Understanding free will
05-15-2018, 03:36 PM,
#1
Understanding free will
So, if there is an infinite amount of things to learn about the creator we will never actually get to a point where we know if free will exists or not.

After I had that thought I could feel a tingling sensation in my crown chakra.
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05-15-2018, 04:25 PM,
#2
RE: Understanding free will
What is the difference between a perfect simulation of a thing and the real thing?
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05-15-2018, 06:45 PM,
#3
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 04:25 PM)anagogy Wrote:  What is the difference between a perfect simulation of a thing and the real thing?

If it was your choice, I assume the majority would choose the real thing.
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05-15-2018, 06:50 PM,
#4
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 03:36 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  So, if there is an infinite amount of things to learn about the creator we will never actually get to a point where we know if free will exists or not.

After I had that thought I could feel a tingling sensation in my crown chakra.

In the Ra material's cosmology, what you term as infinite amount of things to learn about the creator is actually the infinite potential for distortion of free will. All there is to learn about creator is about what free will is.

Unlike many people I believe there is an actual end to time, it is simply unlike the common understanding of time. That time is eternal and infinite does not mean there is a never ending journey so much as that there is a journey with infinite depth and infinite moments of expression. All of time is a unified moment, ephemeral in its nature and I believe there is a point or nexus within time that is found in infinite pathways of realization, leading to the extact same thought of release of the distortion that is time into completion of what creator is. There is a moment in which all that creator has been as separate finds to be One again, knowing to have moved through all pathways which led to the same place/moment of seeing whole. This moment is not so much a potential as it is a place within time, as the true nature of time is of true simultaneity, and so nothing precedes or follows another thing so much as they are held separate in that impression for intelligent experience rooted in a need that is timeless in its own nature.

You are in a dance with your life, acknowledge your end.
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05-15-2018, 07:01 PM,
#5
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 06:45 PM)hounsic Wrote:  
(05-15-2018, 04:25 PM)anagogy Wrote:  What is the difference between a perfect simulation of a thing and the real thing?

If it was your choice, I assume the majority would choose the real thing.

There is no difference between them if the simulation is perfect.
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05-15-2018, 07:04 PM,
#6
RE: Understanding free will
I'm just confused about freewill because I have relived this incarnation multiple times and seemingly am doing something "wrong".

It feels as though I'm in eternal hell, my highself decides to retry after every failed attempts. I find myself second guessing things I do and yet everything down to you reading this is the same. I'm left to just live out my life and follow my intuition, yet it brings me back to this post everytime.

How can I not question the validity of freewill when my life is a sign of none. I feel as though I'm endlessly trapped no matter what I do.

When the Orion group interfered with Jesus and led him to preach about an eternal hell, did Jesus create eternal hell here on Earth?
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05-15-2018, 07:05 PM,
#7
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 07:01 PM)anagogy Wrote:  
(05-15-2018, 06:45 PM)hounsic Wrote:  
(05-15-2018, 04:25 PM)anagogy Wrote:  What is the difference between a perfect simulation of a thing and the real thing?

If it was your choice, I assume the majority would choose the real thing.

There is no difference between them if the simulation is perfect.

Well, the simulation is fake...
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05-15-2018, 07:22 PM,
#8
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 07:05 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  Well, the simulation is fake...

A perfect simulation is the real thing. That is my point.

How do you know you are reliving the same incarnation over and over?
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05-15-2018, 07:23 PM,
#9
RE: Understanding free will
The point is not to learn an infinite amount of "things". But rather give in, merge with the infinite that is you, here, now.

"Everything comes from the sun"
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05-15-2018, 07:48 PM,
#10
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 07:22 PM)anagogy Wrote:  
(05-15-2018, 07:05 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  Well, the simulation is fake...

A perfect simulation is the real thing. That is my point.

How do you know you are reliving the same incarnation over and over?

I guess I can't know 100% and I should just not think about it. But I know how to pierce the veil without activating my heart chakra. I guess I keep doing that when my I feel defeated by my Crohn's and I feel as though I missed my opportunities to heal my long forgotten traumas as a child. With the never ending catchphrase "I'll get it next time".
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05-15-2018, 08:58 PM,
#11
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 03:36 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  So, if there is an infinite amount of things to learn about the creator we will never actually get to a point where we know if free will exists or not.

