Lotsa Questions

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

you seem to be someone with the passion to pursue the adept path, while seemingly being completely undesirious of facing the challenges on that path.

This rings so true I literally have no words to say.

Not.

...Sigh, it's true.  My first time consciously polarizing was not fun in the aftermath.  I'm honestly scared of the tribulations that come with faith.  I'm a fool for sure, but I've read the tale of Jobe, I know what kind of levels of hell exist, maybe not all of that, but enough to be fucking scared shitless of coming into contact with their realities.  That becomes possible with the adept path.

I am obsessed with this path though, the adept magical work, the changing and transmutation of reality, the understanding and realization of the invisible energies of creation guiding everything in the plenum-soup of our reality...  Being able to heal others, being useful and not just some random white-trash poverty guy who can barely take care of himself some days because he's too preoccupied with the vivid reality inside of his mind.

It's true, Aion.  I want to see the entire experience that is the path of the adept, but I'm not a courageous person.  My anger only serves me as a form of logical and ethical release, beyond that I fear it and try to suppress it now whereas I used to freely express it.  I find I'm not of the mental stability to properly approach life from the responsibility of a magician.  Or that if I am, I simply, if not obvious from these last few sentences, lack the self-belief at this time to properly do so.

...It's pretty frustrating, but more than that, it's crushingly depressing.

Anyway...  Um.  I did have some things to say about everything else.  But your words ultimately just reminded me of another reason I left this place that I originally was in denial about.  This place is...Too good for me.  I don't think you guys deserve dealing with me.  I hardly contribute anything meaningful without ultimately shoveling it under an excess of opinionated biases.

Well...I'm here now anyways...  I may as well get on with it.  Yeah, I want to live that path, and yeah, I also don't want to live that path.
Similarly I don't actually desire to polarize, doing so actually honestly scares me, only in that the last time I did so, while blissful, ultimately left a more sour aftertaste than I was prepared for.  Like getting a taste of the sweetest honey, and suddenly the flavor turns brutally sour and disgusting.
Ugh, without using stupid metaphors, I'm basically saying that I personally found that the heavenly feelings were not worth the hellish ones afterwards.  Now I avoid it all, and try to just stick to passive unconscious polarization, but since that's not possible since I'm aware of the processes now, I just try to balance out between days where I'm a sweet angel to everyone, and days where I just stick to myself trying to keep my emotions and mind from driving me crazy.

You ALL saw what happens to me, you saw the anger.  I don't want to give that to anyone.  I don't even want it for myself!  But I try and accept the fact that it is as it is.  That doesn't mean I'm ready to take on the trials of positive and negative energies being tested.  I'll learn my lessons, but slowly.  I don't care if that keeps me from harvest, as I said, heaven is not worth hell to me.  I'll opt for a longer different path if I ultimately have to, even if the appeal of the adept path which seems less winding and long is more...Er...Appealing.

I honestly just interpret that as weakness as well.  So take that information as you will.  I'm not, in my opinion, worthy of the adept path if I'm not capable of handling it.

Regarding your comments on silence, I interpreted Ra's words as similar to silencing the mind the way a parent might patiently quiet a child from making small or loud noises in an environment where silence is desired.  The random thoughts of the beta-brain-wave processes can be akin to background noise or mindless banter in some aspects, including scathing remarks that are unnoticed for their scathing demeanor, or debasing thoughts that are not noticed.  There's a lot that the human brain can conjure in the mind.  The mind as far as we are aware after all is a product of the brain's neural circuitry's making it's presence possible.  That circuitry very well might be able to produce thoughts, and form sequences that the brain becomes accustomed to activating, essentially forming habits.

So, I saw it as a form of conditioning these circuitry's of the brain from randomly firing off, instead acquiring further and further control of the inner abilities built into a brain that just becomes capable of programming itself on deeper and deeper levels.  I get that metaphysically the body is a creature of the mind, but it's a mutual partnership, as the mind cannot physically exist without the body, at least not typically. (I say not typically with Artificial Intelligence in consideration)

Otherwise, as far tuning into the One Infinite, I do that enough with the thoughtless freedoms I allow of my imagination.  I find that doing so in silence is great, I actually do do so every now and then, but you need to know that I consider myself very human.  I do not believe any human is meant to tune into the One Infinite in a pure manner too often.  I've heard stories of people who undertaking transcendental meditations became completely different people, some even becoming a bit loose around the edges, and others seeming a bit mad in a sense.  Then you have the flip side of the people who were greatly fulfilled from the experiences.  I find the intensity of meditations fixated around the touching and tuning into of 'God' can be somewhat very intense, especially when the meditation is preceded by a  violet-ray visualization.

