(05-22-2019, 01:50 PM)Diana Wrote: Back to speedforce, and this is a question perhaps more appropriate in another place, but we have been talking about it here. Of course move it if it is not appropriate here.
I did just visit a thread where speedforce's name was crossed out and the word "banned" underneath. Is this how it was always done? I don't recall that being done before (the crossing out and announcing "banned"), but since banning is rare, maybe I just never noticed it before. It feels a little mean-spirited. It made me feel a little awful.
yes- I saw this too which I mentioned as making my heart lurch in sadness for him - that such an action became necessary... but apparently saying that wasn't sufficient for Minyatur to believe that I care about speedforce. I did- I do, he's in enormous pain and further rejection was not what he needed. That he spoke from the outset (or soon into his postings) in such a dismissive and authoritative tone (ie: that only his truth was the real truth) and then became so abusive he was screaming that people were 'HATE' and 'the most hateful' - with very little provocation to get to that point is exactly why he creates the division and lack of love he so urgently needs... behaviour from his original disenfranchisement that creates further disenfranchisement for him.
I can't convince you (Minyatur) that I did mean it when I offered caring for his evident pain (he described a lot of examples - so soon after him sharing them I was actually commiserating with him). I really felt for his pain. I also saw that he was in a loop of behaviour that was replicating the conditions that would continue his pain.
That's why I say it's good that his banning happened - because maybe he'll try to be more gentle... but maybe he's in psychosis and unreachable at the moment?... I don't take enjoyment from that - but I do have the courage to assert myself with someone to show them how they are affecting people.
I felt no personal distress from his calling me hateful btw - because it's not the truth of me. But b4th and knowing I'm hated by several here does mean I often simply retreat and avoid posting (or leave and return after a break). No hurt or sadness (not anymore) just self respect and a time out.
Certain members on b4 have difficulty believing I am actually a genuinely loving person- I think this is probably because I've survived brutality that has had mental health workers in tears and speechless at the nature and amount of what I've survived- and the abuse I still ongoing unfortunately... so much that I can be very 'forceful' - direct.
When b4 is a in certain 'mood' I "take no prisoners." I'm sure I have erred - I'm also sure it's an age and gender issue as well. And location. Australia has a very different energy to USA.
So when you've lived as long as me and gone through repeated years of trauma you may understand a little better why I can come across so 'strident' at times.
(as I speak I am currently in hiding having had to leave my home in the middle of the night and experiencing stress that has me concerned for my physical and especially mental health). The assertiveness comes from being treated violently by men repeatedly, and abandoned by organisations meant to protect and help me.
I don't think women are 'angels' by the way - I take each person individually - and I love a lot of men and have criticism towards some women. But what I do is to discuss patriarchy as an abusive imbalanced state of the world? Because it's clearly not working - I have male feminist friends - this isn't about individual men - (unless they're violent bastards). 'Political correctness' is making the observation that with a white face I'm less likely to be shot while robbing a store in USA than with a black face... the stats are proven - how can you deny the stats? and grumble about 'wokeness'... what utopia do you live in Anagogy?
I've learnt to stand-up for myself (and for marginalised/disadvantaged people) and that requires a lot of directness that can seem like I'm uncaring, bitchy, bossy cunning etc... I'm not - I'm simply absolutely desperately on the edge day in day out trying to stay incarnate and not give up on being alive... and occasionally chip in on a forum of spiritual information which has made more sense to me than decades of lost searching for why I feel so like a creature from another world/galaxy/elsewhere.
I don't know how to be emotionally cunning or manipulative. Since childhood I've been known for criticising someone for something (that no one else would say to their face - but have always thought) and then because I still don't hate them - climbing onto their lap for a hug the next moment.
I'm weird... I have 'diagnoses'... I'm neuro-atypical - high functioning, semi on the spectrum - I don't know how to do 'calculating' - or 'normal' or 'political'... I don't know how to manipulate or be 'cunning'.
I was a constant embarrassment and confusion to my parents because I'd just say what I felt - when I felt it... have learnt to control that a bit better... but I hate lies... what you see (read) is what it IS.
When you've had several near death experiences your directness in speech becomes quite strong.
I have at least 2-3 decades experience longer than the medium age of most forum members so if you feel bad in your life troubles now - imagine how exhausted you'll be if these agonies continue for another 30 years - ? You'll probably get a bit cross when people don't understand (or minimise) the anguish you live with.
So stop insinuating that I'm two faced - I am strident and I am loving - I am fierce, I'm exhausted. I get things wrong - I'm clinging to life.
I'll risk my life to save anyone - but I won't be disrespected by anyone any more - so if you'd lived with domestic violence for 10 years and that was only 1 of the many traumas you were dealing with you'd be a bit 'forceful' and/or defensive too.
I say it how I see it - of course I can get it wrong but I always come from love - or why the eff would I bother?
Also, (Anagogy) I'm very supportive of freedom of speech - but not the organised proliferation of hate speech.
I've said it here before - because my father and mother lived through a world war - he was younger than you currently are - when he flew over Germany in night raids and lost his best friend (shot down) - he saw the corpses of Jewish people in mass graves and it broke him... those horrors - when you've been raised by a person who saw with his own eyes the naked emaciated corpses of entire families piled high upon each other - THE direct result of 'freedom of (hate) speech' - you and your wife and daughters end up feeling strongly about 'freedom of speech' having limits.
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