After I had that thought I could feel a tingling sensation in my crown chakra.

What exactly do you mean? You are the Creator. You learn as you exhibit your free will.
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05-16-2018, 08:12 AM,
#12
RE: Understanding free will
Well I just assume that the point to being and experiencing is to not be/feel alone. So why would we ever get to that point where we are?
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05-16-2018, 04:34 PM,
#13
RE: Understanding free will
(05-16-2018, 08:12 AM)Surfboard Wrote:  Well I just assume that the point to being and experiencing is to not be/feel alone. So why would we ever get to that point where we are?

I think the overall point is to explore and experience and infinite amount of situations. You and I, as the Creator, is finding new ways to push the limits of creation..

I think some folks hate to say this because they want to think of creation as a serious matter - but we are here to have fun. Its quite boring sitting around for all eternity doing nothing. Everyone wants to feel like we're doing something - that we are striving for a purpose. But quite frankly, why do you suppose humanity makes movies, video games, and sports? Its so that we can immerse ourselves in the experience and illusion of the movie/game/sport etc.

Once we are done having our fun, we go back to the central sun, hang out for a bit until we are bored and then start a new creation.
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05-17-2018, 06:35 AM,
#14
RE: Understanding free will
(05-15-2018, 07:04 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  I'm just confused about freewill because I have relived this incarnation multiple times and seemingly am doing something "wrong".

It feels as though I'm in eternal hell, my highself decides to retry after every failed attempts. I find myself second guessing things I do and yet everything down to you reading this is the same. I'm left to just live out my life and follow my intuition, yet it brings me back to this post everytime.

How can I not question the validity of freewill when my life is a sign of none. I feel as though I'm endlessly trapped no matter what I do.

When the Orion group interfered with Jesus and led him to preach about an eternal hell, did Jesus create eternal hell here on Earth?

From what you describe, I get the feeling , that you have had an experience that seriously questioned your free will.
I suspect there was a traumatic experience that completely violated your borders and was a serious threat to your life or even your very existence.
I can relate to that, I am (un)fortunately very familiar with it.

Given the case my intuition is correct, this would be a "life theme" which has a biographical part but also a deeper "theme" you brought into this life in order to make a significant step in your "home vibration" (speculating you are a wanderer).

It would be, in that case, very likely that this is not your first attempt to solve this. Thats where a part of that dejá vu could come from.
Additionally, you are probably not yet in a position where you can heal or solve this.
And, as long as this is not solved, you will probably have massive doubts concerning free will.

Also, the fact you are concerned so much with "being alone" would strongly indicate that the root is a traumatic situation.
Outside 3rd Density, we experience a degree of connectedness (which is the deeper truth anyway) that renders the idea of being "alone" pretty much ridicoulous.
The creator does not feel alone, nor does anybody outside 3rd Density feel alone (at least not on the STO path).


I would add, and this goes also @JJCarsonian:

It is important, especially in a discussion regarding free will, to apply dicernment in regards to
"You are the creator".
While this is, deep down, the ultimate truth, it is, in our daily life the opposite of the truth we live.
We are the creator deep down, and this is our potential.
HOWEVER, in fact, regarding our daily life, we are NOT the creator!

We might have a concept of the creator and we might have a concept of us being the creator, but a concept is not the real thing.

And not being able to discern, in that case, between the creator and our seperated identities would be a high degree of delusion Wink

In a discussion about free will, this should be even more seriously adressed.
If I may use an analogy, admittedly a very weak one:

Imagine yourself,as you live in your body. Now imagine, you are trying to "create" a seperate independant entity out of your body.
For example your right arm.
You would try to develop some kind of independant perceiption and self perceiption in your arm.
Your most powerful tool would be (if that would be possible at all) to grant your arm free will!

This would be the crucial step in "developing" individuality.
As soon as your arm has free will, it can start to develop on its own, seemingly independant and un-influenced by you.
As soon as you take away free will, individuality of your arm would collapse and cease to exist!