However, you put it somewhat like a teacher would, so I'll be using your sentences as meditation aids

As regards equilibrium, I cannot agree or disagree that it is an aspect of the One Infinite, as in all possibility it probably exists in some manner while simultaneously not existed in some manner, though you already seem to understand where I'm coming from as the way you described it does fit with one way I view it.  Though I can say I periodically reconsider these kinds of thoughts and concepts, so I'm sorry if I come off hypocritical where I suddenly seem to agree with you where I once didn't.  I see your view as matching my own, you're just, as usual better at describing them than I am.

If I might leave one final series of thoughts to you, I want to make fresh in the mind the following Ra passages.

67.26 ▶ Questioner: Then there is no other service that we can at this time offer that fifth-density entity of the Orion group who is so constantly with us. As I see it now there is nothing that we can do for him from your point of view? Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. There is great humor in your attempt to be of polarized service to the opposite polarity. There is a natural difficulty in doing so since what you consider service is considered by this entity non-service. As you send this entity love and light and wish it well it loses its polarity and needs to regroup.

Thus it would not consider your service as such. On the other hand, if you allowed it to be of service by removing this instrument from your midst you might perhaps perceive this as not being of service. You have here a balanced and polarized view of the Creator; two services offered, mutually rejected, and in a state of equilibrium in which free will is preserved and each allowed to go upon its own path of experiencing the One Infinite Creator.

67.27 ▶ Questioner: Thank you. In closing that part of the discussion I would just say that if there is anything that we can do that is within our ability— and I understand that there are many things such as the ones that you just mentioned that are not within our ability— that we could do for this particular entity, if you would in the future communicate its requests to us we will at least consider them because we would like to serve in every respect. Is this agreeable to you?
Ra: I am Ra. We perceive that we have not been able to clarify your service versus its desire for service. You need, in our humble opinion, to look at the humor of the situation and relinquish your desire to serve where no service is requested. The magnet will attract or repel. Glory in the strength of your polarization and allow others of opposite polarity to similarly do so, seeing the great humor of this polarity and its complications in view of the unification in sixth density of these two paths.

Regards the underlined, I take this piece of advise personally in many attempts at resting and calming my mind at my own perceptions of failure to be of service.  In this same light I find it interesting that directly before this passage I visit often, is a passage seemingly proving in essence your argument of equilibrium, and further, I find it synchronistic that in all of the times I've read the underlined and it's surrounding passages, I've never fully internalized the realization that Ra herself calls the service to others polarity complicated looking in regards to how it might unify with it's opposite path, when in instances of positive and negative interactions, the only means of preserving free will is through rejections of each other's perceptual version of 'service', with this understanding begetting a 'polarized' and hence 'balanced' view.

Hey Jeremy, thank you for your answers, I'd like to echo another here:

Your posts are so often reassuring Jeremy.  Thank you.

I'd have to sum up my response to pretty much all of your answers as the above.  I'll have more to say but it's, oh look...4:41am and I'm pretty tired.  I don't mean to procrastinate answering to you.  It's just I'm somewhat nervous about responding to you because I honestly find your ability to focus upon an energy of clarity, or I guess I should say, your ability to provide clarity is in sharp contrast to my...Very unclear way of communicating, I guess...?  And I feel like you have almost poetic ways of providing these depth-y views in short concise ways, whereas I fumble paragraph after paragraph.

Pretty much everything you've said I can accept without much feeling of a need to reply, which is...Unusual for me.

I did find that quote by Hatonn greatly curious.  I never considered that the concept of morality need be as simple as 'all is love' hence wrong and right truly are illusions to the true reality of love, that love is the morality available, hence there really isn't any morality.  Holding as usual, true to the dichotomy of polarity's mannerisms and aesthetics within the nature of infinity and it's fullness and paradoxical farces.

Still, this small voice in the back of my mind questions further...  If morality is Love, can Love make, in a sense, bad choices?  Like, in retrospect thinking it should have made a different choice at a fork in the road, not in regards to polarizing, but just in regards to having a choice to make.  Does this Love ever look back and think it could have done something differently for a more appealing outcome? Or is it that all outcomes are equally appealing to the One Infinite Creator?