02-07-2010, 04:10 AM
Thank you so much for you reply, and I will read it over and over again to really absorb it. Over the years, I have felt my 'enabling' tendencies weaken and felt myself become stronger. It was more my husband's idea to bring my nephew back in to us - he's very kind-hearted. But I felt it was a good thing to do, too. I wonder if part of it is that he is my dead brother's son and I want to help him even more because he has no father. And his mother is a total addictive mess, so she can't help him.
My brother was one of those you described who didn't have the 'want' to change. Well, I guess so, anyway....because his addiction killed him. He died of alcohol poisoning. He drowned in his own body fluid. He has come to me (in spirit) many times since his death - in fact, he didn't even know he had died and he was very scared and came to me for help.
Another thing to consider is that my nephew is mildly retarded, so I feel like such a jerk for kicking him out. However, it is a MUST. He's smart enough to use us, so I have to give him more credit.
I think my number one issue here is, that I am still not completely familiar with the "real" god - the real character of the "one". I was taught by a strict religion for many years, so of course I grew to fear God. And now I'm learning that we are supposed to be forgiving and loving, and have tolerance. But I am feeling that this doesn't necessarily mean we have to let people walk on us. Right? I mean, I would think it would be a greater act of love to let these people live their own consequences.
I went through rough times before and my mom rescued me, and helped me turn my life around. So maybe I'm also scared that "karma" will kick in, and if I am shoving people out my door, then I might experience something similar if I ever need some help. Soooo many things are going through my mind right now.
I need to quit feeling like I have to please God and be perfect and quit worrying that God will be mad at me (old beliefs are hard to let go of). I claim to be over those beliefs, but sometimes they creep up on me. I feel like I'll fall out of the "service to others" crowd if I don't help people. That's why I am so confused at where to draw the line. Anyway, I will go read your private message, and once again, I thank you with all my heart.
xo
My brother was one of those you described who didn't have the 'want' to change. Well, I guess so, anyway....because his addiction killed him. He died of alcohol poisoning. He drowned in his own body fluid. He has come to me (in spirit) many times since his death - in fact, he didn't even know he had died and he was very scared and came to me for help.
Another thing to consider is that my nephew is mildly retarded, so I feel like such a jerk for kicking him out. However, it is a MUST. He's smart enough to use us, so I have to give him more credit.
I think my number one issue here is, that I am still not completely familiar with the "real" god - the real character of the "one". I was taught by a strict religion for many years, so of course I grew to fear God. And now I'm learning that we are supposed to be forgiving and loving, and have tolerance. But I am feeling that this doesn't necessarily mean we have to let people walk on us. Right? I mean, I would think it would be a greater act of love to let these people live their own consequences.
I went through rough times before and my mom rescued me, and helped me turn my life around. So maybe I'm also scared that "karma" will kick in, and if I am shoving people out my door, then I might experience something similar if I ever need some help. Soooo many things are going through my mind right now.
I need to quit feeling like I have to please God and be perfect and quit worrying that God will be mad at me (old beliefs are hard to let go of). I claim to be over those beliefs, but sometimes they creep up on me. I feel like I'll fall out of the "service to others" crowd if I don't help people. That's why I am so confused at where to draw the line. Anyway, I will go read your private message, and once again, I thank you with all my heart.
xo