This is probably why higher density beings put so much emphasis on free will, since the end of free will would render individuality and also the whole creation non-existent!

So, actually your free will is the very thing that gives you individuality, and as long as you have free will, you are NOT the creator.
As soon as you surrender your free will completely to God´s will, you ARE the creator.
In my opinion, this understanding is crucial for spiritual progress.

Ultimately free will is an illussion and at the same time the deepest truth about you.
The creator gave you free will, the creator is the ONLY one who could take it away from you, but the Creator would NEVER do this, because then the whole idea of creation would become obsolete.
In the end, this is what duality really means, the paradoxical contradiction between existence and non-existence, between oneness and individuality.
It is absolutely impossible to understand this, but it is possible to experience it. After that experience it will be understood on the deepest level.

Tied to this in a way is the understanding of "eternity". When viewed intellectually, many people imagine an infinite long period of time.
This is almost completely wrong.
Actually it can be neither understood nor be described by the intellect, since the intellect relies on time and separation.
If you make experiences of that kind, deeper spiritual experiences I mean, one would rather describe it as a complete absence of time.
There is only "NOW", only the present moment.

The reason for bringing the "time aspect" up is, the more you enter the "NOW", the more you become present, the more of your (false) identity dissolves, so these subjects are related.
(understanding this can be of great help in meditation!)
The more you enter the "NOW", the closer you get to your "atman" your real, timeless and infinite self. taken to the extreme, even the "atman" dissolves and you experience "brahman", the creator, the timeless not-individualized self.
You might remember this is what seventh density work is about.

So, in conclusion, taking all of that together, the "higher" aspect of having such a life theme might well be helping a 6D wanderer in progressing to 7th density.
Be prepared for some fun Wink

I would end with saying, you would not have whatever life theme you have, if you would not have the potential to solve it!
I strongly recommend building as much ressources as possible and favor spiritual practice over spiritual theory.
You will need everything you can get if you want to get through this!
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05-17-2018, 08:04 AM,
#15
RE: Understanding free will
If I may. I may have some information that will help. I have noticed that many people, or either very extroverted, or very introverted. The focus should be, in my opinion, like a heartbeat. In and out. Not rhythmic. But you should try focusing inwards and outwards in a balanced fashion. Both distortions lead to problems in distilling experience, and putting to good use that experience. This is mainly related to the blue ray. In and out, not just out and not just in.


Very well said agua. (Two thumbs up!)
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05-17-2018, 08:50 AM,
#16
RE: Understanding free will
Isn't free will the only way the illusion is possible? Or has that been said already?

Without free will wouldn't 1 and 0 be the same thing?

Developing ability to connect to Source
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05-17-2018, 09:39 AM,
#17
RE: Understanding free will
(05-17-2018, 08:50 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:  Isn't free will the only way the illusion is possible? Or has that been said already?

Without free will wouldn't 1 and 0 be the same thing?

Well, that´s actually a part of what I wrote, so I naturally agree Smile


I think however, in order to help Surfboard, it would be a good idea to not concentrate so much on theory but rather try to help gain an understanding what the cause of his difficulties could be and what could be helpful in becoming free of those problems.

For better understanding, I would offer my experiences with this subject.

As I already said, I suspect an early trauma as the root of this.
As long as trauma is not healed, it persists as a truth in us, in fact a timeless truth.
It is always there, it is always active, but it is below the threshhold of awareness.

The largest part of our life is then (subconsciously) dedicated to defending against that, defending against the reocurrence of such a situation and defending against any situation that has the potential to trigger these old emotions.

But sometimes something happens nonetheless that triggers that old experience. In that case, it rises a little bit above the threshhold, so to say.
Then you´re in a so called "trauma state", that means, you are actually IN that very (traumatic) situation (although in the outer world things are different).
Understanding this can be a great help, since it indicates that you dont have to change the outer situation necessarily nor have you really to defend.
What you have to do is stay as present as possible in that situation, present with these emotions.
This is the only way to dissolve this.

So, the most important ressource you want to develop is PRESENCE!
The more presence you develop, the easier it will be to stay present in such circumstances, and the more those situations will be fuel for further growth!

