04-11-2019, 05:38 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-11-2019, 08:00 PM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
Thanks Cainite. I watched it. It was a good video. Thanks for sharing.
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04-11-2019, 05:38 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-11-2019, 08:00 PM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
Thanks Cainite. I watched it. It was a good video. Thanks for sharing.
(04-10-2019, 04:00 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:(04-10-2019, 03:30 PM)xise Wrote:(04-10-2019, 12:02 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: This is some VERY hurtful s*** that cuts REALLY deep, especially because it comes from the person whose POV I care about most. I had refrained from telling you two things in fear of being harsh, but these two statements seem perfectly in sync with what I thought could be helpful. If you remove the way it is said, which boils down more to snapping at someone because you can't hold it anymore, would you not agree there is a certain truth to be found? The first thing I had wanted to say was about what I look for in friendship and why, kind of boils down to lightness and why one can have the need of it, just as how one should respect their own need of it. There's often a lesson of accepting that we are not an answer for another and making the choice of doing what is good for ourselves. Because in this harsh and heavy world, uplifting yourself is done through conscious choices and what does not serve you anymore has to fall away. The other thing I had wanted to say and erased the entire post was about dissociating a love based in need with what truly loving someone is. Toxic love tend to be self-righteous and makes it all about what the self feels and how important the other person is to them, when that is more about personally feeling unwhole with yourself in a manner than is totally void of a true link with the other person and this oftentimes fools no one, or at least not infinitely. The other person becomes a tool to feel whole and one can become extremely manipulative in protecting its personal need in a manner that is uncaring. This type of love tend to lack a whole lot of self-honesty and the best service is always to do what is good for us. Another thing that I had removed was that a healthy way to transmute the despair of a loss is to seek to find thankfulness for having known the person. I think little people realize the gift and miracle it is to have met the people we have met, it is literally infinite circumstances and if they were not there we would remain and still be what we are in a total lack of knowledge of them. Someone could have not been born, they could have died young, they could have died older or have moved away for so many reasons, they could have been part of our lives but in a way you would have never talked to them. If we can cherish what we've had, then we can become what is healthy and uplifting for others. If we live in a state of lack with ourselves and our reality in our perception, then we are just pulling the outer world in our hole and toxicity. Truly loving someone is selfless and wishes nothing but the best for another. The person that is obsessed with a bird and keeps it in a cage in a manner that it will look at it each day loving that it is with them, will love so much less the bird than a person that would wish to see it set free. Sure the bird may never come back, but wouldn't that mean it is not resonant with staying with you and wishes for more? Truly loving someone is light and does not force, encage, nor pull others to yourself. I like friendships that are light, because even if someone is free they can still be a big part of your life by the fact that they resonate with you. These kind of friendships are without expectations and this is what makes them healthy and uplifting, because they are without trying to make someone feel unwhole with you and instead allow to more sincerely discover someone for what they are. It is impossible to have healthy relationships if you are unwell with yourself, because it will be projected into each and every single of your relationships.
04-12-2019, 08:57 PM
(04-10-2019, 12:36 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I never said I didn't forgive her. But the fact that she'll never understand or care how it made me feel makes it even more painful. Of course I forgive her, but that doesn't take away the pain. How would understanding the pain that her words have caused me "remove their honor/duty of being responsible for themselves"? Maybe it isn't helpful. For me though it helps to just accept people can only be who they are, understand from the collective understanding they have. You really cannot fault someone for not knowing better at the time, or not dwelling on things they may have done imperfectly. It is the inevitability of growth. You wouldn't I hope feel bad for things you did as a child when you didn't know better, nor should your really expect people to feel badly for things they have done when they did not know better. They may not be learning that specific thing in this experience so making your peace contingent on their understanding is not a stable position, or a likely way to find peace. Instead maybe move into the understanding that they do not understand just like there are things you do not understand. I sincerely believe we all do our best from the awareness we have at any moment. I hope you find peace on this. I know from earlier days in my life these things can be tough wounds to carry. Love to you
04-12-2019, 09:12 PM
(04-10-2019, 05:47 PM)flofrog Wrote: EP, it seems that you sincerely love that person and so what she says hurts particularly, because we always hope that the persons we deeply love see us as loving and worthy. It definitely hurts way more when they say something harsh than of course someone we barely know and have no feeling for. That is so beautiful and so true. |
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