart - 04-25-2014
I make $51k a year and I'm not really happy with it. Love and oneness make me happier.
A social memory complex would make me really blissful.