This is why I suggested focussing on spiritual practice rather than spiritual theory.
The result of practice will be presence, the result of theory will be dry knowledge without relevance to your actual life.

It can be, that the emotions in that trauma state are so overwhelming that you just cannot stay present.
In that case a skilled therapist can be an incredible help!
It could also be a friend, someone that has the ability to stay present when you´re in such a state and can offer you the space where this is allowed.

if you need methods to practice presence and develop other ressources needed, Surfboard, let me know and i will share what helped me!

And, something important, not sure if that resonates within you:

Little children, little babies are sacred beings and should be viewed and treated as such!
Little babies are full of light and full of love, they should be recognized as this!
Little babies are very very fragile and very vulnerable, they should be handled with love, with softness, with care!
Little babies are easy to hurt, they cannot defend themselves, no one should ever violate their sacred bodies, nor their sacred inner space!
Little babies remind us of the light we have within and that has been lost, we should gratefully accept this gift and not take it by force, they give it to us freely!
Little babies come from a world oft connectednes and love, it is cold in this world in comparison, so we should give them as much warmth as possible!

Maybe we have not been treated this way when we were babies.
But we could start to treat us NOW with love, with care, with compassion. Because we still carry this in us. And we always will!

A (free) quote from Safi Nidiaye:

"The little child in us is not "something" that is meant to grow up. It is meant to be healed so it can return to its innocent and joyful nature again. The adult in us then will no longer be needed"
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05-17-2018, 06:22 PM,
#18
RE: Understanding free will
(05-17-2018, 06:35 AM)Agua Wrote:  
(05-15-2018, 07:04 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  I'm just confused about freewill because I have relived this incarnation multiple times and seemingly am doing something "wrong".

It feels as though I'm in eternal hell, my highself decides to retry after every failed attempts. I find myself second guessing things I do and yet everything down to you reading this is the same. I'm left to just live out my life and follow my intuition, yet it brings me back to this post everytime.

How can I not question the validity of freewill when my life is a sign of none. I feel as though I'm endlessly trapped no matter what I do.

When the Orion group interfered with Jesus and led him to preach about an eternal hell, did Jesus create eternal hell here on Earth?

From what you describe, I get the feeling , that you have had an experience that seriously questioned your free will.
I suspect there was a traumatic experience that completely violated your borders and was a serious threat to your life or even your very existence.
I can relate to that, I am (un)fortunately very familiar with it.

Given the case my intuition is correct, this would be a "life theme" which has a biographical part but also a deeper "theme" you brought into this life in order to make a significant step in your "home vibration" (speculating you are a wanderer).

It would be, in that case, very likely that this is not your first attempt to solve this. Thats where a part of that dejá vu could come from.
Additionally, you are probably not yet in a position where you can heal or solve this.
And, as long as this is not solved, you will probably have massive doubts concerning free will.

Also, the fact you are concerned so much with "being alone" would strongly indicate that the root is a traumatic situation.
Outside 3rd Density, we experience a degree of connectedness (which is the deeper truth anyway) that renders the idea of being "alone" pretty much ridicoulous.
The creator does not feel alone, nor does anybody outside 3rd Density feel alone (at least not on the STO path).


I would add, and this goes also @JJCarsonian:

It is important, especially in a discussion regarding free will, to apply dicernment in regards to
"You are the creator".
While this is, deep down, the ultimate truth, it is, in our daily life the opposite of the truth we live.
We are the creator deep down, and this is our potential.
HOWEVER, in fact, regarding our daily life, we are NOT the creator!

We might have a concept of the creator and we might have a concept of us being the creator, but a concept is not the real thing.

And not being able to discern, in that case, between the creator and our seperated identities would be a high degree of delusion Wink

In a discussion about free will, this should be even more seriously adressed.
If I may use an analogy, admittedly a very weak one:

Imagine yourself,as you live in your body. Now imagine, you are trying to "create" a seperate independant entity out of your body.
For example your right arm.
You would try to develop some kind of independant perceiption and self perceiption in your arm.
Your most powerful tool would be (if that would be possible at all) to grant your arm free will!

