11-25-2019, 10:11 PM
(11-25-2019, 09:40 PM)Celestial Wrote:I'd suggest seeing it as a part of yourself, you are afraid to face.(11-25-2019, 03:55 PM)kristina Wrote:(11-24-2019, 10:52 PM)Celestial Wrote:(11-24-2019, 10:39 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: Do you purposefully close your heart?
If your heart isn't closed, then I don't see you ending up in a dark room alone.
Here’s a link to an image I drew outlining where the physical constriction and pain is: https://i.imgur.com/VWns04J.jpg
I understand this is just my interpretation of it. I have seen doctors however they claim there is nothing wrong. What I have depicted is very much felt physically, it is very intense. It is up to you what you take from it in terms of my concerns.
I don’t think my heart is fully closed. I still cry and I wouldn’t be posting here if I was okay with the path I feel I am going down. It’s true I harbour a lot of anger and despair, I have absorbed so much pain from the mental beatings and tragedy I have endured in this life. My mum died, dad abused me, sister died. It’s very complex in the way I think about it but I think that may come from resisting pain. I could say a lot about it. I do fear that my heart is closing and will close by the end of my life, it does strike me as a possibility.
What path do you feel you are going down and what makes you think that?
It seems like there is a lot of demonic activity going on in my conscious experience.
It is not that I have decided I would like to pursue a particular path and am making active efforts to go down it.
The way I would describe it is this: It is like there is another version of me that I have become aware of through things said to me by other-selves. I say that it is “another version” because the things associated with it by other-selves are things I am heavily averse to.
However - they treat it as if it is the real me. And as if the one who is averse to it is not me. However I maintain that I am averse to it.
It is as if the others do not agree that I am who I say I am. They insist that I am this other “me” that I am averse to.
I understand this sounds very psychotic. I am not saying I don’t have “psychosis”.
I am not sure if the path is STO or STS. As uncomfortable as it is for me to talk about here, they insist that I am, along with them, joining in with a group of people who would engage in severely perverted sexual acts that go beyond the range of what would normally be considered wrong.
Once again, I know this because of what has been said to me. They all insist it. Not everyone - but those who are aware of themselves seem to know. Those who sympathise with me in some way treat me as if there is indeed a split. Those who appear to believe they are going down this road “with me” treat me as if I do indeed want to do this.
This is what I mean by “being alone in the darkness”.
It probably is true, that there is no grace for such people. Perhaps the best thing I can do for myself is continue to build up a sense of separation between me and “it”.
Your mind is separating it from the self and is creating an illusion of another self.
The voices are you aswell.
All is one and you are trying to amalgamate your splintered personality.
Don't create separation, if you seek unity.
You'll only splinter yourself further.
Meditate...accept that you are all there is.
Love the parts you want to push away.
Feel gratitude that you even see that healing is necessary.
Thank the parts which cause you agitation...they are what create the willpower to choose differently.
Embrace and transfigure.
Ask your higher self to embody you...from the infinite now.
Ask that you be imbued with white, golden light...ask Ra to create a protective pyramid of light around you...envision it.
Then request that healing take place.
Ask to be shown the way to feel unity and peace.
The answers will come.