07-18-2010, 03:32 PM
Thanks Lorna. Before I took my hiatus from the forum, I read some about your difficult grandmother. I'm sad to learn that those issues are still ongoing in your family.
To me, the difference between guilt and shame is simple. Guilt claims that someone has done something wrong or hurtful, and never tried to make amends. Shame claims that someone is wrong and cannot do anything to make the situation right, because it's their existence and presence that is wrong.
To tell the difference, just ask: "What could I have done back then that would have been better; and what can I do now to try to patch things up and fix what's wrong?" If there are specific answers about actions or behaviors, then the issue is guilt. If the answer is, "There's nothing you could have done, or could do now, that would be right, because your very nature is bad," then the issue is shame.
In my opinion, the best web site for a quick introduction to the enneagram is 9types.com. Start with their diagrams for each type. Follow their link to Riso and Hudson's site for more details. Riso and Hudson's "Personality Types" is the best book-length introduction. I think the most important point is that Riso's "Levels of Development" show that any enneagram type at its best is a path to enlightenment and unity, while any type at its worst is a destructive and self-destructive road to hell. I'd love to discuss the enneagram more here and relate it to the Law of One.
To me, the difference between guilt and shame is simple. Guilt claims that someone has done something wrong or hurtful, and never tried to make amends. Shame claims that someone is wrong and cannot do anything to make the situation right, because it's their existence and presence that is wrong.
To tell the difference, just ask: "What could I have done back then that would have been better; and what can I do now to try to patch things up and fix what's wrong?" If there are specific answers about actions or behaviors, then the issue is guilt. If the answer is, "There's nothing you could have done, or could do now, that would be right, because your very nature is bad," then the issue is shame.
In my opinion, the best web site for a quick introduction to the enneagram is 9types.com. Start with their diagrams for each type. Follow their link to Riso and Hudson's site for more details. Riso and Hudson's "Personality Types" is the best book-length introduction. I think the most important point is that Riso's "Levels of Development" show that any enneagram type at its best is a path to enlightenment and unity, while any type at its worst is a destructive and self-destructive road to hell. I'd love to discuss the enneagram more here and relate it to the Law of One.