This would be the crucial step in "developing" individuality.
As soon as your arm has free will, it can start to develop on its own, seemingly independant and un-influenced by you.
As soon as you take away free will, individuality of your arm would collapse and cease to exist!

This is probably why higher density beings put so much emphasis on free will, since the end of free will would render individuality and also the whole creation non-existent!

So, actually your free will is the very thing that gives you individuality, and as long as you have free will, you are NOT the creator.
As soon as you surrender your free will completely to God´s will, you ARE the creator.
In my opinion, this understanding is crucial for spiritual progress.

Ultimately free will is an illussion and at the same time the deepest truth about you.
The creator gave you free will, the creator is the ONLY one who could take it away from you, but the Creator would NEVER do this, because then the whole idea of creation would become obsolete.
In the end, this is what duality really means, the paradoxical contradiction between existence and non-existence, between oneness and individuality.
It is absolutely impossible to understand this, but it is possible to experience it. After that experience it will be understood on the deepest level.

Tied to this in a way is the understanding of "eternity". When viewed intellectually, many people imagine an infinite long period of time.
This is almost completely wrong.
Actually it can be neither understood nor be described by the intellect, since the intellect relies on time and separation.
If you make experiences of that kind, deeper spiritual experiences I mean, one would rather describe it as a complete absence of time.
There is only "NOW", only the present moment.

The reason for bringing the "time aspect" up is, the more you enter the "NOW", the more you become present, the more of your (false) identity dissolves, so these subjects are related.
(understanding this can be of great help in meditation!)
The more you enter the "NOW", the closer you get to your "atman" your real, timeless and infinite self. taken to the extreme, even the "atman" dissolves and you experience "brahman", the creator, the timeless not-individualized self.
You might remember this is what seventh density work is about.

So, in conclusion, taking all of that together, the "higher" aspect of having such a life theme might well be helping a 6D wanderer in progressing to 7th density.
Be prepared for some fun Wink

I would end with saying, you would not have whatever life theme you have, if you would not have the potential to solve it!
I strongly recommend building as much ressources as possible and favor spiritual practice over spiritual theory.
You will need everything you can get if you want to get through this!

This helped a lot, but I struggle to apply it to my unique situation.

You are exactly right about having a traumatic event as a kid. (I dont remember the event yet because I buried it really deep) but I do remember hitting my arm thinking am I actually doing this or was it already predestined. That's when my mom told me what freewill was and that Jesus said we have it. That answer didn't settle with me because I remember laying in bed crying because it just didn't make sense.

Now a days I struggle to believe in freewill because I know that I keep repeating this incarnation and everything goes exactly the same way. All the points of deja vu, but it's actually more than that. It's the life path i'm living and every event that happens around me is exactly the same.

Now comes the part where it gets tricky, I can't focus on directing my thoughts or becoming thoughtless (silent meditation).
I can't eat out (strict diet). I can't watch tv or any videos. I can't masturbate. (same as weed but less of an affect) I can't smoke weed. (weed brings me to the present where my mind takes me through the veil, but as I haven't learned my lesson yet i repeat) All i can really do is sit with myself in silence and try to interpret my dreams. (I do stock shelves for 4 hours a day which is pretty demanding since im 6"3 and weigh 140 pounds, but doesn't upset my lower abdomen.

I find anything that uses my abdomen starts to stress it, and the amount of things that use the abdomen is quite surprising.
I do have crohns in the very lowest left and right of my abdomen and am in recession with strict dieting and "relaxing".

And the most tricky part is, the less distorted my mind becomes, the more easily my abdomen is stressed.
But I think I kind of know my path as I had a dream about 2 weeks back that I overcame a magnetic force with my mind and head (they both charged up to 100%, my heart taking longer than my mind). The magnetic force blasted me, but it beamed light that made it vanish. After that some being appeared and told me to go out more and love others.

When I talk about dreams, these aren't normal dreams. I'm aware im about to enter the astral plane because I feel an energy pushing or pulling me and all i have to do is feel/ride it.

