The dark night of the soul.

[aWanderer91]

Firstly, thank you for what you've shared IndigoSalvia, it's heart warming to know that others have experienced this too. Not the suffering, but the alienation and darkness that we've shared makes one know that we're not alone.

I felt suicidal first, and it wasn't exactly feeling suicidal in terms of something I had contemplated for a long time. While I was in anguish, I just kind of had a brain wave one day like "oh, I can actually kill myself, I really don't have to put up with this suffering" and that's when I made my decision.

The awakening did lead to me feeling suicidal, for many years. But I understand that it's the death of the ego I wanted, not to actually really die. I do yearn to be in time/space and to be back with my original soul family, but I also understand that while I'm here I have a job to do and my mission isn't completed yet.

I really appreciate your words and quite rightly, it's only when one has accepted their current predicament and reality, that suddenly infinite possibilities open up.