I am in hell

[Mahakali]

I would mention on top of this that there is a special, relatively unknown class of entities who make it their work to scour these 'hellish' regions and offer aid to those who have trapped themselves there. Often their assistance is not recognized, but even in the deepest places of pain there are those who go to aid others, even at the cost of their own light if need be.

I've recognized the work of what appear to be entities helping me, but, being someone who's had experience with the negative polarity since childhood, and just about nothing else spiritually, I'm too cynical to take such into my own calculations. So when I think of being trapped in a hell dimension, it makes me feel better to remind myself that I have the power inside of me, because I'm the only one I can trust even a tiny little bit (if still not much).

Even people like you make me paranoid because of your apparent let's-take-Mahakali's-heart-chakra-away-because-he-did-negative-things-at-some-time stance, and that's how it goes for me in general. I don't trust negative people because they're negative, and I don't trust positive people because they're usually violent towards negative people and engage in negative behaviors while rationalizing them as positive.

Anyways, the difference to me between a full-fledged hell dimension and a comfy astral prison with broken chakras are relatively minor. I'm already in Pluto's domain as much as I'll ever be. I crave spiritual development above anything else, and if I could throw everything else away and just develop myself spiritually, it's what I'd choose. Because even a nice life without empathy, without light, without empowerment, without mental strength and spiritual strength, is just not worth living. I've been through periods of homelessness and physical torture, and they're less preferable, but not much. Real pain is all spiritual, and I have it in abundance.

So even when a "positive" entity helps me out in one way, and then keeps me imprisoned in another sense, I can appreciate that they think they're being compassionate, but it's hard for me to look at them as anything but the enemy, anything but a more comfortable limiting, enslaving illusion to replace a less comfortable one. If there truly is no hope to escape enslavement, then I'd rather be dead than unable to spiritually develop, consciousness fully obliterated, but since I feel like limitation is illusory, and maybe I can do this against all odds, all on my own, even if Heaven and Hell are both against me... that actually inspires me a little bit.

Which is why I shared what I did. It's the most hopeful and positive I know how to be.