About a week ago I was brought into the bedroom my brother slept in at my grandmas old house, right away i sensed fear. There was a guy standing on the bed doing "magic" he was moving white energy around and a big red dragon came out of no where. I ran down the stairs, out the front door and locked the door behind me. (when i was young I used to be very afraid of the dark, I would run and shut the door behind me)

3 days ago I had a dream where I became aware where i was sleeping and there was a screen infront of me.
On the screen there were 3 options: continue, stop, and cancel.
As I was looking at it a scary face popped up and then the screen reappeared
I couldn't decide because i didnt know what it meant. (i felt as though if I made the wrong choice I would restart my path again)
The scary face popped up again and the my attention went to the hallway outside.
There was a little boy and a little girl who walked straight off the balcony and kept walking through the air.

I was scared shitless as i figured they were ghosts. I somehow got the girls attention as the boy walked off through the inside wall to the oustide of my house.
The girl walked slowly towards me and i to hear and i felt her arms, while holding her back. We chatted for a second and she told me she could take me anywhere I wanted to go. She cute out a part of my railing and was floating on a tricycle which she wanted me to get on.

I wouldn't get on it as I still felt that if I did I would restart this path again. So she said she would see me again and I woke up.

And last dream, I woke up in my moms bathroom to find a guy standing there who I chatted with and don't remember what he said.

In my position now, I feel as though I might be at the point of the first dream where my mind is 100%, but my body isn't.
I think that If I do something wrong I will repeat the cycle.
And the only thing I can do I go out a feel me.

Any thoughts?

By the way, I thought your post was extraordinary and it calmed me down.
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05-17-2018, 06:34 PM,
#19
RE: Understanding free will
I forgot to add that as my mind becomes less distorted, if I think about existence in the terms of how the creator was created (and other things along the line), that leads me to "pierce the veil". So I'm also fearful of letting myself feel and freely think.

And it did stress my abdomen to post these responses, so I won't be posting until tomorrow. Much love
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05-17-2018, 09:41 PM, (This post was last modified: 05-17-2018, 09:47 PM by Elros.)
#20
RE: Understanding free will
(05-17-2018, 06:34 PM)Surfboard Wrote:  I forgot to add that as my mind becomes less distorted, if I think about existence in the terms of how the creator was created (and other things along the line), that leads me to "pierce the veil". So I'm also fearful of letting myself feel and freely think.

And it did stress my abdomen to post these responses, so I won't be posting until tomorrow. Much love

I think when we respects ourselves in what we feel the universe literally just shines on us. Like, yes, that is what healthy is friend, be healthy with yourself and radiate just that and nothing more and you won't bind me in requiring me to make you face how unhealthy you are with yourself.

Be well, don't force anything, let it all flow naturally.

You are in a dance with your life, acknowledge your end.
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05-17-2018, 10:17 PM,
#21
RE: Understanding free will
You seem stuck worrying about the past and the future. If you constantly try and calculate how things will turn out, comparing, and imagining the unknown, you will just create anxiety from failure to predict your desired outcome. In other words don't try and control, or compare your life and reality. Just live it, whatever happens, whatever you feel just feel and embrace it. There is no other place and time like here and now. Enjoy it, enjoy yourself.  Smile

"Everything comes from the sun"
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05-18-2018, 03:25 AM,
#22
RE: Understanding free will
Before i start, i'd like to say:
i know most here dont share that view, but i believe this is whats happening with surfboard. so please lets not start an intellect discussion again, just ignore that post if it doesnt make sense to you!

That being said, i'd like to offer my view to Surfboard:

When I first read your last posts, i was very confused. Lost in a jungle of complex and manyfold issues. I felt very "foggy" and did habe no clue where to start.
I guess i habe tuned into YOUR energy, is that right?

Starting from there, i would offer you a "model" , you could use it as a working theory and see where it leads to:

Working from the bottom up:

I believe the trauma you're dealing with happened WAY earlier than the things you remember. Either in the first few months or even during pregnancy.
It is a basic "feature" of trauma that you cannot remember it.
So, you dont have to try to rember it, this is imposaible. Memory will automatically arise when you are ready for it and the circumstances are right!
You only have to deal with what is present right NOW!
Thats usually difficult enoughWink

At moment, there seem to be residues of trauma knocking at your door, i would say its basically fear!
The fear might not be strong enough mostly to be really perceivable, but i would say, this is what you're dealing with actually.

If you look at your "outer" difficulties, like no being able to still the mind, not being able to keep a diet, not being able to smoke weed (which is not bad btw) and so on, you might find a basic pattern:

-when you would change your diet, you would have more energy, on a metaphysical level
This would lead to the fear getting "stronger" and enter your awareness
-weed: this can be a very strong substance which CAN be quite ego-dissolving (not for all,but for many). You could potentially experience a HUGE amount of fear
-sex/masturbation: this has the potential to charge you with lots of energy and open some "doors" in you. Those doors could have hidden the fear!
-thoughts running wild, especially during meditation:

This is probably the most significant sign.
You could look at it like this:

- when you engage in thought, you usually seperate from your emotions and enter an abstract space.
So the very act of thinking can be a good tool to avoid your emotions, especially fear. We very often use it in that exact way.
The various single thoughts do not have a real importance, their only purpose is to create confusion and to disconnect us (when used as a defense).

This might be a key to umderstanding the complexity of your situation.
Most likely your situation is not really complex. It is "only" fear, probably strong fear you have to face.
However, we often prefer confusion and getting lost in a multitude of "problems", because we can deal with this much better than with what we fear most!

If that would be true, the step would not be to solve every single problem, to follow every line of thought, but to ALLOW to relax, allow to NOT follow all those thoughts and "welcome" the fear!

Another very important aspect is, especially with early trauma:

When you are very young, during pregnancy and in your first months after birth, your consciousness is working WITHOUT intellect, that usually starts later.
When you start developing an intellect and start thinking, you very soon get so entangled in it, that your whole consciousness and self-perceiption is based on the intellect.
The consequence of that is that EVERY memory thats pre-intellectual becomes absolutely inaccessible!
So, when you want to defend from unpleasant memories from an early age, all you have to do is think!

This all would mean, you cannot change your diet, smoke weed, masturbate, still your mind or solve your problems, necause that all defends you against that fear.
There is no way you could have enough discipline to achieve this.

BUT, if you can allow this fear, if you are willing to face it and deal with it, all those defense mechanisms could just fall away, because they are not needed anymore!

The conclusion would be, you have to reach a state where you can allow this and for that you need a solid foundation of ressources!

I therefor would strongly suggest building as much ressources as possible!

-try to develop as much presence as possible
-try to connect with physical life, especially plants
the more connected you are, the easier it is to allow fear
-if it is possible for you, try to connect with humans
-get practice in working through difficult emotions
-practice (a little bit, not too much) surrender

If you need suggestions for how to develop this specifically, feel free to ask!

Another crucially important information:

The fear that you feel consciously or maybe just subconsciously is OLD fear! This doesnt make it less real or difficult, but there is one important difference.
In the old, original, traumatic situation the fear arose necause something really bad was about to happen.
So your fear implies (for you) that something bad,will happen if you allow it.
However, nothing bad will happen in your outer life, when you allow the fear NOW!
We have a built in protective mechanism that is extremely effective!!
As long as you dont ingest psycholytic substances, you can be a 100% percent sure that only so much will arise in you that you are definitely still able to handle it!!!
It is not possible that anything arises that will harm you!

I have tried this, many times and with many people!

It still is a huge challenge, but be assured,nothing bad can happen!!

It might be necessary that you cannot do it alone however.
I dont know about your situation, but maybe a friend, a family member or a therapist can assist you.
Since all trauma happened because we have been alone, it is not always possible to face this alone, since this could trigger the "i am alone and because of that i will die" in you.

I hope that was of some help for you, feel free to ask for clarification if needed!

All the best for you Smile
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flofrog, Stranger, Surfboard
05-18-2018, 06:29 PM, (This post was last modified: 05-18-2018, 06:31 PM by flofrog.)
#23
RE: Understanding free will
so lovely, Agua.
' the Self is here and now, it is the only Reality' Ramana
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